̗̀ lioness ̖́- @penelvpe - Tumblr Blog

#(┕ ✧ ° › ❝ she laughed like a god ❞ –– visage. )

#(┕ ✧ ° › ❝ she laughed like a god ❞ –– visage. )#i luv her

mctco:

“okay, it came out wrong,” he shook his head, knowing he was butchering his attempts, but after all - he never was good with the social stuff. he listened to her, his heart being torn into a million little pieces as she spoke. he stood before her in silence, trying to plan out his words so he wouldn’t say something to upset her again. “you do mean something to me, you’re everything to me,” he shook his head, his voice cracking slightly. “i’m sorry i get so possessive. i shouldn’t.” he noticed she wasn’t looking at him, and part of him felt like this was because he wasn’t worth her time. “can you please just look at me, i’m trying,” he plead, “i’m sorry. it was an accident, i was smashed out of my mind, and i missed you. it’s not an excuse, but please penny - please don’t leave me.”

“cheating is a choice not a mistake,” she spits coldly, listening to him plead she could feel herself growing bitter. not wanting to give in, but oh, how she wanted to give in. he’d broken her heart, i gave him everything, look what he gave me in return, she thought. i’m trying, he says, she turns her head and gazes into his eyes, a face of steel and dark, piercing eyes, “it’s over, mateo -- i’m done, we’re done -- look at what we’ve come to, i can barely look at you anymore,” she adds sadly, tucking her bottom lip under her teeth as some form of restraint from tearing up, she never cried, she barely showed emotion. but this was a test of how much she could take.

#(┕ ✧ ° › ❝ interactions ❞ –– mateo. )#im so Emo rn ....

mctco:

“i am, i fight with everyone, i don’t even know why,” he shook his head, getting up from his spot to stand in front of her. it stung, what she was saying - i’m done. “well, i’m not,” he countered, “i want to make this work because you’re important to me.” he was frustrated by her lack of emotions. usually, he was good at reading people, but she always kept him on his toes. it was almost scarier that she wasn’t displaying her emotions. “so you just don’t care? everything in the last two years means shit to you? i don’t mean anything to you?” he took a step closer, “because you mean the world to me. n’ i would never do something to hurt you on purpose, you know that. please, penny, i’m so sorry.”

“ i don’t wanna’ be just like ‘ everyone ’ to you,” she snaps, she can barely harbor the growing pain at the back of her throat. she craved to break, to just lose control -- but she couldn’t do that in front of him could she. “clearly the last two years meant nothing to you if you can just go around cheating on me,” her worlds stung, they were sharp and she could barely hold herself together, “ what’s worse is that you made me feel like shit when other guys hit on me, but now look -- god i feel like i don’t mean anything to you, now, ” her eyes darted to the ceiling, she couldn’t look into his eyes or she would break, she just wanted this to stop, she missed being wrapped in his arms without a care in the world.

#(┕ ✧ ° › ❝ interactions ❞ –– mateo. )#mateo my boi ):

mctco:

“yes you do, i’m still the same person,” he plead, “i just made a-a mistake, i’m sorry.” his entire being was begging for her to not hate him - he didn’t know how he could go back to being so independent after having had her in his life for two years. “penny, please, i was drunk a-and i promise i’ll get sober for you. for real this time,” he tried. he’d always had trouble kicking his substance habits, but time after time, he tried for the girl, but ended up going back to them. “i’m so sorry, it won’t happen again,” he begged, again reaching for her.

“how are you still the same person? none of us are, all we do is fight and i’m sick of it -- maybe it’s a good thing you’re an asshole because i can finally say i’m done.” she admitted, she couldn’t believe her own words, however. letting him go would be the hardest thing she would have to do, all she wanted was so say ‘i love you’ and melt into his arms, “it shouldn’t have happened in the first place, i don’t care if you’re sober or not, it’s not my problem anymore.” she retorted, almost emotionless.

#(┕ ✧ ° › ❝ interactions ❞ –– mateo. )#im actually cryin wtf help

mctco:

he felt sick when she pulled away from him - he had grown used to her gravitating towards his touch. “i know i’m an idiot, you know that. i’m trying for you… please,” he shook his head. “i-i didn’t mean to sleep with her, i love you,” he pleaded, his eyes begging. “you know i love you, right?”

her head was still shaking in disbelief, she couldn’t even look into his eyes. she felt like an idiot, taking the blame for their argument and falling for him in general, she should’ve known, “honestly, i don’t even know anymore -- i don’t even know who you are anymore?” she spat, narrowing her eyebrows at his words, i love you. she used to believe that, she used to find those words special but now they were nothing more than just words to her.

#(┕ ✧ ° › ❝ interactions ❞ –– mateo. )

mctco:

his heart dropped even more (if that was possible) at her reaction. it was no surprise she was hurt, but part of him had hoped for a different outcome. “please, penny, let me explain,” he said frantically, knowing now would define whether he could win her back or not. “please,” he shook his head towards her, “i-i don’t know, we had that fight n’ i went n’ got smashed, a-and i guess i was trying to make you jealous so you’d take me back,” he blabbed. he rarely talked this much at once - only when he was upset. “please, love, it was a mistake, i-” he reached for her hand, missing her contact already.

his words kept flooding her head, but her eyes still remained cold and emotionless, “don’t touch me,” she snapped, snatching her hand away as he reached for it. she grew angrier, she was always closed off. it was rare that she cried or lost control, and she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of that. “are you fucking kidding me? you cheated on me after having a fight about me cheating on you?” she spat, her words still cool but sharp and venomous. “you’re an idiot if you thought that i would ever take you back after this.”

#hONESTLY IM EMO RN #(┕ ✧ ° › ❝ interactions ❞ –– mateo. )

mctco:

he took a deep breath, trying to work up the courage to spit it out. on the outside, he seemed so composed that nothing could faze him, but underneath, his mind was always thinking about everyone going on around him. usually he watched everyone else drown in drama - it was different being in the center of it. “please just.. let me explain, then,” he said, turning to look at her through his red eyes. “i-i… accidentally cheated.”

all her affection faded, and her eyes grew glassy and cold. she leaned back, away from him and let go of his hands. “how do you accidentally cheat ?” she scowled, almost shaking from this revelation. she was so optimistic, she could feel the strength of their relationship, but clearly it was one-sided. clearly he never loved her properly, she thought. she shook her head, hoping this was realistic dream, her eyebrows narrowed, still stunned in disbelief.

#I AM SORRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY #(┕ ✧ ° › ❝ interactions ❞ –– mateo. )

mctco:

he shook his head. although the words were meant to console him, they only made him feel worse. how much longer did he have that she would always be on his side? not much longer, he assumed. “uh - let’s go sit down,” he mumbled, taking her hand tightly in his and leading the familiar way to the sitting area. he looked into her eyes once they were seated, and could feel his heart breaking even more. he let out a rough sigh and turned away, holding his head in his hands over his knees. he wished he’d have taken something, anything before coming - hopefully it would have at least subdued his anxiety. “you’re gonna hate me n’ i don’t want that,” he stalled even further, trying to come up with the best way to say what needed saying.

the sickening feeling grew, what was wrong? had she done something? were they going to argue again, they had been arguing so much lately she missed just being with him, just sinking into his arms and starting at the stars, not being able to go one minute without the other. he was starting to scare her and she now grew worried, “you know that i’m physically not able to hate you, just tell me what’s going on.” she replied, taking his hand again, trying to form some semblance of comfort for him. she could feel something bad looming, but she didn’t want the end.

#(┕ ✧ ° › ❝ interactions ❞ –– mateo. )#so xkit or tumblr is being super annoying and keeps deleting the first part of the reply so OOPS

mctco:

he shrugged, avoiding responding to her apologies. when she took his hand, he felt a sinking feeling in his heart, because he knew as soon as he told her, she would be gone. he wasn’t ready to accept that she wouldn’t be in his life anymore. instead of responding, he used her hand to pull her close to him and wrap her in a hug. she had been the best thing in his life, and if he could have held on forever, he would’ve. “i’m so sorry,” he said quietly, his voice cracking slightly as he breathed in her scent, “i did something really bad.”

she melted into his embrace, his warm arms around her. “ whatever it is i’m here for you, i promise, ” her hand cupped around the side of his face, her eyes glittering in the light. although she felt safe, his works made a sickening feeling crawl into her stomach. she trusted him, though. with everything, despite all the fights and the arguments he was so important to her, he was the only one she had.

#(┕ ✧ ° › ❝ interactions ❞ –– mateo. )

mctco:

once she had opened the door, he felt himself freeze up again. why did she have to be so damn important? he followed her slowly, “no, don’t apologize.” hearing her apologize hurt him even more than he already felt, hearing her apologize for something that wasn’t her fault. he shoved his hands in his pockets, his eyes on the floor for fear of meeting with hers and backing out of what he was going to say. he was terrified. “u-um,” he tried, but didn’t trust his voice and piped back down. “i’m sorry.”

his voice was soothing, and instantly she could feel her blazing anguish starting to settle and cool down, “ no -- i am sorry, i’m just so stubborn, you’re right about everything -- i’m so sorry, ” she could see his gaze fixed on the floor, but she was adamant in fixing this, she wasn’t going to let a stupid fight end the most important thing in her life. she took his hand gently, tenderness spilling from her eyes, “what’s wrong ? ” oddly now that he was there, she didn’t feel anxious, she felt completely safe around him, like nothing could ever hurt her when she was around him.

#(┕ ✧ ° › ❝ interactions ❞ –– mateo. )#so i got hella emo

additm

mateo woke up that morning feeling even worse than usual. the boy often woke up feeling like crap for various reasons, from hangovers to withdrawals to sobriety pushing his anxiety to its limits. but this morning was different — if that was possible. the previous night, he’d gotten wasted beyond comprehension all due to an argument that could have been prevented. mateo always been the jealous type, and seeing other guys talking to his girlfriend tended to set him over the edge. despite the fact that he knew she was faithful to him, he couldn’t help but give her the cold shoulder after guys hit on her — why didn’t she tell them off?

he wanted the roles to be reverse — then maybe she wouldn’t think he was being irrational when he fought the other guys. maybe then she’d see what it’s like. it seemed right in the moment — a drunken one night stand with a girl they considered a friend, one in which he’d wake up and feel sick to his stomach from guilt. mateo contemplating not telling penny — if she didn’t know, she wouldn’t get hurt, right? but the human side just under his skin made him realize that this wasn’t fair. he cared about her, more than anything else, and he couldn’t live with the guilt.

he knocked on her door after having skipped all his classes that day (not that this was a rare occurrence), his heart racing, palms clammy, and eyes red and puffy from the panic attacks he had been having all day. he stood here, having been glued to the place long before he worked up the courage to knock, waiting for her to open the door so he could be greeted by the consequences of his actions.

@pennyffs

penelvpe

after what seemed to be an endless fight with him, all penny could feel was guilt. it was pointless, she could’ve avoided it but she was so stubborn. this wasn’t their first fight, she was used to getting irritated and annoyed by him over the smallest things. but why couldn’t he listen to reason ? she was loyal, she would always be loyal and when he brings up her ‘cheating’ on him she quickly closes herself off. why didn’t he trust her? did he really think that she would throw him away that easily for a creepy guy that hits on her ?

her mind was spilling, she could feel her short temper giving way. remnants of their argument from last night still lingering. but every moment she grew more worrisome, all she needed was to see him. to wrap her arms around him and apologise -- fight and make up, just like their usual routine. hearing the knocks on the door, she could feel her heart swirl, she knew it was him. her hands sliding down the rails of her marble staircase before swinging the door open, “ hey, come in -- i’m sorry. ”

#* ✰ : . mateo.#i TRIED SOZ IF THIS A SHIT REPLY FAM #BUT YOO READY 4 THAT ANGST