Paranoia
Pairing ⬩ Reader + Johnny
Genre ⬩ psychological thriller \ suspense \ mystery \ angst
Length ⬩ 13k — one shot
Plot ⬩ After a year spent living as a shut-in, you finally agree to go on a drive with your sister. When a storm steers your plan off course, you find yourselves brought closer to two charming strangers—but an unsettling tension lingers in your mind.
Warnings ⬩ anxiety; agoraphobia; implications of depression; ongoing feelings of helplessness, general discomfort, self-doubt; mental breakdown; minor violence; character death
‹ Note › The feelings/mannerisms that come as a consequence of (mild?) agoraphobia in this story all come from a personal place. I don’t mean to make light of anyone’s experience with mental illness.
Disclaimer! I don’t know any of the nct members personally, and would never claim this is how they behave/think in real life. They only inspire me to write these stories, and I think of them as a cast of actors like in a drama or movie. It’s never my intention to project on or disrespect any of the people mentioned.
A sliver of light escaped through the window blinds as your fingers pulled at one of the blades. Despite the clear and sunny sky outside, it was dim in your apartment. It often was. Your eyes rejected the foreign light for a brief moment before they readjusted.
Outside, a pale pink Cadillac convertible was parked in front of the building’s entrance. The kind where the back just above the tail lights rose in a theatrical peak on either side. The roof was down, revealing the velvet white interior. You liked the velvet, it was comfortable; you could almost remember what it felt like.
Although, right now, it only served to remind you of how much time had passed since you were last in it. Maybe a year, maybe a little longer than that… Right before your driver’s license got revoked and you gave up entirely.
“Are you gonna keep staring at it, or are we gonna go get in?” Your sister quipped from behind you, resting her chin on your shoulder. “Not that this isn’t a killer view.”
Even though you appreciated her keeping up a humorous air for your sake, you could still feel the tension. She had been trying to get you to go outside for at least an entire year. Yet you still always managed to back out at the last second.
“We’re absolutely not going to get out of the car?” You asked, probably for the tenth time now. For the whole duration of this past month, you would ask and she would reassure. Over and over again, that it would’ve made anyone else sick of you by now.
She squeezed your shoulders. “Nope, just drive around. Eat something nice. Drive back home before sunset. We’ll get on the coastal highway so there won’t even be that many cars.”
Opening the front door wasn’t a problem—online shopping was basically your lifeline. The slight nausea began only after you stepped out for the first time. Autumn was coming to an end, with the beginnings of a fierce winter approaching eagerly on its heels. The cold wind bit at your flushed cheeks, and you closed your eyes to take it in before willing yourself forward.
It almost didn’t feel real. That somehow made it easier.
The sky was so blue, the trees so green, you couldn’t quite stop staring as everything sped past you. The sun breathed life into the colors of its surroundings in a way that it could never fully achieve inside your apartment. Even having the sun directly on your skin felt foreign. Car roof down, the chilly wind engulfed you in waves.
Soon, you were on a curving highway by the sea. The road was flat and stretched as long as you could see, with only the odd car here and there. What you could only describe as psychedelic pop music played in a pleasant volume in the background.
The drive would be four hours long, two to the end of the coastal road and two back, but you took that as an excuse to stop by three different drive-throughs to assemble what was surely going to be a magnificent spread. A car picnic was part of how your sister had managed to entice you, after you saw some characters on a TV show do it. She even let you pick all of the food.
Breaking the trance-like silence, you said, “I don’t know if I can stand the smell of that food much longer…”
“Same,” she said, “we’re almost there, you see that?”
She nudged her head at a square brown building in the distance. It looked like one of those rest stops that would have a shabby family pool up front. You felt a sense of relief that you wouldn’t have to go in. Maybe you would get the courage to venture out of the car next time. Or maybe the time after that. You let your mind wander as you got closer and closer.
There was one other car already parked there, a jet black Brabus G Wagon. It was a monster of a car, so big and square you thought it almost looked like an armored hearse. When your car pulled over a few spaces away from it, it still managed to dwarf you by comparison.
The music kept playing as the pair of you laid out all of your food, placing it on a checkered picnic blanket that you had covering the trunk of your car, and pushed the front seats as far as they could go for you to stretch your legs out on.
Thankfully, the food was still hot when you took it out of the thermal containers. You had yourself to thank for that idea, so you mentally patted yourself on the back.
“The chicken is all limp,” your sister whined after she picked one up. Just as you reached out for a strip yourself, a drop of cool water landed on the back of your hand and slid off to the side. The colors had grown faded, and the air felt different.
“Oh no.”
And just like that, in under a minute, a few stray drops turned into one of the quickest downpours you had ever experienced. A strong wind came and blew some of the smaller containers off, while you both rushed to hold down whatever you could.
“This doesn’t look very partly cloudy,” your sister laughed. You admired her ability to laugh it off while you panicked and scrambled around dramatically, making a mental note to never trust the weather forecast again.
“Go on, you bring up the car roof and I’ll take care of these,” she called to you over the wind that was continuously growing louder.
The moment you let go of what you’ve been holding down, they slid away from you but mostly held their place (for now). The retracted roof only budged by the tiniest margin despite your incessant pulling. All this rain must’ve done something to it…
At that moment, the door of the black SUV opened and a young man with soft facial features half-jogged to your car. Fighting your instinct to recoil, you found yourself avoiding his eyes instead. You really weren’t ready to talk to anyone. Not to mention, you didn’t get a chance to do any mental preparation for it.
He, on the other hand, had an effortless smile on as he approached, and you almost rolled your eyes at yourself for noticing his dimples right now. But you didn’t, your brows furrowing instead.
“Hi,” he called, “let me help you.” Smoothly, he joined you in pulling the roof up. You could only manage a small “sorry” but your sister added a friendly “thank you!”
He was only wearing blue jeans and a lightweight white sweater. The expensive kind of fabric you wouldn’t want to get wet. So you glanced at him with guilt as it got wetter and wetter.
“It’s like it’s nailed down,” he laughed, eyes squinted in what looked like embarrassment.
“Oh!” he added, looking behind you. You turned to see one more young man coming out of the rest stop this time. It was a bigger guy dressed all in black. Despite his tall and muscular build, something about him was gracefully cat-like.
“Johnny! Could you give us a hand?” The dimpled guy beckoned him over, although he was already on his way to you.
“What’s up? Ah.”
Soon, it was all three of you yanking at it together. Ridiculous. For some reason, it didn’t feel any different than when you were pulling on it by yourself. You prayed that it would be over as soon as possible. You could already feel your breath constricting—even looking their way was difficult. Like they were radioactive.
“Okay, I don’t think this is working out. We might actually damage it if we keep this up,” Johnny said, looking between the three of you, “you’re better off coming inside for now. At least until this storm is over.”
You looked over at your sister, who had just successfully put away all she could save from the food, which was now stacked in a corner in the back seat, getting pitifully hammered by the rain.
Her smile was stretched from ear to ear. You tried to catch her eyes and somehow telepathically communicate to her how uncomfortable you felt, but she had already moved on to observing the dimpled guy’s physique.
Under other circumstances, you would’ve found it funny that you could see the exact moment she snapped out of it. But you were sad to admit that over the past year you rarely found anything funny anymore. A few moments later, her eyes found yours, apologetic.
“Actually, we really need to get going,” she turned to them. “Thanks for your help, though!”
Owing to the storm, it had gotten darker much earlier than anticipated. A glance at the road ahead only discouraged you further when you saw just how thick the fog had gotten—even with the roof up, driving in this weather would certainly be a questionable choice… You would never forgive yourself if you were the reason your sister got into an accident.
Frozen with your hands clenched by your sides, you mentally talked yourself into it. Just one night. Clearing your throat, you gave a hesitant “okay. Let’s go in.”
Her eyebrows shot up in response. “You sure?” Even though she was offering otherwise, you could see how tired she already was. You could also feel the eyes of the two men on you, although you didn’t look up to confirm it.
“Yeah. It’s too dark. We’ll leave as soon as the sun comes up, okay?” Although your words were directed at her, part of it was also said to yourself for reassurance. You continued in a low voice, forcing yourself to look up at them, “uh, thank you so much for trying to help.”
“No worries,” the dimpled guy smiled at the both of you.
If your sister had a tail, she would’ve been wagging it. It was hard not to see that she had a type. The dimpled man, who had a laid-back demeanor and a twinkle in his smiling eyes, was exactly the type she always gravitated towards. The type that looked like he would never hurt you.
A stagger in your step, you found your body resisting the walk inside. Something felt very wrong in your gut, twisting a knot into your stomach. Sharp feelings of regret started to find their way into your mind at having offered to stay. Today wasn’t supposed to go this way. You weren’t supposed to run into anyone.
It could’ve been your imagination, but you felt Johnny’s stare linger on you as you finally followed everyone inside.
*
You were wrong about there being a pool by the entrance of the rest stop. That was probably for the best, because everything else looked fairly uncared for, and the rain only exaggerated all the dirtier aspects.
Past the small courtyard covered in dead (and now, wet) leaves, and a lone vending machine with a few snacks covered in a thick layer of dust, the four of you walked through a smaller door leading to the lobby.
It was just as shabby on the inside as it looked on the outside. Dim, warm-toned light-bulbs provided less-than-ideal lighting so that you could only just make out your surroundings. A musty smell wafted your way almost as soon as you stepped in.
“I’m Jaehyun, by the way,” the dimpled guy’s voice made you turn, and you saw that he still had a relaxed smile on. You and your sister introduced yourselves as Johnny went ahead to the front desk, which was manned by an old woman and her cat. The cat sat with its front paws tucked into its chest, unfazed by the new guests.
“Are you guys staying here, too?” Johnny called back to the two of you.
“Go on,” your sister encouraged. You shot her a look, and she returned it with two thumbs up, miming you can do it.
Keeping any further signs of discomfort to yourself, you agreed that you were in dire need of practice. Given that you hadn’t spoken to anyone other than your sister for the past year, even the thought of a brief exchange with a clerk was enough to set you on edge. You approached the counter with heavy feet.
“Good afternoon,” you started, but the woman spoke right away in a sharp tone. “No vacancy. Under repair, dear.”
“Oh. Well… We’ll just wait in the lobby then, if you don’t mind.”
Your sister had moved on with Jaehyun, the pair of them talking by the entrance. Sopping wet and looking giddy, their laughter and voices were drowned out by the storm outside.
Johnny looked down at you then back to Jaehyun across the lobby before offering “you guys can crash at our room if you want.”
His smile was cat-like to boot, and he was even bigger up close. Absurdly attractive, too. Something about that almost made you queasy, but you passed it off as your nerves building up. How long was the storm going to last?
“We couldn’t. Thank you for your offer, though.” You managed to return a small smile, but by then there was something else in his eyes that you couldn’t decipher. Interest? Amusement?
It must’ve been something you didn’t like, after all, because you hurried away and hooked your arm through your sister’s. She took her time before finally turning away from Jaehyun and back to you.
Deciding it was best to speak away from Jaehyun’s ears, you dragged her farther away. Just in case he felt charitable enough to repeat the same offer—at this point, you weren’t so sure she’d turn it down.
“No vacancies. We can just wait in the lobby for now,” you relayed, steering her towards the waiting area. At least you would get it to yourself.
There were only two shabby couches facing each other, with peeling wooden legs and faded out green fabric. With a start, you noticed for the first time that it wasn’t empty after all.
There was someone sleeping with his legs stretched out on the floor in front of him, ankles crossed. His head slumped forward so that his red hoodie obscured his face, his arms folded against his chest. He was only as big as you or maybe a little taller. Strange. You hadn’t noticed any other cars parked outside.
“Is he with you?” Your sister whispered to Jaehyun, who had followed the pair of you and was suddenly looking around the lobby awkwardly, brows slightly furrowed. He shook his head no.
There was still water dripping from the ends of his hair. He must’ve noticed you unconsciously stare, because he said “I’ll go get us some towels” and went up a narrow set of stairs to their room. Johnny glanced up at him only for a second, before going back to playing with the cat on the counter. The cat squeezed itself past his hands and stalked away into the shadows somewhere.
Why was Jaehyun sitting in the car, if they already had a room with their things in it?
“She doesn’t like us very much,” Johnny said to himself, his tone light. You don’t know why your heart did a little jump. He was talking about the cat. Not you. Right?
That was a non-ideal time for him to look straight at you. But nevertheless he approached, and his quiet walk reminded you of the cat he had just been petting. When he got close enough that it made your body tense up, you were relieved that he didn’t stop and instead kept walking past you.
“Forgot something in the car,” he said to no one, and left the lobby.
A pang of guilt sounded in your chest. You knew you were coming off as stand-offish, but you had your set limits. Especially today.
Your sister had her back turned to you, and was observing a large, muted painting of a tall ship sailing through turbulent waters. There was an ornate but faded golden frame around it.
Reaching out for her hand, you opened your mouth to say something, and—
“Towels?” A smooth voice spoke up behind you, and you spun around so quickly that you almost twisted your neck.
“Aww, thanks!” Your sister took one and let it fall over your head before taking another for herself. That made Jaehyun laugh, twinkles in his eyes. Everything seemed to make him smile or laugh, like he didn’t have a care in the world.
You grabbed the towel off of your head and absentmindedly held it out to your sister until she took it, then you turned to follow Johnny out into the rain.
A cold hand gripped your arm, stopping you. Turning around, you saw Jaehyun’s pale face staring back at you. “You’re gonna catch a cold if you go out there again. Do you need me to get you something? Your roof is open anyway, so I don’t need your keys.”
Next to him, your sister was looking at you with a puzzled expression. You hoped your voice wouldn’t crack, and said “uh, no… No, nevermind, it’s nothing.”
“You okay?” Your sister put her arms around you. “Long day, huh,” she said, rubbing your back.
“Yeah.”
When Johnny came back, you noticed he didn’t have anything in his hands.
What did you forget in the car? You wanted to ask him. But you knew better than to share what was on your mind, with everyone around.
You cursed under your breath at Jaehyun, who was still buttering up to your sister. The curse wasn’t only for how stuck to her he was, or how taken she was with him. It was also for how despite that, he still wouldn’t let you follow Johnny outside.
Although you supposed you had yourself to blame for that, too. It’s not like he forced anything on you. But somehow, when he told you not to go, you felt rooted in place and could no longer do anything other than what he told you to do. Somehow, your body was under other people’s control more than it was under your own.
The whole past year, you had felt yourself slowly slipping—you had been at a war with yourself that went on for so long it left you only as a ghost of who you once were. A silent shadow etched onto the pavement you once sat on.
All the new activity must’ve been noisy, because the sleeping man (boy?) took a deep breath in, sat up, and stretched his arms out in front of him. When he looked up at the three of you and his big eyes caught the light, you decided it would be more accurate to call him “boy” rather than “man.” Wide, circular glasses framed his youthful but angular face.
He immediately looked away and awkwardly drummed his hands on his knees. His clothes were wet, but his hair was dry underneath his hoodie, so you guessed that he must’ve ran in just before your group did. Probably while you were all struggling with pulling the roof up.
“Hi there, storm messed with your plans, too?” Your sister scrunched her nose at him playfully. “Sorry if we woke you, by the way.” She was still rubbing your back.
“No, not at all! Um, I wasn’t actually sleeping or anything. I just ran in a few minutes ago, actually,” he said, “that storm really came out of nowhere! And there was nowhere else to stop… so, yeah.” he paused, then added “I’m Mark.”
You introduced yourselves, and Jaehyun asked if Mark wanted him to check the front desk for a towel for him.
“No, I’m okay, thank you,” he pulled his hood back and shook out his hair, running a hand down its front to calm it down. Something made you instinctively look to your side, and you caught Johnny quietly staring at Mark. His eyes looked different when he wasn’t smiling. He glanced back at you, and that blank expression disappeared just as quickly.
Johnny took that as a chance to address you. “Hey, could I talk to you for a second?” When you nodded, his hand brushed gently against your wrist and led you to a more private space.
“I’m really sorry if I made you uncomfortable earlier.” He leaned into you, his voice soft. “It wasn’t my intention…”
“Don’t worry about it,” was all you could scrape together. You’d be lying if you said this hadn’t caught you off-guard. That being said, you still kept your defenses up. You were a naturally wary person. To be honest, you weren’t even sure what he was apologizing for.
“You didn’t do anything wrong, so…” You trailed off. You used to be so much better at talking.
“Didn’t I? Asking you to share a room with a stranger you barely just met,” he gave a soft laugh, and you could feel his warm breath on your face. Peppermint. Was it just you or was he closer now than when the conversation started?
Feeling the heat rising to your cheeks, you realized you needed to end this exchange soon—you weren’t ready for whatever this is. Willing yourself to continue, you said “you were just being considerate. I can understand that.”
“Is that so? Well, we’re in room two if you change your mind,” he countered, only half-joking, a glint of whatever you caught in his eyes earlier still there.
“But hey,” he said, as he reached to take his jacket off, “it’s chilly out here, so at least let me give you this.” He draped it over your shoulders and walked away, letting his reiterated offer hang without rejection.
* *
The rain outside was relentless. The gaps in the wood of the windows had the cold wind whistling through them, and rattled the glass rhythmically. It made your bones feel damp. Your sister had you wrapped in a tight hug both for her warmth and yours.
Quite the opposite from how you were feeling, these circumstances had her vibrating with excitement at all the possibilities. She adored movies where a random ensemble of characters were stuck together and had to find ways to get along.
Much to your sister’s disappointment (and your relief) Jaehyun and Johnny had went up to their room soon after that encounter. Thanks to the lack of Wi-Fi, she had spent her time so far pestering Mark out of boredom. As the conversation went on, he had loosened up and politely entertained her with whatever random topic she sprang on him.
It was just like your sister to quickly get people to open up to her wherever she went. But soon enough, even she was running out of things to talk about with Mark.
The pause in the conversation left enough room for your sister’s ears to perk up, picking up on the noise coming from down the hall. Considering the fairly small size of the rest stop, and the fact that you watched the two men walk into the room right across from the few steps leading up to the corridor, you could somewhat see their door from here if you strained your eyes hard enough at the dark.
The gap between the door and the floor told you that their lights were still on, and seeing the shadows moving around was the final push your sister needed to bounce up and practically skip there, dodging your desperate hands that clambered to pull her back down.
“Shh, I’m bored, I’ll just go see what they’re up to, that’s all!” She giggled. Your heart just threw itself against your ribcage miserably, in slow but heavy thumps. All the will in your legs escaping, you accepted that you probably wouldn’t be able to get yourself to stand up and follow her. You were under an invisible binding spell. So you and Mark watched her disappear down the short corridor.
She knocked a musical tone on the wood of their door, and it opened in no time, unleashing the light from their room and illuminating their silhouettes. Judging by the size of it, you guessed that it was Johnny. His head bobbed, going along with whatever she was saying to him.
He stepped aside, and your body tensed even more when you saw her go in. From here, it was hard to make out his features as he stood still, facing you. Was he looking your way? He held that position for a little longer before finally closing the door and drowning the corridor back in shadows, making it seem darker than it was before.
You couldn’t tear your eyes away from the corridor. It was as though everything stood still as you watched that door. Almost like all your surroundings shifted, steadily bringing you and that door closer, everything else around you disappearing.
Mark cleared his throat, asking “are you okay?”
That made you snap out of your hyper-focused state, sparing him a glace before returning it to the corridor. “I think so. Sorry.”
“Um… Do you wanna, like, go after her?”
You nodded, almost as though you were given validation to move. Just as you braced yourself to get up, the door opened again. The sight of Johnny stalking down the corridor and coming towards you made you stop, confused.
He sank down into the space next to you, casually flashing you a smile. “Hi again.”
You gave him a curt nod in reply, before impulsively shifting your gaze away. When your eyes found him again, through a great deal of effort on your part, they lingered this time. At that, his eyebrows went up inquisitively.
“Is everything okay?” He finally asked.
Before you could answer, you jumped at the sight of your sister already approaching you with Jaehyun on her tail. You really must’ve been out of it staring at Johnny…
As they maneuvered to find an empty spot to sit, the pair had ditzy smiles across their faces, and you could even see a hint of childish mischievousness.
“You won’t believe what Jaehyun here had in his suitcase,” your sister teased, both of her hands holding something behind her back. “Which was immaculately organized, by the way. But…” She pulled out a long rectangular box, and it took you a moment before you recognized that it was a Jenga tower. “Who the hell travels around with this thing?”
All four of them laughed at your sister’s presentation, and you felt like the odd one out for not having it in you to laugh along with them. Your sister plopped down in the space between Jaehyun and Mark, and began setting up the tower on the short coffee table that stood between the two couches.
“We might as well make use of it, right? You’re all playing,” she said. After that, it was mostly quiet as she finished working on it. It wasn’t plain wood like what you usually saw on TV, but instead with blocks tinted red and green.
“How about you go first?” You found your sister pointing at you excitedly. Now that she was guaranteed time spent together with everyone for at least the duration of one game, she was practically bouncing in her seat. And you knew perfectly well that she didn’t plan on letting it end after only one round.
“Let’s go!” Mark clapped, saying your name to hype you up.
You reached out and plucked an easy red block towards the top of the tower, which you were eager to set back on the very top to get everyone’s eyes off of you.
“Not so fast,” your sister said, finger twirling playfully in the air, urging you to pick the block back up. When you did, you noticed a line of small print on the underside of the block:
Whisper one of your deepest, darkest secrets to the person on your left.
Truth or dare. You never thought it was something that you would have to come across again as an adult. When participating was unavoidable, you had always defaulted to truths. But looking at it now, you concluded that the green blocks must be truth and the red ones must be dare. Although this one felt awfully a lot like both.
“Well?” She pushed, “read it aloud!”
“Whisper one of your deepest, darkest secrets to the person on your left,” you read, and Johnny perked up as he held his long hand up to his ear. Pathetically, your own hand shook as you leaned forward to set the block back.
“The darker the better,” Johnny winked at you.
“Oh. Well…” For starters, telling him anything personal was out of the question. What was something believable you could come up with on a whim? Finally, you leaned into him as close as you could get yourself to go (which wasn’t very close at all) and whispered “I cheated on my college final.”
“That’s all you got?” He feigned an expression of disbelief.
“That’s all I got.” You said, deflecting.
“You’re welcome to give us a dark secret of your own then, mister the darker the better,” your sister teased, earning a playful nudge from Jaehyun, who seemed to be enjoying driving Johnny into a corner.
“Oh, trust me, I have plenty,” Johnny’s tone was lighthearted, but your eyes met his and you caught that same look from before, lurking just beneath the surface. He didn’t look away, almost like he was pausing to savor your discomfort, so you broke eye contact first and cleared your throat.
“Mark, your turn.”
When you glanced up at Mark, you caught his eyes darting from you to Johnny. Too caught up in whatever was going on between you two, you had failed to notice that Mark was somehow under the same blanket of tension. Or at the very least, he was an observer. Had Johnny noticed?
Mark mirrored you in clearing his throat, then pushed a finger into a block towards the middle of the tower. A green one stuck out on the other side, and he reached around to take it. Truth.
“What is the most childish thing you still do?” He read.
“And try to limit it to one, kid,” Johnny stared ahead at Mark, his calculated smile delayed.
So he had noticed.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Mark said, although he was visibly trying to keep his tone light. Meanwhile, a laid-back Jaehyun still had his amused smile on as he watched Johnny. When Johnny didn’t comment, Mark moved past it and gave a half-baked answer to his prompt.
“Finally!” Your sister gave an exaggerated sigh, probably relieved to have the focus shifted away from Mark and Johnny’s strange tension. She went straight for a red block, picking out a dare. “Hm, dance with no music for one minute… See, no, that’s no way to treat the game master.”
“Game master?” Jaehyun echoed, grinning.
“Yep. You may be the landlord for packing the Jenga, but I dug the thing out, so I hereby officially declare myself game master. Everyone kneel—or actually, I’ll settle for some singing this time.”
Johnny held a conceding palm out to Jaehyun, who pondered for a moment before slipping into smooth singing. You weren’t surprised by how it sounded just as rich and smooth as his speaking voice did.
“I fall in love too easily,” he sang extra slowly, earning a smack on his shoulder from your sister for picking a ballad, followed by some passionate head-banging as she pretended to dance at a rock concert.
“I fall in love too fast,”—his voice broke at ‘fast’ as he held back his laughter—“I fall in love too terribly hard,”—it was getting harder for him to maintain his composure when Mark and Johnny didn’t share his reservations, with Mark clapping like a seal right next to him—”for love to ever last... Okay, okay, I think the minute is up. You’re gonna dislocate something.”
Out of breath, she flopped back down onto the couch, hands busy fixing her wild hair. “Your turn,” she panted to Jaehyun, “And don’t be lame. Dares only.”
“Okay, dare it is,” he laughed. Then proceeded to laugh even harder when he read out his dare. “Serenade the person of your choosing.”
Needless to say, of course your sister was serenaded twice in one night.
The game went on for a while, with Johnny, Jaehyun, and your sister routinely picking dares. The group would eventually get loud enough to warrant an occasional scowl from the old lady at the front desk, until it was late enough for her to call it a day and disappear into a door tucked away behind the counter.
Meanwhile, you and Mark had mostly stuck to truths, as the Jenga tower grew more and more unstable. It was Mark’s turn again when he picked yet another green block.
“Name one thing you’d do if you knew there would be zero consequences.” He read in a drowsy voice, going on to give a quick answer. “I don’t know, I guess I’d knock some snacks out of that vending machine. I don’t know why I said that, I wouldn’t actually do that. I really am getting kinda hungry, though…”
“Your mind went straight to burglary? You guys better watch your bags tonight,” Johnny said, and what you assumed was supposed to be a humorous jab came across a little too sharp-tongued. Everyone’s energy levels had been depleting over the past couple of hours spent on the lobby’s less than ideal couches.
“I’m sorry, do you have some kind of problem with me?” Mark retorted.
“I don’t know, should I?” Johnny said.
“Dude, if you have something to say to me, just say it.”
Your sister pushed herself off the couch. “Well, I’ll go use the bathroom until you guys figure this out like big boys.”
“Nice and condescending, yeah?” Johnny said, not bothering to look up at her as she retreated to their room.
Jaehyun hid his evident enjoyment long enough to hold both of his hands up and say “okay, guys, how about we take a break?”
“Nah, I’m good.” Johnny shot back, his face anything but. His demeanor was scarily calm throughout the entire exchange.
That cold atmosphere went on for the next few rounds. You hadn’t forgotten that you were merely attempting to get along with strangers you knew nothing about. Johnny with his two sides, all calculated smiles and concealed stares. Jaehyun with his eerily laid-back demeanor and strange enjoyment of the conflict. And Mark. You didn’t know what to think of him yet.
With the added tension, you stopped trying to look up at any of them.
Before you knew it, it was your turn again. Would this cursed game ever end? So far, you had exclusively picked truths and lied your way through all of them. Your eyes scanned the tower over several times, before you gave up finding a green block that was stable enough. You picked your second dare of the night, this time voluntarily.
Let the group look through your phone for one minute.
A whole host of reasons rushed through your mind at how bad of an idea that was. At the very least, they would know that the only contact on your phone was your sister. You had virtually no pictures, and no apps. Everything pointed to your ghost-like life, so empty and unremarkable that it was practically a burner phone.
“Well?” Jaehyun said.
“I don’t want to do this one.”
“It can’t be that bad, can it?” Johnny asked.
“She just told you she’s not comfortable with whatever it is, though.” Mark spoke up, having mostly kept his silence for the past few rounds.
Johnny reached for the block in your hand, and your body flinched involuntarily, the block flying out of your hand and skidding across the floor.
“Whoa,” Johnny hung back, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t gonna do anything.”
“I think you’re scaring her, Johnny.” Jaehyun said, his voice ominously quiet. Was there a hint of a smile in his voice? Were you imagining things?
“Am I?”
No one said anything for what felt like a long moment, until finally, as if on queue, your sister was back in the lobby.
“What did I miss?” She said, entirely missing the atmosphere of the room.
Johnny reached forward and tugged one of the legs the tower was supporting itself on. The entire thing came crashing down.
“Oh.” She stopped midway, hovering awkwardly next to them. “Okay then.”
“Good night.” Johnny said, getting up and giving you a brief pat on the head, before slowly making his way back to their room. Your scalp felt like pop rocks as you watched him walk away.
* * *
It was past midnight. Now it was just the two of you again, along with Mark. Your sister was sleeping soundly next to you, her head on your shoulder.
Mark was still awake on the couch across from you, but he was back to sitting quietly in the corner and avoiding eye contact. Save for the occasional accidental eye contact with you, which he responded to by sending a small smile your way before going back to aimlessly staring away.
His hands were curled around the warm thermos your sister had given him earlier. He set it down when the owner’s cat sauntered towards him, and patted his lap for it to come up. It deliberated for a moment, then jumped and curled up on him as he stroked it.
Your mind couldn’t help but go back to your interaction with Johnny, running it over in your head again and again until you had positively squeezed the life out of it. One minute he was cold and calculated, and the next he was the gentlemanly romantic lead. Or at least he knew how to make people perceive him that way.
You shivered—the weather was getting colder.
“Mm?” Your sister looked up at you, eyes barely able to open.
“It’s nothing, go to sleep,” you reassured her, then took the chance to get up now that her head was no longer resting on you.
The front desk was empty now, but you attempted to ring the bell on the counter anyway. A while of waiting made you accept that no one was coming. It was probably safe to assume the old lady ran this place by herself, and was most likely asleep by now.
You needed to go to the bathroom. A quick look around led you to a door with a sheet of paper taped to it, reading “Staff Only.” You twisted the doorknob, your guilt a second priority right now. Locked.
It might have been the hope of almost finding a bathroom, but suddenly your mild need for it turned into a more urgent one. You looked around some more, before cursing under your breath and going up the narrow staircase that led up to the rooms.
To your surprise, the hallway was very short. It was even darker than the lobby, so you gave your eyes some time to adjust. There were only three doors, the one in the center had a brass number 2 on it, and was right across from the staircase.
We’re in room two, if you change your mind, Johnny’s captivating voice played in your mind for what felt like the hundredth time. Feeling your heartbeat speed up again, you took deep breaths and willed yourself to calm down. The other rooms were under repair, but maybe their bathrooms weren’t.
First, you attempted to open the door with the brass 1 on it, but it didn’t budge. Then the one with the brass 3, but that one wouldn’t open either.
You clenched your fists and cursed your terrible luck. Would they even be awake?
After a lengthy struggle, consisting of an internal argument about whether you’d rather ask them for help or go out into the nearby wilderness in the middle of a storm, you knocked on the door of the second room.
As you waited, you glanced back down the stairs behind you, your eyes searching for your sister. She was now lying down on the couch, breathing deeply…
The door springing open made you jump, and Jaehyun was positively beaming in the center of the door frame. Following a quick scan, his smile faltered when he realized your sister wasn’t in tow.
He looked like he had just showered, his hair damp again, and his skin glowing. Johnny was stretched out on the bed behind him, awake.
“Welcome,” Jaehyun said, picking his spirit back up. “Did you change your mind?”
“No, but would you mind if I use your bathroom?” You died a little on the inside.
“Of course not, come in,” he made way for you, and you abandoned your last remaining shred of dignity as you sprinted to what you assumed was the bathroom. Jaehyun giggled behind you before you closed the door and finally got some privacy.
Despite being done, you stalled going back out, probably out of dread. You supposed it was in your favor that the bathroom was by far the cleanest place in the entirety of this pit stop. A quick look around told you that Johnny and Jaehyun were comfortably settled in. An electric shaver was strewn on the counter, and a travel-sized toothpaste tube lay feebly next to the sink, almost all used up. Peppermint.
Finally, you took a deep breath and opened the door. You were immediately met with Johnny, who was leaning on the wall by the bathroom, not even an arm’s length away. Behind him, Jaehyun was nowhere to be seen, and the door leading out of the room was closed.
Momentarily dizzied from the blood rushing to your head, you took a step back to create some distance.
He smiled sweetly, “the storm sure is taking a while to settle down. Where were you two on your way to, again?”
“Just a short trip. They’re expecting us back at work tomorrow.” You lied, knowing full well there was no one there who would notice your absence, save for your sister.
“Oh, you two work together? Jaehyun and I work together too, actually.”
His eyes watched you patiently as you flipped imaginary pages in your head, scrambling for something normal to say next. You felt like it would be the polite thing to do to continue the conversation, but your heart was beating too fast for that, which made you that much more nervous and jittery. Johnny seemed to be enjoying your visible anxiety. You weren’t sure if it was your imagination that his smile was getting wider. Something about it wasn’t so sweet anymore.
“I should get back. To the lobby, I mean. Thanks again.” He didn’t lock the door, did he? The nausea was creeping back up.
You speed-walked to the door like you used to do when you were little, when you were alone in the dark and scared of whatever thing that might snatch you and drag you away before you reached the light. You could only feel fear. Fear of how powerless you felt about everything.
It felt much longer than it should’ve but you reached the door. The hair on your neck stood and your breath quickened. You turned the knob, and it swung open.
In a hasty moment, you tripped at the first step of the stairs, and a big arm grabbed you around your waist. You could see Johnny’s profile in your peripheral vision, curling down for his cheek to meet the side of your head, slow breaths against your ear. His chest rose and fell gently against your back; he was holding on so tightly.
He felt like a solid wall, and you knew it was impossible for you to get away unless he was the one who chose to let go of you. He alone should’ve been able to pull up the car roof with ease.
“Back when we were playing that game,” he said, his voice so low you could barely hear it, “did you feel like I was gonna hurt you?”
What was he saying? You left his words unanswered as you were still engulfed by your silence.
From here, you could see that your sister was still sleeping peacefully, and Mark had his head turned away. Nevertheless, just having your sister in your sight helped soothe your nerves. That feeling was fleeting as Johnny spoke his next sentence.
“Are you scared of me?”
Trapped in what felt like an iron embrace, you opened your mouth but you still couldn’t make any noise come out. Some hunch or instinct, or maybe just pure chance, must’ve been what made Mark’s head turn your way out of nowhere.
He was staring for a while with an expression that told you he wasn’t quite sure what he was looking at. His eyes must’ve finally adjusted to the darkness of the hallway, because he suddenly got up, making the cat on his lap scuttle away offended.
“Dude, what are you doing?”
The entire building let out a groan, and whatever dim lights were there all blinked out simultaneously, plunging you into complete darkness. Johnny held on for a few more seconds before finally letting go. You ran down the steps without looking back.
Mark called your name, his voice alarmed, “is everything alright?”
Your throat was still squeezed shut, as you walked into something and stumbled in the dark until you felt your way to the couch your sister was on. Your hands found her sleeping from, and you shook her awake.
“Get up, we’re leaving,” finally finding your voice, you spoke sternly. She was still in a daze and clearly confused.
“Wha- what? What?”
“We’re leaving. I’m gonna call us a ride, I just need you to be awake with me,” you stammered. Your sister sat upright, most likely still processing.
Mark’s voice spoke up. “It’s pitch black outside, the roads around here aren’t lit very well. Did something happen? Are you okay?”
You couldn’t put it into words. The familiar dread that built up in your gut.
At this point, you just wanted to go home and shut yourself in again.
You ignored Mark, and ruffled through your bag for your phone. You went through every corner of it four times, your heart sinking deeper with each try. “My phone is gone. Where’s my phone?”
Without waiting for a reply, you tossed your bag aside and felt around for your sister’s this time. Also gone.
“Wait, mine’s not there either? That’s weird…” Your sister went through hers again for good measure, her voice thick with sleep. “Do you think we left them in the car?”
“No, I always have mine on me.” Something suddenly occurred to you. “I was awake the whole time, wasn’t I?”
You felt your sister shrug next to you. Hesitantly, Mark answered instead, saying “I don’t know, you both kinda drifted off at some point.”
“And you? You were awake?” You pushed.
“I was, yeah. I went to check on my Vespa for a second.” You couldn’t quite grasp what it was, but something was off about Mark’s voice.
Paranoia now had you firmly in its grip. You decided it was best to watch your words until you could see again. But you couldn’t stop a wave of helplessness from washing over you, making your limbs go cold.
“Could we borrow your phone, maybe?” You asked Mark. One final attempt.
“Oh, man, I sent it for repairs this weekend,” Mark said, apologetic. Why did his voice sound like that?
“Let’s go.” Resolute, you grabbed your sister’s arm and attempted to head towards the exit.
“Just give me a minute!” She said, releasing her hand from yours. “You go on and get the car started, okay?”
You hesitated, before making up your mind and following the only source of light, out into the storm.
The rain immediately battered down on you, and if you thought it was cold in the lobby then this was absolutely freezing. You could only barely make out the silhouettes of the parked cars.
If you just turned on the headlights all the way, the two of you could probably drive through the dark. And if you kept moving, the rain wouldn’t bother you. You had the keys ready in your hands, and you were grateful that at least they were still in your sister’s bag. Maybe you really did forget your phones in the car, after all.
But something was squirming in your gut, making your stomach do desperate flips as you jumped into the driver’s seat, slamming the door behind you.
You slid the key in the ignition and turned. Nothing. Not even the sound of the engine trying to start. The sounds of the howling wind and heavy rain carried on.
Reaching for the glove compartment, your hands found the flashlight, and a weak beam of light pierced its way through the darkness. You stepped out of the car, wrapping your other arm around yourself to stop from shaking. When the hood of your car was open and you shined the light at its interior, you doubted your eyes.
The battery was gone.
You were just silent. Your own worse fears coming into realization right before your eyes. After what felt like a second and an eternity of staring down at the empty spot in the hood, you felt a light touch on your arm when your sister joined you by your side. She looked exhausted, her breathing heavy. Calling over the storm, she said, “should we ask them if they can do something about this?”
Your head snapped to her in bewilderment. Could you be wrong? You doubted yourself for a second, but then got a grip back. There was no other explanation. You were stuck here, and it was too late to speak up. The words collided into themselves and were left mangled somewhere in your throat. But you had to say something, anything.
“Listen,” you started, and she looked at you attentively, concern clouding her face, “I think—”
“Is something wrong?” A voice spoke up from behind you. Jaehyun. Again.
“We were just talking about you!” Your sister chimed. “Take a look at this. Think someone stole it?”
You were dumbfounded as he leaned in between the two of you to take a closer look at the car’s contents.
“Mmm,” he didn’t look very surprised. He turned to your sister and said “we can give you a ride tomorrow morning. You might need to get it towed.”
“Okay... I can barely hear you. Let’s go inside?” She turned to you. Your face must’ve looked terrible because she did a slight double take and put her hand on your shoulder. “Come on.”
Shining the flashlight ahead, the three of you walked back to the rest stop.
When you were back inside, Mark was gone.
* * * *
At least an hour must’ve went by until Johnny was back. He didn’t acknowledge anyone as he came in, just silently sauntering past the lobby. He was completely soaked again from head to toe. Drops of dark water trailed behind him as he made his way back to their room.
You resolved that you would find a way to take your sister and leave any way you could. Maybe you would find a way to take their car. They were only human, they had to sleep sometime.
For now, Jaehyun was still in the lobby with the both of you.
“You don’t think he took our car battery and our phones, do you?” She was talking about Mark. Your sister was sitting next to Jaehyun and mostly addressed him, since she hadn’t gotten a word out of you after you failed to leave. Having Jaehyun hovering around took away any of your will to speak up.
“He didn’t seem like the type…” She trailed off, still thinking about Mark.
The night felt longer, probably because of the changing seasons, but it might as well still have been midnight. You lost track of how much time was going by and doubted yourself when you remembered that this has all been just one long day. The power was still out. You had the flashlight off to conserve its battery.
Down the hall, you heard the room open, and after a minute you felt the cushions next to you gently sink with a familiar weight.
“I found some candles and lit them in our room,” Johnny’s voice spoke up. You could only see his outline and features like a hazy dream. You avoided looking at his face. You were too tired.
There was a soft, dancing reddish light coming from their room now. Gently, Johnny spoke again. “It’s too dark out here, isn’t it? Let’s go inside.”
Your sister shifted, and you noticed for the first time how close she had been sitting to Jaehyun. Were they holding hands? You didn’t know if your mind was playing tricks on you. She got up before your eyes could decide what they were looking at.
“I need to wash up,” she said, sounding just as tired as you felt. Getting up, you followed her to their room. You couldn’t care less if you looked completely unhinged, sitting on the floor right in front of the bathroom door after she closed it.
“You two are so close,” Johnny spoke though the dark, face hidden in the shadows cast by the candle light. You still refused to look up at him, but you could hear the tone of amity. The candles on the night stand behind him exaggerated the size of his shadow and made it dance over you.
“You look tired,” his voice was gentle, surreal, “get some rest.”
You hugged your knees closer to your chest, fighting to keep your eyes open. The sound of the water running in the bathroom was steady. Your eyes kept rolling back into your head, and you kept dragging them back into focus…
But they were so unfocused…
And the steady stream of the shower ran…
And everything swayed in the candle light…
Everything swam…
and the water ran…
and ran…
You dreamed that Johnny was carrying you and wading through a crimson sea. Gently. Gently.
You were floating in crimson.
Or was he the one floating?
Daylight. Your body woke up with a jolt, eyes snapping open. The first thing that screamed out at you was how incredibly sore your body was. It must’ve been from all the tension that you had built up. You were curled up on your side, holding your own body close.
Small mountains of white sheets were piled up around you, and strips of sunlight draped over the bed and made their way to your skin. It was so silent; last night’s storm almost felt like a distant dream.
Moving excruciatingly slow, you lifted your head and looked around. Your heart hammering in your chest when you saw that Johnny was sleeping over in the other bed, his large frame rising and falling slowly with each breath.
The bathroom door was open, and you could see from here that it was empty, too. It was only the two of you in this room.
Logically, you knew that there was still a possibility that Jaehyun and your sister chose to sleep on the couches outside. But there was a pit in your stomach that crippled you. It made it hard to move. Hard to think.
As quietly as you had it in you to move, you left the bed. The cold floor against your feet made you notice for the first time that you were barefoot. Good. With quiet footsteps, you made your way to the bathroom to double-check. The floor was wet under your feet, like someone had walked in from the lobby straight to the bathroom not that long ago.
But just like you suspected, it was empty. The curtains drawn shut over the bathtub caught your eyes, but one look at the material told you that it would be too noisy to try and move it right now. It was too quiet for anyone to be sleeping there, anyway.
You turned back towards the bedroom door, taking glances behind you to make sure Johnny was still asleep. You didn’t take your eyes off of him as your hand gripped the doorknob and turned it. It opened without resistance, and you peeked outside at the lobby past the staircase. Empty.
Trying to slow your breaths and breathe more quietly only proved to make things worse for you. It was as though you were running out of air. Before you could give your brain more time to panic, despite your overwhelming instinct to just run out and start calling for your sister, you walked back towards Johnny, who looked so peaceful in his sleep that your own panicked state was almost laughable.
At this point, you must’ve gone out of your mind, because suddenly you found yourself fighting the urge to laugh. You were hysterical. You had to stop and put your hands over your face, as your body shook with silent laughter, but tears started to stream down your face.
Thoughts of your sister were racing through your mind. Maybe she really was cuddling up to Jaehyun last night. Maybe they went somewhere together. Maybe she thought she’d be back before you woke up.
But you knew deep down that she wouldn’t leave you behind. You were so convinced of that, that any what ifs you tried to feed to your worry, to keep it from consuming you, just felt forced.
You knew she wouldn’t leave you because she knew how fragile you were after what happened last year. You were so fragile, you saw everything through the lens of a horror movie. With your own little cast of strangers.
Something caught the light just outside of your line of vision, halting your chaotic train of thought. Your hands wiped away any tears that lingered on your eyelashes so you could see more clearly. There, carelessly tossed away on the nightstand by his bed, a set of keys were reflecting the sunlight. Among them was a car key.
Well, if you really were crazy, then you might as well see where it led you.
The closer you came to Johnny, the harder it was to breathe. Until you couldn’t bear to do anything but hold your breath. Finally, when the keys were within your reach, your hand closed around them. There was only the slightest sound of scraping against the wood of the nightstand.
With no time for you to worry about the sound the keys had just produced, Johnny’s hand shot up and grabbed your wrist. But it didn’t stop. His grip got tighter and tighter until the ends of his fingers yellowed, and your hand shook and dropped the keys with a clatter. Even so, he didn’t release his grip.
“Where were you gonna go?” He spoke slowly.
“It depends—where’s my sister?” You shot back, voice shaking.
He laughed quietly. He had a gentle laugh. Finally letting go of your wrist, his hand instead brushed through his hair. “I told her you might get worried. You must’ve gotten a scare… Sorry about that.”
You turned to him with an inquisitive look, hanging onto his words. He looked sleepy and relaxed, his hair tousled. Not like someone who almost broke your wrist less than a minute ago.
“Jaehyun told me about all our phones going missing, and your car battery. That Mark might’ve made away with them or something. He and your sister went to pick up a new one.” He explained. And as you listened, your heart sank.
“Okay. Please take me to her, then.”
“You know, I think they wouldn’t have minded some time alone, too,” he chuckled, “but sure, if you’re so worried. I’ll take you.”
Passing through the lobby, you noticed the old lady was back at the front desk. Were you brave enough to finally say something? Everything in your body screamed at you not to, straining your muscles into place.
Your heartbeat quickened, and you used any strength you had left and turned to approach her. Before you could go on, you felt Johnny’s hand hold onto your upper arm and pull you closer, wrapping you into a hug by his side.
“Let’s not waste any time,” he whispered, and held on as he led you all the way out of the rest stop. He only let go of you when you were in the shadow cast by his giant car.
The day you stopped for the car picnic, you had parked farther away on the left side of it, but as you approached the other side of his car this time, you saw what had been obscured by the SUV. A turquoise Vespa came into view.
Mark’s.
Seeing it sent goosebumps down your back and up your neck, but you dragged yourself away. You couldn’t afford to comment on it right now, not to Johnny. You would talk to your sister when you saw her…
A sting creeping into your eyes warned you of incoming tears, but you blinked them away rapidly, not ready to face a possible reality. When you saw your sister, you would tell her everything you had on your mind and you wouldn’t care who might be listening in.
Johnny was making his way to the driver’s side when you spoke up abruptly, before you could help yourself. “One more thing?”
“What is it?”
“I just want to get something from the car. My sister’s car.”
“Go ahead,” he leaned an arm over the car roof as he waited for you.
In the trunk, a few thermos flasks were stacked neatly to the side, with small labels taped to them, reading “12” and “24” and “48.” Your sister had always been meticulous when it came to packing. This would be all you had of her with your right now. You found the one labeled with the number twelve, and hugged it close to your chest. Twelve would do.
For now, you walked with your own two feet right to what felt like your doom, and hoisted yourself up into his car. A second after you got in, all the locks snapped shut.
* * * * *
He drove with the two of you in silence for a while, his eyes focused on the road, one hand on the steering wheel. You were getting farther and farther away from the rest stop, in a stranger’s car, your sister nowhere in sight.
Reality finally crashed into your chest like an icy wave. The tears you were holding back fell down your cheeks, making your chest heave in small, irregular breaths.
Incoherent thoughts raced through your head, and you started hyperventilating, your seemingly never-ending tears threatening to choke you.
“Hey, hey,” Johnny reached his other hand out, the one that wasn’t on the steering wheel, and brushed his long fingers against your face, lulling you, “deep breaths. In… out… that’s right. Just like that. In… out…”
Your rattled breathing slowed, your mind halted.
He didn’t turn your way once, his cold stare on the road, face expressionless. But his voice was gentle. Effortlessly soothing. If you looked hard enough at his face, maybe you could find something you wanted to find. Maybe it wasn’t cold. Maybe he was just tired.
“What are you so afraid of? You’re safe. Everything’s going to be okay.”
He sounded so reassuring that for a long moment you doubted that anything out of the ordinary had happened today. Maybe you were just imagining everything. Maybe your isolation had finally gotten to you.
You were glad someone kind like Johnny was here to look after you.
Taking his outstretched hand into your own, you nestled your face into his palm and closed your eyes.
“Good girl,” he said.
That was the last thing he said for a while.
Hours must have passed by the time you realized you had fallen asleep out of exhaustion. Orange hues now stretched across the sky in broad strokes, clouds almost dissipated. Next to you, Johnny was still silently driving, soaked in the orange light. Everything was so saturated, it looked like a painting.
“How did Jaehyun leave without his car?” You asked, your voice coming out small.
“This is my car,” Johnny said. “But we came with two. I told you, we work together.”
“Oh.” Somehow, the more time you spent with them, the more you didn’t have it in you to know more about them. Ask about their life or what they did for a living.
“You know, I had this car modified. It’s sound proof. And bullet proof, even.”
“Hm.”
The silence was strangely comfortable now. You closed your eyes and leaned your head back on the headrest.
“You cold?” He asked.
“No.” You said, your hands unconsciously pulling in his jacket tighter around your frame. “I never thanked you for giving me your jacket… Here. I want you to have this,” you handed him the warm thermos. The last thing you had of your sister’s.
Somehow, you felt like everything would be okay. Just like he said it would be. He gave a grateful smile and took slow mouthfuls from the flask, as you watched the sun outline him through his window.
The trees that were scattered more sparsely before now gathered into denser bunches the farther along the road he drove. Before you knew it, you were driving into the middle of a forest thick with pine trees. The car rocked left and right underneath you as the ground grew wilder. At some point, all directions started looking identical.
Eventually, the car slowed into a stop and he cut the engine. You were surrounded by nothing but trees, in what seemed like the middle of nowhere. “Get out,” Johnny said, not looking your way.
The silent bubble you were in was broken by a rush of cold wind when he opened his own door, stepping out. Following him out into the forest, the smell of pine twined with the cold air seeped into your lungs. The silence was only broken by the sound of Johnny’s and your shoes against the vegetation.
Your body felt so heavy with sleep, it only exaggerated your dream-like state of mind. The orange light of the sunset warmed you to your core. You were the calmest you’ve been in a very long time, as you followed him deeper and deeper into the forest.
“Where are we?” Your own voice sounded jarring against the silence.
“Jaehyun likes it here. It’s quiet, and there are no eyes around. I’m just making a guess that they made a stop here.”
The trees parted and the sea revealed itself for the first time. It had been years since you were this close to it, and the air coming through over the water felt nice on your face.
Johnny had stopped walking ahead of you, and you were now the one in the lead. You stopped as soon as you got to the edge of the water, staring down at the crimson ripples.
There was a trail in the sand that looked awfully a lot like something heavy had been dragged away, back towards the thick of the trees.
“Why are we here, Johnny?”
Johnny’s arms reached around from behind you, slowly, wrapping you into a snake-like embrace, his broad hands curling around your frame. His movement was tentative, like he was giving you a chance to pull away.
It was quiet for a while before either of you said anything.
“Back when we were playing that game,” he repeated, before stopping to recollect his thoughts, and starting again, “look, I know I haven’t known you for long. But this whole time, I was watching you, you know.”
“It’s just… Something about you seems off,” he continued, “You’re scared of everything. And there’s the way you walk all folded into yourself… I wasn’t sure at first. I thought maybe you were just having a bad day. Then I thought maybe that guy Mark was bothering you or something. Until you flinched at me like I was gonna hurt you.”
For the first time, nerves were evident in his voice, “like… I don’t know, like that’s something you’re used to. Like you’re in trouble… Or you’re trying to hide from it.” He paused to take a shaky breath, his words dripping with uncertainty, his voice odd. Just like Mark’s had been.
“You seemed like you’ve been trying to say something these past couple of days. No one is around here right now, you can talk to me. Whatever is going on with you, I think I can help.”
You kept your eyes ahead of you, watching the sea. There was nothing you could say or do now. You understood now that last year’s events had their claws on you too deep to shake off. You were a haunted house.
Like how he had been holding you back at the corridor, his embrace lingered. But this time, he let it linger indefinitely. It was comfortable.
You don’t know how long the two of you just stood there in silence. Over time, his grip loosened just a little but kept hold. Then it loosened more, until it completely slipped away from you. There was a loud thud behind you when he hit the ground, but you didn’t turn around. Caught on watching the crimson ripples for a moment longer.
You still had twelve hours.
That would be enough.
When you finally turned around to face his slumped body, your eyes didn’t go up to scan the forest. Instead, you trained all of your focus on Johnny, because you knew everything counted on these next coming moments. Because you couldn’t let things end like they did last time.
Getting down on your knees, you pushed his heavy body until he was flat on his back. Then you put your hands around his neck and squeezed.
You knew how hard you needed to do it to cut off someone’s air supply. How long you needed to keep it cut off until it was too late. So you knew your limits perfectly well, and how to do it just enough to be convincing. Just enough not to really hurt him.
And when your hands finally withdrew from his neck, you stayed perfectly frozen in place, not moving a muscle or making a sound until you could make sure that he was drawing the shallowest of breaths again.
Finally, your hands roamed his pockets until you found his car key. Your grip wrapped around it tightly.
A rustle and the crunching of leaves told you that your spectator had finally come out of hiding. The crunching stopped as your sister walked onto the sand of the small beach. She was scanning your face carefully. In her hand, a long metallic baseball bat.
“I almost thought you wouldn’t be able to do it.” She said, proud.
“You told me I would develop a taste for it sooner or later.”
“And I guess I was right, huh,” she teased, nothing different from the usual way she spoke. She didn’t let go of the baseball bat as she raced towards you and drew you into a big hug. “I’m so proud of you. I can’t believe it’s finally happening! We’ll be so good together!”
Your body tensed up, and she withdrew to look at your face. “Something wrong?”
“No! No. I’m just… tired.” You pulled her back into the hug, spinning your bodies ever so subtly. Shifting her view away from Johnny.
“You’re acting weird. Are you mad at me?” She said.
“Why would I be mad at you?”
“You could barely stand looking at me after last time.”
You mustered up everything in you to stop your voice from wavering. “Because it was my first time ever seeing anything like that. There was… so much blood. There was so much blood on you, I would see it again in my mind every time I looked at you.”
She drew away from you again to give you an understanding look, before saying “Well, now you can do things your own way. No blood. Right?”
“Right.”
“We’re in this together, right?” She beamed at you. You nodded in a silent reply.
“You’re avoiding my eyes again,” her face dropped into a cold stare almost instantly.
“I’m not… I told you, I’m just tired. I wanna go home.”
“I know I promised we wouldn’t do anything this time… But you know I can’t keep doing this alone. It just doesn’t feel the same. We’ve always done everything else together, and I wanted you to finally accept this side of me.
"You accept it now, don’t you? You just did it, too. You just killed someone! We’re the same now,” her eyes were shining as she kept filling the silence. “How did it feel?”
“It felt… It- it felt,” you stuttered, “I was the most scared I’ve ever been in my life. I want to go home now. Please?” You felt the urge to throw up, which you held down by swallowing your bitter saliva repeatedly.
Thoughts of Jaehyun and Mark weighed heavy on your mind, and thoughts of what she would do if she noticed Johnny’s shallow breaths made your body start shaking out of your control.
“Wow, you’re really taking this hard. Shhh,” she held you to her side, supporting you back into the woods, “it’s okay. It’s okay…”
“Is Jaehyun here? Is he somewhere in this forest?”
“He is.” Her reply was curt.
“And Mark?”
“Poor baby…” she cooed like she was talking about a wounded puppy, “he followed me right out into the storm. So eager to help. After I was done with him, he had to spend the night out in the rain. I had to lay his body in the bathtub the morning after, early enough while you were all sleeping.”
“Oh.” Bathtub… Bathtub…
You left her with him. Why did you leave?
“Anyway, we’ll need to actually go get a battery now. I don’t think the one I took out is usable anymore.”
“Hm.”
“Which car do you wanna take back? I got Jaehyun’s keys. It’s a pretty nice car. He had good taste in music, too.”
Had… You were the one who agreed to stay at the rest stop.
And it cost two people their lives.
Your step faltered. “Johnny’s.”
She side-eyed you, “you’re talkative. Okay then, lead the way.”
It felt as though your blood had entirely escaped your body by the time you were back by the car. The keys were clutched so tightly in your hand that you wouldn’t have been surprised if they drew blood. You doubted that you would’ve felt it right now.
“Can I drive?” You asked.
“Ooh. Are you sure?”
“I think so.”
She gave you a proud look once again, and she threw the baseball bat into the car before she finally got into the passenger seat. You, on the other hand, had been pretending to circle around to the driver’s side after having used the remote control key to activate the locks. Ten more seconds before deadlock would be activated.
Nine… You walked as slowly as you could, but not slow enough to draw any suspicion.
Eight… What would happen to her if you turned her in?
Seven… What would happen to Johnny if you didn’t? And every other person after?
Six… She said she wanted you two to be together. You would be. You were just as guilty.
Five… You were positive that these were the longest ten seconds of your life. Everything seemed to move in slow motion.
Four… Your eyes betrayed you as they stole a worried glance at her.
Three… She held your eyes for a moment, before you watched a slow change in her expression.
Two… Her eyes went wide, realization dawning on her face. She lunged at the door, and—
One.
You couldn’t hear her screams as she thrashed at the door handle, shouting something at you. Then, all at once, she stopped. There was a crazed expression on her face as she pulled out her baseball bat. She waved at you before pointing at it, giving you a wild smile.
Your heart sank. Your knees weakened under you and made you slump to the ground like a rag doll, using your arms to brace yourself against the soil of the forest.
It was over.
You had ruined everything.
Of course it wouldn’t have worked.
You betrayed her.
What were you thinking?
She swung the bat at the window by the passenger’s seat, and you couldn’t do anything but watch in stunned silence as she bounced right against the glass. Coming back for a more charged swing than the one before it, she bounced back as harshly as she had swung.
And then you remembered why you couldn’t hear her screams one bit from out here. Johnny had modified the car. It was soundproof. Bulletproof.
You scampered away from the car, your legs still refusing to carry you. She wasn’t giving up, baseball bat bouncing off the glass over and over again. When she finally stopped, staring into your eyes like an animal whose leg got caught in a bear trap, your heart hammered so loudly that it was all you could hear.
Please, she mouthed at you.
She was bargaining.
You weren’t sure which stage weighed heavier on you, this or the anger from earlier. She dropped the bat and splayed both of her hands against the glass.
Her eyes were so wide, so scared, that you had to fight the urge to run back to her and unlock the door. She was all you had. Your sister, your best friend. You only had each other.
But you knew that more than anything you could give her, she needed help. And you needed help. If you went on living like this for any longer, you were sure you would only lose your mind more and more. That was if you hadn’t already lost it.
You took a deep breath and looked her squarely in the eyes, then you shook your head no.
Her face broke down into a silent sob as she slapped her hands at the unmoving glass. Crying for the freedom she knew she had just lost. Grieving for it.
Then you were reminded that the stages of grief weren’t always linear. Because just as quickly, she was back to anger, and your hand went up over your mouth as you watched her bang her head against the glass.
Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang.
Maybe she was hoping you would let her out before she hurt herself too much. And then it dawned on you that this wasn’t anger. This was really just her final bargain.
You couldn’t do anything but sob quietly to yourself as you watched your sister. Before long, she grew sloppier and swayed against the glass until she finally gave out and collapsed.
Turning away, you walked back to where you had left Johnny, and followed the trail you had spotted earlier in the sand. Where it looked like someone had been dragged away.
Surely enough, Jaehyun was at the end of that trail, propped up under one of the thicker trees. His face was pale and peaceful, his back leaning against the tree as though he were sleeping. Your movements stuttered as you approached him.
Getting a grip on either side of his face, you pulled him forward. One look at the back of his head was enough to tell you that it was too late for him. You cried for the lives ruined and lost because of one reckless decision.
The more your adrenaline tapered off, the more your muscles reminded you of how sore you were, and the more the hammering of your headache increased. What now?
Call the police? None of you had your phones.
Drive back to the rest stop and do it from there? Your sister had the keys to Jaehyun’s car. The thought of unlocking the car and attempting to get the keys from her unconscious body spiked a horrible fear in you that you couldn’t possibly face right now.
Getting on your knees next to Johnny, you lied down on the sand and watched him as he slept.
You wondered if his neck would bruise, and whether he would be as sore as you were when he woke up.
You wondered how many hours were left until the sedative from the flask weakened in his system.
You wondered what he would do when he finally woke up.
You wondered about what kind of person he was, and whether he would still help you after he found out how much trouble you were really in.
When you noticed the first signs of his understanding, you were nothing short of terrified. The past year felt incredibly lonely. But the thought of someone finding out about the burden you carried was frightening.
You had never taken a life, but you were there when your sister did—and you were too damaged to say anything about it. All you had in you to do was shut yourself away from the world and live the life of someone who had died a year ago.
And as you wondered many things, your eyelids grew heavy. From here, it almost looked like Johnny was floating on the surface of the crimson sea. So you watched him and watched him until you couldn’t anymore.
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