A perception in Life

posts about quotes, lessons, perceptions, and point of views while experiencing each stage in my life

[peacefullifeandtwistedmind]

[peacefullifeandtwistedmind]

It is a lot of hardwork not being yourself

Daniel Lismore

[peacefullifeandtwistedmind]

[peacefullifeandtwistedmind]

[peacefullifeandtwistedmind]

Unexpected is thrill

Do not expect too high

- IA

[peacefullifeandtwistedmind]

What is the meaning of saying sorry, when you don't even know what you are sorry for.

It is not a sorry by heart.

- IA

[peacefullifeandtwistedmind]

How remarkably bizarre it is when you prescribe euphoria through nostalgia then dysphoria shows up ready to scratch your wound to the point you are tattering with agony that hadn't been there for years

- IA

[peacefullifeandtwistedmind]

[peacefullifeandtwistedmind]

Home sweet home, they say.

Well, it is not that sweet in reality.

- IA

[peacefullifeandtwistedmind]

I though if God wanted us to be like that, He would not have made us all different.

- Excerpt of the book titled 'I am Malala'

Yes. What is wrong by being yourself?

- IA

[peacefullifeandtwistedmind]

Out of sight

Out of mind

Out of heart

Out of life

That is where you should stay

Do not dare to show up

When you can't even choose

Either pushing me or accepting me

Or repeating the cycle all over again once more

- IA

[peacefullifeandtwistedmind]

Return to  write again

Hello, I am back. It has been 2 years for me neglecting this place. These past years I spent it up to refill the void when he left me. I was devastated by my  break up, to be honest. It was a hard fight for me to stand up once more after life stabbed me right in my heart. I realized that, when I typed about my pained heart and my ached feeling, I rubbed my own wound with salt. It didn’t get better, nevertheless I was more and more depressed than ever. I would rewind the scenes in my head, analyzing what was going wrong, what made us broke up with each other, what mistake did I made that led him to go away, what I should have done to make him stay. I kept repeating the same process, creating a deeper well of regrets and blames, which led to nowhere.

I couldn’t go on like that, I thought. So I left.

I chose to ignore my injury and live on. There was this part of me which dissappeared and remained empty after he was gone. I took the advice to write something or someone else to that vacant space. A man walked by, he entered, nonetheless after weeks of being with him, I couldn’t shake my heart to forget about my first boyfriend. He was way much better than that man, that was the thought that crossed my mind, and that were facts which I accepted. I came to despise the man whom I let into the room that was occupied by him. I made up my mind not to let any human being enter that particular space again. No one can go inside, let alone stay. I tried to open my eyes wider, despite all that, none succeed to get that specific key. As far as they could go were just in front of the door only.

Recently, I have made peace with my turmoil feeling. I don’t want to be stuck forever because of someone who didn’t even think about me anymore. My life must go on, and I won’t forget about my past either. Those memoirs are my guidebook of the past, to be read in the present, for the lesson to take choices for the future. Reading my post from two years ago and got a different feeling from when I wrote it was a confirmation that I have changed. I can’t say yet that I already move on one hundred percent, even so I am getting at it. I believe that I walk on the right track.

- IA 17.04.2019

[peacefullifeandtwistedmind]

at first I was eager to go back in a city full of memories yet my heart  twinged I realized it is not this town nor the buildings I wanted to return what I wish is to revent time and place where you and me were together not an empty scene where I can only taste misery because you won’t be here alongside me anymore

IA

25.08.2017

[justtheweed]

Un/important differences

People often don’t realize the difference between a messega, a voice message and a phone call in terms of giving away control. They don’t realize, because it’s not important for them. For me and probably some others it is important. So let me explain my point of view.

A normal message:

I can check it without the other recognizing it.  So I can take my time to answer and think about what I want to answer. 

A voice message:

I have to hear it in order to get the content of it. Normally the other person can see that I heard it, so I have to answer a little bit faster and I lost already some control. And by the way a voice message is easy to “create” and send, to listen and response to it is way more work.  Is your time really more worth then mine?  When I’m listening to music or watch something, do I really have to pause it every time just because you don’t want to write it down?  A phone call: Your directly talking to someone. You don’t have time to decide on your own when to answer. You don’t have really time to think about what you want to answer.  And before picking up the phone you don’t even know why you get called. So it’s a big lose of control for me. I don’t feel comfortable when someone calls me and most of the time, I don’t even pick up my phone.  For most people this will sound pretty stupid, But it’s not.  It’s a real lose of control, At least for me. 18.08.17 f.g.

[peacefullifeandtwistedmind]

A year before ... I had to hug you everyday Now I just hold onto air Long ago ... I was thrilled to kiss you Now I only taste oxygen Months past by ... I always sat beside you Now I pull the chair with the wind I wish that lost paradise Come back to me And stay again forever Always ... always ... always ... But my brain knows I can't Nonetheless I just wait For the hell to freeze over

IA 06.08.2017

[peacefullifeandtwistedmind]

Then I said “I hate you” You didn’t realize That I spoke no truth Perfecting lying Was practice for years I love you too much Even though it killed me I am prepared I will do anything To relieve your hurt

IA 05.08.2017

[peacefullifeandtwistedmind]

One hundred reasons not to love you The relationship didn't last Yet a memory stags my heart And the affection still remains Know that I don't give up loving you I just abandon the desire of having you Let you fills your life with joys Cause I can only synthesize despairs in you

IA 2017.08.02