HELLO .ᐟ welcome to PETIT-ÉTOILE ♡ a sideblog dedicated to writing fics dedicated to & sharing headcanons about ASTARION ANCUNÍN from BALDUR'S GATE 3 . penned with care & adoration by CARCOSA / ALUNE ( 21+, they/them, cst . ) fic ratings will range from GENERAL AUDIENCES to EXPLICIT ; there will be no dead dove content on this blog, however there will be canon-compliant allusions to violence. because smut will be present on this blog, NO MINORS . please have your age somewhere visible in your bio or you will be blocked .ᐟ
𝐈. ﹕masterlist . ⊱ a list of all my fics for easy accessibility . please consider reblogging & commenting if you enjoyed my work .ᐟ
𝐈𝐈. ﹕ask box . ⊱ REQUESTS OPEN .ᐟ please try to be specific when requesting . i fill requests based on work load, interest & availability . please note that i will only write astarion x tav requests, with emphasis on gender-neutral tav unless otherwise specified . as of right now, i do not take fic writing commissions .
𝐈𝐈𝐈. ﹕ ao3 . ⊱ my ao3 account where i crosspost my fics . please do not reupload my fics on your own or claim my fics as yours . if you see my fics being reuploaded, please tell me .
𝐈𝐕. ﹕icon / banner credit . ⊱ my icon & header art was drawn by the incredible 長崎 犬太 . this is artwork i commissioned for my personal usage , so please do not reupload this artwork or claim this artwork as yours.
𝐕.﹕art credit . ⊱ my artwork featured in my pinned post was drawn by the incredible 長崎 犬太 . this is artwork i commissioned for my personal usage , so please do not reupload this artwork or claim this artwork as yours.
𝐕𝐈.﹕my tav / astarion . ⊱ you can view more of the artwork featuring my dark urge tav x astarion using this tag . everything compiled here will very likely just be artwork, but i may be tempted to write fic for them eventually .
𝐕𝐈𝐈. ﹕ taglist . ⊱ want immediate knowledge of when i post my fics ? like my tag list or subscribe to my ao3 account to be pinged per upload. please make sure your blog allows for tagging , otherwise you won't be notified & i can't tag you .
𝐕𝐈𝐈𝐈. ﹕ keepsakes . ⊱ sometimes i get sent very motivating & sweet asks regarding my writing , so i've created a little tag where all the nice things you all send me can be saved so i can look back on them . thank you for your support !! without you & your prompts & likes / reblogs , i wouldn't know what to do with all this inspiration.
𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 ⊱
⤷ basorexia — a canon-complaint series of drabbles about kissing . astarion x dark urge tav
⤷ a thousand lives, and one — a canon-complaint series of drabbles . astarion x human tav
⤷ et toi, et moi — an alternate-universe known as royalty au . king astarion x knight-protector tav.
⤷ say what you want，even if it's bad — a canon-compliant series, pre-vampirism to canon. magistrate astarion x tav
𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐂𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐁𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 𝐁𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐔𝐓 .ᐟ
𝟐𝐊 𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐀𝐂𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐒 ⊱
⤷ in the moonlight (my darling, do not fear)
𝟏𝐊 𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐀𝐂𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐒 ⊱
𝟓𝟎𝟎 𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐀𝐂𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐒 ⊱
⤷ everything i see, everything i feel (you are my universe)
⤷ your heart understood mine
just found out people used my works to train generative ai & i just want to say: you have room temperature iq & you need to find talent for yourself rather than being a lazy fuck
Eyebagshawty dropping in to say you're doing so well and l've been loving the works lately! I'm also getting a bit of writers block but you're doing so well :) it's also okay to take a break! Hope you're doing okay <3
AAAAAAAAAAAAA NO BC I'LL CRY. i'm trying to balance out my fics because i've started writing for another fandom as well ( & i will only tell you what that fandom is if you can guess close enough to it ) that are both around 30k & 4k respectively, but i'm not done writing for astarion !! i think a mental refresh was what i needed. i'm also about to make my friend play through it with me, so that will help for more astarion inspiration !!
SAME ANON HERE and UGH YEAH u get me 😭😭 the intricacies of his character and arc are so dear to me I love just being able to love him among other people
Sometimes i feel like I’m too invested in him but u guys make me feel seen 😞
Also (sorry in advance for the small rant) I really really appreciated his story of finding your freedom as a person AND learning how to reclaim your own sexuality, I think the way they approached it was so nice in game! Like, him letting himself have sexual desires of his own, have love and try to navigate it for himself and having the tav give him the patience and space to rightfully navigate it was so lovely
Sorry for the rant he just means so much for me
NO IT'S LIKE I GET IT. seeing astarion navigate his emotions & fears was such a healing & realistic thing to witness. like all of the characters have very understandable character arcs where they learn how to overcome their feelings, & none of them ever figure out full-stop how to be "okay" with what they went through, & to me that's just so realistic. for astarion especially, i think knowing his trauma beforehand really makes his growth as a character that much more obvious.
he is my meow meow & i'll cry about him forever !!
petit-etoile here requesting astarion x tav, maybe a touch inspired by the e.e. cummings quote "I will rise / After a thousand years / lipping / flowers / And set my teeth in the silver of the moon" !! can be ANY version of tav tho i like durge a ton :33
I Will Wade Out
Pairing: Astarion x Dark Urge!Reader
Warnings: mentions of trauma and past abuse, maybe a little bit of spice
A/N: You just happened to pick one of my favorite poets, I decided to get really poetic hhh also I heavily listened to Margaret by Lana Del Rey while writing this :,)
I will wade out
till my thighs are steeped in
burning flowers
I will take the sun in my mouth
and leap into the ripe air
Astarion tackled you to the ground in a bone crushing hug, the rays of the sun shining golden on you both. It made his red irises look like bright rubies, and his ring on his left hand glinted in the beams. The ring of the sun walker.
“Darling, I was sure I’d be cinders,” he chuckled through his tears of happiness. You kissed away each track running down his cheeks, your fingers fisted in the lilies that surrounded you both.
“So I take that as a yes?” You picked up his ring finger and kissed it, rubbing his knuckles simultaneously. Your eyes were glassy, boring into his with so much love it would have made your past self sick. Astarion nipped at the side of your neck, pressing his lips to the never quite healed bite marks that laid upon it.
“What else would it be, my sweet?” He rolled so that you were on top of him, bringing his hands to your hips and kissing your collarbones. “How could I ever say no,” he whispered. Your lips met, and he kneeded his fingers into your hips as he nibbled at your bottom lip for entrance. He drew a bit of blood, and you opened your mouth to which he instantly soothed the small cut with his tongue, drawling a low moan out of your throat.
He moved his hands to the globes of your ass, causing you to slowly grind against him. He let out a breathy whine. “Aeterna amantes,” you whispered into his mouth as he got to work on your trousers.
Alive
with closed eyes
to dash against darkness
in the sleeping curves of
my body
Shall enter fingers of smooth mastery
with chasteness of sea-girls
Will I complete the
mystery
of my flesh
As the sun sets and the sky turns to hues of navy blue and deep orange, you remember when Bhaal had punished you for rejecting him. In a sense, he had rejected you right back. As each of your bones cracked in different directions, Astarion had screamed your name. You remember when the light began fading from your eyes, the last thing you’d seen being Astarion’s destroyed and panicked expression above you.
“Please, please, please. Darling, wake up. This isn’t funny,” he’d whimpered as he held you close to his shaking chest. “We were supposed to be free. No no no, you cannot do this to me.” As his broken sobs echoed through the temple, Shadowheart placed her hand on his shoulder. He hissed and jerked his shoulder back as if she had burned him, clutching you closer to his chest.
“Astarion… they’re gone.” Her eyes were glassy along with the rest of the party, who stood in stunned silence around your crumpled frame.
“You don’t get to say that!” He bellowed. His eyes softened as he looked down to you. As he stroked your hair and weeped over you, not caring who saw, he heard the scuffle of bare feet coming towards him.
“Thou hast defied Bhaal, thy liege and father, and in doing so hast earned a place among champions and heroes,” Withers proclaimed. Astarion stumbled back as he thought he saw one of your eyelids twitch. “But, alas, thy courage was in opposition to the divine cosmology that bound thee to the Lord of Murder.”
Withers walked up next to your body, and although Astarion protectively moved towards you, Karlach pulled him back and shook her head. “Thou art now faithless — godless — and doomed to walk the Fugue Plane for eternity,” Withers continued. “I will not permit that, though all the powers of life and death dictate that it be so. So rise, Challenger of Gods, and prepare for battle once more. Death will not claim you whilst I endure.”
You’d scrambled to a sitting position, screaming and coughing up blood. Astarion rushed over to you and held you close as you’d cried into his chest. “Everything is okay, my love. I’m here. I’m here.”
“Darling, what’s going on in that pretty little mind of yours?” Astarion reached over and brushed some hair out of your face. You both laid bare on a blanket in the grass looking up at the stars. You looked over to him and gave a soft smile.
“Just thinking about that moment. In the temple. You were so gentle with me.” He smiled as you spoke, his big round eyes glowing in adoration. “It’s almost odd. We’re both so free now.”
He kissed your temples, then your forehead. “Oh my little love. I’ve been scared most of my life — well, unlife rather. But the fear of losing you… it had me terrified,” he whispered. He interlaced your fingers together. “Now that nothing can hold us back, I want to experience everything. With you, my treasure. Shall we venture inside for some tea?”
You smiled and accepted his shirt around your shoulders as you gathered your things. “Tea sounds wonderful,” you beamed.
I will rise
After a thousand years
lipping
flowers
And set my teeth in the silver of the moon
The wish spell had worked. At first, Astarion was scared and a bit angry, but with reassurance from you and your closest companions he relented. You were immortalized — aeterna amantes in every sense of the word. You lied in the bed you shared with Astarion; the one you both made love in after your eventual wedding, the one you both cried in each others’ arms in, the one you both came home to every night for so long.
You lifted your hand towards the ceiling and examined it — your skin, your fingernails, the still pristine carmine jewel in your wedding ring. You were 1,587 years old. That is 1,559 years after you left behind your old self; the so called Bhaal-babe that conspired to end the world as everybody knew it. Since Astarion had been freed from Cazador’s rule and given the choice of anything he wanted. And he wanted you of all things.
You heard a loud gasp next to you, and Astarion flew to a sitting position, letting out heavy and panicked breaths. You placed a hand on his and looked over with concern. When his eyes met yours, he immediately calmed, letting out a string of soft and relieved curses. “Apologies, my dear. Nightmares got the best of me.” 
You wrapped your arms around him and placed your head against his chest. “I’m here. Which ones this time?” He squeezed your hand and you squeezed back.
“Cazador… You… kidnapping,” he huffed out. He placed a kiss onto your furrowed brow. “Hells it just feels so long ago I wish it would go away.”
“You’re not alone, Star. I dream of Alfira every year or two… I miss her.” He rubbed circular motions into your back. He knew the guilt you would always feel for her, how she didn’t deserve it.
“I understand, my love.” You leaned up and chastely kissed him, pouring in that sweet sadness that comes with self reflection. He returned the gesture, fervently kissing back in a way that soothed your mind. “Now, how about some midnight tea,” he said, barely above a whisper, a smile ghosting across his face.
“That sounds nice,” you whispered back. You gathered a blanket around your bare shoulders and followed him to the kitchen, sitting down at the table as he placed the kettle on the stove. When the tea was done he brought you a mug, and you hissed when the liquid immediately burned at your lips. Astarion chuckled.
“Well my dear, it’s fresh off of a million hot flames, what do you expect?”
You flicked his shoulder. “Shut up,” you laughed back.
“Since this tea is going to take forever to cool, you’re free to feed from me tonight if you’d like,” you said as you shot him a coy smile.
“Are you sure? Maybe we should get you something to eat first for your head—“
“Come on, Astarion,” you cut him off jokingly. “I’ve been literally stabbed through the skull before. Some wooziness is nothing.”
He held his hands up and shrugged. “Well then, who am I to refuse?” He stood up from his place at the dining room table, and you tilted your head to the side to give him access. His fangs pierced through your skin, and in a way it soothed all thoughts from earlier that night. You smiled and placed your hand on his bicep, squeezing it when you were ready and he’d had his fill.
ALSO been thinking a lot about :((( human tav and essentially immortal astarion like URGH their eternities don’t mean the same thing, spending your eternity with astarion would be a fraction to his eternity and it BREAKS MY HEART 💔💔 after all that waiting, they never really had long in the end, anyways.
Idk how having children would go with astarion if they become some sort of half thing with double the human lifespan but not quite astarions life span,, still such a sad thought. Imagine your child and husband get to live so long without you 😟😞😞😞
(-💧I left the last one :3)
IT IS SAD, BUT ALSO ? think of the impact. the epilogue states that astarion himself thinks spending six months with you has undone almost 200 years of torture ( & whether the healing he goes through is entirely because of you or the newfound freedom he himself has found is still so beautiful ) that even a fraction of immortality is probably enough for astarion. this is a man who has learned to love himself & care for others, as mildly or as unmildly as you view it & i think through loving you, spending your human years together is enough for him to want to carry on your legacy a s the hero of faerûn !!
& this goes the same with astarion having children, imo. these children you have with astarion are an extension of you. your memory & living blood would be enough to sustain astarion for centuries because his love for you won't stop after your death. your kids — your great grandkids — your great, great grandkids ( etc !! ) — is astarion following your spirit through life even when all evidence of your first life has all but disappeared. YOU DON'T FADE AWAY AFTER DEATH !! & even if astarion finds love after you, that won't erase your memory in his mind . . . he will always love you & he will always cherish you & what you've done for him !!
Been thinking a lot about if astarion had met tav a few idk hundred years earlier he would’ve killed her on the spot, used her and brought her back without even thinking about who she might be
Idk the idea just kind breaks my heart cause here’s this person who he cherishes above everything and they’re just so lucky to have met when they met
isn't it scary to think about !! that, at any point in time in baldur's gate, you could have run into astarion — an angry, violent, rightfully pissed astarion who can only do his duty . . . it makes me so sad to think about how in the last two centuries, all he's known is cazador's will.
& it's such a contrast to who he becomes over the course of the game too !! he becomes somewhat caring, somewhat determined to be a "good guy" depending on the choices you've made. astarion is a man who, for all intents & purposes, views himself as being alone & rightfully distant who then turns into someone who looks out for others & even thinks about going out of his way to protect victims from the vampire spawn he holds himself accountable for . . . UGH. LOVE HIM ?
‘It’s nice,’ he says softly. ‘I can taste your blood beneath your skin from your swooning.’
‘I’m not swooning,’ you protest weakly.
‘Oh, you aren’t?’ Astarion teases. He licks your pulse. ‘What a wicked lie. If I were to let go, would you fall or stand on your own? Let’s find out.’
Astarion releases you and your knees buckle out from under you. Something akin to mortification floods through your body, but when Astarion laughs at the sight of you kneeling in the river bed, it doesn’t sound mean. He knees down with you and taps the tip of your nose.
i thiiiiink im jus feeling a bit down so im gonna be on my blog @aluneposting so if u wanna be fwens i'll be over there & maybe we can chat abt astarion together 😍
pairing . ⊱ astarion x tav
wordcount . ⊱ 3,489
part one . ⊱ here .
content warnings . ⊱ mentions of canon compliant temporary character death, spoilers for act iii endgame
other tags . ⊱ canon compliant, character study, introspection, p.orn with plot, pwp, vignette, re-establishing relationship, blood drinking, m.issionary position, tav is gender neutral
archiveofourown . ⊱ here .
summary . ⊱ You have learned to be good. It's time Astarion learns to be forgiven.
During the heart of spring, Astarion spends more time trying to avoid you than he does trying to catch up with you. You’re not even sure why he agreed to travel alongside you — but you do not ask. You press your lips together and push on anyway.
His eyes are cold, and red.
The first night when you set up camp in an abandoned temple, Astarion moves his tent to the other side of the sanctuary as if he cannot bear to be around you. Like you smell. You’ve never cared much for the thoughts or opinions of others, but an inkling of self-doubt creeps back into the depths of your mind. What is the cost of being good if no one treats you kindly?
Every interaction you have with him is like pulling teeth. You want to fight for the tieflings, and Astarion wants to leave them behind. You want to help Wyll find his father, and Astarion snorts. Any good deed you suggest, he finds the need to punish.
When the cambion Raphael reaches and touches your cheek with a promise of opulence and salubrity, you're reminded of a night two hundred years ago. You stumble out of the House of Hope as fast as you can.
You don’t stop walking until daybreak.
One night, you explode on Astarion. Your feelings bubble up like bile in your throat.
‘I tried to look for you!’ you snap at him. ‘You can sit here, and you can be bitter, but if I had known, I would have looked for you! But I didn’t know — I didn’t know and it isn’t a crime!’
Astarion’s look of surprise is one thing. He furrows his eyebrows as if properly scandalized, and his frustrated scowl turns to ash when you throw his old cravat at him. You had kept it tied around your neck for two hundred years. You wouldn’t keep it a day longer.
It’s a horrifying mistake to go wandering off in the Underdark by yourself with nothing but a hunting knife at your side, but you never really gave much thought to how you would cope with the gravity of the situation. The fact that you knew Cazador only made matters worse. You stumble past the ruins of the Selûnite Outpost in hopes of running away from your past.
You don’t run into your past in the dark, but you do run into a Spectator.
You’re immediately thrown into darkness and narrowly avoid being petrified, but you have no idea what you’re going to do about this situation besides hide beyond some poor stoned soul. You might should have considered thinking it through. You might should have thought anything through but you didn’t, and that’s the only crime you’ve committed in quite some time. It isn’t a crime is something you’ve begun to repeat to yourself often.
You manage to defend yourself for quite a while in the darkness, but by the end, you’re nursing a nasty wound and bite from the Spectator that will take some time to heal. You’re tucked under some petrified Drow bastard when you hear Karlac’s battle cry and see Gale’s ice spell come from the cliffs. The one that catches you off-guard, the one that will always catch you off-guard, is Astarion flipping through the air with nothing but an elven bow like a prince from your dreams.
Defeating the Spectator is easier with allies, and even the Drow protecting it goes down without much of a fight. You nurse your wounds as best you can, sitting against the cliffs with a bleeding thigh, and try not to frown when Astarion approaches.
‘Give me that,’ he says quietly, snatching one of Halsin’s potions from your fingers. ‘Even after all these years, it seems like you still need protecting.’
You frown and pick at your torn breeches. ‘I know how much you hate that, your honor.’
Astarion looks at you for the first time in several tendays, eyes rimmed with red. ‘I never hated it,’ he says. He dresses your wound like it pains him to see it. ‘I don’t hate it even now.’
Astarion crashes into you full force the night you arrive at the Last Light Inn after you’ve talked to Jaheira but before you’ve talked to anyone else. You’re in your room, and the next thing you know, you’re not alone.
Two hundred years of loneliness are erased at that moment.
His teeth clack painfully against yours as he shoves you into the wall, too uncaring or too pent up to care about the force. He cradles the back of your head to keep you from cracking it on the wall, but other than that, Astarion doesn’t care about hiding the full force of his strength. He kisses you until your mouth is swollen and then he’s tearing your night shirt open with both hands like he can’t get enough.
‘Astarion — ’ you try to say, startled.
But you would be lying if you said you didn’t miss him too. You let Astarion push you around, until you’re both stripped of your clothes and he’s lying flat on his back on the hard wooden floor with you pulled into his lap, his cock pushed deep inside you, and his hands unable to stop wandering the planes of your body. Astarion all but sobs into your mouth as he fucks you. He holds your cheeks in his hands like you’re the most precious thing he’s ever seen.
When you’re both finished, no one moves from the wood floor despite there being a bed. You lie on your side next to him, memorizing the slope of his nose while you still shiver with little twinges of pleasure still racing up your spine and between your legs. Astarion’s eyes are closed. He’s pretending to sleep, or pretending to be dead so you don’t have to talk about what’s happened, but you’re curious anyway.
You reach across the distance and touch his chest. You know there’s no heartbeat beneath his ribs, but you like to pretend. You close your eyes and dream it has been nothing but two hundred years of happiness and bliss in Astarion’s home.
‘When I first saw you,’ you say quietly, ‘I thought you were a ghost come back to haunt me.’
‘Are you often haunted by ghosts?’ Astarion asks. He still doesn’t look.
‘I’ve been properly reformed while you were away,’ you tell him. You stare at his neck. ‘There was only one ghost I was running from.’
He smiles. ‘And now you’ve found him. What do you think about this haunting?’
‘I am happily haunted,’ you say honestly. He opens his eyes then and turns toward you, lips pressed into a firm line. ‘But you are not happily haunting.’
Astarion sits up then and you follow him, legs sticky and wet. You reach for his hands and pull them into your lap. You watch as he struggles to accept a kind touch. In a way, you understand that. You remember how kindly he treated you when you didn’t deserve it. You hold his hands even when he tries to run away.
‘I was ashamed for you to see me like this,’ Astarion explains. He looks away, hesitant. ‘My condition isn’t one that I’m proud of. It isn’t fair to say I was tricked, but — ’
‘Wanting to live doesn’t make you a bad person,’ you say.
‘Perhaps not,’ he says. ‘But I became what I often chastised you for. I am greedy. I am prone to lying and bouts of theatrics. I’ve killed. It was embarrassing to fall so low.’
‘And now you rescue orphans,’ you say, shrugging. ‘You helped the gnomes. You helped the tieflings. You’re going to help the gnomes and tieflings again. There’s still good in you, your honor, beneath all that vampiric avarice you despair over.’
Astarion laughs and turns away from you. He’s looking for his clothes, and your heart squeezes so tightly in your chest that you move before you can stop yourself. You drape yourself over Astarion’s back and pull his arms away from his smallclothes. You can tell by the musculature of his arms that you only succeed because he lets you.
‘Please don’t leave me alone again,’ you whisper against his shoulder. Your wet eyelashes tickle the nape of his neck. ‘I waited for you that night and… I don’t want to be alone anymore.’
Astarion stays that night.
He stays every night after that too.
For what it’s worth, your third visit to Baldur’s Gate is hardly better than the first two.
Between fighting cultists, saving children, and trying to convince most of your party that they’re not going to become mindflayers, you’re beginning to run a little thin. You feel like you’re going to shrivel up and die. You feel like the world is spinning and falling apart. You’ve killed Gortash and you’ve killed Orin and you killed Ketheric ages ago, but now you’re trying to keep the Emperor from betraying you and sacrificing Orpheus, and Cazador’s invitation is sitting pretty in your hands, and —
Well, that’s just it, isn’t it? Cazador’s invitation is in your hands, and you don’t have the heart to show Astarion. You’re afraid of showing Astarion. You know that as soon as you show him the invitation, he’ll lose his mind. You’ve only just recovered him and you’re already worried about losing him again.
You bury the invitation in the garden behind the inn like you’re a dog with a bone. You shovel the dirt with your hands until they’re cracked and raw and bleeding and the invitation is buried six feet in the ground. It should scare you that Cazador knows who you are, but it doesn’t. You aren’t stupid enough to run headfirst into his trap. And Astarion isn’t stupid either, but he’s scared, and being scared makes you do stupid things.
Astarion almost does a very stupid thing like you predicted he would.
The Rite of Ascension was right there in his hands, and he had almost consumed it. You aren’t sure what changed his mind at the last minute but you’re thankful. Astarion crawls into your arms that night and sobs for hours.
‘What are we going to do about tomorrow?’ Astarion asks you softly.
He’s been tracing patterns into your spine all evening. If he moves his hands now, you’d still feel his fingertips against your skin. You’re hiding your face in your arms so you don’t have to think about it. You can’t stop thinking about it.
‘We’re going to fight the Absolute,’ you say.
‘Like it’s that simple?’
‘I am going to look another god in the face,’ you say, ‘and I am going to tell it to fuck off back to Avernus.’
‘Do Netherbrains come from Avernus?’
You don’t know. You’re too worried to think too hard about the simplest details. So far, you’re every plan has been to go in, stab whoever is the loudest, and then leave before things get worse. It’s hard to keep your head above the waves as they keep crashing down on you.
You don’t want to talk about tomorrow. If things don’t go well, you’re all going to die anyway and all that planning will have been for nothing. You turn on your side and appraise Astarion’s expression. He’s looking at you with muted disbelief. You choose to ignore it.
‘What are we going to do after tomorrow?’ you ask.
Astarion opens his mouth to chastise you for changing the subject, but he closes it almost immediately. He doesn’t want to talk about it either. It’s a scary thing to walk into the end of the world with a sword and a dagger. At least Dame Aylin will be there. You hope she can just stomp the Netherbrain to death and then it’ll all be over.
‘I could always go back to being a magistrate,’ Astarion says conversationally.
He picks at a thread coming loose on his blanket.
‘If you go back to that, I’ll go back to being a criminal,’ you muse. ‘We can have nasty sex on your desk again. You always did look damn good in a cassock.’
Astarion laughs. He laughs like the sunlight that peeks through the window on a sunny morning. He laughs like the moonlight that splays on the cobblestone of Baldur’s Gate long after everyone else has already gone to bed. It’s hideous — it’s melodic and intoxicating, and you reach across the distance and touch his cheek without thinking.
You slide your finger across to his nose. You press your finger against the wrinkle between his brow, and Astarion starts laughing again so you do too. You kiss him while he laughs, and then he holds you and you both laugh together. He will never be a judge again. Your connections with the Zhentarim will die out.
Astarion brushes his fingers against your hip bone. He rolls out of bed like it’s the easiest thing in the world to do, and you miss him. Already without him, the bed is much colder. You dramatically crawl across to his side and press your nose into his pillowcase to smell the faint traces of whiskey that are left.
When he returns, he presents you with his old cravat which has been neatly restored almost to perfection. He had sewn it back together himself. You had worn it for two hundred years as a good luck charm against evil, and the wear and tear had nearly torn it to shreds. You’d never had the heart to try to tailor it yourself. Sewing wasn’t your strong suit, and you had never cried over Astarion’s death until the day you thought you had lost it.
Astarion neatly ties the cravat around your wrist like a promise. He kisses your skin and inhales as though in a dream, nose brushing against the fabric, like the touch of a ghost against your veins. Your throat tightens.
‘Wherever this takes us,’ Astarion says, eyes burning. ‘I want to be there with you in the end.’
You tuck inside your bed with Astarion that night and watch the moon disappear through the window. It’s barely daylight when you’re finally too exhausted to stay awake, and Astarion almost lets you both miss the final showdown. Lae’zel, however, doesn’t.
‘I don’t mind what we do,’ Astarion is saying, ‘once we get to the — ’
You watch with muted horror as Astarion’s skin begins to glimmer in the sunlight. The fire begins cracking under his skin, brimming against his cheekbones and nose and throat and hair much like Karlach when she overheats. You watch as the tips of his ears ignite, and then he’s searching for you frantically between all of your friends.
‘I have to go,’ he chokes out. ‘I have to — ’
There is a world where you let Astarion run alone, where you both get separated on the docks and never find one another again. He runs from the sun as he bursts with radiant energy and as stars pour from his skin, you forget what Wyll is saying, and you run after him.
Astarion finds sanctuary in melting shade beneath a set of boxes. He’s curled up into himself when you arrive, and you drop next to him, pulling your cloak over your heads. He looks up at you, bewildered.
But you have lived through losing Astarion once, and it has haunted you for two hundred years. You had known loneliness and fear and anger, and the thought of surviving it for even a day more makes your stomach roll. You press your forehead to Astarion’s and stand as tall as you can so the sun can’t touch him ever again.
‘Won’t your arms get tired?’ Astarion asks you faintly.
He watches you with a sense of wonder. His skin slowly returns to normal, no more flickering stardust and ash, and you grin. He slowly smiles too, nervous but you shake your head and keep your cloaked raised.
‘Never,’ you say. ‘Not when it’s you.’
‘My reform worked, then?’ he says.
‘I’ve learned about your stuck-up decorum,’ you say. ‘It’s true. I can confirm.’
‘A sense of propriety?’ Astarion asks, and if his voice goes any softer, you’ll melt too.
‘Let me carry the weight of your sins,’ you tell him sincerely, laughing a little. ‘And if we need to find another desk then we will. But I’ll be your knight in shining armor, your honor, and carry a parasol above your head as a proper chamberlain would.’
Astarion snorts. ‘That isn’t quite the job of a chamberlain.’
You hold the cloak up for two hours at least while Astarion recovers from the damage. You can’t help but notice that he looks happy and content even in the shadows. It must be because you’re there, although you’re hesitant to take credit for all his happiness. When you let down the cloak, the sun has set. When Astarion rises, he kisses your cheek sweetly.
‘The silence stretches on — I’m all alone,’ you muse, ‘Please, can I hold your hands, just for a while?’
Bernard’s arms wrap around you gently, and you wrap your arms around his steel ribs. You’ve taken up residence in the old Arcane Tower in the Underdark. You appreciate the permanent nighttime, and if you admitted you only did it because Astarion wanted to be close to his family, it wouldn’t be entirely true. With a bit of help from Gale, you’ve managed to turn the tower into a comfortable fortress. Sometimes Omeluum comes to visit you. Occasionally, there’s word from Shadowheart from the Selûnite Outpost. She’s hoping to restore it. She wants you to come visit.
‘Are you still playing with that dusty old thing, my love?’ Astarion hums from the doorway.
‘You be kind to Bernard,’ you warn him. ‘He’s my friend.’
‘Of course, of course,’ Astarion says, holding his hands up. ‘I’ll be kind to the scrap metal.’
You roll your eyes and step away, touching Bernard’s chest briefly. Astarion has just arrived back from a trip. There are spawn all over the Underdark now, and they treat Astarion as though he’s some sort of prince. They heed your word too, but none so much as his. Their eldest brother, their favorite. They tolerate you if it means getting to see Astarion.
You’re a jack-of-all-trades and master-of-none now. You leave your handiwork for the day or night or whatever it is to go down to your bedroom and recline in bed. Astarion lights each candle one by one until the room is illuminated. You smile and watch as he works.
‘Having responsibility suits you well,’ you say, resting your cheek on your palm. ‘Although it’s funny how our positions have changed somewhat.’
‘I’m the contracted killer,’ Astarion says with a laugh. ‘Are you a magistrate now?’
‘I have at least four hundred years of life left,’ you snort. ‘I, Magistrate Judge Stick-Up-My-Ass, sentence thee to fifty years of community service!’
Astarion rolls his eyes at you dramatically and throws himself into bed, kicking off his boots as he does so. He smells of fresh oils and mist. You bury your nose in his hair. You practically burrow yourself into him, wrapping your arms and legs around him like a mindflayer. You squeeze him tightly in your arms.
‘We have a sprawling manse and all you can think of to do all day is mock me for a position I have not occupied in two hundred years?’ Astarion pouts.
You kiss his hair. ‘What else should I do?’
‘Well,’ Astarion says, tone turning conspiratorial. ‘There are a certain amount of fuckable places here. Several desks, I’ve counted them all, and couches.’
You contemplate it, but after several tendays on the road and a wiggling visitor in your head, you think the bed is the best place. You pull Astarion up to kiss him, arms wrapping around his neck so he can’t leave you. You never want him to go again. You bump your nose against his and hide a smile in his coiffed hair when he melts against your chest.
You sigh prettily when Astarion takes you in your velvet sheets that you float as though in a dream. Your troubles are long over, and that person you thought you lost — your immortal soul — has returned to you as beautiful as the day you lost him. When you shudder, Astarion brushes hair out of your eyes adoringly and tastes your pulse at your jaw. You dig your fingers into the small of his back.
It’s like you’ve found a family. A very bitey, very competitive family. Still, you wouldn’t change any of it for the world. You hold Astarion’s face in your hands and see the man you knew and the man he’s become. Slowly, you pull his mouth towards your neck and feel your heartbeat jump in your chest.
i’ve never been a huge fan of modern AUs but the way you write them has changed me forever. they’re so good i cannot get enough. started gnawing on the bars of my enclosure reading the taco bell and animal shelter fics. THANK YOU
ahhh, this is such a huge honor !! thank you so much, first of all, for reading my fics but i also think it's so kind of you to let me know that you even like my modern fics !! *gives u treats* i'll write more yummy modern au things soon for you to devour hehe
