i did not mean to be cruel. @peachmuses - Tumblr Blog

it takes maeil a moment to set up his space to eat; a habit formed from younger years. ( breaks the egg / mixes it in, starts with bean sprouts as he thinks it's the best bite first. ) moon speaks, and maeil looks up with full mouth, chipmunking for a moment before he swallows. moon says that he is happy / that he enjoys the time that he has with maeil / that he's content with what he has. that makes maeil happy to hear. ( he doesn't think he could force moon to stay - and wouldn't anyways. he had hoped, somewhat, that moon wasn't just staying just because of a past life of maeils / just because being around moon makes maeil feel better. maybe - at first, that was moons intention, but maeil likes to think that it's different somewhat now. ) he picks up carrots and rice, chews on it for a moment as he lets them sit in silence. eventually he smiles, soft and bright at the other. " good. i want you to be happy. " and maeil does. want moon to be happy. however, moon is happiest. even if maeil is difficult at times, he's glad to know that moon appreciates his time around him. he gestures, " that's whats' important. "

" i don't -- " it's an abrupt start and the moon can only peer down at his meal. briefly, a saddened smile graces his lips, slowly fading as he chooses to feed himself more instead of speaking in the moment, unsure of how to put it in.

a soft sigh, reordering words he can't immedately get out. " i do not stay around because you are the incarnate of someone i once knew. " how things started are just that, but things are ever-changing, as moon's always been far too aware of. " i like you for you, not for your past. "

a true sentiment, even if it might be unnecessary to voice.

the room darkens more and moon turns his attention towards the window, peering through mostly closed blinds to see the beginnings of a dim outline of home and in the moment, everything makes sense. " i want you to be happy, too. "

maeil blinks slow, processes slower. ( even though he feels -- better, not being in public, being fed. his connection speeds are not where they usually are. ) it takes him a moment, and he breathes out soft and slow. head tilts as silver watch the other for a moment and he forgoes eating. " perhaps, at first, that's what i believed. " and it was, and it is. that is factual and there is no use in arguing a factual statement. " but i am not them and they are not me. " because cultures and times are different. " i figure that if you wanted to stay around because i am the incarnate of someone you once knew, you'd be more upset that i was no longer them. " if that makes any type of sense. " something something -- heartbreak, or something. y'know ? like people talk about how -- like, you can't live up to a figure, but if you have a figure in your mind and you're overlapping that with the current me, then woulnd't you just be disappointed if that was the only reason you did stay around ? " head tilts, " i do not really --- care, to know about my previous incarnate at this point in time. they trusted you, apparently enough to eat part of you --- " a shrug, " it's good enough for me. " he goes back to finishing his food, " i am happy. while content and happy are two completely different things, i am both. "

maeil's lips quirk upwards, " should the situation change, i will let you know. " despite, maeil seeing no -- real, change for it, at least not any time soon. but moon wonders / and maeil answers. ( sometimes, he also wonders what it is that he gives moon that makes him want to stick around. maeil finds himself too scared to ask such a thing. ) maeil lets moon into his space / into his own orbit, and relaxes and lets the silence sit between the two until the other decides to speak. he's settled enough when moon speaks, and a hand comes up to thread through hair, " i know you wouldn't. " and yet sometimes, words must be spoken aloud anyways to get the pressure off of his chest. door-bell rings, and maeil, sighing, untangles himself from moon as he stands up to go grab food / tip / come back, before sitting on the floor and opening the bag to grab and pass moon's his portions. " but i will say i don't see the situation changing anytime soon. im content with what i have currently. "

" okay. " realistically, moon is aware that it's unlikely that anything would change any time soon. not when maeil has been the same since they first met and he's not determined the other having too much interest in other people. ( if he's scared or simply uninterested, moon knows not, but maeil's business is maeil's business. )

the door goes, then maeil, and in his absence, moon moves the blanket aside, somewhat folding it over as the other comes back with food and when he's passed his share, he thanks him easily. still, moon doesn't begin eating immedately, instead absentmindedly picking at greenery.

" i see. " ---- better put, " i could say the same. " moon, after all, has no intention on searching for something else, much less from anyone else. " i enjoy my time here, with you. it makes me happy. " a soft smile is offered between bites, " i am happy. "

it takes maeil a moment to set up his space to eat; a habit formed from younger years. ( breaks the egg / mixes it in, starts with bean sprouts as he thinks it's the best bite first. ) moon speaks, and maeil looks up with full mouth, chipmunking for a moment before he swallows. moon says that he is happy / that he enjoys the time that he has with maeil / that he's content with what he has. that makes maeil happy to hear. ( he doesn't think he could force moon to stay - and wouldn't anyways. he had hoped, somewhat, that moon wasn't just staying just because of a past life of maeils / just because being around moon makes maeil feel better. maybe - at first, that was moons intention, but maeil likes to think that it's different somewhat now. ) he picks up carrots and rice, chews on it for a moment as he lets them sit in silence. eventually he smiles, soft and bright at the other. " good. i want you to be happy. " and maeil does. want moon to be happy. however, moon is happiest. even if maeil is difficult at times, he's glad to know that moon appreciates his time around him. he gestures, " that's whats' important. "

head shakes. moon tells him not to let him stop him - and maeil wonders if moon knows that maeil doesn't really invite strangers in all that often. he should, after all. maeil prefers to meet other students in a cafe or the library instead of at his place. people, maeil has learned, are disgusting creatures with disgusting habits. ( he himself, is a people. but maeil also grew up in and out of hospitals so he's less disgusting. ) " i'd rather not invite random people into my apartment, " he says carefully choosing words. " at least for myself. " a hand lifts and see-saws, " i wouldn't want them to bring anything in here that could get me sick. " a worry that he doesn't really have to worry much about anymore with moon around. and yet. silver watch moon - then widen briefly before maeil reminds himself to breath. ( him, a priority. ) " oh, " soft, quiet. there's a warm feeling inside of his chest / something akin to a pleasured purr of a cat. a slow blink, " if that changes, you'll tell me right ? " a hand comes up so finger can scratch at blushed cheek, " in the sense of i've gotten use to you in my routine. i wouldn't want to look up and you suddenly gone for good. i would miss you. "

" i know, " soft, thoughtful. he's long since noticed / long since wondered why maeil seemed to be fine with allowing him to stay but moon is not like anyone else. moon is not human, he does not carry around sickness like humans do. he can cleaner habits than most, too. moon is also the reason for maeil's recovery. ( moon is the reason for a lot when it comes to maeil, after all. ) " still, " and yet -- " should that change, maeil.... "

he first responds with silence, head lowering to lean against maeil's, eyes closing and moon merely shakes his head. he shouldn't have to say anything, he doesn't think, but maeil speaks insecurity and moon knows better than to allow it to unravel now to spiral later. still, silence falls over the two of them for countless seconds / moon only listens, picking up maeil's breathing and that alone brings him comfort enough. another handful of seconds pass them by and the room darkens, clouds moving in front of setting sun and he knows home will be in full view soon. that thought alone allows him to settle storming thoughts before anything's kicked up and flying rampant.

" i would not do that to you, maeil. " he would not simply leave him, not without warning, not for anything or anyone. " you are the reason i chose to stay, after all, i wouldn't do that to you. "

maeil's lips quirk upwards, " should the situation change, i will let you know. " despite, maeil seeing no -- real, change for it, at least not any time soon. but moon wonders / and maeil answers. ( sometimes, he also wonders what it is that he gives moon that makes him want to stick around. maeil finds himself too scared to ask such a thing. ) maeil lets moon into his space / into his own orbit, and relaxes and lets the silence sit between the two until the other decides to speak. he's settled enough when moon speaks, and a hand comes up to thread through hair, " i know you wouldn't. " and yet sometimes, words must be spoken aloud anyways to get the pressure off of his chest. door-bell rings, and maeil, sighing, untangles himself from moon as he stands up to go grab food / tip / come back, before sitting on the floor and opening the bag to grab and pass moon's his portions. " but i will say i don't see the situation changing anytime soon. im content with what i have currently. "

the question sends maeil for a loop - him not expecting the other to ask such a thing. ( maybe he is / maeil does not mind. it's not like he's got much of a life anyways. ) maeil shakes his head, " bibimbap is good. i like bibimbap. " it's good, healthy, even. " i don't think you're around too much, " but there is also an established routine between the two of them that maeil likes. he likes routine. if moon suddenly left -- he shakes his head. " it's not like i'm actually doing anything or bringing anyone home -- " ah but -- what about moon ? does moon feel things like lust as well ? but well - he guesses dal can go to their place - or find another place. brows furrow. " am i -- " he starts, hestiantly, " would you -- no. " no that's not right either. " are you -- interested in anyone ? " although dal is traumatised in his own way with relationships - that much maeil knows, somewhat. probably not a whole lot - just basics --- he thinks. head shakes. " like am i --- in you way of your needs ? "

" okay. " it's not really about the food, though. that much was simple, an easy decision made based off of looks alone and moon's mind is easily elsewhere again.

maeil starts, stops, starts again and moon, patient as ever, waits for him to decide what he wants to say. briefly, he wonders what goes on in maeil's mind in the moment then chooses to not pry. this, however ---- moon was not expecting this. softly, " it's your home, don't let me stop you from bringing anyone here if you wish to. "

it's not moon's business, nor is it his place to speak, afterall. maeil had allowed him to stay for his own reasons, but it's not as if the two of them are ---

" my needs, " he begins, mind barreling though some dark room he can hardly navigate, " and wants, " a nearly forgotten tack-on, " come and go. " he pauses, straightening up and he ignores the way the blanket falls from him. " currently, my priority is you, maeil, not anyone else. " he is tired of relationships, he thinks. at least in the moment, deserving a break after years worth of heartbreak pile and weigh on him. currently, moon chooses to control the love he gives / chooses to focus on someone in a way he's usually not allowed to. he likes this. it's nice. " you are not getting in the way, no. "

head shakes. moon tells him not to let him stop him - and maeil wonders if moon knows that maeil doesn't really invite strangers in all that often. he should, after all. maeil prefers to meet other students in a cafe or the library instead of at his place. people, maeil has learned, are disgusting creatures with disgusting habits. ( he himself, is a people. but maeil also grew up in and out of hospitals so he's less disgusting. ) " i'd rather not invite random people into my apartment, " he says carefully choosing words. " at least for myself. " a hand lifts and see-saws, " i wouldn't want them to bring anything in here that could get me sick. " a worry that he doesn't really have to worry much about anymore with moon around. and yet. silver watch moon - then widen briefly before maeil reminds himself to breath. ( him, a priority. ) " oh, " soft, quiet. there's a warm feeling inside of his chest / something akin to a pleasured purr of a cat. a slow blink, " if that changes, you'll tell me right ? " a hand comes up so finger can scratch at blushed cheek, " in the sense of i've gotten use to you in my routine. i wouldn't want to look up and you suddenly gone for good. i would miss you. "

he can't believe moon would laugh at him ( he can / he does / moon did ). maeil eyes the other for a moment, before he lets out a huff of air, and shakes his head. " no, i can't fault you for laughing. i'd probably laugh if i were in your shoes, it's still embarrassing to ask though. " even if maeil was half-tempted to f ind the tallest point (which would be the top of the apartment complex, for now) to toss himself off of swiftly. anything else to ask ? maeils head tilts and he traces patterns into the popcorn ceiling as he thinks. there's gemini, and virgo and other constellations that he knows of that he traces into shapes. ( the shapes are not actually there / maeil likes to imagine their outlines against the ceiling. you stare at something hard enough, it tends to transform into something else. at least, things like this. ) " not any that i can think of off the top of my head. i don't think so anyways ? " he glances upwards, " what did you order for food ? "

he nods solemnly, gaze again diverted as is thinks about it in a more serious capacity. if it were him, would he ask? could he? probably not. then again, his mind doesn't work the same as a human's, nor his wants / needs. still, it is a thing that happens and moon chooses to no longer think about it in that moment. ( what happens behind closed doors have nothing to do with him if he's not there. that's it, that's all. )

" am i around too much...? " just a thought, one that comes fleetingly, genuinely wondering all while still not truly expecting any answer.

maeil instead disappears somewhere in his mind and moon, curious, merely watches him, gaze following the other's before falling back to his face. " just some bibimbap. did you want something else? "

the question sends maeil for a loop - him not expecting the other to ask such a thing. ( maybe he is / maeil does not mind. it's not like he's got much of a life anyways. ) maeil shakes his head, " bibimbap is good. i like bibimbap. " it's good, healthy, even. " i don't think you're around too much, " but there is also an established routine between the two of them that maeil likes. he likes routine. if moon suddenly left -- he shakes his head. " it's not like i'm actually doing anything or bringing anyone home -- " ah but -- what about moon ? does moon feel things like lust as well ? but well - he guesses dal can go to their place - or find another place. brows furrow. " am i -- " he starts, hestiantly, " would you -- no. " no that's not right either. " are you -- interested in anyone ? " although dal is traumatised in his own way with relationships - that much maeil knows, somewhat. probably not a whole lot - just basics --- he thinks. head shakes. " like am i --- in you way of your needs ? "

maeil sits up - deciding he doesn't like the look on moon's face, and so he hits him. ( gentle, really, teasing more so. ) " i just had to check ! " not that he's doing anything currently, that'd be kind of awkward, maeil thinks, as moon's right there usually - but maeil's not dead. people are attractive and it's a natural thing. he eyes him for a moment, after deciding that moon was hit enough. ( three times in the chest, ) and sits himself back down to lean against the other. " no mind-reading jumbo mumbo stuff either right ? or is that a thing that happens ? " not that maeil is concerned in that department, most of his thoughts either have to do with his studies, work or attempting to take care of moon, himself. he grumbles as he situates himself, " i can't believe you'd laugh at me. " even silently, " it's a fair question. "

" i know, i know..! " it's put gleefully, actually laughing as maeil hits him as he knows the other means no harm. ( he never does. it's something moon likes about him. ) the laugh comes quickly, taking hold of maeil's hands after he stops and shakes his head.

" no, " an easy, unnecessary breath. " i cannot read your mind. i do not know how you feel or what you think through the connection, anything i gather in that manner is purely based on assumption. " which is is usually, really. he releases maeil, once again settling and shakes his head again. " it is fair to wonder, yes. i apologize for laughing. "

head lowers, eyes closed momentarily before he speaks again. " do you have any other questions? "

he can't believe moon would laugh at him ( he can / he does / moon did ). maeil eyes the other for a moment, before he lets out a huff of air, and shakes his head. " no, i can't fault you for laughing. i'd probably laugh if i were in your shoes, it's still embarrassing to ask though. " even if maeil was half-tempted to f ind the tallest point (which would be the top of the apartment complex, for now) to toss himself off of swiftly. anything else to ask ? maeils head tilts and he traces patterns into the popcorn ceiling as he thinks. there's gemini, and virgo and other constellations that he knows of that he traces into shapes. ( the shapes are not actually there / maeil likes to imagine their outlines against the ceiling. you stare at something hard enough, it tends to transform into something else. at least, things like this. ) " not any that i can think of off the top of my head. i don't think so anyways ? " he glances upwards, " what did you order for food ? "

maeil's gaze is quick and questioning before it dawns on him that moon is offering him room, and he snakes his way next to the other to be wrapped around via blanket / moon. ( comforting touch / comforting non-touch / comforting something that maeil has no name for. perhaps, it is the connection to moon that makes moon easier to be around than others. maeil does not think to question it. ) he's leaned against, and smaller hands move to fist at blanket, cotton bunching up between fingers. he sighs, softly. " mmm. " head tilts as fingers dig through silver locks, and nails scrape against scalp. feels good. maeil's eyes slide shut. " i see. " a moment is not a feeling. " i was wondering about that. " nose twitches upwards, " i am --- admittedly, not very good at knowing or placing my own emotions, " he starts out, " not until it's way too late to really --- acknowledge them ? like if i get hungry i won't know it until after i'm a raging asshole - it goes for everything, not just hunger. " he's quiet for a moment, " but i was wondering if it was like that with just -- emotions, or whathaveyou, or if it was something else entirely. like -- " cheeks colour slightly, wine red spilling onto pale skin, " if you were able to know other things as well. private things. " he swallows, " i never really thought -- about it in that type of sense - not that i'm into weird things - but y'know. " wow. this is not going how he wants it to go. he was just curious ! and slightly mortified if so ! " actually, i don't think i want to know now. shut up. "

" so i've come to notice, " not that moon's judging him. not that he has any space to judge him. maeil is slow to recognize himself, his emotions -- moon is soft and needy and sensitive / always has been, always will be. maeil's free to judge him on it, too. " oh -- ah."

invasive. reasonable question, though. it stuns moon for a moment, silent for a split second before he's shaking his head near violently, fingers no longer moving across scalp as he suffocates the gut reaction laugh that bubbles up. " no. no, no -- " it's a fair assumption, fair question, but still. fingers move again and he continues. " no, i don't know about any of that. your private life is just that. "

lips tick upwards, head tilting as he peers down at him. " you don't want to know? "

maeil sits up - deciding he doesn't like the look on moon's face, and so he hits him. ( gentle, really, teasing more so. ) " i just had to check ! " not that he's doing anything currently, that'd be kind of awkward, maeil thinks, as moon's right there usually - but maeil's not dead. people are attractive and it's a natural thing. he eyes him for a moment, after deciding that moon was hit enough. ( three times in the chest, ) and sits himself back down to lean against the other. " no mind-reading jumbo mumbo stuff either right ? or is that a thing that happens ? " not that maeil is concerned in that department, most of his thoughts either have to do with his studies, work or attempting to take care of moon, himself. he grumbles as he situates himself, " i can't believe you'd laugh at me. " even silently, " it's a fair question. "

maeil stands with moon's assistance, before he turns to pack things up. books, phone, papers, pens, before moving out of the door that moon so graciously holds open for him. he mutters a thanks and waits as the other steps in line with him before he continues onwards to his own small apartment. it's not the best, but maeil can afford it on his own, and that's all that he really cares about. he pulls out the keys, opens the door, and goes through trusting that moon will follow afterwards. strips himself of his hoodie as he disappears into his room, replacing coffee stained warmth for cleaner warmth and making his way back towards the living room. he's letting moon decide what they want to eat. " yes well, if it's not in my perception, i'm not going to think about it," a half-joke. ( he does / doesn't. social ideas / cues - escape him constantly and he prefers to be told things directly than beat around the bush. ) " so what -- what all does the connection do, exactly ? "

moon shrugs, comfortable on the couch, blanket up to his nose as maeil comes back, having already ordered something in his absence. upon approach, he offers space, an arm out questioning before he settles again.

" i'm not too sure anymore, " honest. " it's not as it used to be, it's weaker now. " not through any fault of maeil's, but moon. time and distance brings a natural toll on things, the incident of a handful of years ago -- moon isn't surprised that things are as strained as they are. he sighs, quiet as he leans his head against maeil. " that much, i expected, though. "

still, he feels it's neither here nor there, so he moves on easily enough. " the gift, " not quite blessing, not a curse, but a mere piece of him so kindly given years and years ago -- " it acts in response to me, but it's not as if it can't sense things from you. it's how i know about your sickness. " unfortunately, though, moon can't do too much about that. " i wouldn't say i can sense your emotions or state of mind, but-- "

a hand reaches for hair, mindless as he scratches at the other's scalp. " i can feel moments, brief as they may be. " fleeting and shortsighted as they may be. it's not enough to know what's going on, just that something is going on. " it didn't start until after we'd properly met, almost as if the connection had been sleeping until we came into one another's orbit. it's less of a strain that way. "

maeil's gaze is quick and questioning before it dawns on him that moon is offering him room, and he snakes his way next to the other to be wrapped around via blanket / moon. ( comforting touch / comforting non-touch / comforting something that maeil has no name for. perhaps, it is the connection to moon that makes moon easier to be around than others. maeil does not think to question it. ) he's leaned against, and smaller hands move to fist at blanket, cotton bunching up between fingers. he sighs, softly. " mmm. " head tilts as fingers dig through silver locks, and nails scrape against scalp. feels good. maeil's eyes slide shut. " i see. " a moment is not a feeling. " i was wondering about that. " nose twitches upwards, " i am --- admittedly, not very good at knowing or placing my own emotions, " he starts out, " not until it's way too late to really --- acknowledge them ? like if i get hungry i won't know it until after i'm a raging asshole - it goes for everything, not just hunger. " he's quiet for a moment, " but i was wondering if it was like that with just -- emotions, or whathaveyou, or if it was something else entirely. like -- " cheeks colour slightly, wine red spilling onto pale skin, " if you were able to know other things as well. private things. " he swallows, " i never really thought -- about it in that type of sense - not that i'm into weird things - but y'know. " wow. this is not going how he wants it to go. he was just curious ! and slightly mortified if so ! " actually, i don't think i want to know now. shut up. "

maeil blinks slowly, as if he was from saturn instead of earth. ( he's not - as far as he's aware. earth born with apparently a part - parts ? - of moon inside of him. honestly, maeil's still somewhat confused by the entire thing. ) " you can feel that ? " maeil doesn't mind, per-say. he shakes his head, " actually, can we -- go home ? " his home / maeil's apartment really. it'd probably be a good idea to not talk about this stuff in public anyways and really, maeil would like to get out of his coffee stained hoodie and into something else that's somewhat more dry. moon doesn't really need to eat / or anything of the sort, but maeil offers anyways, " we can order take out and talk. i want to ask more about the whole --- " a hand waves between the two of them. " y'know ? like what other connections and such as there are. " because really, maeil thinks, that should have been important information from the get-go that neither of them really thought about. " and also my weighted blanket is there. it'll be nice to curl up with that. " " i don't think i'll be getting any more studying done today anyways. "

maeil asks questions and moon nods, slight and short, thinking of a way to put it before it's suggested that they simply go and moon agrees. he's done with what he'd been up to for the day and if maeil wanted to go, then they could. it was, and has always been, as simple as that. " that would probably be best. "

he's the first to move, standing before he turns and offers maeil a helpful hand. after, he nods again, thinking of what he might want to eat for a moment. ( while he doesn't need to, it doesn't mean he can't enjoy things. )

" it's something we should have talked about beforehand, " and yet, it only occurs to him now to say something. amused by the thought, he moves for the door easily, opening it for maeil and following after him -- never before. " that's okay, i'm sure you've done enough. "

maeil stands with moon's assistance, before he turns to pack things up. books, phone, papers, pens, before moving out of the door that moon so graciously holds open for him. he mutters a thanks and waits as the other steps in line with him before he continues onwards to his own small apartment. it's not the best, but maeil can afford it on his own, and that's all that he really cares about. he pulls out the keys, opens the door, and goes through trusting that moon will follow afterwards. strips himself of his hoodie as he disappears into his room, replacing coffee stained warmth for cleaner warmth and making his way back towards the living room. he's letting moon decide what they want to eat. " yes well, if it's not in my perception, i'm not going to think about it," a half-joke. ( he does / doesn't. social ideas / cues - escape him constantly and he prefers to be told things directly than beat around the bush. ) " so what -- what all does the connection do, exactly ? "

maeil is able to do things - he swears he is. he's spent all this time doing things mostly on his own ( minus his parents / minus the doctors / nurses / professors -- but he knows how to actually live on his own. ) he swears he's able too. he shouldn't be so easily overwhelmed and yet. one bad day turns him into this. moon moves him, and maeil follows faithfully, letting the other guide him into a corner with less people. he's sat and feels pressure on his flesh and it clues him into the present. five things he can see. moon. coffee table. coffee. does that count maeil wonders ? it's on the coffee table, but it's a coffee table it's to be expected, really - but it should count right -- moon speaks and maeil breathes out, having nearly forgotten the other over his internal debate. " i'm okay, " he answers after a few moments of silence that feels like hours - but it's a minute max. a hand comes up and he presses fist against cheek , and he wipes aggressively. " it's just been a day. " he decides to complain, " i want it to end, already. " he glances up at him through wet eyelashes, " weren't you going to a separate store ? " actually, why is moon here ? ( sure, moon followed him to class earlier that day, but they're not connected by a string, and moon is allowed to go where dal pleases to go. last maeil checked in, he was going to -- a store ? some other place, while maeil rested at the cafe. ) " weren't you going --- some other place ?"

" it is almost over, " a soft musing more than anything else. his head tilts at the thought, wondering what time it was anyway, generally unaware as he usually tended to be anyway. even now, moon still finds it disorienting. ( the day is almost over, his day is far from over. some distant part of him sparks ablaze and moon smothers the rise in temperature as it comes, hating to be the cause of making the day any more uncomfortable for the other. ) gaze then shifts, flitting towards a clock on the wall and much to his disappointment, it's not nearly as late as he wishes it to be.

sighing, moon nods, " i was -- i did. " but something felt wrong and he wanted to check on it. attention drops, falling back to hand in his and his hold loosens, tracing that of a water vein into maeil's palm. " i felt --- " there's no real way to make it sound less invasive, he thinks, " like something was wrong. " a pause, sigh following before he shakes his head. " i wanted to make sure you were okay. "

he thought things were worse than they were / that maybe he'd find maeil unconscious somewhere or worse. moon was never one to ignore such things, leading him to going to find the other.

" nothing interested me there, anyway. "

maeil blinks slowly, as if he was from saturn instead of earth. ( he's not - as far as he's aware. earth born with apparently a part - parts ? - of moon inside of him. honestly, maeil's still somewhat confused by the entire thing. ) " you can feel that ? " maeil doesn't mind, per-say. he shakes his head, " actually, can we -- go home ? " his home / maeil's apartment really. it'd probably be a good idea to not talk about this stuff in public anyways and really, maeil would like to get out of his coffee stained hoodie and into something else that's somewhat more dry. moon doesn't really need to eat / or anything of the sort, but maeil offers anyways, " we can order take out and talk. i want to ask more about the whole --- " a hand waves between the two of them. " y'know ? like what other connections and such as there are. " because really, maeil thinks, that should have been important information from the get-go that neither of them really thought about. " and also my weighted blanket is there. it'll be nice to curl up with that. " " i don't think i'll be getting any more studying done today anyways. "

sociieties asked: [ forehead ] sender tenderly kisses receiver's forehead // moon, maeil

moon, maeil believes, is beautiful. not beautiful in a traditional sense, well -- that too, but beautiful in a way that all dangerous things are beautiful. ( and moon, kind kind moon who gives so much and wants just as anyone else ever does, is dangerous, when he wants to be. when he chooses to be. ) maeil is resting in bed, with book, all tucked in by moon, and maeil just happens to be annoyed. " i'm not that cold. " a complaint that goes un-listened too, as he's tucked in again. maeil gives up on saying anything as moon obviously doesn't want to listen and instead, lets eyes trace over figure near him. ( beautiful. deadly. kind. ) moon looks over at him, and maeil's gaze averts for a moment to stare at the wall. caught. not that it matters in the grand scheme of anything. kiss is gentle and pressed against his forehead, and maeil for a brief, fleeting second, lets mind wander before reigning it back in. he pouts up at moon. " this is abuse. what if i suffocate under all of these blankets ? cruel and unsual punishment. "

@peachmuses: [ wipe ] reciever wipes away sender's tears / maeil moon.

moon frowns, hand gently reaching out to wipe away arm tears while maeil cries and cries. while curious, he doesn’t dare ask the other why, only offering a comforting silence as before guiding him closer to embrace him. moon ignores himself for the moment, tossing away how fragile he, himself, is — ignores how seeing maeil cry makes him want to and instead pulls away enough to rest their foreheads together.

why matters not.

“ it’s okay, ” the moon murmurs, shifting again to look maeil in the face. both hands cup his cheeks, thumbs carefully swiping away more tears. “ i’m here now. ”

it's stupid, maeil's stupid. really, that's all. too much has been going on and maeil, over-whelmed, cries. ( meeting after meeting, only to show up for both of them to be cancelled, spilling his coffee on himself after a rough start this morning. ) tears burn cheeks, and maeil just needs a moment. needs to get it together -- and can't. he doesn't know where to start. moon's gentle when he wipes tears, and maeil feels even more stupid. ( dal is kind to him. that makes maeil cry even more. ) he's pulled closer, and maeil shifts enough so he's within embrace and it's again, stupid, maeil believes. he should be able to handle a bad day when he's had a bad life -- but moons life has been worse and he's here comforting maeil. a shaky breath, and he squeezes silver closed to try and regain bearings and thoughts. if he can just --- put things in order in his mind, then maybe, he can calm down. moon speaks, and maeil's eyes open slightly as face is cupped and maeil's chest shakes. it shakes due to breath that he needs / shakes due to something else that maeil doesn't know or think about / shakes in general. terrible lungs shake. maeil huffs out a small breath, hibuscus-scented from his now-cold tea, " too many -- things happened. " he says explaining, " and - i - i - i - i got, " words are hard for maeil to sort, before he leans over and lets head of fluffy hair rest onto moon's shoulder and he breathes out slowly. pushes out the aggravation of not being able to get a sentence out completely, " i - overwhelmed. "

moon is patient, quietly waiting for the other to calm himself enough for something — anything. he feels mo need to rush maeil, instead humming softly as the other still cries, head leaning against maeil’s. the cafe is a bit crowded, moon thinks, and he moves them both to a less congested corner on the space, taking what would be missed and leaving what wouldn’t. settling easily, he sits maeil beside him, hand in his and moon massages deep, comforting circles into flesh with. ( it helps with decompressing from overstimulation, he’s since learned. )

“ okay, ” carefully put, voice but a whisper. “ that’s okay. ” and it is. if maeil wants/needs to cry, then moon won’t stop him. if this is too much, then moon plans to help with what he can. maeil admits to being overwhelmed and moon nods, sensing exhaustion and frustration coiling around one another and he peers out towards nothing in particular. “ do you want to go home? ”

maeil is able to do things - he swears he is. he's spent all this time doing things mostly on his own ( minus his parents / minus the doctors / nurses / professors -- but he knows how to actually live on his own. ) he swears he's able too. he shouldn't be so easily overwhelmed and yet. one bad day turns him into this. moon moves him, and maeil follows faithfully, letting the other guide him into a corner with less people. he's sat and feels pressure on his flesh and it clues him into the present. five things he can see. moon. coffee table. coffee. does that count maeil wonders ? it's on the coffee table, but it's a coffee table it's to be expected, really - but it should count right -- moon speaks and maeil breathes out, having nearly forgotten the other over his internal debate. " i'm okay, " he answers after a few moments of silence that feels like hours - but it's a minute max. a hand comes up and he presses fist against cheek , and he wipes aggressively. " it's just been a day. " he decides to complain, " i want it to end, already. " he glances up at him through wet eyelashes, " weren't you going to a separate store ? " actually, why is moon here ? ( sure, moon followed him to class earlier that day, but they're not connected by a string, and moon is allowed to go where dal pleases to go. last maeil checked in, he was going to -- a store ? some other place, while maeil rested at the cafe. ) " weren't you going --- some other place ?"

@peachmuses: [ wipe ] reciever wipes away sender's tears / maeil moon.

moon frowns, hand gently reaching out to wipe away arm tears while maeil cries and cries. while curious, he doesn’t dare ask the other why, only offering a comforting silence as before guiding him closer to embrace him. moon ignores himself for the moment, tossing away how fragile he, himself, is — ignores how seeing maeil cry makes him want to and instead pulls away enough to rest their foreheads together.

why matters not.

“ it’s okay, ” the moon murmurs, shifting again to look maeil in the face. both hands cup his cheeks, thumbs carefully swiping away more tears. “ i’m here now. ”

it's stupid, maeil's stupid. really, that's all. too much has been going on and maeil, over-whelmed, cries. ( meeting after meeting, only to show up for both of them to be cancelled, spilling his coffee on himself after a rough start this morning. ) tears burn cheeks, and maeil just needs a moment. needs to get it together -- and can't. he doesn't know where to start. moon's gentle when he wipes tears, and maeil feels even more stupid. ( dal is kind to him. that makes maeil cry even more. ) he's pulled closer, and maeil shifts enough so he's within embrace and it's again, stupid, maeil believes. he should be able to handle a bad day when he's had a bad life -- but moons life has been worse and he's here comforting maeil. a shaky breath, and he squeezes silver closed to try and regain bearings and thoughts. if he can just --- put things in order in his mind, then maybe, he can calm down. moon speaks, and maeil's eyes open slightly as face is cupped and maeil's chest shakes. it shakes due to breath that he needs / shakes due to something else that maeil doesn't know or think about / shakes in general. terrible lungs shake. maeil huffs out a small breath, hibuscus-scented from his now-cold tea, " too many -- things happened. " he says explaining, " and - i - i - i - i got, " words are hard for maeil to sort, before he leans over and lets head of fluffy hair rest onto moon's shoulder and he breathes out slowly. pushes out the aggravation of not being able to get a sentence out completely, " i - overwhelmed. "