Peace, Love & Foster Care @peaceloveandfostercare - Tumblr Blog

The school my kids attend is having a rough time financially. It’s really, really bad. We love this school, it’s done so much for our kids. We do not have great alternatives, especially for the younger kids for many reasons.

I work there. I get to do daily check-ins with one of my kids that really needs it. We get almost 100% tuition remission, I get paid, and they are flexible with hours. My boss was my friend way before I worked there.

I’m considering volunteering for a paycut. They laid off a member of our team last week. Our team works in the office, not directly with kids, so obviously I’d rather see those cuts. I want to keep my job, not because I love working outside the home, but because I think it’s very helpful for me to be at school for my kids (one in particular). I also feel like it’s the right thing to do.

What do I need to consider?

My teen has friends outside our tiny private school, from the local youth orchestra. They are white, and live in an affluent white suburb. He went to a new friend’s house (this friend has stayed over at ours, I’ve only met the parents once). It was a week night so my husband said he would pick him up at 10:30, while the other boys stayed the night. Anyways, they were planning to “sneak out” and walk to the local highschool track to blast a funny song, and play hide and seek in the neighborhood and whatever innocent mischief that brought.

My brother and his friends would do stuff all the time like this growing up. My parents would also turn a blind eye to innocent fun.

My kid immediately told me about it, and said “I know I can’t do things like that, I would have to stay home and sleep”

Obviously teen boys should not be sneaking out. But it also breaks my heart for him. But he’s absolutely right, in a rural, suburban, conservative area (or any area), a black teen running around at night could absolutely end in tragedy.

I spoke to his mentor/tennis coach who is like family to him. He was appalled and told me about his run ins with the police in that suburb. About how everyone has guns out there. He’s going to talk to him man to man and offer to be someone who he can always call to get out of a bad situation.

I’ve been thinking a lot, and will continue to. One thought is, I don’t think that white parents realize how dangerous those situations are for black children, and would perhaps appreciate being told - i don’t know these parents well enough, but his school friends parents wound absolutely be receptive.

We’ve decided to quietly not allow him to stay the night at this friend’s house (this kid was teaching him things that we don’t think are age appropriate anyways), he can come over to ours, we have a great house for hosting. We had a nice conversation about him, his future, and protecting himself.

I’m so glad he came to me. I’m telling you, he’s such a cool kid.

I really do not want school to start. I wish I could pause time and be on summer with four kids at home forever.

I got a clear MRI today. Wildly relieved. I need yearly mammograms and MRIs. I just turned 40, and my lifetime risk is higher than I want it to be. However, I’m so thankful for a clear scan AND the ability to pay for it. I need to remember to pay that one forward.

A friend in one of my outer circles (I wrote a letter for her 40th, but only hang out in groups of friends) was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma last week, from a routine check. Best believe I have my yearly check scheduled. Please get checked!!

It’s peanuts 12th birthday today. He’s the best.

We are running on fumes from how busy things have been. We leave tomorrow for a family vacation with my husbands whole family. It’s going to be great. I’m also so happy to be “home” for the rest of summer after that.

Stream of thought:

1. The Catholic church allowing demolition of historic buildings through neglect in neighborhoods that haven already been historically redlined and under invested in makes me so mad. You are RICH and are going to just leave a building to crumble in the middle of a city? Devalue every home around it? Become not only an eyesore, but a hazard? I hate it.

2. My angel girl had her annual cardiologist appt today and it went SO WELL. I cried, of course. She doesn’t have to go back for 2 years. The relief is unreal. I feel like a million bucks.

3. Summer is going well. I love it. It’s all our same challenges without like 80% of the pressure of school which feels luxurious.

On the plane heading back from a short end of school trip. My brother came with us, but no grandparents.

It was such a nice experience with 3 adults, all equally helpful. My brother genuinely is as capable as a parent, in fact, he’s so good natured and finds humor in every scenario, so he lightens the mood when things are difficult. 100/100 will take him on future family vacations (if he wants to come with us).

He’s now an incredible catch (from my POV), I’m shocked he is having troubles dating. He’s so, so funny. Takes great care of himself (is now sober), great career, owns a home, loves kids, very easy going, volunteers, travels, is super handy, like??? Hello??

School is out today for EID, so a little taste of summer! I’m drinking coffee in bed with my cat while 3/4 kids sleep in. Windows open and the birds are literally chirping.

We had the best trip to NYC. Trip of a lifetime for me. So many memories with my kid. Highly recommend using all your saved up points for a 1:1 trip. I also now want to retire to NYC. The other three loved their school camping trip - husband was the chaperone for the boys and it worked well!

Today we are doing therapy for a kid, oldest is getting braces (!), and hopefully my friend is stopping by to plan our baklava making party Saturday night. We sold tickets to it as part of our school fundraiser - I’m hosting at my house.

We are staring to see a private parent coach on zoom. We aren’t really making headway with the stealing/sneaking. Another kid would probably have a ODD diagnosis if that still existed, so figuring out those things. We are going to make it through the school year though!

In other news, my father in law really wants us to do a family vacation, so we are all going to Vegas. With the kids lol. I’m actually so excited to see Wizard of Oz in the sphere. It was the only movie at my grandparents house growing up, so I’ve seen it dozens of times and I really love it.

peaceloveandfostercare

I have no idea why we do this. In addition to every day life this week (work, music, sports,etc), my niece came to stay with us because she’s shadowing in our city. Tuesday night we attended a baseball game we bought at a charity event, ended up being rained out, got dinner, somehow stayed out until 10 pm with friends.

Oldest and I are on the first flight to NYC this morning for his 8th grade trip (!)

Youngest 3 and my husband are leaving for a 3 day camping trip this morning.

Friday, my sister in law is coming to stay with us for the weekend (5 people). I will be home around midnight, they will beat me there.

Friday, husband and 3 kids return from camping, but leave for soccer tournament a few hours away. Luckily my parents live at the mid-point so they will be staying there.

So much fun, so much crazy.

We leave for universal in 2 weeks - a bribe to keep a kid from getting expelled. Terrible parenting, but it worked 😮‍💨

I absolutely do not have summer planned out, we are winging it.

Side note: if anyone has advice for high school course scheduling, it would be welcomed.

- does he really need pre-reqs prior to AP science classes? He’s taken regular highschool bio/chem/physics on Kahn academy (I know it’s not the same as a real class).

- he wants to skip algebra 2 but I’m pretty certain I’m against it, that seems like a foundational course. He’s taken Algebra 1 and Geometry at school (over 100% in geo, he gets extra credit if he aces the test in the first try).

- he’d like to volunteer or work in a medical setting this summer, but he’s too young to meet the cut off. Advice on what he could do in a science/math field? If nothing else, he’d like to look into the public health implications of red-lining in our city.

Motivated, great test taker (99 percentile always). However, need support with executive functioning (maintains As, but I need to body double while they do school work). As background.

peaceloveandfostercare

Should have clarified, he wanted to skip algebra 2 to go straight to Pre Calc, then Calc AB/BC, then would have had to take linear equations or some other very advanced math junior and senior year. He’ll take math all four years of highschool no matter what.

We are having the best time in NYC!! BEST.

I miss the other kids pretty badly, maybe because it’s nighttime and I always snuggle them.

My flight has already threatened to cancel so maybe we will get an extra day :). I just hope it cancels before we have to get to the airport!

I have no idea why we do this. In addition to every day life this week (work, music, sports,etc), my niece came to stay with us because she’s shadowing in our city. Tuesday night we attended a baseball game we bought at a charity event, ended up being rained out, got dinner, somehow stayed out until 10 pm with friends.

Oldest and I are on the first flight to NYC this morning for his 8th grade trip (!)

Youngest 3 and my husband are leaving for a 3 day camping trip this morning.

Friday, my sister in law is coming to stay with us for the weekend (5 people). I will be home around midnight, they will beat me there.

Friday, husband and 3 kids return from camping, but leave for soccer tournament a few hours away. Luckily my parents live at the mid-point so they will be staying there.

So much fun, so much crazy.

We leave for universal in 2 weeks - a bribe to keep a kid from getting expelled. Terrible parenting, but it worked 😮‍💨

I absolutely do not have summer planned out, we are winging it.

Side note: if anyone has advice for high school course scheduling, it would be welcomed.

- does he really need pre-reqs prior to AP science classes? He’s taken regular highschool bio/chem/physics on Kahn academy (I know it’s not the same as a real class).

- he wants to skip algebra 2 but I’m pretty certain I’m against it, that seems like a foundational course. He’s taken Algebra 1 and Geometry at school (over 100% in geo, he gets extra credit if he aces the test in the first try).

- he’d like to volunteer or work in a medical setting this summer, but he’s too young to meet the cut off. Advice on what he could do in a science/math field? If nothing else, he’d like to look into the public health implications of red-lining in our city.

Motivated, great test taker (99 percentile always). However, need support with executive functioning (maintains As, but I need to body double while they do school work). As background.

My oldest was chosen to be his class’s 8th graduation speaker. I couldn’t even put it in a text to my mom without tearing up. No idea how I am going to make it through the speech and graduation. To say I’m proud is an understatement.

Every huge win, just thinking, he’s the only former foster child that’s ever achieved this. He’s incredible in his own right, and then to have overcome, it’s just too much for my brain to handle.

Honestly, he’s a phenomenal public speaker. He’s going to do a wonderful job too.

kissed1996

If you had to sing a child to sleep RIGHT NOW what would you sing and it CANT BE a lullaby it has to be a regular song

anexperimentallife

I still sometimes sing my daughter to sleep with Walkin' After Midnight

on-the-precipice

Ooh that’s a good one. I sing Frère Jacques. Badly.

peaceloveandfostercare

I’ve been singing my daughter Halo by Beyoncé since the moment I met her. And she’s a lil bit named after it. I can cry every time if I allow myself 😮‍💨

14yo: mom, we are doing another debate in social studies class. It’s whether or not congress should approve money to build a metal wall in :some city:

10yo: OHHHHH let me guess. Trump wants to put his face all over it

🤣

I’ve been stressed anxious but my oldest is graduating (?) middle school and we are going to NYC just the two of us! It’s keeping me going for sure, we are PUMPED. We gave him the option- his class trip or any place on the east coast. He chose going back to NYC. We visited in the fall as a family, but he didn’t get to see everything with 7 people involved.

We are staying in the east village. Our plan so far:

- planetarium. He’s an absolutely massive Neil DeGrasse Tyson fan (he’s the director there). Kid loves astrophysics so much.

- Hamilton - obviously

- momofuku noodle bar. We are from the Midwest, he loves those noodles/asian food and is super excited to visit the restaurant

- he would like to go back to MOMA so we can go at our own pace (we both love a slow peruse around an art museum, younger siblings, not so much). Would love recs on maybe a different museum though? His favorite artist is Titus Kaphar.

- eating as much weird and fun food as possible.

- book store?

I have zero clue how I am going to get through the 8th grade graduation ceremony. To say I’m proud is an understatement. It’s hard to even put how cool he is into words.

We’ve been in paradise, a much needed bonding.

Having grown up in peek ED culture era, the amount of GLP1 ads telling me to “lose the last 5 pounds” is completely unnerving to me. I’m all about do whatever you what and I think they are absolutely life-savers for some people, but I now see the sinister side. To be honest, my natural state is a little bit disordered from how I grew up, but as I’ve aged, I’ve gained perspective and confidence in my own body. I also thought we were beyond the “ultra skinny” phase, but maybe the cultural shift back to Christian nationalism and trad-wives is unraveling body positivity as well? I should probably delete instagram, I feel myself slipping into bad habits, intellectually I know that I do not have weight to lose, I should only gain strength. But these ads 🫩.

I let her order any dress, and booked her photos for her 10th birthday. At one point, the photographer and I were both crying. What a joy she is.

The photographer said “she the most model-y kid I’ve ever shot” but not because she’s naturally photogenic - she intuitively knew how to pose/follow directions. At the end, she said, I think it’s just that she has so much self confidence. And we both agreed we wish we could have had that now, or at her age. I have no plans for the photos, but as I told my husband, “I’m going to cherish them for the rest of my life, and that seems like a sound investment.”

I can’t wait to see the real photos!

My husband got a promotion 6 months into his new job, and my kid with dyslexia learned that if he reads the questions out loud and takes his time, he can do really well on these tests.

I booked a trip at the end of the school year. I know it’s bad parenting, but it’s to bribe a kid to not get suspended. We talk about this trip all the time. Obviously they are also in therapy. I’ll so whatever it takes. And I’m excited for the trip!!

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