Heya, you said you wanted to write some fan fics so could you please write one about a very depressed and suicidal Draco that one day (before trying to commit suicide) writes a letter to the reader confessing his love and apologising for sometimes being rude to her. But the reader figures out what he's trying to do and finds him just in time. (And idk she'd stop him from doing it, she'd confess her love to him too, and they could be crying in each others hands) Thank you 💕💕
TRIGGER WARNING This post contains suicidal intentions which may be triggering to some.
Dear Y/N,
I wish I could give you more than this letter. You deserve more, you deserve a conversation, a proper goodbye, but I can’t give that to you. I can’t give you anything that I would like to. But that just reinforces that I am a coward, I always have been.
I despise the choices I have made and the things I have believed. They have reflected my fears, when they should have reflected my hopes.
I am sincerely sorry for the way I have treated you. The mixed messages I gave… The soft hellos and the harsh goodbyes. I know I did not often show it, but please believe me, you were the best thing in my life. In you, I found a strength to continue, even after that shattering night in the astronomy tower. When the room was loud, I retreated into your voice. When my thoughts overwhelmed, I remembered your laugh. When everything was chaos, I saw your smile. I have never deserved love, so I consider myself genuinely lucky to have loved you.
I do, I love you. I love the way you tip your head back when you laugh. The way you furrow your brow when something confuses you. The way you always have a smile for both friends and strangers. The way you catch a snitch faster than anyone I’ve ever met. The way you see something in me.
I am sorry for my cowardice, for my imminent pitiful choice. This world is better off without me.You, however… this world is lucky to know you.
And I was lucky to love you.
D.M.
You run. You run faster than ever before. The cold burning your lungs as you struggle to breathe and run. You throw yourself up the stairs of the astronomy tower, two at a time, stumbling when you attempt three. But you pick yourself up, because the frosty air burning your lungs is nothing compared to the panic and grief that burns through the rest of you. As you move your mind is stuck on a constant loop of ‘what if’…
What if it’s too late.What if he’s not in the astronomy tower.What if he’s gone.
You wrench open the heavy door at the top of the tower, wincing as it ricochets off the dark stone wall. The tremendous noise disturbs the pigeons resting in the eaves and they erupt into frenzied chaos. Through the confusion, the commotion, you see no sign of Draco, no sign of anyone.
He’s not here.
You’re motionless as the fuss dies down around you. The pigeons either having settled or departed. The cold winds whistle through the tower, creating a painful howl and your knees give way. You hear the blood rushing in your ears and feel the throb of your bruising knees. You taste tears as you take a trembling breath and your stomach churn precariously. You were certain he would be here and you were certain you would make it. But one, or both, appear to be wrong. You cry louder now, letting the sobs shudder through your body, letting the pain flood as your mind attempts, and fails to comprehend the situation.
Two nights ago, Draco has shared something with you. You remembered him now, wand poised to his temple as he extracted a silvery, shimmering memory. “Please don’t hate me” he had begged you as he dropped the memory into the pensive.The memory clarified for you, what many had speculated had happened on the night of Albus Dumbledore’s death on the astronomy tower a year and a half prior. You had watched the Draco in the memory hold his wand to the old wizard, you had seen the struggle in his face, the hesitation in his voice and the fear. You tried to reach for him, but the Draco of that moment, standing beside you, placed a hand on your shoulder to hold you back. You cried as Dumbledore fell from the tower, Professor Snape with his wand outstretched. You cried as Draco was ushered away by the death eaters present, and when you had returned from the memory you wrapped your tear stained face into the cotton of Draco’s shirt and held on to him. Draco was not to blame, you tried to reason this with him, but he didn’t listen. You tried to tell him that that moment, and its subsequent actions were due to the fear and control that Voldemort exercised over his followers… it was due to the beliefs and alliances of his parents and their actions and consequences. You had nearly told him that night that you loved him regardless, but you were afraid it would scare him… right now, you wished you had.
You pick yourself up and move around the tower, approaching the viewing platform that overlooked the forbidden forest, the platform you had watched Albus Dumbledore fall from in Draco’s memory. The platform you had not even spared a thought when you burst into the astronomy tower. Had you looked here, had you taken one moment to rationalise, you would have seen the broken man seated against the railing of the lookout.
Shards of moonlight filter through the shadows to sit on his pale skin. He’s looking at you with a dangerous mixture of fear, relief and conviction.
You drop to your knees in front of him, ignoring the shooting pain through your damaged knees, and place your trembling hands against his cheeks, checking he is real. “You’re still here” you cry, smiling through your tears, the relief coursing through your veins because so far, the for moments you’d thought you lost Draco were the most painful you had ever felt. “I was so sure… I can’t…” you try to tell him, wiping hastily at your tears, unable to express what you’re feeling.
“You know I can’t stay…” he whispers, reaching up to sweep away the strands of hair stuck to the tears on your cheek. He tucks them behind your ear before entangling his hand in your hair. “I’ve hurt too many people, I’ve caused too much pain”. You can’t deny what he’s saying, but you know that what he is trying to do now will never fix it. You can’t control the sob that breaks from your chest.
“All the bad things,” you heave another sob, “all the bad things you’ve done, is not who you are”. You know the good in his heart, the redemption in his soul. You know the man he is capable of being is not far from the man he is now, if he would only forgive himself. “you are brave and strong and kind” you continue, “and I can’t live without you” you whisper.
“you can. You will” he says firmly, but you shake your head, heart pounding.
“but I love you” you tell him, because you will fight him to the last moment to change his mind and if he doesn’t, you need him to know how you feel. “I love all of you, Draco. Your past included…” his grey eyes are watching yours, the eyes that had always been so genuinely honest, the eyes that made you feel steady and safe, “and if you do this, you take away any chance of us working through the present to create a future” you rest your forehead against his, breathing in his delicate scent. “love me,” you whisper, “and let me love you”.
You both sit in silence for a moment, foreheads pressed together, breathing in sync when finally he whispers “okay”.
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