MyLIFE!

HunnieFlorenceHolly

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I’m stuck between “I need to save money” and “You only live once.”

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I was born to be wild, but only until around 9pm or so.

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Running!

So I’ve decided today right now that I’m going to start running. Can I call it that yet?

Maybe fast walking but either way this will be the start of a day by day training ritual that I want to stick too! If I can’t change habits I have why not add a hobby that will benifit me!!

Maybe the river late tonight time it start with a job and see how I do?! What’s the worst that can happen right??? 🙈

8.30pm will be the time!!!

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Insecure feelings!

Never feeling good enough always worried I’m making life changing mistakes.

I couldn’t be more in love! I met a beautiful man 3 years ago who has changed my life.

But spending most days feeling like I could loose him is a hard path. Wanting to build my own self confidence but every day wanting to create this fake smile of confidence and warm welcome so he doesn’t see these perminant insecurity’s!

He can’t know that I worry everyday about my thighs,my chins, photos, dinners,the way I look in my uniform, the way I look in anything, the worry of laying in bed and having a revolting pose (because I’m comfy and not thinking about one half of my face hanging down.) there’s so many things that bother and worry me about my own self that I need to change! I wish I had a wand! Why is it so easy to self doubt neglect and suffer but to change one thing so hard?!

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❤️

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It’s only forever, not long at all.

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Random thoughts!

Turning off at night! What’s the struggle?

Laying in bed after a long day but still thinking about all that’s not inportant in life. Keeping yourself awake for no reason other than to debate what colour I should use to print a poster tomorrow or what shoes will be more comfortable. Daily struggles of when is a good time to turn the lights off and lay in nothing. Then the panic, the panic of nothing. This is a fear of mine, something that scares me to tears. Being alone=nothing!

This isn’t true, I already no I’m not alone. I’ve got my man but that doesn’t stop me craving the feeling of nothing. Confusing isn’t it😕 why do I want to feel nothing,numb,relaxed? Why do I use ways to create a feeling of numbness when all I do is lay in deep thought about crap!!??

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Issues

I have the most embarrassing dark marks on my body. Being large having pcos. Plus other issues causing hair on my face to grow at rapid speed and my weight is near on a nightmare. 🤬

How can I reduce or destroy these dark pigments on my body?

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Simple questions

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Anyone with advise on exercise at home free ??

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Weight loss! 🤥

Can this be taken serious?!

With the issues already raised is it possible to change? I want to and I need too!

I want a family, but that’s another story.

So I have to loose 5stone! 😶 this feels impossible. But something I HAVE todo!

I work as a Go active instructor. I’m a fat woman wearing a Go Active shirt! Don’t get me wrong I’m GREAT at my job! 🤗 But I’m embarrassed to wear my work shirt. I need a magic wand!

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Start with 💩

Always the same!

First question is shit or shit related!

Dilemma two.

When you walk into a food store knowing what you need to get!

This isn’t how it goes 😳😩

So I write my list and it looks good, I’ve spent time planning meals and creating cheap choices that will make us both happy. However upon entering the store my eyes go crazy I start to freak out. I walk down the isles grabbing what’s on my list but as soon as I see a “Bargain”

(usually something 10p off or a shit deal for 3 for 2)

So my trolly starts filling and by the time I’ve reached frozen my trolly has filled from my beautiful little £25 list too a monster of a pile hanging off the sides “because I really needed the bath towels 2 for £20 😳” plus all my other suddenly important necessity’s which are now billing at £120 😱 I’m in trouble!

But I still can’t stop myself! I can’t see the bad only at that time just the want for that stuff. Even writing this I realise I sound ridiculous! Selfish! Just don’t buy it, put it back. Honestly I wish I could i just can’t when I’m there.

Any other crazy shoppers that melt down when inside?

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New to this! IBS🤬

Laying here this morning thinking about so many things feeling down and crap!

So have decide to share my life with you all and try a blog!!

How can someone be full of so much positive thinking but show such a negative side?

I want to start a blog to meet people that can help me. If any exists? 🙈

Humans provide so many things and I alone can’t change myself, or haven’t yet. So I’m opening up my mind my world and who I am to grab advise, criticism, and help in learning new and helpfull ways to live a more fulfilling life.

So im 28, full time employment,overweight,happy,(but secretly un-happy) and desperate for change and more!

I’m in a relationship that’s too good to be true. One of those that you wake up in the morning roll over ( 3 turns a grunt and a wiggle to get there) to his beautiful peaceful face. I then think to say something but immediately worry that my morning breath will kill us both. I start to feel the rumble and suddenly I’m up, tummy churning and desperate for the toilet. 6am I’ve hit my foot,swore twice,stood in dog piss but managed to make it to the toilet.

IBS!!!! 💩🤬

“ I have no excuse, I eat late and I eat shit! I moan every morning but when night falls I’m there with my cereal and chocolate like a gremlin in the night! “

So making my way back to bed standing on only one random item whatever it is and stumbling back into the sheets I know I’ve woken him! 🙈

Why do we choose todo things we know will effect us negatively but consistently do them anyway?

Who out there has an issue with something they know how to change but DOESNT?!?