Personal Meh

Hello vistors <3 Nice to meet you! My name is Vivian. This is kind of a small and personal blog that I usually come to every so often. You're welcomed to join me in my day-to-day feels <3. I hope you can find some of it relatable if you stay :) Feel free to message me if you ever need someone to talk to.

[missincisor]

all my organs: *working hard as fuck to keep me alive*

my brain: lol how about you kill yourself

my organs: ヽ(´Д`;)ﾉ

[bloodonthehorizon]

//

[fearfulaf]

Thoughts hit me like I wish a train would

[personalmeh]

Sigh... Sometimes... I’m reminded about how fragile I am... An hour or so ago... I felt so close to just ending it all. I was just so tired of all my repressed feelings, and tired from trying to change and be a different person. No one seemed avaible to talk. for the most part. Thankfully... my friendmessaged back and sensed something was off... but that won’t happen everytime right? 

It’s just the thought... what if he hadn’t? Because no body else did. 

I feel like... I’m always so afraid to lose my friends. I’m there even when. it’s inconvenient for me (which for me... is usually a lot of the time tbh... because I have a very rigid schedule n my head that I like to uphold) . but I wonder...if most people will be there for me...  maybe I need better friends? 

[purplebuddhaquotes]

The worst thing in the world can happen, but the next day the sun will come up. And you will eat your toast. And you will drink your tea.

Rhian Ellis

(via

purplebuddhaquotes

)

[thingsthathavebeensetfree]

A few years ago, I was crying and whining at my mom and sister while I was really drunk. I asked my mom and my sister, it wasn’t long after we’d moved. I asked them if they were happy. I got drunk and woke up my entire sleeping family, like some ahjussi. It had been my number one goal in life, you know, to make my mom and sister happy. They both woke up and told me they were happy. But I was so envious at the fact that they were able to reply that they were, indeed, happy. Because it wasn’t like that for me. I told them while sobbing, ‘I want to be happy too.’ Then I felt like I’d done my mom and sister wrong. But from then on, I started contemplating about happiness. For about six months, I pondered specifically over what I would need to do in order to become happy. I think that time of transformation has come. I think I need to become happy, now. I must become happy. I am going to be happy.

Esquire Duo Interview, May 2017 (source: sullaem)

[texts-bts]

[astrolodge-deactivated20200524]

Aries risings long for something lively and peaceful (Libra ruling the 7th), so it can be frustrating for them when they come on more strongly than they mean to.

Taurus risings long for something intimate and deep (Scorpio ruling the 7th), so it can be frustrating for them when they act more materialistic than they are. 

Gemini risings long for meaningful relationships and philosophical conversations (Sagittarius ruling the 7th), so it can be frustrating for them when they appear shallow and small minded. 

Cancer risings long to be protected (Capricorn ruling the 7th), so it can be frustrating for them when they always seem to be the one people come to for help.

Leo risings long to look at the bigger picture (like universal consciousness) (Aquarius ruling the 7th), so it can be frustrating for them when everything always seems to circle back to themselves. 

Virgo risings long to let go (Pisces ruling the 7th), so it can be frustrating for them when they’re always uptight.

Libra risings long for something thrilling (Aries ruling the 7th), so it can be frustrating for them when they always seem mellow and not interested.

Scorpio risings long to find something that can’t be destroyed (Taurus ruling the 7th), so it can be frustrating for them when they always seem to sabotage their relationships.

Sagittarius risings long to understand everything (Gemini ruling the 7th), so it can be frustrating for them can’t shift their mindset or focus on the details.

Capricorn risings long to be nurtured (Cancer ruling the 7th), so it can be frustrating for them when they don’t let anyone in.  

Aquarius risings long to be adored (Leo ruling the 7th), so it can be frustrating for them when they always appear aloof and focus on others. 

Pisces risings long to be more grounded (Virgo ruling the 7th), so it can be frustrating for them when they can’t focus on reality.

[writingplayingliving]

“Sometimes there isn’t screaming anger or endless sorrow or a hurt that shakes your whole being. Sometimes there’s just quiet. An absence. A refusal of the mind to acknowledge any feeling at all.”

And this is still grief

[cwote]

Just my fav flower motivation :))

[psych2go]

Visit Our Website Here @psych2go.net

Read the full article here

[blingblingis]

I’m not gonna lie, I can’t put into words how much I appreciate Minho saying “It’s not like everything is okay” because it’s not okay and it will be a very long time before it will be, if ever, and he’s not shying away from admitting that. And then he follows it up with “but we’re going to work hard and we hope you look kindly on us.” That’s exactly what I needed to hear and what I think needed to be said. It’s not okay, but they’re working hard and that gives me the strength needed to work hard too.

[personalmeh]

I wish I could see the person that people see in me. All I see in myself is someone just trying to keep swimming on top of the water. 

[purplebuddhaquotes]

Despite how open, peaceful, and loving you attempt to be, people can only meet you as deeply as they’ve met themselves.

Matt Kahn (via purplebuddhaquotes)

[okiiim-blog]

Being scared is okay. Being scared means you’re about to do something really really brave,

(via okiiim)

[the-moon-whisperer]

[personalmeh]

Someday are a complete regression. 

I fill my life with a commitment to save myself. So I wouldn’t quit life halfway because I know myself well enough if I say I’m going to do something. I will. But today feels different. It almost feels like my commitment doesn’t matter anymore. I feel like everything I held close to keep myself from feeling this way is slipping. 

Is it the reality? Is it just my thought? I don’t know what is from what anymore. 

One of my friends have been pushing me towards therapy but in reality. I can’t because if I use insurance it’ll show up in my records and my family will know. I don’t have the funds to be able to afford therapy either. ah. I was just going to try and hold out until I get back to college. 

But recently, I feel more exhausted . I feel like I cry at least twice a week now. I’ve lsot count. I feel like I’m being eaten alive. And still. I have to hold everything togehter because I’m not who I can trust anymore. I keep trying to push people away. I’m exhausted.