He was going that deep shade of red again, and she had to suppress her urge to tease him about it like she had grown accustomed to in the time they had spent together. She just watched him quietly for a while, even after looked her in the eye and asked her a question she didn’t respond immediately. A moment or two passed before she was freeing her hands and using them to try and pull him in to a hug. Hugs were nice. Hugs helped people relax… or at least, they were nice and relaxing for her. She just hoped Karkat felt the same.
She rested her chin on his shoulder, taking a breath before responding. “You need to calm down, this ain’t selfish a’ you. You got deep feelings for the two a’ us girls an’ wanna date us both. Its sweet you’d rather give out double the love than choose between us. Y’know? You ain’t wantin’ to be without Garnet, uh… Jade or me an’ its real nice to feel needed like that. I’ve never been in your situation, but I can still say your decision here ain’t makin’ you a shitty person or nothin’.” She said, giving him a squeeze before pulling back just enough to meet his eyes.
“I’m really worried ‘boutchu, though. You’re all stressed out an’ we ain’t even official yet. I don’t wanna see you stress yourself to death here. I’m willin’ to give this a shot, like, we can have the dance date be a… tester? Of sorts? If that ain’t to stressful, an’ you can get through it without feelin’ shitty our guilty or crazy for tryin’ this, then I think givin’ a poly relationship would be okay. But, if you can’t handle the dance, then you gotta know a relationship is only gonna be a magnified version a’ that, an’ tryin’ to go for it might not be the best idea an’ we can figure something out from there. I just want you to be happy an’ healthy’ an’ not feelin’ shitty for doin’ somethin’ that’s perfectly okay.” She said, smiling at him.
It was somewhat forced, really.
She didn’t want to admit it, but considering everything, she’d probably just back off in things got too stressful for him. Her only other options were 1. letting him stay stressed, which was not something a good girlfriend did, or 2. she or Jade would end up monogamous with him. If she backed off first, Jade would get him. If Jade backed off first, she would get him. She had no idea what sort of relationship she and Karkat shared, maybe they were already boyfriend and girlfriend. She’d broken up couples before, sure. But Karkat wouldn’t even be her friend any more if she did something malicious like that just to be his girlfriend. Not even having him as a friend would be more painful than seeing him around the school with Jade. She could always fight Jade for him, sure, but that ran the risk of being kicked out, and, just as losing him as friend would be more painful than losing him as a boyfriend, being expelled and never seeing him again would be the most painful thing at all.
It hurt even just thinking about her options. Karkat was the first person she ever felt this way for, she treasured him. He was her treasure, and dammit if she wasn’t selfish and possessive when it came to treasure. But still. Treasure had a price, an’ if that price was worth less than the ornate, priceless treasure chest to get at it, then it was best to leave the chest intact, use it as decoration, or something, rather than destroying to get the gold within Sure, she’d mourn the unreachable treasure, but it was better than way, really.
“I ain’t good with this gushy stuff, I don’t know how to say how I’m feelin’ right now, but I guess part a’ what I know I’m feelin’ is concern, cause I care aboutchu, an’, uh… stuff. An’ I just wanna do this, I wanna be with you, but I don’t wanna be makin’ you feel shitty, or like you’re cheatin’ cause those ain’t happy thoughts, and… yeah.” She exhaled softly, pressing her forehead to his, “You know what I’m sayin’?”
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