i want to cut myself so bad. till im nothing but blood and bone. i miss it so bad. i want to hurt on the outside as much as im hurting on the inside.
Claire Keane
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Janaina Medeiros
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@peter-pan-smiles
i want to cut myself so bad. till im nothing but blood and bone. i miss it so bad. i want to hurt on the outside as much as im hurting on the inside.
i deserve to die
Feeling like you're too much is honestly one of the worst feelings to possibly exist. It just feels like you need to stop being yourself and existing all together. It's like you crawl out of your own skin and laugh in disgust at what remains, it's pathetic. And so saddening.
on the topic of ignorance
Sebastian Sallow x m!MC
Word count: 3.9 k
Tags: fluff
Read on Archive
In which our beloved Sebastian Sallow is most upset with MC and attempts to avoid him, when in actuality he is the one being avoided. A fact that simply does not sit well with him.
“We’re not talking.”
Sebastian promptly takes his seat beside his best friend and fellow Slytherin, Ominis, as students begin to filter into the Charms classroom for their afternoon lesson.
“Who’re you talking about?” Ominis sends a perplexed expression his way.
“Who do you think?” Sebastian’s words are short and impatient.
It only takes one guess as Ominis drawls out in a now bored fashion at the realization, “are you talking about MC?”
“Yes, obviously I’m talking about MC!” He hisses in an aside to his friend.
“Good,” Ominis turns away from Sebastian, drawing his attention away to place his wand on the table in front of him. “Then you can finally stop bringing the poor lad into your affairs. He seems far too busy as it is.”
Sebastian furrows his brow, blinking at Ominis in disbelief. “My affairs–he was the one who wanted to get involved in the first place, you know.”
“Whatever you say, Sebastian. I just think you put too much on him sometimes.”
He’s annoyed, not bothering to hide the fact that it’s because Ominis isn’t siding with him–even when he’s his best friend, and by default should side with him no matter what–to the point where he is now fully scowling. “Is this because of what happened at the Scriptorium?”
A slightly panicked look crosses Ominis’ face. Sebastian can’t help the little bit of satisfaction that flickers within him at getting a response out of Ominis, aware of how uncomfortable the topic makes him. Ominis faces him once more, leaning in closer with a lowered tone, “Can we not speak of this here, I don’t want you casually mentioning what happened out in the open like this. You know it still haunts me.”
It was true that what had transpired in his, Ominis’, and MC’s search for Salazar Slytherin’s scriptorium was unpleasant–to say the least–but Sebastian stands by that it was necessary in order to extract the information they’d received. He knows MC would agree, too.
“Oh, come off it, Ominis. It’s fine. But okay, I’ll drop it.” Sebastian leans back in his chair, casting his gaze to the door where students continue coming in from. “Besides, this is to do with a disagreement we had and I only wanted to say that we are collectively going to ignore MC together. So no being friendly when he comes in, okay?”
It’s Ominis’ turn to frown now, the corners of his lips pulled down. “You might have the luxury to avoid whoever you want for a bit of overdramatic reason, but I–for one–would like to keep the few friends that I have. Do whatever you want, Sebastian, I won’t be a part of this.” He fully turns his back on Sebastian now to face the front of the classroom.
He supposes he understands, Ominis has always had a hard time getting people to like him, nevermind trust him. He was a Gaunt, after all. The family name carried quite the reputation within the school, and not one other students–or teachers alike–saw to fondly.
Sebastian never cared, Ominis was his oldest and closest friend, having struck up their acquaintance and fast growing friendship back in first year alongside his sister, Anne. The three had always been inseparable, and Ominis had gone through more than anyone could ever imagine while still retaining a kind soul.
The only other person to look past his name and the fear it brought out was MC, who’d been quick to extend an introduction and a smile when meeting Ominis and him in their first class together.
But all that aside, Sebastian can’t help the irritation at his request being turned down by Ominis. Not that it really matters, he’ll do a fine job of ignoring MC on his own. He’d been waiting for this moment since his and MC’s last conversion in the Undercroft. After MC had disclosed knowing–and working with–the enemy. A goblin, of all creatures. He couldn’t believe it. And by extension, Sebastian hasn’t spoken to him since.
That had been the evening before the weekend, and now that Tuesday has approached alongside their first shared class of the week, Sebastian is eager for MC to show up so he can follow through with his plan to ignore him completely. That’ll teach him.
Most of his classmates have now settled at their desks, distributing themselves away from the classroom entrance where they’d crowded before the start of class neared. Sebastian feels a jab of disappointment when Garreth is the last to slip inside before Professor Ronan swiftly walks down the stairs from his office and shuts the door to the classroom with a flick of his wand.
“Alright everyone, shall we begin?”
-
“He never showed up.”
Ominis points the observation to Sebastian–as if he already didn’t know–while Sebastian paces the small alcove in front of the windows that look into the lake where Ominis leisurely leans against. It’s his preferred area of the Slytherin common room to hang out in, and Sebastian is finding himself joining Ominis here more often as of late.
“You don’t think I’ve noticed?” He squints over at Ominis, a look of frustration plastered across his face and seeping into his voice just the same.
After Charms class came and went, Sebastian expected MC to show up the following day in the morning at Defence Against the Dark Arts to little avail. But no matter, since they also shared Herbology in the afternoon. Only, there was no sign of MC then, either. Wednesday was a lost cause as their houses do not cross paths again until Friday. But that day came and went, too, without so much as a glimpse of him.
Sebastian lets out a frustrated sigh, turning sharply on his heel to take the couple of steps he’s been pacing on repeat beside Ominis. He knew MC had other, more pressing assignments at times, but this was just ridiculous. If the two of them were on speaking terms, he’d be quite cross with how absent he’s been.
“Well, it’s a good thing then, isn’t it? He’s too busy to take part in classes with you. Therefore you don’t have to waste so much energy in trying to avoid him.” Ominis comments casually.
This only spurs Sebastian on further, “No, it’s not a good thing! He’s not around for me to show how annoyed I am with him! He needs to know, Ominis. He needs to be around for me to ignore.”
Ominis’ brow creases, “I don’t follow, you want him to show up to class so you can… pretend he’s not in class? Is this… is this some sort of attempt at courting I’m not familiar with?”
“Ugh, no, I’m not trying to–to court him! You don’t understand…” Sebastian shakes his head in continued frustration. Though, he’s secretly glad that Ominis can’t pick up on the way his cheeks have tinged ever so slightly red.
“No, apparently not.” Ominis replies shortly. Sebastian decides to drop the topic for the evening, slumping into a chair opposite of Ominis and burying his face in one of the many books he’s preoccupied himself with since the beginning of the school year.
-
“I hope they’re okay.”
Ominis says, out of the blue–even if what he knows the subject to be is constantly at the forefront of Sebastain’s mind.
“Of course he’s okay.” He snaps, a little too harshly, so he continues, this time with less malice, “I mean, I’m sure Professor Figg has pulled him out of school to do more of those ancient-magic-trial-things.”
Another two weeks have passed where the both of them still haven’t seen or heard from MC. Worry over him has seeped in the back of Sebastian’s mind, too. But his annoyance, and certainty that he wasn’t in any real danger, won out in the end.
“He could have at least told us.” Sebastain states sourly as him and Ominis trudge side by side on their way to Magical Beasts. He has his arm looped with Ominis’, practically barreling down the path that leads out of the campus grounds to the hut where Madam Howin teaches.
“Maybe he’s upset with you, too–also, could you slow down please? You’re going to make me trip over something.”
“Upset with me? You’re joking.” Sebastian slows his pace, but only slightly. “No, this is a lapse in judgment, it happens to the best of us. Soon he’ll realize the error of his ways and come back apologizing. And I will be here to graciously accept him back into our graces with open arms. I am fair, after all.”
A sly smile appears on Ominis’ face, “so you do miss him, then.”
“What—don’t be ridiculous, Ominis. Have you even been listening to what I’ve been saying? I don’t understand why you’d say something so preposterous.”
A moment of silence passes as they continue their stride together. Sebastian eyes his friend to see his expression has fallen, letting out a sigh, “I miss him, too.”
-
Potions class just wasn’t the same without MC at his side, whispering about what they presumed Garreth might concoct next. How the two would place stupid bets that if the result lined up with what they’d each written on a spare bit of parchment, the one who guessed correctly may try to sabotage the other’s potion with an ingredient of their choice. Now Sebastian has been sabotaging his own potion perfectly fine on his own. At least it still wasn’t as bad as Ominis’, who’s gave off a murky mud green colour instead of the luminous description it was listed to have.
But Sebastian was never going to admit MC’s absence dampened his spirits—least of all to himself. He was quite satisfied with joining the station beside Poppy, the excitable Hufflepuff who particularly perked up when the subject of magical creatures came around.
In truth, he’s been going in and out of their mostly one-sided conversation for the majority of class. Not that he didn’t like Poppy, but more so from the fact that there was only so much he could hear on the topic of puffskiens. He’d never found them very interesting in the first place.
Though, her rambling provided distraction enough from his mind wandering back to what has been plaguing him for almost a full month now. “...mind you, Highwing doesn’t take to just anyone. If I were to compare him to other Hippogriffs I’d say he’s quite stubborn, but I had no doubts that MC would win him over! They got along right away. I’d even reckon Highwing will give him a ride if he’d wanted.”
Sebastian’s attention snaps to Poppy as she crushes some dittany leaves into her cauldron, her face set in a content manner from recalling the story. “Sorry, Poppy, did you say you were with MC?”
She nods enthusiastically, making her eyes squint, “and Highwing!”
“When was this?”
“How was he? Is he alright?” Even Ominis piped in, focusing in on their conversation.
She’s a little taken aback, possibly from the sudden attention on her and the berating of questions. “I think so? He said he couldn’t stay for long, but I’d been wanting to show him for ages.”
“Poppy, when was this?” Sebastian repeats a little more forcefully.
Poppy tilts her head in thought, “hmm… I believe it was just this past weekend. Friday, yes.”
Something heavy weighs in the pit of Sebastian’s stomach, wrapped with a growing irritation that he can’t help but extend towards Poppy, too. He tightens his jaw. Since when were the two of them so close? Why didn’t Sebastian know this? Why had he bothered to see her instead of him–or Ominis?
“Should I be worried?” Poppy looks between the two of them with a crease between her brow.
Ominis has returned back to his potion, apparently perfectly contented with learning that MC is still alive and well, albeit without checking in with the two of them. That same suppressed smile from before Beasts class in back in place, however, and he avoids Sebastian when he answers Poppy. “No, you don’t have to be worried. Our dear friend Sebastian here simply doesn’t know what to do with himself in his absence. Like a lost puppy, really.”
“I am not!” he barks out, fuming as he glares at Poppy and Ominis alike. They both snicker behind their hands. The gall of them both, Sebastian focuses back on the potion he’s brewing with the determination to ignore them. Though, he feels heat rise up his neck and pointedly glowers inside his potions book to see what ingredient needs to be added next, trying hard to put his mind on the task at hand.
One thing is for certain, he will not be sitting with Poppy again. And as he hears continued whispers coming from their direction, Sebastian thinks to yell at them some more. Only, he doesn’t get the chance when a loud boom sounds from behind him, the force of the blast ruffling his hair and robes.
He, alongside the rest of the class, peers over his shoulder to see Garreth has failed in yet another endeavor to brew one of his own original concoctions, exploding in his face and disintegrating everything in the general vicinity of his work station. Including his eyebrows. Again.
The angry voice of Professor Sharp follows throughout the dungeon, “Weasley!”
-
Monday brought forth Charms class once more, and torrential rain with it. Any promise of getting a practical lesson outside on the school grounds was quickly squandered. Sebastian also gave up on the anticipation of having MC show up. Well, mostly. He pretends he wasn’t aware of the tiny bit of hope that remains deep rooted in his chest and told him it might still be a possibility.
So he couldn’t be blamed for almost falling out of his chair that he’d been leisurely leaning back in when MC walks into the classroom. A small gasp escapes him as he lets all four chair legs meet with the ground, half expecting his mind desperate enough to have created some sort of illusion of him. “Ominis, Ominis,” he hisses while tugging at his friend's sleeve. “He showed up!”
This piqued Ominis’ interest, straightening up in his seat, “He did? How does he look, still in one piece?”
Sebastian peers over Ominis’ shoulder while still attempting to remain inconspicuous. His gaze follows MC as he walks up to Professor Ronan, a cloak that’s drenched through wrapped around his frame. “Yeah he’s intact. He looks tired, though.” It was true, causing Sebastian to frown. The dark circles under MC’s eyes are noticeably distinguishable even from where he and Ominis sit.
A twinge of guilt, the first he’s felt since their argument in the Undercroft, twists inside Sebastian. Perhaps he was being a bit too harsh. Seeing MC now almost dissipates any of the animosity he had felt after their argument in the Undercroft, tempted to push everything aside and welcome him over to the seat in between himself and Ominis where he usually settles into.
“Is he coming over?” Ominis sounds as hopeful as Sebastian secretly feels.
“It doesn’t seem like it,” Sebastian cranes his neck to see MC saying something to the Professor that’s too quiet to pick up amidst the rowdy atmosphere of the classroom. Part of Sebastian wants to turn around at his classmates and yell at them to shut up, but he can’t tear his eyes away as he watches MC proceed to hand Professor Ronan a slip of paper.
Then, with an increasing sense of disappointment, MC turns around to head back out of the class. But not before he’s interrupted by Garreth calling out to him, “Hey, MC, you have to try my latest mixture! It was a great success in potions class.”
MC screws up his face as he looks over at Garreth, “no thanks. And I seriously doubt that.” Garreth only shrugs while MC acknowledges Poppy and Natty, who sit a ways down from where Garreth had stood up. He sends them a wave and a smile as he proceeds to leave.
He disappears for only a fraction of a second before popping his head back in, this time looking towards where Sebastian sits, his heart seeming to skip a beat.
“Oh, and hello, Ominis!”
-
“Okay, that’s it. This isn’t on.”
Sebastian gets up from where he and Omins have been lounging on the grass in the main area of the Hogwarts grounds. The rain that plagued most of their week was gone, replaced by a bright sun that brought most of the students out to enjoy it.
“I’m going to find and confront him about all this.” He stands above Ominis with his arms crossed, blotting out the sun.
“Do you mean it this time? Or will you be changing your mind again.” A disgruntled Ominis attempts to maneuver his way back into the direct sunlight he’d been bathing in a moment prior, and out of Sebastian’s shadow.
He scoffs, “Yes, I mean it, he just hasn’t been easy to get a hold of, you know.”
Ominis hums, already relaxing on a new patch of grass with his hands behind his head and his legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles. He dons a pleasant smile, his eyes closed, “Then I bid you good luck. Goodbye.”
“And we know he’s been the one avoiding me, now. Tactfully shown by wherever that was in Charms class.” Recalling the event of when MC had greeted practically everyone but Sebastian, leaving him with his mouth hung open in awe and quite dumbfounded before starting their lesson.
“Right, it’s almost like how I’d previously mentioned he might be upset with you over your last discussion. What was it about, anyhow? You still haven’t told me.” Ominis rests up on his elbows.
“Well, it was nothing, really.” Sebastian begins to fumble with the hem of his cloak under Ominis’ stern gaze. “Okay, it wasn’t nothing but—he said he was speaking with a goblin, Ominis! A goblin!”
“Well, that's certainly better than fighting one, isn’t it?”
“You know their lot aren’t to be trusted, after everything with how they cursed my sister!”
Ominis frowns, “And then what happened?”
“I, uh,” Sebastian brings up a hand to rub at the back of his neck, angling himself slightly away, “proceeded to yell at him. Quite a bit…”
Ominis blinks, then lies back down. “I would have avoided you, too.”
Rolling his eyes, Sebastian sets off across the grounds and inside the castle. Although, once he’s inside he realizes he’s not sure where to start looking. He supposes he could check by MC’s common room. Though, he’d have no way of knowing if MC was actually around. Sebastian doubts this, anyway, seeing as MC was likely too preoccupied to spend more time than a night’s rest inside their own common room.
It’s just then that Sebastian decides he might ask Natty if she’s seen MC around. Or perhaps Amit, who’s been known to spend time with him after their late night Astronomy classes. He’s sure one of their shared classmates has seen MC around. He might even ask Poppy if he happened to bump into her.
It’s with this new goal in mind that brings Sebastian through the Defense Against the Dark Arts tower where he winds his way through the elaborately designed marble staircases and hallways. It’s mostly deserted, as what seems like a majority of Hogwarts was taking advantage of the wonderful weather they were experiencing.
The set of enchanted violins serenade him as he walks past with a quick stride, trying to spot someone to question regarding MC’s whereabouts. It’s not until he turns the corner at the end of one of the larger staircases that something draws his attention. A flicker of a robe at the end of the hallway.
If it were any old hallway, Sebastian wouldn’t have taken any notice. Wouldn’t have given it another thought, really. But at the end of this particular hallway stood the entrance to the Undercroft. And he only knew of three people who were aware of its secretive location: Ominis, himself, and MC.
So glance again, Sebastian did, as he knew full well who had now skirted around the corner and flattened themselves against the wall in hopes of not drawing any attention.
A smirk twists the side of his mouth when he rushes forward, confronting and further cornering MC there “Hey, you’re not allowed in there. It’s off limits to anyone who doesn’t acknowledge my presence.”
Face set in shock, MC takes a moment before responding, their expression returning to one that’s unreadable again, “I wasn’t going in.”
“Then what were you doing?”
“Looking for you.”
“Oh.” Whatever Sebastian was expecting in response, it certainly wasn’t that, “you were?”
It’s MC’s turn for a sly smile to brace his features now, “Mhm.”
Sebastian takes a step back, allowing MC some breathing room. “Why have you been ignoring me? And don’t say it’s because you’ve been busy.”
“I have been busy.”
“Not too busy to hang out with Poppy, though.” Sebastian retorts.
“Poppy didn’t call me ignorant and stomp out on our conversation. Or proceed to disappear for the rest of the weekend.” Smile turning innocent, MC states this in a matter-of-fact way.
“Ah.” He’s strikingly aware of the remorse that floods him now. “Yes, perhaps I was slightly brash in my reaction… maybe a bit uncalled for…” MC nods along enthusiastically, attentive to Sebastain’s poor attempt at self redemption. He lets his eyes drop, and notices MC holding both hands behind his back suspiciously. “What’ve you got there…?”
“Nothing.” MC angles his hold on something away from Sebastian’s gaze, but not before he’d caught a glimpse of a small box adorning red and white stripes.
A grin is quick to return to Sebastian’s face at the sneaking suspicion of what he thinks it might be, making a swipe for it that MC is swift to duck away from. “Did you–? Are those for me?”
“No.”
Sebastian eventually finds out he was right–after scraping with MC–to see a box of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans, “Oho, missed me, did you?”
“Not as much as you missed me, apparently.”
“And how would you know that?” The two of them are in close proximity after having fought over the box that MC now holds in front of him, almost forgotten at this point.
“Ominis told me.”
“Om—when did you speak with Ominis?!” Sebastian straightens up, frowning.
“Only the other day. We had afternoon tea together, he did ask you to come,” MC says casually.
“That little–obviously I didn’t know you’d be there!”
MC shrugs, then relents to giving Sebastian the box of jellybeans, holding them out to him.
Sebastian accepts them, hesitating slightly. “I’m sorry, by the way. Properly. I didn’t mean what I said before, you’re not ignorant.”
“No,” MC agrees with a slight smile, a mischievous glint in their eyes, “though, you certainly are.”
Sebastian thinks he rather deserves that. Perhaps. “Come on then, let’s crack this open. Maybe we can trick Ominis into eating a mouldy cheese one.”
“Merlin, finally.” Turns out they didn’t have to look too far for their friend, both of them jumping when Ominis speaks up from a ways behind them. “I was afraid I’d have to entertain Sebastatian for the rest of my days.”
Sebastian turns to face Ominis as he comes sauntering down the hall toward them, feeling slightly put out, “...how much of that did you hear?”
“Enough.” Ominous replies in an aloof manner, turning his nose up at Sebastian. “I think I’ll take a leaf out of MC’s book and be the next one to avoid you for a while.”
never forget—
synopsis: where sebastian is actually worried about MC and regrets casting crucio on them caaaause that moment in the game was not enough for me pfft!
tags: 18(+), lil angst, mostly fluff, sebastian(18) x reader, i didn’t know how to end this oops, one-shot, 2k words.
“Crucio!”
The pain that followed that one little word was excruciating.
Yet the spell casted upon you was of your own doing. You, Ominis, and Sebastian had become good friends since your first day at Hogwarts. Always together, always the 3 of you somehow in trouble. Well, mostly you and Sebastian. Somehow Ominis always managed to get out of the trouble the two of you dragged him into. You were Slytherin after all, it was most likely in your blood.
When you first met Sebastian, he had such an eager to learn that his demeanor was contagious. So much so you couldn’t help but also want to gain more knowledge with him over the years. It was all thanks to Ominis from keeping you two from ending up expelled. Your savior in a sense. But ever since the three of you had become good friends, Sebastian never let up about Salazar Slytherin. He was set on finding his Scriptorium, begging Ominis for so long to show him the way. Seeing as he believed finding it would help cure his sister’s, Anne, curse.
When Ominis had finally given into you both and led the way, the three of you worked wonderfully together. Traversing dark and wary caves. Fending off giant spiders, solving puzzles all that good stuff. Until finally you reach a room with a single note, bones buried in dirt, no way out, the word CRUCIO etched into the stone before your feet, and what looked to be a screaming apparition burned onto a mirror.
You sadly read the note aloud for all to hear. Detailing a grim last few words from Ominis’s aunt. Who unfortunately had gone looking for the Scriptorium, alone, and met an untimely fate. You reach out to gently touch Ominis’s shoulder and he stills beneath your touch.
“I’m so sorry about your aunt, Omni.” You mourn. He nods in acceptance. Nothing they did now could’ve changed what had happened to his aunt. He would at least find some peace in knowing what happened to her.
Sebastian is at your side then. Concerned look on his own freckled face. “Ominis…I know it’s hard. But the letter details using Crucio. You’re the best suited for this—“
“No! I won’t do it. To use Crucio you have to mean it. I will not cast that spell ever again…especially on you two.” Ominis steps away from your reach. Closing off from the activity entirely. You didn’t blame him.
You turn to face Sebastian then who looks..almost disappointed with Ominis's rejection. He gestures for you to follow him closer to the wailing mirror. Hauntingly beautiful, even in its twisted state.
“Well, two options. You cast Crucio on me, or I…cast it on you. It’s the only way we’re getting out of here. We can’t die here and now because of—of morals.” Sebastian whispers to you. The thought of dying in that suffocating tomb alone makes your skin crawl.
Ominis had always been vocal about how horrible any of the killing curses were, especially this spell. Seeing as he was forced to cast it when he was younger. The nightmares still haunt the blonde from what you could tell. His sleepless nights. The flinch at loud noises. It was obvious, whatever you decided, that this would forever weigh heavy on your soul. Yet the spell…could come in handy when facing Ranrok. He was your enemy after all.
You hoped it would never come down to using it though.
“Fine. Teach me the spell but you…you cast it on me. I won’t hurt you Seb.” You mumble. And at first, he’s hesitant. His wand slightly swayed before he reluctantly nods. His hands slightly shake as he teaches you the wave of the wand. He had never performed the dark arts before and this could go very wrong or just really wrong. Either way was going to hurt. But you trusted him.
That’s how you ended up in the here and now. Agonizing pain ripped through your flesh like lightning. Flames behind your eyeballs that force them to shut tight. Hoping to ease the pain away. Your teeth gnash against your lip to hold back screams of pain. It does nothing. Dark magic moves under your skin like writhing red and green tentacles. You gasp between almost suffocating screams.
Breathe in, scream, breathe out.
Your back is against the stone, arched, burning hot. Even as Ominis, or maybe it was Sebastian’s, or both of their hands are grabbing at your arms. Cool fingers press into your hot flesh as the boy’s try to lift you from the floor.
They try to comfort you during one of the worst moments of your life. It doesn’t help. They both fumble as they move you into the room that opened up behind the wailing mirror. The pain is nauseating. Every fumble, correction, and movement makes your stomach churn. Threatening to spill out your lunch. Your consciousness is slowly fading at this point. Stars blinking behind your eyelids as you grasp for whatever you can to stay awake.
Through the pulsing pain in your head and ears, you barely hear the two boys arguing. More or less Ominis yelling about how he was right. How this was a stupid idea as he struggles to help carry you. Ominis can’t see where he steps yet he’s trying so hard to save you now.
“You—you’re both idiots!” Ominis snarls. Struggling with words through his rage and panic. “How could you do something like this!”
“I understand, Ominis! Just—just, Merlin, help me! Help me get to the infirmary!” Sebastian spits back as they continue to fumble around, looking for an exit.
The last thing you hear is Sebastian calling for desperate help before the pain becomes too much and finally takes you under. Passing out from the curse spell later than you would’ve liked.
When concussions come back to you, it’s almost unbearable. Your eyes flutter open but fall closed once again. Maybe you could just stay like that for forever. Lying on a cloud, nice and warm, with your eyes closed. Eh, sounds a little too much like death for your liking.
Thankfully, your second attempt at waking up is far more fruitful. Candlelight flickers rapidly at the edge of your feet as your eyes slowly come into focus. You make out the white sheets laying across your body. Feel the firm mattress against your back. Connecting the dots, slowly but surely, that you were in the infirmary.
Your head moves slightly to continue looking around. Hoping a nurse was close by so you could ask for some water or medicine or anything to make the dull ache in your body stop. Instead your eyes find Sebastian.
His unruly brown hair is somehow even messier than usual. He slumps against the side of your bed and from what you can tell, he might be asleep. Seeing as it was sometime during the night. If you had to guess he probably snuck into the infirmary to be at your side.
Suddenly memories of what happened in the Scriptorium come back to you. Sending a harsh chill down your entire body. The cast of Crucio echoes in the back of your mind. You’ll never forget the feeling. Or the look on Seb’s face as he waved the spell and casted it upon you.
‘Crucio can only be cast if you mean it.’ You remember Ominis’s haunting words. Sebastian must’ve meant it. But you try your best to not blame him. He was just trying to get you all out of that stone grave.
“Seb…” You try to speak. Your throat burns as you attempt to rouse the sleeping man at your side. Voice hoarse, borderline gone, from what you can only assume is from the screaming you barely remember doing. “Sebastian.” You barely manage his full name.
His body shifts at the sound of his name but he doesn’t rise. So you make your way to sit up. Although the moment you prepare to sit up, weight shifting ever so slightly, Sebastian shoots up instantly. His pretty green eyes meet your gaze in a wild look. As if he can’t believe you’re awake. Dried drool sticks to the edge of his lips. You can’t help but laugh. Or what you assume is a laugh. To Seb it probably sounds like you’re coughing.
“I—we—are you okay?” Seb stumbles over his words. Knowing Sebastian, he most likely had something planned to say the moment you woke up. Yet now he was almost speechless. For the first time ever.
“I’m o-okay just…w-water.” You manage to mumble. Now he’s quick to react. A glass of water is held out with lightning speed to you and you take it graciously.
After a moment of what felt like an eternity of being parched, you chug the water given to you, before you hand the glass off and sit fully upright. Your fingers lay in your lap, picking at the cotton of the blanket.
Silence falling between the two of you was so uncommon. It almost felt worse than writhing in pain. Not really but the wall built up was hard to ignore. You needed that wall to come down.
“How long was I asleep?” You ask softly. Breaking the silence as your throat is finally feeling better after some water.
“Three days,” Sebastian replies. He doesn’t look at you. You don’t blame him, not really. The guilt must weigh heavy on his shoulders.
Three days. The fact that it had been days since you had passed out in the scriptorium made your gut twist. You can’t even imagine what rumors must have spread among the school. Or the amount of questions the headmaster will be asking you. Oh you were definitely in for some trouble.
“I’m so sorry.”
Apologies were not something Sebastian was known for. The fact that he was apologizing at all was almost shocking. You didn’t have to guess that he didn’t really mean it when he casted Crucio. It was all just a matter of choices, for you all to survive.
“It’s okay,” Your voice is soft as you speak. “I don’t want you to blame yourself. I agreed to it Sebastian,” You remind him. It only makes Seb angrier with himself.
“Of course I blame myself! I could’ve killed you!” Sebastian says in a strained voice. He wants to scream and yell. He wants you to scream and yell at him. For letting him do something so stupid. For not listening to Ominis in the first place. For being too eager.
“It was a matter of life or death Seb you know that—“ You began to say but he cuts you off as he quickly stands from his chair.
“But what if there was another way!? What if I didn’t have to…didn’t want to—I could’ve changed something!” He angrily hisses as he turns his head away from you.
Silences befalls between the two of you again. Stretched longer than previously as you can’t think of something to say. He had three days to beat himself up for dragging all three of you to that scriptorium. You couldn’t imagine how many scenarios he himself had imagined over and over again while in your slumber.
“What if I had lost you?”
The soft words are barely loud enough to hear. Just a whisper under his breath you almost can’t manage to make out. But you do. The somber confession comes at you like a heavy rainstorm. Unexpected, welcoming, lovely, and a little noisy from his previous minor outburst. Building from a small drop to a straight downpour and you’re caught in the middle of it with no umbrella.
Even in the candlelight you see the tips of ears, beat red as he refuses to look at you. Shoulders tense as he tries to will himself to calm down. It was late, you weren’t supposed to be awake, and he wasn’t supposed to be there. It was not the time for this conversation.
Yet it makes you smile anyway. Butterflies jump around under your skin, in your heart, stomach following suit in doing somersaults. You reach with a gentle hand and grab hold of his shirt sleeve, giving it a tug. For a moment he stands completely still. Debating whether or not it was the right moment to hash all of this out. It wasn’t. Yet a second tug on his sleeve has him turning to finally look at you.
This time when you meet his green eyes, his wild look is gone. He looks at you like you’re the cure to whatever alignment he’s currently experiencing. It’s a saddened, sleepless, relieved look. Feeling every emotion he’s ever felt in his life all in the span of a few short seconds.
You smile fondly at Sebastian, praying he could see it in the soft light of the infirmary. “But you didn’t,” You remind him. Almost gesturing to you, him, and your surroundings. “I’m still here, Seb.”
Sebastian simply nods. Not having the courage to speak for it may bring him to tears. Now that would truly be the end of the world if that happened.
You reach for his hand. Reassuring and gentle as your fingers intertwine with his. He’s stiff as a board at your touch. He has always yearned for it but never had the faith to act upon his feelings.
“Plus, it’ll take more than that to get rid of me.” You say hoping to ease the young man’s feelings. At least for tonight.
A squeeze to your hand is the only response you receive as he returns to his seat. He rests your connected hands on the bed before his head follows suit. Instead of returning to the side of your bed he makes himself comfy on your thigh. You smile at the puzzling picture before you.
The great Sebastian Sallow, a man who rarely asks for any help, unless it involves trekking in some dark cave somewhere, was vulnerably sprawled out on top of you.
You stifle a giggle, fearing if he heard you laugh he would assume the worst and pull away. Instead your free hand pushes through his hair. Pushing away dark curly hair from his freckled face.
“You should return to the dorms before the nurse finds you.” You hum as your eyes scan his own closed eyes. Gazing at the lengths of his eyelashes. Every freckle you could see, thinking how fun it could be to count them one day.
“‘Ts fine,” Sebastian shrugs it off. You hear the softness of his breathing, slowly becoming shallow as he falls asleep. Fast asleep in your thigh with his hand tightly wound to yours. You wish you could have a painting done of this moment. Hoping by every ounce of magic in your veins that you never forget this feeling or the sight. And by Merlin does the sight make your heart ache and pound in equal parts.
You just hoped to never go through something like this ever again. Hopefully Sebastian would see how powerful and dangerous the dark arts could be and look for another solution to healing Anne’s curse. Maybe the ancient magic you wield could help next time instead of turning to the unforgiving curses.
꒰ ✶ sebastian sallow ✶ ꒱
𝜗𝜚 masterlist • hogwarts legacy • 03/27/25
˚‧⁺ ・ ˖ · ୨ৎ recs
here are some sebastian sallow stories i’ve read, loved, and reblogged. all the admiration for the writers who share their talent so generously. please be sure to read the warnings on each fic. and if you enjoy them, let the author know by a comment, reblog, or both! ♡
☆ never forget I @zevrra
where sebastian is actually worried about MC and regrets casting crucio on them
☆ caught in the rain I @/zevrra
you and sebastian seek shelter inside an abandoned home where every feeling is laid to bare.
☆ truth or dare I @ppomumgranatum
Truths emerged and friendships were tested as you found yourself confronting two years' worth of suppressed feelings towards Sebastian. Drunk.
☆ the dance of love’s sweet potion I @/ppomumgranatum
When a potion meant to repel backfired, it became a mishap that turned your world upside down.
☆ marry me I @theealbatross
The 3 times Sebastian thought about marrying you and the 1 time he asked.
☆ fight the alchemy I @/theealbatross
Garreth asks why Sebastian isn’t dating you. Sebastian spirals.
☆ i love you, it’s ruining my life I @/theealbatross
Sebastian has the worst insomnia known to man and you are not dating him.
☆ never not been mine I @/theealbatross
Everyone wonders if you and Sebastian are together. Sebastian wonders when will everyone mind their own business.
☆ a habit to kick, an age old cure I @/theealbatross
you and Sebastian are now strangers but at your most vulnerable moment he picks up the pieces. only he knows. only he can.
☆ fever (what a lovely way to burn) I @shadowtriovibes
"since you saved Sebastian from Azkaban, he has met you in the common room every morning and you have gone to breakfast together. One morning he isn't there so you go to his room looking for him to find him in bed, poorly.”
☆ request I @/shadowtriovibes
Eric Northcott is relentlessly pursuing you, so Sebastian offers to act as your heroic boyfriend to get him off your back
☆ break a sweat part 2 part 3 part 4 I @/shadowtriovibes
sebastian makes the house quidditch team after training all summer. before his first match, you let him talk you into a bet over its outcome that will in all likelihood ruin your friendship. (merlin, you sure hope it does.)
☆ mind if i move in closer? I @/shadowtriovibes
☆ it’s a sign of the times part 2 I @/shadowtriovibes
Rivals-to-lovers Sebastian and MC use a Time-Turner to travel to the future with Ominis in search for a cure for Anne. Instead they find a girl who's the spitting image of MC trying to sneak into the Restricted Section in the 1910s, only she has freckles like Sebastian
☆ fissured composure I @anto-pops
After watching you hold your own against a handsy classmate, Sebastian is feeling particularly needy and steals you away to the Undercroft to show you just how worked up your right hook got him.
☆ possessive touch I @/anto-pops
Sebastian has never been the sharing sort. He was happy to loan people notes or quills, maybe even the occasional book from the Restricted Section. But not you. Never you.
☆ sudsy confessions I @/anto-pops
Sebastian confessing his long-harbored love for you while you’re naked in a bathtub.
☆ request I @/anto-pops
☆ unspoken attraction I @arthenaa
The girls and you have a talk on who they'll date amongst the students in Hogwarts. No one mentions Sebastian despite being deemed the most handsome in your year. You wonder why?
☆ jealously, jealousy I @awkwardauthorwrites
☆ i think he knows I @/awkwardauthorwrites
Sebastian helps Y/N with an interesting request
☆ violets and verbena I @/awkwardauthorwrites
Two years have passed since the events in Hogwarts Legacy, in which Y/N has drifted away from Sebastian. What happens when she has to spend some time in the hospital wing and he comes to visit?
☆ in the middle part 2 I @/awkwardauthorwrites
After a few months of knowing the reader the boys suddenly realise one day they are falling in love with the reader and start to become a bit bitter towards each other and very jealous if another guy gives her attention.
☆ wildest dreams part 2 part 3 I @/awkwardauthorwrites
Ten years have passed since the events of Hogwarts Legacy and Y/N is invited back as part of a reunion to celebrate.
☆ diesel is desire I @wttcsms
sebastian sallow is a good friend. so good, in fact, that when you find yourself under the ungodly influence of a lust potion, he's willing to help give you some relief.
☆ trust fall I @fairytalesandlegacies
Sebastian Sallow teaches you how to fight against the Imperius Curse late one night, and in the process, some long-kept secrets are revealed.
☆ i need you I @ravenelyx
Sebastian has different ways of dealing with being hurt. One of them is burying his face in your chest while you cuddle him
☆ who do you smell? I @roarieluz
Sebastian Sallow has had a crush on Y/N for a while now, this isn't news to him but when a strong batch of amortentia is made for potions class it is hard to keep his mind clear of anything that isn't about you and what he wants to do to you.
☆ the night shift part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 I @writing-intheundercroft
You're the lead healer in the St. Mungo's intensive care unit, and a painfully familiar face ends up in your ward.
☆ a long time coming I @undergaunts
aka three times Sebastian is a flirt, one time he gets called out on it, and one time he finally does something about it.
☆ pining in potions class I @festivalsofmargot
Sebastian Sallow is forming a huge crush on you, and it’s hitting him all at once in a very annoying way. Something as simple as not being partnered with you in potions class eats away at him.
☆ pretty thoughts part 2 I @/festivalsofmargot
Sebastian is down bad for you, my dear reader. But a lot of overthinking on your part makes you blind to it. So, his only option is to keep chasing after you.
☆ a worrisome box of chocolates I @matchavellichor
☆ you look better in green part 2 I @fierymiasma
In which Sebastian sees the new transfer student wearing someone else’s scarf and proceeds to absolutely lose it.
☆ snow, scarves, and schemes I @spaceyaceface
Y/N is sick of Leander Prewett trying to court her. Luckily, she has a best friend named Sebastian Sallow who would love to help put an end to it. They devise a plan to pretend to court up until the Yule Ball. Should be simple, right? If only.
☆ the one who stayed I @talesofesther
For a moment, Sebastian thought he lost you, and now the guilt for what happened is eating away at him.
☆ the winner takes all I @justauthoring
in which, leander prewett is a prick and sebastian shows him not mess with his girl.
☆ bludgered I @slytherizz
Sebastian never really knew what his friend saw in Isaac Cooper but he never questioned it - he made his friend happy. That is until a Quidditch match goes quickly awry and he realises his feelings for her may go far deeper than simple friendship.
☆ between the two of you I @cuffmeinblack
Rewriting of the events of the Shadow of the Study/Discovery quests.
☆ i crumble completely (when you cry) I @atlabeth
there's only one way to get into salazar slytherin's scriptorium.
☆ right where you left me I @anomalyaly
You died. Sebastian secretly had a portrait of you commissioned.
☆ in the shadow of the mountain I @ellecdc
fed up with Sebastian. After admitting he "shouldn't have acted so bitterly about your goblin friend", you expect him to be in better spirits on your next quest. He keeps putting the both of you in danger, and you've had it.
☆ i remember I @whizzing-fizzbee
You died during your seventh year at Hogwarts before you could tell your best friend, Sebastian Sallow, how much you loved him. But when he discovers a box of your pensieve memories, he learns the comforting, yet cruel truth.
Mirror's Edge brainrot save me (ft. some cutscenes sketches from last year)
adhd will get you thinking "i should make this doctors appointment" every day for 7 months and counting
none of us are making those appointments huh
I CAN SEE TROUGH YOU
rip mythbusters you would've loved destroying cybertrucks
"im tired of living through major historical events" is now "dear lord please let me witness a high profile political assassination in the next 1-2 years. amen"
PAIRasaurs :D
dexter "im empty inside" "i dont feel things" morgan. dexter high sense of justice morgan. dexter daily patterns he needs to accomplish to feel "normal" morgan. dexter not understanding jokes or slights morgan. dexter getting angry when people talk to him when he's not feeling talky morgan.
that ain't no sociopath, that's an autistic individual with trauma.
Dick was 100% the worst kid Bruce had to deal with, but he turned out such a well adjusted adult (relatively) that no one believes Bruce when he tries to explain the absolutely unholy terror that was pre-teen Dick Grayson.
do you guys remember when we used to say oh worm all the time. remember that
is anybody out there
how it feels to read the top reviews for a movie on letterboxd and it’s all just one liner jokes based on the meme of the week

