PaulinearUniverse

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[paulinearuniverse]

Going public this 2019

Oh it’s 2019?

This blog was created since 2011, I guess? I’ve been caged into lots of usernames but this one, PaulinearUniverse, has been the longest. I had to hide hundreds of posts, being this as my diary. I was shy~ or for whatever reason I had in mind that time I didn’t had the chance to put this in public. Very 2018. And actually, it took me months to clean this, lol. I’m not ready to be exposed that much and I think it’s unnecessary for me to show who I was before? I think I had less than 40 blogs posted for you not to judge me, eheh. Kidding. I have drafts to publish, travels to share, and lot lot lot more things/hanash to post here. I’m excited! This has been my hide-out since the interwebs began, and I’m ready to share half of my universe, my linear universe.

I hope you leave me a message, or maybe follow? (don’t go anon as much as you can please!)

With love and for love, Pauline

[paulinearuniverse]

Life of Purpose

Okay so I found this post hidden in my drafts dated  October 2016, the day after I graduated. I didn’t know why it wasn’t published. For whatever reason occurred that day, here I am, publishing it today, August of 2018.

Forgive me, this is long and quite dramatic. But please allow me!

I’m never ashamed of saying I didn’t graduate on time. I had to extend a semester to finish my degree. Last May 30, 2016, my batchmates had their glorious walk at the PICC. As much as I wanted to have regrets that I wasn’t there, I’m glad that God didn’t let me too. There I realized that God didn’t put peace in my heart, because He is peace Himself. And it was maybe because I know and I loved the reason for the delay. I may not be there, but I was a hundred of times feeling better that I am where I am right now. It was indeed a journey I wouldn’t have in any other way. It is a life of purpose because I laid it down to God.

For the past 5 years, I had to overcome the reality of life, that it will never ever be perfect. The journey I had within these years was full of ups and downs, failures, breakthroughs, pain, sacrifices and everything. Aside from the battle how will I understand the engineering lectures in school (which I don’t like lol), I had to deal with the pressure I’m putting in myself and the expectations from people around me. In a world where everyone always have something to say just to bring you down, I had learned to secure myself on one voice, on His voice telling me that I might be failing and undeserving but still, I am His child. I never had the chance to defend myself because I let Him do it for me. I know what it feels like to be broken, be weak, be judged, be hopeless, and be nothing. And that’s the very moment I realized how much I need a Savior, nobody but Christ. It was years of asking and looking for a purpose why am I really in this world. There I found the answer from the author of life Himself. That you know what, I am more than a student of MCL. 5 years is not just about me studying for a good future, but more of God equipping, molding, and pruning me for greater things and for greater influence. I’ve learned to trust my unknown future to a known God. So when things don’t go the way I planned it to be, I trust that His plans for me are greater than what I have for myself. I witnessed lots of His grace as He let me pass my exams with integrity and honor, and finish tasks like thesis kahit luhaan sugatan at di mapakinabangan na ko. At the end of a good/bad day, because bagsak sa exams or whatever, kahit mag-isa ako, my heart knows that God is still good. I will always choose to response in worship because I am sure that on whatever situation he placed me, that is for me to become the woman He wants me to be.

I’m just glad that I finished this chapter of my life strong. I met lots of people who became a huge part of my journey (Thanks guys!). I’m thankful that while I am still in this campus, I did more than just being a student. I let God fulfill His very purpose in my life by sharing His love and the beauty of the Gospel. Looking back, I would always be grateful that I chose to be a woman of virtue. I’m never perfect but for sure, still a lifetime work in progress. Despite that, He has given me this chance to influence the younger generation. It’s now a humbling moment before the Lord who chose to love me and use me despite the unworthiness and filth. And believe me when I say that I wouldn’t be here without His strength, His wisdom, His grace, and His love. It was Him, the author and finisher of my faith. 

To the heroes behind me, I want to honor you today. Mama and papa, it’s not easy bearing the sacrifices of being far away from each other just to give me a good future. Thank you for loving me beyond words. It’s my time to give them all back. 

To myself, I’ll always proud of the person you’ve become. Always, always believe in yourself when no one else can.

It was indeed God, making everything beautiful and perfect in His time. This graduation is not my reward, Christ is my reward.

Jesus, forever be glorified in my life!

Pauline Cube Bachelor of Science in Electronics Engineering

“ However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.” Acts 20:24

[paulinearuniverse]

August 26, 2018

I prayed for mornings where I could just read and write over a cup of coffee, with no amount of worries what I will do or what I will become tomorrow.

No fear of failing. No fear of the future. I am beyond thankful I have it now.  That I am what I am now. 

As I grow old, I am starting to realize that what matters most to me now are little things. It’s a good feeling to have everything you want in life. Being able to achieve your dreams one by one is just priceless. But I am sure nothing beats having the peace of mind or the confidence that you are good enough even if you don’t have everything yet. I’ve learned to embrace that idea that I am a lifetime work in progress. And it takes time. Everything takes time. Little things such as that are what keeps me going right now no matter what situation I’m in. I remember that one moment I promised myself that one day I’ll be genuinely happy that I’m alive. And then I realized now that I don’t have to wait for that one day to be happy. I don’t need that one day where I already have everything. I could be that kind of happy now. Being alive is the most taken for granted thing, I guess. With all the chaos and evil things happening in this world right now, I just can’t help but look up and be genuinely happy and grateful that I’m alive. 

Thank You, Jesus, for such a good life.

[paulinearuniverse]

I am an impatient person.

Does anyone can relate? 

At this point of my life, I always feel like I have to make sure that I’m already on the path where my dreams are at the end of it. The sense of responsibilities, the pressure from different people, and the fact that I’m already a professional (hope I’m not) consumes a whole lot of me lately. It’s not working on a corporate world that tires me, but the idea if my work is aligned to my purpose does. I care too much if my calling is really in this corporate world or maybe somewhere else. I question myself if this is where I’ll get to align what I love to do and where I’m good at. Is this really for me? Is this where I should invest a lot of my young adult years? And everyday, it’s a battle in my head if what I’m doing right now of with greater purpose or am I selfish for being here? I don’t know. I got questions, merely about purpose and aligning my God-given gifts with my calling. Oh you know this, some quarter-life crisis.

Clearly, I am an impatient person. 

And God loves making me wait for answers. 

Honestly, it was just this morning that I get to surrender all these things bugging in my head. I’ve been drowning lately but thank God for being a God of peace and not a God of confusion. This season of my life is definitely a page-turning one where I become from a little girl of big dreams to a woman with visions. And I know I can’t be that if I keep on worrying and putting the trust in myself. Where in fact, I don’t know what’s best for me. I don’t know where I’m going. I don’t know really know what’s the future of all these things I am doing right now. And guess what, I will never know. But it’s enough that God knows, and that’s where I should put my confidence at. 

God knows exactly what He is doing. 

Realizing this, I started to trash away my worries when it comes to calling, purpose and aligning my gifts with them. He’s a sovereign God, His will and plan for us will follow us no matter where we go. The mere fact that God placed me here is enough to say that I’m called to be here for a reason. I’m destined here for a greater purpose which I couldn’t know if I don’t act upon what He wants me to do here. God is good at not making things hard. He just wants me to enjoy and embrace this season as much as I can, and be attentive to His voice for what’s next in line. 

I maybe on a corporate world right now where I get to face challenges of different sorts. I’ll get to interact with people with sets of belief, principle, culture and personality. It’s a corporate world, a dog-eat-dog world. How can I fulfill God’s purpose in it? Guess what, it’s my everyday choice.  After all, I only have one purpose, and that is to live for His glory and not mine. The little things I do day by day determines that purpose. You know I could’ve been somewhere easier to see God’s purpose align with my calling, but then God placed me to here. What matters most is I know that it’s a season where He will show me what are my God-given gifts and pattern it to the things I’ll love to do. I’ll get to master these gifts and soon enough I’ll learn to use them well. Simply, working in a corporate world is just God’s way of equipping and molding me as I fulfill His purpose in my life. I don’t have to rush the process. I’m 22, and it’s important that I know my season. It will be harder than I think, but I’m very sure how He will see me through. I’m even more excited on how God will reveal Himself to me in this journey.

I don’t know what will tomorrow bring. I just know that God is already there. 

Why be impatient?

[paulinearuniverse]

Took me some time to have the courage and time to write here again.  I missed what it feels like to be here. I missed myself. I missed just being myself.

And today I’m telling this little girl inside of me, why don’t you be you? If you don’t know where to start, then just start somewhere.  Maybe start within. 

[paulinearuniverse]

Overcoming Insecurity

I saw this post inside my drafts today. Very timely, I guess. I hope that as I remind myself, you girls will also be reminded of this.  

Insecurity could be our greatest enemy. It could really make or break a person. Because the way we see ourselves will affect how we act, how we talk and how we deal with other people. Very common example is if you do not know how to respect yourself, others will eventually disrespect you because you allow it. If you don’t see yourself beautiful and worthy enough, then do not expect others to see that. Let’s keep digging. 

I was once a victim of the world’s standard. I always base myself on the opinions of the people around me. I go with the flow, be on the trend and still feel insecure. But praise be to God who’s the only one can rescue anyone of us in the drowning seas of insecurity. At the end of the day, it is a heart issue, more than just a false thinking.

The world has standards, and it is gonna tell you to do such things to put up with that. It’s gonna make you feel that you have to be in the trend. Sad but you’ll find yourself compromising a lot of things just to gain your security - to feel your worth and that you belong. Soon you would end up feeling burn-out for not being able to cope up to its standards. But let me tell you this, the world’s standard will never be God’s standard. It is really when you know who you are in Christ and you will be able to act according to what He wants you to be.

The standard of God is this... “I died for you on the cross. I bought you with a price, and that price involves my life and my throne in heaven. That is how valuable you are. That is how beautiful and worthy you are in My eyes. You don’t have to do something to be something. Because I already created You with beauty and wonders.”  

Security and true beauty comes from knowing your worth in Christ. If you know His Word, the world’s opinion will never matter to you at all. You will just live your life according to your worth in Him, and eventually the right people will see it.

“Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.” - 1 Peter 3:3-4

“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” - Proverbs 31:30

Lord, thank You for the security You have given me. Thank You for always reminding me that I am beautiful because You are within me. That I don’t have to act with the world’s standard  because Yours is different. I am beautiful because I know my worth in Your sight, and I am living my purpose according to Your pleasing and perfect will. I am beautiful because You created me with love. I am beautiful, and I found that in Your definition alone.

[paulinearuniverse]

A day at San Pablo, Laguna

I promise myself to build my future house beside a lake.

[paulinearuniverse]

Why be grateful for failures?

Sometimes I wonder why there has to be a failure. And if it’s really inevitable, then what am I going to do with it? How am I going to cope up from the collective failures I got from different choices I’ve made? The thing about this is that it could happen any minute from now, anywhere. Unexpectedly or not. And believe me, we all hate this idea; the very feeling of having or being a failure. Why be grateful then?

Growing more into adult thinking, I jumped into the reality which doesn't necessarily mean the negative side of things. In short, failure doesn't always mean the downside. It is somewhere, and somehow, a positive thing depending on what you chose to see. As I embrace the details, I realized how these failures are shaping me into someone I could be proud of. I mean, the contributions of all the failures I got in life consumed a huge part into molding the better person I have right now. It’s basically the reason why people quit and give up on something, but it’s always up to you at the end of the day. Failure may look like a fact, but it’s only an opinion. Yes, it may be defined as opposite of success, but are you always going to think that way? 

Know that failure can never ever define you. Cliche. Those failing grades, failed relationships, and failed expectations are not you. These words are never for a sweet comfort or console, but it has to be your strongest foundation for your future success. Treat failures are your opportunities to start over more intelligently. No one has ever achieved success who did have a perfect failure-free life. You’re supposed to fail sometimes or even most of the time. If you’re not making mistakes, you’re not risking enough, worst is you’re not learning enough. I’ve read that somewhere. It’s a required part of the human existence.

You don’t drown by falling in the water, you drown by staying there  - as what author Ed Cole said.

Forget the detail of your mistakes, learn from them. Failure can become a weight, or it can give you wings. It’s like, former failures made up the present success. So value these failures, don’t hate but rather learn from them. Success is a failure turned inside and out. The worse thing may seem, the more you must not quit. Get up one more time than you’ve fallen down. 

Be grateful for your failures. It’s gonna make sense. 

[paulinearuniverse]

April 16, 2016

Hello, I just turned 21 last Saturday. It was me and my morning coffee in a dreamland. It was all I ever wanted for this special day. Definitely a dream come true for a frustrated indie-girl like me.

All I ever wanted for my birthday is to just find rest and a time away from the city. I wanted silence. I prayed for a deeper encounter with myself. I needed a getaway. Then it happened.

I am beyond grateful for this sweet escape. I had so much relief and freedom from the stressful realities of my life. My short summer break was a blast and I couldn’t wait to share every part of it. I was so craving for such a time as this, to unwind and to fill my mind with things other than *acads*.

Happy 21 years, dear self <3

[paulinearuniverse]

My mistakes brought me far, but Your love went further to bring me back. What love is this.

[paulinearuniverse]

Is God even real?

20 years. Young, but quite matured and able to think deep. That’s probably an enough time to realize and figure out that God do really exists. Yes, I still got like 50-70 years on earth. I might think of proving it wrong if I want to, but I would just end up in a blackhole. Everything around me, even the atoms in my body says that there is God. (Can’t wait to share you the book I’ve been reading!)

Hey. God doesn’t just exist, He lives within me. 

For so many reasons I could give, I would prefer to just at least share one and remain everything for everyone to figure out on their own.

For all the times I would love to give up life and just wake up on other universe because of the tiring and impossible situations I am in, I wonder why I am still here. I just know someone’s holding me, and all my pieces together. Someone’s keeping me alive. Someone’s being my strength when I don’t even have the courage to open my eyes and get up on my bed every morning. Someone not from this world. Someone who loves me that I can feel it within me even without words, without physical presence or anything. Someone who knows me too well because He is for sure my Creator. Someone exists so I can live a life I don’t deserve. 

Sorry that’s not one reason. I can’t help it. He’s real. He’s with you.  

[paulinearuniverse]

I wouldn’t forget this day. The way I felt when I was standing here and drowning myself with the realest idea of rest. This was at Tagaytay, Sunday afternoon. Such a beautiful one. Thank You, my Creator.

I guess, I was reminded to take a break once in a while. I’m not a superhero nor a superhuman, I am just Pauline after all. I got like 10-15 minutes of total silence, just a sincere and rare connection with myself. It was like a relief from the toxic world of social media. An escape from sad realities. I promise to do necessary actions of staying alive, and that includes rest and alone-time with nature. 

[paulinearuniverse]

And these were the moments I would like to keep. One day I will look back and realize that I had more than just 5 years of engineering. I wouldn't forget how much I laughed on simple things. That I didn't go home early because I waited for the sunset. That I was able to sit in the corner of the oval while singing with the people who came across my life and changed it forever. I did more than just studying. I lived, and did more than just exist.

[paulinearuniverse]

What I like about climbing a mountain is that it makes me feel so small compared to the world that I am in. I am so small, but the best part here is, 

I am the one alive. 

I won’t fail to remember the pictures that my eyes have captured every climb. From the blue-vast sky that covers the deepest waters, to every sunrise and sunset, and everything I can’t even see but I feel in my bones. I am seeing and feeling every single thing, but it can never see me and know that I am here. I have the human ability to love them so real. And no matter how much I crave and care about them they can’t do the same because they simply can’t. They just exist, but they can’t live. And I am the one given the chance to live. I can appreciate them, but they can never appreciate me. I am the one inhaling how beautiful everything is. And to think it deeper and deeper, I am sure that they are wonderfully made for me. How can I not fall inlove with that idea, and with the Creator that planned out everything?

Whenever my feet touches a peak (while realizing that I am still alive and kicking), I am thankful for it is definitely a humbling crowning moment of my life, a breath of fresh air, and a kind of peace that lasts. I lost myself there. The crowded thoughts about school, family, and all the responsibilities and inconvenience of being a human was totally forgotten. It is conquering my fear of death, my fear of not having the ability to reach the top, my limitations, and myself. It’s a struggle that l appreciate. It's a total clarity of my being where I trust in myself more, and where I trust that something beautiful is ahead of me.. and I totally deserve it. It’s like seeing a priceless view and I can tell to myself that I earned that view. It’s never familiar. But it is home. Every mountain is home. An answer, a question, a matter life and death, and everything in between. 

The whole point is just to live everything every day. Climb, and answer the questions you have in mind. Perhaps then, somewhere far from your reality, you will eventually climb up your way into the answer.

[paulinearuniverse]

Christmas Day, 2015;

Woke up reading a chapter in Psalm and being reminded of Your love for me, the kind of greatness no one could ever fathom. Christmas Day will always remind me of who You are in my life. My lover, my peace, my God, my Savior, and my everything in between was born in a manger. That is to remind me a scandal of grace… that You came in meekness but with so much glory, surrendered Your throne in Heaven to show the Father’s love.

Thank You for today, my King. 💓

[paulinearuniverse]

I promised myself to be only interested in what is real. To wait for it, and the moment I will have it in my hands, I swear to never let it go. Real people, real feelings, that’s it, that’s all I’m interested in. And baby, if you’re definitely one of them, I will never ever let you go.

[paulinearuniverse]

How are you Pauline?

Grand.

I am simply allowed to be alive and somebody different. Just being the same old classic self and loving the idea of staying awake and doing accomplishments that others only dream of having. I’m always on the process.. of learning, of forgiving and of anything I need. I got so much to know okay. And I got so much to do too. But I swear to the universe, I’m totally falling inlove with everything I meant to do. Well I do have a say with what’s going on with my life and I really like my choices. I may not know the outcome but I know where I’m headed to. I believe that being able to stand up for yourself when no one else can, to know your worth regardless of what others are saying, and to maintain the security and peace in your heart.. are just few of the things to be proud of. Happy and brave, that’s all I want to be.