hi, hello, yes. it is sunday night and this was not my intended weekly recap but this is urgent: chelsea have won the wsl again and sam kerr has decided to fucking lose it.
(brief pause to acknowledge that no one lifts a trophy like chelsea and sam kerr’s tongue lift a trophy)
moving right tf along because sam kerr and kristie mewis are being sapphic on main and I AM HAVING A BREAKDOWN. i just need you to collectively understand that the phones they are using to log on and make these silly little comments that everyone is fucking reading, CAN ALSO BE USED TO TEXT EACH OTHER THE EXACT SAME SHIT. THEY WANT US TO KNOW. please, if there has ever been a gayer exchange in the history of wlw woso, alert me. until then, this is fucking it.
tbh i was content with just a smidge of gay from sam ‘i will break this lil app’ kerr, as above. i will take a reference to ‘my girl’ and ‘ily’ any day even if platonic or directed at silverware. but as it happens, samantha woke up this morning and chose violence.
SO HERE WE ARE AT FULL GAY. god bless erin cuthbert, i guess??? i have a theory (PLEASE LOOK AWAY): mz. kerr plays her best football when she’s getting laid having fun. and friends, everything about that reference to kristie indicates BE GAY DO CRIME. i regret to admit the kerrmewis train is clearly full steam ahead, *do* pass go, *do* collect two hundred dollars, onward and upward utter mayhem.
suddenly, it makes sense why rachel daly and her dog are *appearing* to live their best lives on the waters of lake travis atm. no gay ass wsl celebration or ex-moving-on-faster will bring rach down, she got the dog ffs.
at any rate, happiest for them!!! magdalena eriksson and pernille harder have spent majority of their relationship at different clubs in different countries and now they are at the same club and just won a trophy together. let this be the nice thought that buoys you through these rocky kerrmewis seas because wtef, it *will* get worse.
meanwhile, happy birthday to beth mead, thanks for the content caitlin foord, blah, blah, you know the drill.
christen press continues to hug her teammates with the joy of someone who has never seen the sun before. / sabrina ionescu held sami whitcomb’s baby with the joy of someone who has never changed a diaper before. (i am low-key psyched for this upcoming sami/liberty combo. one week!)
oh yeah, lindsey horan and her torns won something this weekend, too. good for them.
in summation: things happened, they were gay. but none so gay as SAMANTHA KERR TELLING KRISTEN MEWIS ‘YOU LOOK GOOD ON ME’ JFC KRISTIE IS THE BEER IN THIS SCENARIO DO NOT @ ME GOODNIGHT!
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