A Fellow Traveler

Persian American 35 M

[perennialpursuits]

Welcome!

I have always been deeply spiritual but haven't been able to commit to a particular faith for years. Now in my early 30s I have recently started considering converting to Judaism, so I thought I would try and keep a record of my reflections as I wrestle with this decision in between my busy schedule. For any that are interested, I have three posts that go into what brought me to Judaism you can find by searching "Lay of the Land".

Feel free to message or ask my anything. I'm always open to discussion, friendly debates, and making new friends.

[perennialpursuits]

the siren of nostalgia beckons me to return.

they are all waiting for you, as you knew and loved them.

but it is a lie,

I wander as a ghost in a graveyard of my own memories. sometimes it feels that if i look at loneliness too directly

it will open its vast arms and crush me in its embrace. yet what has been more constant and intimate than the solitude of those lonely drives at night,

just you,

longing,

and vast, silent space.

whatever we gain in this life, we will have to return, all love will be lost.

but solitude is an ever patient companion, she will be there after every loss and

i suspect

at the end of it all,

she will embrace us one final time;

and when she does,

she won't let go.

[perennialpursuits]

Donate to Noroozaaneh Fundraiser

Support our cause by donating to Noroozaneh 2026.

This is the only charity organization I've found that can operate in Iran even during war time, so please consider donating to help innocent families.

[perennialpursuits]

Oh to be a Majnun without a Layla.

[perennialpursuits]

One thing I don't often share about something that attracts me about Judaism is that it has many rituals, communal and individual, around dying and grieving. Modern society has largely left us to fend for ourselves against the inevitabilities of life. Even certain other religions seem to only have a few rituals in comparison.

I wonder how different it might it have been if I had such community and ritual when I lost my father at 18.

به یادت هستم بابا، روحت شاد باشه

[dearparentheses]

Tokuhiro Kawai

[perennialpursuits]

First watched this many years ago, but I periodically rewatch as a reminder.

It's unfortunately not an authentic translation of Rumi at all, but I think it is certainly aligned with his spirit.

Lyrics:

From the beginning of my life

I have been looking for your face.

But today, I have seen it.

Today I have seen the charm, the beauty,

the unfathomable grace

of the face that I was looking for.

Today I have found you.

And those who laughed and scorned me yesterday

are sorry that they were not looking as I did.

I am bewildered by the magnificence of your beauty

and wish to see you with a hundred eyes.

My heart has burned with passion

and has searched forever

for this wondrous beauty that I now behold.

I am ashamed to call this love human

and afraid of God to call it divine.

Your fragrant breath

like the morning breeze

has come to the stillness of the garden.

You have breathed new life into me.

I have become your sunshine

and also your shadow.

My soul is screaming in ecstasy

Every fiber of my being is in love with you

Your effulgence has lit a fire in my heart

And you have made radiant for me the earth and sky

My arrow of love has arrived at the target.

I am in the house of mercy

And my heart, is a place of prayer

[perennialpursuits]

The Tyger - William Blake

Tyger Tyger, burning bright, 

In the forests of the night; 

What immortal hand or eye, 

Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies. 

Burnt the fire of thine eyes?

On what wings dare he aspire?

What the hand, dare seize the fire?

And what shoulder, & what art,

Could twist the sinews of thy heart?

And when thy heart began to beat.

What dread hand? & what dread feet?

What the hammer? what the chain,

In what furnace was thy brain?

What the anvil? what dread grasp.

Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

When the stars threw down their spears 

And water'd heaven with their tears:

Did he smile his work to see?

Did he who made the Lamb make thee?

Tyger Tyger burning bright,

In the forests of the night:

What immortal hand or eye,

Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

[perennialpursuits]

عهدیه - سلطان قلبها ۱۳۵۳ / Ahdiyeh - Soltane Ghalbha 1974

I get a little emotional listening to this song. I feel within it all my hopes and all that could have been.

[shalomyall]

A poem by Hanna Yerushalmi.

[perennialpursuits]

I've been limiting my news consumption but decided to check on Iran again and saw the updated death and injury toll. This regime is insane. In general I don't believe Hell is real, but sometimes I hope it is, because I don't believe execution or torture will be enough to exact justice against this depraved government. People that throw away their humanity should likewise be thrown away. And garbage must be burned. May they suffer an aeon of pain before they're allowed one step towards redemption.

[perennialpursuits]

In a Hasidic story, the grandson of Rebbe Barukh of Medziboz (1753–1811), Yehiel Mihal, was playing hide-and-seek with another boy. He hid himself well and waited for his friend to find him. After waiting for a long time, he came out of his hiding place but the other boy was nowhere to be seen. He suddenly realized that his friend had not sought him out at all. The distraught child broke into tears and ran to his grandfather’s study. As the boy told his story, tears fell from the rebbe’s eyes and he said, “That’s exactly what the Almighty Himself says: ‘I hide myself but nobody wants to search for Me.’”

[ultraviolencekisses]

random twin peaks shitpost

[perennialpursuits]

A song I think about a lot lately with recent events. Where's a Moses when you need one.

[perennialpursuits]

It's never a convenient time to be a fervent spiritual seeker, but it's especially not a good time now. Amid my worries over Iran, I am studying for the mcat, a laborious process with massive consequences. And at the same time I want to go off to some monastery, read 20 books, and meditate. But time marches on, and I must find the balance between the worldly and spiritual, which I believe to ultimately be deeply integrated, however hard it can be to discern that at times.

While I continue to consider Judaism, I've been trying to do basic mantra meditation on the names of God, focusing and calling the Source as sincerely as I can, and I have found it difficult at times as it brings up old frustrations that I haven't had to deal with since long ago deciding to focus on non-theistic Buddhist meditations. But in truth, I want to know God not as the luminous void of Siddhartha, but as David and Elijah had. As Rumi and Hafez had. As the great bhaktas did. Hell even as Job did, with that wild, admonishing God of the whirlwind. But I find myself getting easily frustrated. If the Ground of Being is truly relational, then why does he not reciprocate my efforts? I've been granted the heart of a mystic but not the sensitivity of one. The most I ever felt was when I was in my early 20s looking up at the night sky. Pascal said the silence of those infinite spaces terrified him, but to me the silence was one of secrecy, as if the night knew something it wouldn't or couldn't tell me. It was a thick curtain behind which, maybe, stood the Holy of Holies. I always hear these stories of others receiving a vision or prophetic dream that brought them to some faith or path, yet all my life I have asked and been denied such easy guidance. I have learned enough theology and philosophy to know it's rarely so simple as that, and in many cases sustained effort is necessary. That one must prepare one's house for that most beautiful guest. But how much longer will it take? Am I being too lukewarm in my efforts? Am I meant to storm the temple and rend that curtain with my teeth? Does God desire that I too become a wild, whirlwind of longing?

[yidquotes]

Whoever does not see God everywhere does not see Him anywhere.

Kotzker Rebbe

[perennialpursuits]

Alan is doing such a great service to Persian/Iranian Jews. God bless him.