cellar door l

nothing's lost

[petroleblue]

My aunts cancer is incurable. It started to attack the lungs. She might only have a couple of years to live and will start aggressive chemo soon. I don’t know what this means. Reality is a total blur, it’s like a bad dream. In my mind, I’ll continue to text her and she’ll visit me like nothing ever happened. And I’ll probably believe that long after she’s gone, because nothing is real unless I allow it to be real.

[pmamtraveller]

Piero Fornasetti, Sun

[expressions-of-nature]

by Luyao Wu

[petroleblue]

i haven't had anything interesting to say in a long time. my brain used to be ripe with colorful ideas, dreams and stories, the colors I saw were more vivid, the journey was still to be defined.

i try to journal nowadays (in my expensive, real leather journals), and I've got nothing to say. i've just become another corporate shill whose worth is now calculated through how many Claude tokens I use throughout the day.

the worst thing is, i don't know what to do to stop this. i could stop everything, but i'll always be stuck in the system. the system owns me. and the craziest thing is, i used to long for it, manifest it. i didn't know at the time it would have sucked all of my creativity, joyfulness, and faith in the future.

[petroleblue]

i was supposed to have the results of my ADHD test this afternoon but the psychologist called to reschedule because his computer broke down because of the heat wave

i found myself super relieved after being anxious all morning over the results of feeling out of place for +30 years

i'm glad it's postponed so i can live with the illusion that i'm normal for a while longer

[never-obsolete]

[matchagirl]

[dreamstars]

[1o9]

[9e978e]

via

[petroleblue]

i think about los angeles every day

[petroleblue]

this makes me happy

[petroleblue]

my summer plans?? enjoy the real world

dare to dream again... running in the corn fields, lots of summer picnics, create my own parisian lingerie brand, burn tall candles, create a short film, take acting and singing lessons, eating fresh fruit and vegetables, say no more often, stretch and dance everyday, get a massage every week, clean my apartment and my car often, tell people how i truly feel without being afraid of their reaction

[9e978e]

via

[jogoraz]

[petroleblue]

i'm still here

[zegalba]

Bristol-Myers Squibb Interiors (2003)