Pencrafts

INTJ-T Roentgenologist

[pencrafterr]

Dear Mr. God,

When we get lost, the initial response is to be afraid, and overtime, you take a look around you then figure out how to get back. I think You built me different.

When I get lost, I stay being lost. I don’t look around for any markers to indicate where I am nor do I ask around how to get back. I just stay lost for a while and then take my phone to book a ride home. I get lost a lot but I find joy in it and I am not going to correct that. If directional disorder is a deadly disease, I’ll take it with me to my grave.

Now that I’m lost, I don’t want to be found, Mr. God. Not by people, not by anyone. I’m not afraid of the idea of being lost because I know you know where I am and you always find me even on the days when I don’t ask to be found.

In this solitary place called Lost Island, I am in peace and this is the peace I crave for all the time. I don’t want to be found, Mr. God. Just please remind me You know where I am.

Xoxo,

Khrissa

[pencrafterr]

Dear older self,

I hope you still rewatch OBS and find yourself smiling ang your heart fluttering. And when you watch it yet again, I hope you get to remember the way Choi Ung loved Kook Yun-seo because that’s how you deserve to be loved, always, always.

When they tell you it’s too much and your standards are high as the sky, I hope you don’t cower. Stand your ground, Love. You know your worth and never again will you beg to be treated gently, to be loved genuinely.

Remember, you didn’t wait this long for a man who can’t man up for you. You didn’t wait this long to be loved only when it’s convenient for them to love you. You didn’t wait this long only to be abandoned when things get tough. You didn’t wait this long to try to talk to them when they can happily go on in their lives without you talking to them.

You, too deserve the peace they agonizingly ask from you. You, too deserve to be someone a man lowers his pride for. You, too deserve to feel like someone is afraid to lose you.

Stop playing the smallest woman who ever lived.

You deserve a Choi Ung who would reach out. You deserve a Choi Ung who has no pride when it comes to loving you. You deserve a Choi Ung who would be very afraid to lose you.

Xoxo,

Khrissa

[pencrafterr]

Dear older self,

I hope you become someone who’s more afraid of losing yourself than losing someone else. I hope you stand your ground whenever the people you love choses to be absent when it’s difficult.

I hope you don’t beg for people to stay in your life, once again. I hope you set yourself free from those who treat you like you’re some person they could get rid of whenever it’s convenient for them.

I hope you will never beg to communicate anymore. I hope you finally consider your worth and how amazing you are even without them.

Breathe, my strong, independent woman. You can fly solo, Darling. Trust me, you’ll be fine.

-your younger self

[pencrafterr]

31 December 2023

Last day of the year 2023. At 10:30 pm, the air reeks of smoke from fireworks resounding from every corner you set your eyes on. Torotots make noise everywhere. Karaoke enthusiasts belting high notes. Everyone seemed happy.

I sat in the balcony of one condo unit in Parañaque City, talking to God. He carried me this year. He carried me despite every sin I did this year. I had the same wish as I have right now when I welcomed the year 2023 but then, all I had was hope and faith. Right now, I still have my hopes and my faith but I also have a visa with me.

I am alone. I miss home. I hope my family is happy at home, welcoming the year 2024. I asked my sister what they will be having for Media Noche. She said a lot of dishes, including hamon (ham). My heart celebrated, even though I wasn’t able to send them a dime this year because we never had ham in any of our Media Noches in the past.

We’re still on the rocks, but we have come so far from the muds as a family. And right now, I have one or two more things to wish and pray for- my family’s safety and prosperity and the wish to have one more dish at the table next Media Noche that we never had as a child.

The Lord carried me through and my family this year and He will carry us again this 2024. A new life awaits all of us as I embark on a new journey in a new country. I am more excited than scared. I am more hopeful than I did yesterday and less hopeful than tomorrow.

Tomorrow’s one new year more to add to my exciting years on Earth and Lord, I am definitely ready for it.

P.S.: manifesting 20 percent Lord’s soldier and 40 percent Disney princess and 40 percent strong, independent woman this 2024. ♥️

[pencrafterr]

Just keep swimming.

[pencrafterr]

Lord,

I'm tired.

[pencrafterr]

Dear Mr. God,

I know You're there. Please remind me that only You is allowed to take the life You gave me back.

[pencrafterr]

My family might be burying my cold, lifeless body sooner than they expect. I hate the thought but everything's hanging by a thread rn. Everything.

[pencrafterr]

Are we in London, yet?

Not yet, my Love. (We didn’t even know what Gallium’s half life is.)

[pencrafterr]

Oh God. I'm losing myself.

[pencrafterr]

I hope I don't wake up in the future with regrets.

[pencrafterr]

And if she finds love again, I hope it’s the love that doesn’t change through the seasons.

If she finds love again, I pray it’s the love that doesn’t ignore her once he got her yes.

If she finds love again… and I hope she will find love, a gentle one the next time she tries.

[pencrafterr]

Dear younger self,

We found love.

We found someone who gives us flowers even on days that aren’t special.

We found someone who would cross time zones just to see us.

We found someone who reassures us that things are gonna get better.

We found someone who doesn’t tolerate us.

We found someone who would flaunt us to the entire world.

We found someone who makes us feel loved every second, who tells us we’re pretty even with dried drool on our face.

We found love.

The wait was worth it, my love. It is worth it.

Faithfully in love,

Older Sasa

[pencrafterr]

We love what we do. Let's start there. ☢️

[pencrafterr]

Whatever happened to the overachiever, dreamer and pursuer inside me, I hope she comes back soon because I don't know which way will I go now.

[pencrafterr]

'tis I. She who loves the sky.

[pencrafterr]

The poems we write when tongues can't speak.