ظلام @peachyweekend - Tumblr Blog

decluttering my wonderful crazy wardobe and selling on depop! Please check out my sale that ends soon! #depop #sale #fashion #momjeans #cheap #secondhand #kilosale #diy #indie #boho #vintage #bohemian #punk #festival #festivalfashion #festivaloutfit #freepeople

#depop #fashion #sale #vintage #indie #boho #bohemian #festival #festival fashion #cheap #mom jeans #cute #pale #love #girl #pastel #queue #johnny depp #tragedy quote #dane dehaan #dc comics #free #art #kilo

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e-leutheromani-a

Ice tea at 9am

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Streets of Positano

Whenever the tiny voice in my head speaks up, trying to convince me that i may be feeling a little too low for far too long and that i am too hard on myself for not talking to anyone about my feelings, i always shut the door as quick as it opened, playing the card that there are other people going through worse things than me right now and i need to stop whining. The idea of letting someone other than myself deal with my problems almost scares me. It is much easier to talk myself through things and to add it to the bottle of emotions than to risk being asked too many questions in order to explain the simple tiny issue at that time, which leads to the whole bottle being smashed open to give them the whole picture to understand what is my life and why i feel the way i do about the present moment. That would be too difficult for me. That is why i keep plodding along each day keeping myself to myself, smiling, and focusing on helping other people with their day to day lives.

The real problem for me, is not dealing with this heavy ocean of feelings in a small tiny brain, but when the situation occurs where you begin to lose important things along the way in your life because of your solution to keep on walking up a hill that is getting steeper and steeper. The important friendships that you so heavily rely on to keep you from being completely alone, yet from their perspective, they see someone who puts no effort into being there or being the ‘person you used to be’, ‘the person they once liked’. One by one, the things that keep you alive, slowly disappear, just because you find it physically and mentally impossible to voice the reality of what is going on inside your thought processes - doubting yourself and everything around you. Deciding not to go out because you’re tired of putting on a brave face or instead risking them having to put up with a boring depressed friend bringing the mood down. Not being available because all you can do is sit crying, or being zoned out, completely numb, usually in that order.

Where does that leave you? In a vicious spiral of watching your life crumble as it only gets worse, and it only gets harder to reach out for help.

I can’t do this anymore, i don’t want to be this person, or the person who becomes a burden. It has come so far that i do not believe i have the strength to turn around and open that door of questions about the past. i have crossed this never ending path once, and i definitely do not want to cross it again.