hard times for dreamers @pavlovsrocket - Tumblr Blog

if i could have it my way, i’d spend all my days with you. every minute, every second. you’re a real skeptic about love and relationships and i really don’t want to scare you away.. but i can’t pretend i don’t feel all this for you. it makes my heart feel like it’s bursting. i want to take care of you, heal you, and never let you hurt anymore. i’d do anything just to see you happy. dear god please keep him happy.

teenagecrush

peanutbutterandredjam

thinking about leaving

yesterday morning, a feeling i thought i’d forgotten hit me like a truck. i was doing fine, or at least i tried to believe i was, but all of a sudden as i was walking home i started to cry. i wasn’t drunk or high on anything. but the urge to kill myself was so strong and it was scary. if i didn’t have anyone to talk to at 5am, i would’ve probably done it. i don’t think it was the weight of everything in my life coming to me all at once - but rather the absence of happiness. serotonin. dopamine. whatever. the lack of certain chemicals in my brain were enough to make me picture myself dead on the ground and just simply, not exist. i’ve hit rock bottom again. it seems like i keep going back to this level. i wouldn’t be so dramatic as to say everything is falling apart, but rather... i’m getting tired of holding the fort. i’m tired of life. and i don’t know what to do.

#personal