I have a story for you all, so sit down and- and, well, prepare yourselves for this epic tale:
The year is 1996. I believe it was early June, and a beautiful June of that.
Anica, my dearest sister - literally, because sheās my only sister - has visited me in my wonderful abode and offers to make some greasy comfort food, on the account that weāre both pretty plastered. We were out of rice. So I offered, still very drunk, to drive us over to a new twenty-four hour convenience store and buy some.
The road over here was your standard, bumpy country road. No fancy Autobahn paving here! Nope! It was, and still is poorly lit and bumpy as fuck, as standard.
Anica was leaning against the door, threatening to droll in succumbing to sleep. She was staring out into the pitch black of that night whilst Iām driving with heavy eyes.Ā
I let my mind get distracted with thoughts of this cute receptionist at the hotel I was bar-tending at and I. Uh. I popped a boner. And I found this hilarious,Ā so I thoughtĀ āhey! Letās tell my pious nun of a sister about this!ā only to find she had started to sober up too quickly, and didnāt find it too funny. She started yelling at me, telling me to ,,get out of the fucking car and take care of it, or something! Blah blah blah you sinner blah blah blahā.
I took my hands off the wheel to shake some sense into her.Ā
We swerve pretty damn fast into a ditch. The air-bags are late to go off, and we. Yeah. We both died.
I killed Anica MihÄescu by getting a boner at the wheel. The worst part? In death, I lost my goddamn train of thought, and the boner with it!Ā
Oh, and I got a broken nose from it all. We were both bleeding all over the place, bruised pretty badly, and aching and, funnily enough, in a great deal of pain.
We both come back to this dreaded world of the living before dawn. Being the courteous man I am, the first thing I do is after mourning the loss of my erection is make sure Anica was okay.
She winds down the window upon waking up, spits out a mouthful of blood into the dusty earth below after biting her tongue pretty damn hard, and then that bitch. With her eyes full of tears, she slapped me straight across the face. That bitch.
We still got the rice, though. So it was a successful trip!
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