Pat's Music T-Shirts

[patsmusictshirts]

This is my latest inconsequential Tumblr series #patsmusicTshirts which will mostly consist of T-shirts that were in a bin in my attic until I just pulled them all out when searching for appropriate summer clothes.

Yes, friends you’re in for some rare gems, and for some fashion abominations, and for some T-shirts that fall somewhere in between, like this 1988 UB40 shirt I bought when my cousin Ted took me, and my friends Craig and Kevin to see them at Great Woods, the year before “Red Red Wine” became weirdly super-popular again, some six years after it was first released.

What I remember most about this show was an announcer at the beginning saying, “I have in my hand the rights for a UB40 motion picture which we’re filming tonight,” and then my friends and I dancing on the seats absolutely positive that the cameras were trained on us several times throughout the show. As far as I know, we were right, because the movie never saw a release.

What my Dad likely remembers the most is him asking me if he’d like UB40, and me telling him they were “kinda hard rock,” so I could get my cousin Ted to take us. He wouldn’t have ever found out if “Red Red Wine” hadn’t become such a damned huge hit, which he subsequently fell in love with, and never let me live it down that I’d called them “kinda hard rock” to remove any chance of he and my mom taking us.  #BadSon

BID ON THIS SHIRT NOW: http://ebay.to/2iFR2dU

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"Hmmmm . . . could there be ANY reasons why this T-shirt from The Cure's Prayer Tour MIGHT POSSIBLY be inappropriate for a 40-something man to wear to his job? Lemme think about that for a sec. . . . Hey, why is my midriff suddenly so chilly? Ohhhh, right! When I went to this show in 1989 I wasn't QUITE as tall as I am now, and at the time it made sense to me to trim the bottom six inches of the shirt, which felt unfashionably long, like a nightie, or like the huge white T-shirts that would dominate hip-hop fashion in the mid-2000s. Hey, I FINALLY discovered the link between The Cure and hip-hop culture that I always knew existed! Awesome! The answers always seem to appear just when you stop searching for them, don't they? But yeah, I guess I can't wear this shirt to work tomorrow."

The above is my internal monologue from last night's nightly three-hour ritual of "will this outfit work for work?"

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And this is the expression I make at the end of my nightly three-hour routine of “Will This Outfit Work for Work?” when I conclude, “I think this is it! Yes! Yes indeed! This outfit will DEFINITELY work for work!”

How could it not?! Everything about this shirt is totally appropriate to wear outside of the house. First of all, it’s form-fitting and showcases juuuust the right amount of midriff (as opposed to my customized Cure shirt). The back, as you can clearly see, has a wholesome suggestion for everyone who sees me wearing this shirt: “EXPLORE MONOGAMY.” And the front has a quote attributed to the late, great George Michael! What’s the quote? Bah, the specific wording isn’t that important. It’s the title of the first single from George’s smash solo debut, “Faith.” Oh, you don’t remember the title of that album’s first single? Well, I suppose if anybody thinks it’s offensive—and I don’t see how anybody would—I can position my ascot that I wear every day so it covers those words, but the type is pretty small anyway. Plus, It’s natural, it’s chemical, it’s logical, habitual, right? Incidentally, my wife wore this shirt at her bachelorette party. I’m happy that the message on the back is in a bigger font than the message on the front.

BID ON THIS SHIRT NOW: http://ebay.to/2wpMrlA

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Little kids love Weezer, so I usually include “Surf Wax America” in the setlists when I play, sometimes I also wear the Weezer shirt I bought sometime in the mid 00s.

I saw Weezer play a few times, but I don’t think I bought this T at an actual show. I wanna say I got it at Ocean State Job Lot or something.

Anyway, the cartoon characters (who totally aren’t even the band, right?) always looked a little too digitized to me. I can’t tell if I’m actually playing the Weezer song in this pic or one of the Yellow Whale songs. “Mr. Tinkly Pants,” perhaps?

The kid in the red, covering her ears is the Principal. Needless to say, I was NOT asked back to Prudence Crandall Elementary School.

BID ON THIS SHIRT NOW: http://ebay.to/2wmyS4a

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This Madonna shirt is interesting to me for two reasons:

1) Because it’s 30 years old

2) It features her name in the Onyx font, which is also known as the NIRVANA font.

The T-shirt is in such great shape because Madonna's presentation of her cleavage makes it a little difficult for me to wear without seeming like kind of a d-bag.

I picked this shirt up in a Salvation Army in Providence in the 1990s, and did not get to go see the Who’s That Girl tour, unfortunately. It wouldn’t be until about 20 years later that I’d first see Madge.

But she performed as energetically as I imagine she would have two decades prior.

As for the kid posing with me, wearing the Michael Jackson shirt. He was a fan who showed up backstage for an autograph after my gig at Prudence Crandall Elementary School.

BID ON THIS SHIRT NOW: http://ebay.to/2wOioF3

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I was into Joy Division, and my friend Kevin was into Prince, or at least he was into Prince tennis gear. It was the 80s though, so how could anybody NOT be into Prince of “His Royal Purpleness” fame? As far as the other things I was into, based on this photo, it was the incongruous combination of fishing lure bracelets, fluorescent digital watches made by Freestyle, and golf hats that glorify Coors Banquet beer. It’s almost like I was an undercover cop who went into a store—possibly Spencer Gifts, because they didn’t have Hot Topic at the time—and just grabbed a few things I thought teenagers might like. As for the Joy Division shirt, it falls into the Definitely NOT for auction category, because I parted with it shortly after ruining it. Why did I ruin it? Because I was 15! I wanted it to look more worn-in, so I poured bleach on it, which only turned the dark black parts that the bleach hit into a really ugly brown, making it look like some kind of really ugly goth tie-dye. But if you’re really in the market to buy a new shirt like this, you can probably find one at any Spencer Gifts or Hot Topic.

SORRY, THIS SHIRT IS NOT FOR AUCTION!

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So it would appear that I never grew out of the black concert T-shirts and incongruous golf hats look that I tried to cultivate in high school.

You’ll notice I’ve got a few U2 shirts on this page. I used to love U2. I still like them a lot, but I don’t love wearing these shirts, because they are falling apart so badly.

This is another one from the original “Joshua Tree” tour. I found this in the apartment I moved into in 1994, and it was in good shape then. But in the years between then and now, (which I'm contemplating in this photo, thus the reason for the pensive look) the gold tree on the front has wanted to make itself into an island, and it is barely hanging onto the fabric that surrounds it.

(Check out the detail of how underneath the U, you can see lots and lots of flesh).

The back is in pretty good shape though, as Bono, Edge, Larry, and Adam wander through the snow.

BID ON THIS SHIRT NOW: http://ebay.to/2wmmVeA

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Is there anything more American than Kanye West and Jay Z collaborating?! Well, yes, probably, but there's still something about these two hip-hop titans making an album together and touring it that fulfills the freedom that our country's birth promised. Kinda like when McDonalds used to offer the "super-size" option. As for the show itself, it was amazing: both emcees rising from the floor on these huge platforms across from each other, alternating between "Watch the Throne" tracks and solo mini-sets. The only lousy thing about it ended up being a great thing: there were a pair of college guys seated next to me, who were coked up and would not shut up. They were trying to get something started with the six girls in the row in front of us. Wait, there were six girls? But they're only taking up four seats! So I ask if two of them want my pair of seats (I couldn't find a +1 for this show) and I could perhaps take their two seats—don't LET me get in my zone!—which were presumably out of earshot of these two yahoos. The girls went for it! Everybody was happy, and I ended up getting about eight rows closer! Now ain't that America? Again, kinda. Because, like, I'm using a Mellencamp quote to talk about Jay Z and Kanye. That shit cray, kinda like America! Amirite?! Oh, the shirt itself? I bought it from a bootlegger outside the show for about 10 bucks. The hat? Purchased on like July 12th, 2016 at CVS in the 90 percent off rack. No one man should have all that power!

SORRY, THIS SHIRT IS NOT FOR AUCTION!

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In my senior year in college I did the typical spring break thing; you know, going on a roadtrip to Graceland as the fifth wheel with two couples. That’s pretty much what everybody does for spring break, right? Anyway, we had a blast, and that was also the first time I hung out with some additional folks who I consider to be lifelong friends. My biggest regret of the trip though was that there was an opportunity for me to steal the not very closely policed drop-off for the cassette of the Priscilla Presley-narrated tour of Graceland, but I wussed out. Can you imagine how cool it would have been if in between songs in a mixtape you heard Priscilla say, “When Elvis got into something he really got into it. He had meatloaf for every meal for FOUR MONTHS!”? But that was 21 years ago, so that means that this shirt is old enough to drink. 

I don’t really want to part with this one, but I don’t wear it that much anymore, so here’s what I’ll do. I’ll put a high reserve on it, and if it doesn’t sell, I’ll vow to wear it more. If it does sell, well the money’s going to charity, so it’s a win-win!

BID ON THIS SHIRT NOW: http://ebay.to/2vBTPXx

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Interesting story about this shirt: You can read it by clicking here. In the interest of full disclosure: I am the one who wrote the story that you'll find in that link.

SORRY, THIS SHIRT IS NOT FOR AUCTION!

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This T-shirt was a gift from my friend Erin in the 1990s, but she likely had it for at least a decade before that (and it was likely designed a decade before that) and if she says, “I’ve got a hungry heart to wear that shirt again!” then it will not go up on the auction block! But it’s in such pristine condition because I have never quite felt like I could pull off the look. It’s a big statement, and the fit is decidedly from another decade: the hole that you put your head through is more elliptical than circular. To say nothing of the fact that the sweat will pool around the iron-on transfer when it gets hot. The photo is of Big Man Clarence Clemons, Bruce Springsteen, and Miami Steve Van Zandt, but it just says, “BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN!” And it’s tough to see from this pic, but the gold portions below Clarence and above Little Steven say the words, “live” and “in concert!” which is really funny because though the photo is definitely “live, in concert,” there’s no way that this was an official shirt that was ever sold at an actual concert.

Incidentally, the only times I comfortably wore this shirt myself were “live, in concert” in the absurd Boss tribute I used to do called Uke Springsteeen -FKA Uke Springsteen-.

BID ON THIS SHIRT NOW: http://ebay.to/2wk5L1v

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I was taking shirts out of my drawer to photograph them on my floor and then I saw one more

Taking photos of my clothes isn’t something I do often, but I’ve been doing it for the purge that is the #PatsMusicTshirts auction.

Anyway, I believe in cinema vérité, and my wife can verify that when this photo was taken I was actually shouting, “BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOCE!”

As far as this shirt goes, it’s a mess. I’ll be surprised if it garners the five bucks I’m asking for it. It was a great shirt for a while, but then I left it over a friend’s house and thought I lost it, until I saw him wearing it to a party. I think I was wearing a shirt I didn’t care about, and made him trade back with me. But he had broken the cardinal rule of “Thou shalt not put shirts with iron-on transfers on them in the dryer.” And then I did a bunch of yard work while wearing this shirt, so here it is!

An additional note: I wasn't that mad at said friend who put this shirt in the dryer, because he's married to the person who gave me the superior Bruce Springsteen iron-on baseball jersey that you see above this post. Very specific style choice: How odd that they'd collide this way. 

Just know that your five bucks will go to charity!

BID ON THIS SHIRT NOW: http://ebay.to/2iFF97E

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I used to see Buffalo Tom play all the time, and I bought this shirt at one of the shows on their “Let Me Come Over” tour, 25 freaking years ago! “25 years are just washed down the draiiiiiin,” amirite? Oh, I’m not right? I’m sorry. I thought you knew. It’s a line from their song, “Birdbrain,” which was the title track of the album before this one.

Anyhoo, Buffalo Tom put on great shows, but my college sophomore self soured on seeing them live for a while, mostly because their shows were becoming date night fare instead of the beer-drinkin’, fist-pumpin’ rock shows that I thought they deserved to be able to put on (and that I thought I needed at that point in my life). My friends Ariel, Andrew, and I coined the term Buff-Thomasing from a coupling posture we had started to notice at their shows: Tall dudes would press up against their little ladies and use their arms to hold them in like a stable—either to protect their girls from the crowd (which wasn’t very threatening because most people had paired up into the Buff-Thomas position), or to ward off other potential suitors—while the tall dude would rest his chin on his girl’s head to watch the show. Most of said dudes wore white baseball hats backwards. I am not even 100 percent positive that I didn’t indulge in a little Buff-Thomasing once I got a girlfriend. Heck, maybe that was the chief reason I put an ad in the personals.

“MSW: For companionship, romance, and to let me grind up on you in a sappy yet icky way when we go see Buffalo Tom concerts.”

I mean, yes, “Frozen Lake” is a lovely ballad, but to watch the crowd around take that position during “Velvet Roof” was just disappointing. I know that a band cannot be held accountable for the behavior/romantic inclinations of their fanbase, but a few years later I happened to see Chris Colbourn at a show at T.T. the Bear’s, and he was definitely Buff-Thomas-ing his wife.

As for this shirt, I had a lot of good times with it, and I’ve endured a lot with it too, as you can see from the huge hole on the front and the back. I could pretend that the hole was caused by a Buff-Thomas conga train, and the belt of the person in front of me and the zipper of the person behind me, but it was really caused by forgetting to zip up my own fly before my jeans shared a washing machine with this shirt. And the wreckage this shirt wreaks continues to this day, as I sat in the lounge chair on my parents’ back deck this weekend, and it collapsed.

BID ON THIS SHIRT NOW: http://ebay.to/2wM6Hyv

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This is me with my twin brother, Sammy. We're very similar, but not exactly the same, just like our Bob Marley shirts. Both shirts are pretty raggedy, and yellowish (hello,#CelebrityPitStains) and both have a fair number of holes. His says "Positive Vibration," and mine says, "Put your dream to reality." They're both good ideas for how to live your life. My twin brother wants us to donate the proceeds of selling all of these shirts to a musical education scholarship fund, and I want to donate to the Southern Poverty Law Center. They're both good ideas, so whatever money we make when these shirts go to auction (Probably millions of dollars, right? And probably starting next week) will be split between these two causes. That way we can put somebody's dream to reality, and emanate a positive vibration.

BID ON THE PUT YOUR DREAM TO REALITY SHIRT NOW: http://ebay.to/2izNNET

BID ON THE POSITIVE VIBRATION SHIRT NOW: http://ebay.to/2xnBPl9

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Okay, the dude in the other photo isn’t really my twin brother: he was just some dude I met at an Al Jarreau show in the 90s that looked a lot like me! But this guy that I’m pictured with here is my real brother. He got this J.Geils Band T-shirt on the Love Stinks Tour, when they played the Cape Cod Coliseum in 1980. (I still can’t get over that The Clash and the Grateful Dead played there in their prime). Anyway, I was going into first grade, and “Love Stinks” was my favorite song—I had a weird recurring dream about a witch turning me into a puppy that featured the song prominently—so I waited up for him to come home that night to keep that dream at bay, and to hear all about the concert. If I recall correctly, I asked too many questions for a 7-year-old to be asking at midnight, so John, if you could, please visit setlist.fm, look up Geils at the Cape Cod Coliseum and tell me if you went to see them on July 26th, 27th, or 29th, and you’ll have pretty much answered all of my questions. (see:http://bit.ly/2wvMNrp) If you’re looking at this post, and considering purchasing this shirt at auction, there are two things you should know: 1) This shirt featured in the video for “Ocean” by Sebadoh, with me wearing it. I was supposed to play a metal head, and even though Geils aren’t even close to metal, the color combination was just so classic concert T, that it made sense. (See: http://bit.ly/2wfz4BZ) 2) My brother was jacked in the 1980s, so he cut the sleeves to let the pipes breathe a little. That’s “pipes” as in “somebody call the plumber, cuz these pipes are about to BURST!” Oh, and my shirt? It’s just one of those fake vintage shirts I bought a Target for ten bucks that I’m always complaining about in this series. I couldn’t NOT buy it, ya know?

BID ON THE J. GEILS BAND SHIRT NOW: http://ebay.to/2wEhjPx

BID ON THE GRATEFUL DEAD SHIRT NOW: http://ebay.to/2vyTWTW

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This is me with my niece and nephew. They are, respectively 20 and 22. This U2 shirt is 30. I didn't actually go to the original show, but I gave my friend who did some dough for the shirt.

When my nephew was born, the shirt was 8. When my niece was born, the shirt was 10.

Then when the shirt got into its teenage years, the trouble started. It was in and out of juvie halls until one day when I pulled it over my head, it just gave way.

Ever since then, it's been staying in a rehabilitation center (the big plastic bin that I've moved around from place to place for years). 

Now it needs a new home! A sort of homecoming, if you will. Wait, that’s from the album before “Joshua Tree.” Howzabout we take this shirt on a trip through your wires? That’s better.

BID ON THIS SHIRT NOW: http://ebay.to/2viJgIK

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This one is in the Probably NOT for Auction category as it was a gift from my friend Joel.

Admittedly, I don’t wear it out in public that much. It’s not that I don’t strongly agree with the statement on the back of this shirt—I might even amend it to “If you don’t like HANK WILLIAMS, I will KICK YOUR . . .” before the drawing of the donkey (or ass, if you will)—it’s just that I’m not sure I want to encourage people to accept the challenge that it poses.

Incidentally though, I do still wear this as a bed shirt.

Makes for lots of dreams about bar brawls. I'm kidding: Because who in my dreams would dare disagree with me about Hank?!

SORRY, THIS SHIRT IS NOT FOR AUCTION.