e.s.

💫 female - 23 - Austria - law student - feminist - love to write 💫 Pictures on this blog are not mine unless stated otherwise. Everything else, however, is mine and is marked "e.s.". Please don't remove my signature or change my writing.

[pessimisticandrealistic]

i love it when you lie to me. come on, lie once more. tell me you love me, please. just this once more. make me feel alive, my love. what's one more lie compared to all the ones you've already told? one last time i want to see your mouth curl into a smile, want to feel your arms around me, your breath on my lips, and then hear you whisper those three words. because i do love you, and my heart couldn't take it if you didn't.

e.s. // lie to me, my love.

[pessimisticandrealistic]

i have been writing about you for a while now, darling. i tried writing about someone else but the words just didn’t flow, they didn’t feel as right as they do when i write about you. everything written about someone else just seems to come in second place. no one ever scraped at the pedestal i put you on. no one comes close to you. i have been trying to write about another for a while now, darling. should i just give up? should i write about you again? about the great pain you caused me in midst of all our happiness? am i crazy to want to? darling, you just have to say the word and all my words are yours forever.

e.s. // all my words.

[pessimisticandrealistic]

oh, honey, that cheeky smile of yours screams trouble, the mischief in your eyes is not at all subtle, the way you play me with a simple touch, tells me just this much: this is not like those loves we've had in our past, it's all good fun that won't last. but, honey, damned be i if i didn't indulge and damned be you with your filthy mouth.

e.s. // filthy mouth.

[pessimisticandrealistic]

I was hoping to see you today. My heart skipped a beat just at the thought of it. The way you say my name, the way you touch me, it completely unravels me. I don't know if you ever notice but you make me feel all giddy inside. I dressed up for you today, applied my favourite perfume, and even curled my hair. I was hoping to see you today. I didn't. So tomorrow I will continue hoping.

e.s. // a little silly crush.

[pessimisticandrealistic]

I'm still shocked and deeply shaken by what has happened in my hometown Vienna.

My thoughts are with those we lost, those still battling for their lives and all of their families and friends.

Thank you to all the people who kept us, and are still keeping us safe.

We will get through this. Together.

- e.s.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ich bin noch immer zutiefst darüber schockiert, was sich gestern in Wien abgespielt hat. Es tut weh.

Meine Gedanken sind bei denen, die so grausam aus ihren Leben gerissen wurden, bei denen, die noch um ihre Leben kämpfen, und bei all deren Familien und Freunden.

Ein Dankeschön geht an alle Einsatzkräfte, die gestern ihr Leben für unseres riskiert haben.

Wir werden gemeinsam einen Weg aus dieser Dunkelheit finden. Wir werden uns nicht unterkriegen lassen. Wir werden weiterhin für das einstehen, für was wir als demokratische Republik stehen.

Wien hält zusammen. Österreich hält zusammen.

- e.s.

[pessimisticandrealistic]

I promise you this now: I won't choose you.

When the time comes to choose between myself and you, I will choose me.

Many people have tried to tie me down,

To make me commit,

To get me to stay.

I never do.

I won't allow myself to.

You could be the greatest thing to happen to me and it wouldn't change a thing.

I choose a life of loneliness over a lifetime of happiness with you because loneliness is all I know.

I don't know how to match my expectations to reality. In the beginning I will want too much too fast before I won't want it at all.

That's how my mind works.

That's who I am.

And I would rather save you the trouble of getting your heart broken by me.

e.s. // a promise never to be broken.

[pessimisticandrealistic]

As much as I accused you of leaving,

I have myself to blame for not staying.

e.s. // it takes two.

[pessimisticandrealistic]

My mum, a married woman, tells me there is no such thing as love. I look in the mirror and wonder why I exist. If not love, what else drove her to have me? And then I wonder if maybe the lack of love that went into making me, is the reason hatred runs through my veins.

e.s. // loveless child.

[pessimisticandrealistic]

I tell them to use me, One after the other. I tell them to do with me as they please, But what I mean for them to do, Is to love me back to life.

e.s. // love me back to life.

[pessimisticandrealistic]

If you don't agree then unfollow my blog 👋🏻

[pessimisticandrealistic]

You're writing is so beautiful!

Thank you! 💗

[pessimisticandrealistic]

Where in Austria do you live?

Vienna!

[pessimisticandrealistic]

i should have known better than to fall in love with you. you told me about your heart. told me it was cold, relentless, broken. but i just smiled at you and told you i could fix it. now everything is over and i'm the only one who needs fixing.

e.s. // cold, cold heart.

[pessimisticandrealistic]

I wish I could just grab my phone and talk to you. I can’t, though. There’s so much that happened between us and so much that never did but could have. I loved how genuine and soft you always sounded. I can’t imagine you ever lying. You were just so good, all of you was so good. Your heart was pure gold, baby. You were so pure even after everything that had happened to you. I know life wasn’t easy on you – you still wear the scars to prove it. If I could talk to you, I’d tell you that I was crushing on you, too. I know it would have meant something to you.  It meant everything to me. I always understood you, no matter what. You did the same. You always understood me and just let me be who I really was. It was you and me. Two strangers at first - then we both fell a bit for each other. And everything felt right except the time in which it all happened. I was still getting over someone and just couldn’t let the past go. And you. You were battling with your own demons - your past, your present, your future. I know how scared you felt about never getting what you truly wanted the most. You felt it and I felt it, too. I wish I could have hugged you then. I wish I could hug you now. But what I couldn’t do back then, I can’t do now either. I hope you forgive me one day. For everything. I miss you.

e.s. // lost lover.

[pessimisticandrealistic]

He made me feel like a goddess Only to strip me of my title and Hand my crown over to someone else.

e.s. // a sadist’s love. (via pessimisticandrealistic)

[pessimisticandrealistic]

opposites attract before they ruin each other.

e.s. // you & me.

[pessimisticandrealistic]

the one's love i refused, was probably the purest of them all.

e.s. // missed chances.

I miss you, D. So much. My heart aches just thinking about you.