When writing emotionally reserved characters…
This list is obviously subjective. There is no “right” or “wrong”, but as an emotionally reserved person, these are some things I thought were worth mentioning! You don’t have to do everything on this list, it’s simply here for inspiration/a bit of help.
Show your character’s struggles with holding in emotions. Just because your character won’t let themself go in public, doesn’t mean they don’t struggle holding everything in.
Find a motive. Pride and/or consideration for those around them can make emotionally reserved people hold back more than would be considered good for them. There are other reasons too. Think of something, perhaps the initial cause and the reason now are different, but try to give them a reason.
Show side-effects. Everything you bottle up shows itself in another way, whether it’s physical or mental. This can be long- and short-term, depending on the severity of the emotions.
Give them coping mechanisms. Everyone who wishes not to show certain emotions has a trick or two to keep themselves in check. Taking a sip of water, not looking people in the eyes, clenching their fists, breathing just a bit too deeply/shallow. There are a few lists of these online, I believe.
Write subconscious signs that they give off, which their close friends or family might pick up on. Just because these characters want to keep their emotions to themselves, doesn’t mean they don’t give off signs. Some manage to keep said signs well hidden from those closest to them, but it’s more common for their environment to pick up on something at the very least.
Perhaps make some characters perceive your OC as unable to feel certain emotions. There’s bound to be at least one person in their environment who thinks the character just doesn’t feel some emotions.
Convey their confusion/bewilderment when they’re confronted with others’ emotions. Most of the time, it’s difficult for an emotionally reserved person to understand why on earth someone else can’t keep themself under control.
Pick one main emotion to hide. This is the one they’re most uncomfortable showing, one they decide they’d rather go through physical and emotional pain than showing. Depending on whether their keeping to themself has to do with pride, your character might not even want to let this emotion surface when they’re alone. Generally these are the “weakest” emotions: sadness, fear, etc.
Let them cover up one emotion with another when they really can’t keep a straight face anymore. Generally speaking, anger is an amazing cover-up for a variety of emotions. Your voice is less likely to break when you raise it, that upset look on your face will suddenly make sense, and the fact that fear made you shaky suddenly seems to correlate with anger instead.
Learn the difference between suppression and repression. They’re two very different words often used as synonyms. I’m not a professional, so I don’t think I can explain it properly, but there are some great articles online!
Try to steer clear of making them unsympathetic. Not every reserved person is unsympathetic, but they can come off as such because they just have no idea on how to deal with emotions or show them to the outside world. Focusing on their internal conflicts, both with what caused them to feel strongly about something and keeping it concealed.
On that note: you don’t have to make them cold-hearted and stoic. Not every emotionally reserved person is the same. In fact, depending on the emotions they wish to keep private, they might be very cheerful and empathetic friends.
Do not, and I repeat do not, let them “give in” to their emotions the moment they’ve found their true love. This isn’t realistic. It’s laughable to any emotionally reserved person. Finding someone they’re really comfortable around is great, and your character might be able to let go later on, but things like that take time to develop. A month won’t suffice; a few years are more likely to be realistic.
Not everyone who is emotionally reserved has some kind of trauma that caused it. Yes, some people become quite guarded after experiencing a trauma of some sort, but other people just are the way they are. No specific reason, no tragedies, they are just who they are. There’s always our society to rely on for steering them in the “right” direction.
Keep in mind that everyone is different. I write from my own experience, as would anyone else, so my post is by no means complete. Try to find different views on the topic – from real people instead of scientific articles.
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