the herb's her biz!

[perkysbud]

PERKYSBUD : an independent 𝒆𝒎𝒎𝒂 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒔, as seen in the hatchetfield universe. multiverse and crossover friendly. ship exclusive with @timebastard.

𝑎 𝑠𝑡𝑢𝑑𝑦 𝑖𝑛 : the cold and suffocating grip of grief that knocks the air out of your lungs at any given moment, realizing that you're playing a losing game, saving the strongest for last, being cursed to lose those you love the most, fighting tooth and nail because you have no other choice, unexplainable sights that make you feel as though your sanity is slipping slowly through your fingers, morally gray decision making, humanity at its finest and lowest

rules. dossier & verses. promo. companion blog. ⸻ inbox memes. wiley only memes. blogs.

[ohisms]

✱ ˚｡⋆ ↪ 1-800 ( HIT MY LINE ) ... ( a collection of texting prompts, part two. adjust phrasing as necessary, mature themes present. )

[ TXT ] :   you could just say you're sorry.

[ TXT ] :   this doesn't mean i forgive you.

[ TXT ] :   be outside in two minutes or you're dead,  i mean it.

[ TXT ] :   the least you could do is let me know you're okay.

[ TXT ] :   you start your day at 2pm?

[ TXT ] :   i think i lost my  [ ITEM ].  is it there?

[ TXT ] :   where are you?  nobody's heard from you.

[ TXT ] :   pick up.  pick up.  pick up.

[ TXT ] :   what if i said i'm outside?

[ TXT ] :   keep me posted.

[ TXT ] :   i want to kiss you so bad it hurts.

[ TXT ] :   send me your location.

[ TXT ] :   i hope this is some sort of emergency.

[ TXT ] :   i woke up and you were gone.

[ TXT ] :   they know.  i don't know how,  but they know.

[ TXT ] :   don't come home yet. i'll explain later.

[ TXT ] :   don't say i didn't warn you.

[ TXT ] :   i can't tell if you're mad at me...

[ TXT ] :   just trust me,  ok?

[ TXT ] :   [ IMAGE DELIVERED ]  you left this behind.

[ TXT ] :   are we still on for tonight?

[ TXT ] :   i want you to admit what you did.

[ TXT ] :   did you just hang up on me?

[ TXT ] :   are we ever going to talk about this?

[ TXT ] :   this is bigger than both of us now.

[ TXT ] :   i'm still waiting.

[ TXT ] :   what are you doing tomorrow night?

[ TXT ] :   fine,  i'll do it myself.

[ TXT ] :   you're still my emergency contact.

[ TXT ] :   stop,  you're making me blush.

[ TXT ] :   i lied earlier.  i'm not fine.

[ TXT ] :   [ MEDIA ]  ...  delete this after you look.

[ TXT ] :   i'm not joking.

[ TXT ] :   what happened to "never again"?

[ TXT ] :   i just want to make sure you know you're not alone.

[ TXT ] :   i don't know who else to call.

[ TXT ] :   can't stop thinking about you.

[ TXT ] :   you couldn't have told me this in person??

[ TXT ] :   i can't wait to see you again.

[ TXT ] :   did i do something wrong?

[ TXT ] :   i can't help you if you don't let me.

[ TXT ] :   i have ... sort of a favor to ask.

[ TXT ] :   i'm grabbing food, want me to pick you up?

[ TXT ] :   you looked at me different tonight.

[ TXT ] :   i don't want to be alone right now.

[ TXT ] :   i can't believe you'd actually say that.

[ TXT ] :   don't worry,  i handled it.

[ TXT ] :   i didn't think this through.

[ TXT ] :   give me a straight answer.

[ TXT ] :   if you go to the cops,  so will i.

[ TXT ] :   someone's feeling bold today.

[ TXT ] :   were you ever going to tell me?

[ TXT ] :   i shouldn't have said that.

[ TXT ] :   we kind of have a situation...

[ TXT ] :   i keep re-reading our old messages.

[ TXT ] :   like,  a BODY-body??

[ TXT ] :   you should hate me right now.

[ TXT ] :   i didn't plan for this,  either.

[ TXT ] :   i know you're reading these.

[ TXT ] :   have you been taking care of yourself?

[ TXT ] :   it's getting really bad again.

[ TXT ] :   [ IMAGE DELIVERED ]  am i doing this right...?

[ TXT ] :   i'm coming over whether you want me to or not.

[ TXT ] :   i need you to delete our texts.

[ TXT ] :   were you at  [ LOCATION ]  yesterday?

[ TXT ] :   you got anywhere to be later?

[ TXT ] :   i know it's 3am but i need to hear your voice.

[ TXT ] :   are you having fun?

[ TXT ] :   i'm on my way,  don't go anywhere.

[ TXT ] :   it's been awhile,  we should meet up somewhere.

[ TXT ] :   oh my god,  are you bailing again?

[ TXT ] :   [ LINK ]  ...  this reminded me of you.

[ TXT ] :   so that's it?  we're just...  done?

[ TXT ] :   wear the  [ ITEM ]  i got you tonight.

[ TXT ] :   you looked at me different tonight.

[ TXT ] :   bring a jacket,  it's freezing.

[ TXT ] :   your secret is safe with me.

[ TXT ] :   this wasn't meant for you. forget you saw that.

[ TXT ] :   do i need to come over?

[ TXT ] :   stop,  you're making me blush.

[ TXT ] :   you're running out of time.

[ TXT ] :   don't bother making excuses.

[ TXT ] :   i see you typing...

[ TXT ] :   i don't think i caught your name.

[ TXT ] :   they know.  i don't know how,  but they know.

[ TXT ] :   i wouldn't ask if it wasn't important.

[ TXT ] :   you snore,  by the way.

[ TXT ] :   show me what you're working on.

[ TXT ] :   call me right now,  it's an emergency.

[ TXT ] :   if i tell you something,  promise you won't freak out.

[ TXT ] :   i thought you were dead.

[ TXT ] :   this is all a big mistake.

[ TXT ] :   movie's showing tonight at 9,  are you in?

[ TXT ] :   [ IMAGE DELIVERED ]  ...  miss this yet?

[ TXT ] :   you don't have to be such an asshole.

[ TXT ] :   you know what you're doing to me.

[ TXT ] :   i just heard what happened... are you okay?

[ TXT ] :   you owe me one.

[ TXT ] :   i miss you so much.

[ TXT ] :   can you send me the photos from last night?

[ TXT ] :   [ LINK ]  ...  have you seen this???  [ NAME ]??

[ TXT ] :   you looked beautiful last night.

[ TXT ] :   can i see that beautiful face?

[ TXT ] :   i kept your stuff. in case you ever wanted it back.

[ TXT ] :   sorry,  i'm running late.

[ TXT ] :   i'm not supposed to be talking to you.

[ TXT ] :   you can't ignore me forever.

[ TXT ] :   [ LINK ]  ...  don't freak out.

[ TXT ] :   i think my phone is tapped.

[ TXT ] :   hold on,  i'm in the middle of something.

[ TXT ] :   just checking to see if you've blocked me...

[ TXT ] :   you can't tell anyone about this.

[emmaperkins]

Lauren Lopez as Emma Perkins The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals: Reprised! (2025)

[perkysbud]

hello pookies. last night was so magical and fun and it was a blast getting to dance in the great hall of a castle with @timebastard and @bulsoitan. i'm so incredibly sleepy and trying to make it through this travel day back home, but i thankfully took off work tomorrow. i'll be around more then <3

[timebastard]

Ted had been trying to catch her in a moment he could talk again, but he'd also been relatively busy after the start of the year. New policies, new tasks, just not enough time to actually come into Beanie's. They'd done group orders for delivery and each time it'd been another girl bringing them over. So today he'd made sure to find time to actually go over, actually see her. He didn't have her number (stupid of him not to get it) and he wasn't about to harass her at her place. Spending the night there and then the next day didn't necessarily mean he was invited over at any point.

He knew he was being a way with his near plea/request, but he really did want another night with her. Another... whatever. The copier room had been so hot and heavy, but the time at her place? The aftermath of more rounds and just spending most of the day in bed together? Ted craved that kind of attention and desire. Craved being enjoyed and he was almost certain she'd enjoyed him. So this... this was a teased blackmailing, if you will, but he hoped he didn't actually have to beg.

At her remark he snorted with a small shake of his head, "Oh we both know it isn't the money." He nodded his head to the Tip for a Song sign, "And we also know... I really don't mind the view when it comes to that dance and song..."

[perkysbud]

Her eyes squinted as he corrected her before she gave a snort and a roll of her eyes. "Okay, so you're blackmailing me with a shitty tip and a tip song," she amended, her nose wrinkling, "I'm not sure that helps your case, especially with what happens the second that dollar hits the bottom of that jar..."

"Look, we've got a line," she insisted as she gestured to the one person behind him who gave a wide-eyed pass of a wave to signal they were still looking at the menu. Or maybe they were more interested in what was transpiring here. She sighed and her shoulders dropped as brown eyes flicked back to Ted, "You know, you could also just ask without the tip being involved..." Her nose immediately wrinkled with regret at how that could be twisted, her hand lifting to stop him, "Don't --"

[authorizeduse]

In rural Colorado, a black sedan creeps up the length of the driveway belonging to one Ms. Kelly Finch, and even through the tint of the windows the general can see the sea of green that seems endless. After what he has to presume was months of labor, it seems that the land is being well tended. If he had to guess, she probably hasn't really recovered but thrown herself into the work to avoid it, or maybe it's simply the blackened pot staring back from the rear view mirror as his stomach turns.

If the world was fairer, and it so rarely is, this task would have fallen to someone else. He could have delegated it, but this is his to carry. To set the lead, and the standard, and do the difficult thing. A manila envelope sits on the passenger seat, below a green padded binder and a hinged black box. @perkysbud has earned these things, but that does not mean she wants the reminders when the wounds are still fresh. When he thinks too long or too hard about those weeks, the blue brushed scar on his abdomen begins to ache. A feeling that has become synonymous with this entire trip as the car creeps ever closer to the house.

He parks in such a way that he doesn't block her car in. Every avenue of escape should be left viable. It was one of the first things he'd discussed with Schaffer when he decided that this task would be his own. Panic is likely, but she shouldn't be chased. If she runs, let her be and leave. The letter explains enough. Even as he sits in the car, General McNamara, a man who does not hesitate, finds himself holding back from the moment. A corner of the letter peeks out from beneath taunting him with the initials KF, and his hands twitch before he reaches for the glove box and retrieves a sharpie, blacking them out with slightly more force than necessary and he places the envelope on the dashboard to write in the finest script he can manage given the writing implement a name. Emma Perkins.

Satisfied with his handiwork, he gathers the items from the seat, and with a final glance back, he walks to the door and tries to keep the ever stoic appearance he has long since adopted do the heavy lifting. Perhaps this will all go better than expected, but he has his doubts as he raises his hand to ring the doorbell.

[perkysbud]

Emma Perkins was dead, as far as the world was concerned. She had been lost in the destruction of Hatchetfield along with the long list of the rest of its citizens. The government had covered up what happened - after all, the truth didn't make sense even to the women who had survived it. To the rest of the world, the meteor had ruptured a major gas pipeline and had wiped Hatchetfield from the face of the earth. Paul's heroic acts had been lost to it all, and it was constant biting at the tip of her tongue. She was here because of what he had done and because, as life went, she was too stubborn to die.

As far as she knew, there were no other survivors. At least, that's what she had been told. So, she kept her head down and focused on this new life. Kelly Finch felt foreign to her, but she was getting used to it. She didn't have to do a double take when hearing the name anymore. Her tongue was starting to form muscle memory around saying it in introductions. She lived on a large piece of land in Colorado, and though it was much tougher without Witchwood soil, her crops were flourishing. So much so that Perky's Buds was the last piece of her name she had to herself, though she always had to chalk it up to how chipper certain strands would make customers.

She wasn't expecting any visitors on the day the black sedan wound down the long driveway to her home and the doorbell sounded. But moments after it, she opened it to reveal a face that she was surprised to see had made it out of this mess.

"General MacNamara," she greeted as if she had seen a ghost, eyes wide and lips parted. The name rolled off her tongue as a distant, passing memory of Paul reminded her of the name. One she shouldn't remember but stuck to her like glue. Her fingers curled on the doorway as if this was some trick, giving a small gulp as she faced her past in a way she hadn't in too long. "Wh-What are you doing here?"

[tedspankoffski]

Yes. Look at me. Yes. Very good.

The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals: Remount! (2025) ⤷ buy it now!

[perkysbud]

"Listen... if you don't want me to tip all you have to do is accept my invitation for drinks," he teases the dollar bill (not even a five) over the jar, "I'll stop tipping for however long you want if you just give me a shot beyond what happened in that copier room."

It was four days into the new year, and Emma knew that it was only a matter of time before Ted came barking up her tree. The holiday party had been on Saturday night, and what would normally be Emma exiting stage right soon after had turned into her lazing about most of Sunday with Ted. It was something new, something admittedly still lodged in her head, but come Monday, Emma was back to normal life at the whim of serving mediocre coffee to Hatchetfield. What was glimpses of how good that weekend had been was soon burnt out between the rush of work and being too damn exhausted after to have many other thoughts.

On Wednesday, though, a reminder walked through the door as @timebastard appeared at the counter. He teased the jar with a dollar (how generous) and gave her an offer she couldn't...or could refuse.

"I'm sorry, are you blackmailing me with twenty cents after the cut?" she snorted with raised eyebrows, an amused smirk on her lips. "I would say that's stiff, but that'd be too easy --"

[timebastard]

Never in Ted's adult life did he think he'd be in a situation where he was actively bringing a girl to church. It seemed childish to put it that way, but truly he used to use the Sundays as way to scope out his next target for lines or advances. His mom? Oh she knew that to some degree, but she always hoped that Ted would come around to just enjoying the church time with his family. He didn't-- well, at least not to that extent even now. He went to church for a second reason and that was his mother. He respected her to some degree and it was the only day in the week she asked for him to be somewhat normal. Somewhat decent. He tried... God did he try.

But then along came Emma, who snorted with laughter as he explained his Sundays the first time after they'd began sleeping together. He made it clear his intentions with church, that he wasn't necessarily a believer in anything. Could there be? Sure, but overall? Did it matter? Church had some banging cougars and sexy singles. Not to mention repressed religious chicks were usually the freakiest in bed. She, @perkysbud , had of course laughed more at all that before he was jumping her to silence it with his lips.

Now, back to the whole actively bringing a girl to church thing... See, after about six months of practically spending every Saturday with Emma and then some? Ted started to fall heavily for her in that time. He was, after all, a romantic at heart and it was hard not to feel the way he did for her. Not to mention she started making it almost clear that she enjoyed spending the same amount of time with him. And now? On this hot June day, he could confidently call her his in some fashion. He'd stopped sleeping around a few months back, but in the last month... the two of them started being something more official. Something with titles. That's what led to her coming to church and meeting his family. That had started about three weeks ago.

She didn't come last week due to opening at Beanie's, but today she was seated beside him in the pew... his brother on the other side of him with his parents following. They were all sat in quiet silence listening to a sermon be spoken out, the words getting lost on Ted. He wasn't listening and hadn't been since the moment they sat down. It was Emma's doing. They'd arrived on their own in his car and were just about to get out when she spoke up--

Just so you're aware, I'm not wearing any underwear right now.

His eyes had widened at the confession, hand on the door and other suddenly white knuckling the steering wheel. He glanced from her relaxed features to her the dress she wore then back up, stuttering to say something that never came to as she got out of the car. He kept his eyes on the seat where she'd been and he had to swallow a large breath before getting out as well. He didn't even get a chance to comment on it as his mother came up to greet his sundress wearing girlfriend. The two hugged and he forced a smile at the older woman before sliding a hand along Emma's back to walk inside with them all.

It'd been nearly an hour which meant the service was close to over, but the sermon was dragging and he was losing his patience. All he could think about was the fact Emma was sat beside him wearing just a dress that brushed her knees and nothing underneath it beyond a bra. His mind was reeling at the idea of getting her bent over or on her back with her legs spread. All of it was making it nearly impossible to breathe and making him squirm a little with impatience. Which is exactly what he did only to be told by Pete to stop moving. The interaction was brief as their mother hushed them.

He wasn't too sure the actual length of time they spent in that pew, but as soon as they started to rise he was quick to turn to his family, "As always, I'm so glad to have spent my Sunday morning do this as opposed to other activites." Pete rolled his eyes and his mother sighed as she collected her purse, "And though we normally go to lunch, I do think--"

don't even think of cancelling on us, theodore. i have things i wish to talk to emma about regarding the festival.

Ted frowned at that, groaning a little as if he were a child being told no. A pout came to his lips as he was forced to follow the movements of the pew being emptied. He quickly found Emma's hand though, leaning over to whisper into her ear as they went, "When I get you alone--"

emma! why don't you ride with me actually? pete can go in ted's car. we can have a little girl time...?

Ted's eyes widened and his hand squeezed a little at Emma's, looking to his mother then to the woman beside him. He started to shake his head with a hiss of, "Perks--" but he knew with one look at his girlfriend... she was enjoying watching him squirm.

[perkysbud]

If someone had asked Emma about this new season of her life a year or so ago, then she would have thought they were crazy. This sort of life felt so foreign to her previously. A boyfriend. A Sunday routine that involved going to church with his family. In Emma's vague memories of her childhood, she only remembered going to church for special occasions: a Christmas service here or there or a Passion Play around Easter time. As tragedy built upon tragedy, Emma had learned to have faith in solely herself. If there was some higher being out there, he sure had a twisted sense of humor.

When she said she'd go to church with Ted and his family, she knew there was something different about what was happening with him. Something that had scared her off previously. If she was willing to give up her lazy Sunday mornings to get up, put on real clothes and make up, and sit through a whole service? Don't read too far into that, but the signs were there and she had continued to show up three weeks later.

Coming to church didn't mean that she couldn't have a little fun. She knew that once an idea was put in Ted's mind, it took an act of Congress for him to let it go. So, as she was exiting his car, she gave him a little cheeky remark about what may or may not be underneath her dress. What was the truth? It didn't matter. Not when she noticed his pause in getting out of the car, unable to stop from smirking to herself.

She could tell in how he couldn't stay still during the service that her mission had succeeded. One remark had turned him into a fidgeting mess, between twisting the ends of her hair in his fingers to squirming in his seat. So much so that she heard Pete scold him for it. She had snorted quietly to herself as she had kept her eyes on the preacher during his sermon.

When the service was over, she wasn't surprised in Ted's strike of action. She wasn't surprised by Ophelia's plans either. The woman always wanted to go to lunch after church. What did surprise her was the offer to ride with her, Emma's eyebrows raising as she released a quiet little laugh. Oh, Ted was going to die.

"I'd love the girl time," she assured with a warm grin, despite Ted's whine of her nickname. She gave his hand a squeeze before hers slipped from his hold, turning to her boyfriend and his brother. "You two need the boy time too! I think that's a great idea, Ophelia --"

Heh.

[perkysbud]

good morning!! it's @bulsoitan's big day!!! @timebastard and i can't wait to see her!!! please give her so so much love on her beautiful gorgeous wedding day!!! 😭

[philophilya-x-deactivated]

i give you permission to devour me whole.

[zachrp]

ᝰ🚬 𝚉𝙰𝙲𝙷𝚁𝙿 .ᐟ SYMBOL HEADCANON QUESTIONS. CHANGE ANY PRONOUNS IF NECESSARY. SOME MATURE THEMES MAY BE PRESENT.

EVERYDAY LIFE / DOMESTIC

📋 : how organized is your muse?

✅ : what do they pretend to have together that they don't?

🕰️ : what time do they naturally wake up when no one needs them?

☕ : what's their morning ritual, and what happens when it's disrupted?

🧺 : how often do they do laundry?

🪞 : do they look at themselves in mirrors, or avoid them? why?

🍽️ : do they eat to survive, for pleasure, or as comfort?

🏠 : what part of their living space reflects them the most?

🌱 : do they keep plants, and are those plants alive?

🧼 : what's something they're weirdly particular about being clean?

📺 : what do they put on when they don't want to think?

SOCIALIZATION / CONNECTION

🗣️ : are they better one-on-one, or in groups?

📱 : do they text back immediately, or let messages rot?

🫥 : how often do they pretend to be fine to keep the peace?

🎭 : how different are they with strangers versus people they trust?

🤝 : do they make friends easily, or accidentally?

🧠 : what do they assume people think about them?

🌘 : how hard is it to really know them?

🎉 : do they enjoy social events, or endure them?

🪑 : are they the type to leave early without saying goodbye?

INTROSPECT / INTERNAL LANDSCAPE

🕵️‍♀️ : how often does your muse think about death?

🧩 : what part of themselves do they not understand yet?

🫀 : what emotion scares them the most?

👣 : do they believe they deserve good things?

🧱 : what walls are they aware of building? which ones are they not aware of?

🕳️ : what do they spiral about at night?

📉 : what's their most common self-criticism?

💀 : do they trust their own memories?

🌊 : what emotion do they drown in when they're alone?

PERSONAL / DEEP / TRAUMA-ADJACENT

🩸 : what wound shaped them the most, even if they won't admit it?

🔥 : what moment do they replay when they're ashamed?

🧷 : who failed them first?

🕯️ : what do they grieve that no one else sees as a loss?

🪤 : what pattern do they keep falling back into?

🧨 : what pushes them past the point of restraint?

🧬 : what did they inherit emotionally from their caregivers?

🕶 : what lie do they tell themselves to survive?

🩹 : what actually helps them heal, even if it's unhealthy?

HABITS / VICES / COPING

🚬 : what vice do they justify the most?

🍺 : do they drink to socialize, numb, or celebrate?

💊 : what's their relationship with substances, past or present?

🏃 : do they move their body to feel alive or to punish it?

🛏️ : how do they sleep when things are bad?

🎧 : what kind of music gets them through the worst days?

🖊️ : do they write things down or let thoughts rot in their head?

☔️ : do they intellectualize pain instead of feeling it?

🕳️ : what habit would unravel them if taken away?

SEXUALITY / INTIMACY

🫠 : is it easy for them to get turned on, or do they need emotional safety first?

💞 : do they separate sex and feelings, or blur them dangerously?

🛑 : what's an immediate turn-off for them?

🔥 : do they crave intensity or stability?

🤲 : do they like being in control, or giving it up?

🪶 : are they gentle with people they desire?

🍒 : how do they feel about their own body during intimacy?

🎱 : what do they need to feel wanted?

🔒 : do they guard intimacy, or give it too freely?

💔 : have they ever used sex to avoid something?

MORALITY / CHOICES

⚖️ : what line will they never cross?

🩶 : what line have they already crossed and justified? or regret?

🧭 : do they believe they're a good person?

🔪 : what would they do if survival demanded cruelty?

🪙 : what do they value more, loyalty or truth?

🚪 : who would they abandon if forced to choose?

🕊️ : do they believe in forgiveness? for themselves? in others?

🧨 : what would make them snap permanently?

📜 : what promise do they regret making?

🪦 : what hill would they die on?

[emmaperkins]

Lauren Lopez as Emma Perkins The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals: Reprised! (2025)

[perkysbud]

at the airport ready to see @timebastard in a few hours and sooo ready to celebrate @bulsoitan this weekend!!! 💕

[perkysbud]

prettiest girl in the world

[emmaperkins]

Lauren Lopez as Emma Perkins The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals: Reprised! (2025)

[perkysbud]

SO I'LL CRASH OUT mutuals may interact, @timebastard can reblog