Acceptance...
A connection of mine on LinkedIn has written a few lines about acceptance. I pretty much never look at LinkedIn now - algorithms that boost certain types of content now mean it’s stuffed full of dubious ‘inspirational’ stories and formulaic posts. But a few connections post things that are interesting.
As far as acceptance goes… I have a need for this in my personal life as I deal with a difficult situation that has been rumbling in the background. I suppose by default I am an ‘anything for a quiet life’ person. I’m usually very ok with that, but as with every character trait, this also comes with a cost. People with this type of personality must live with the attendant risk of putting up with small scale provocations for too long - they have a preference for keeping the peace.
How often I speak to people who fall into this camp! People who have accepted difficult conditions or unwanted intrusions and find it becomes hard to make any objection. “Each thing seems so small in isolation!” they might say… “How can I complain over something that, taken individually, seems so small, so petty?” Well, I think most of us can relate to that feeling at times. But this can rumble on for years or even decades as a destructive pattern until there is a blowout. And usually this comes as a shock.
If clients bring issues like this to therapy, then we’re likely to talk about boundaries, how to get in touch with your own emotions, perhaps your own sense of ‘anger’ (sometimes for the first time ever) and integrate this in a more helpful way - a process of learning how to bargain on your own behalf and become more assertive in relationships. But we’re also likely at some point to talk about acceptance. About accepting the things one cannot change, if nothing else.
So…I was sitting down for a minute and my mind began to reflect on this troublesome relationship in my life - and the cumulative psychological cost to those I care for - and I found my mood darkening again. These words just nudged me to remember where my focus ought to be. Yes… new boundaries are now needed in that particular relationship. But, crucially, I can choose how long I hold onto the deep sense of frustration and disappointment I’ve been experiencing at times in recent weeks. I can instead accept the situation, and then let some of that go.
Here it is, short and sweet:
Acceptance
When we don’t accept an undesired event, it becomes *Anger*; when we accept it, it becomes *Tolerance.*
When we don’t accept uncertainty, it becomes *Fear*; when we accept it, it becomes *Adventure.*
When we don’t accept other’s bad behaviour towards us, it becomes *Hatred;* when we accept it, it becomes *Forgiveness.*
When we don’t accept other’s Success, it becomes *Jealousy;* when we accept it, it becomes *Inspiration.*
Acceptance is the key to handling life well. Basically, don’t fight with reality.