(no) good deed.

P e t e r, answer is – you can’t tell ‘em. they’ll never ᴜɴᴅᴇʀsᴛᴀɴᴅ. ‘cause what you did was for the ʀɪɢʜᴛ reason. but what you did was also ᴡʀᴏɴɢ. and you’ll ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ wash it off.            { perseus indie oc | ₁₈﹢ | multiv. | s.s. }

[deathgcddess-deactivated2016030]

       The brunette found herself falling against Peter once he’d moved her, all of her strength having left her body whilst she was stuck in her dreamland.  The words that had passed her ears didn’t quite sound human; partly due to the volume of the music which Peter had been talking over.  It turned each question into a distorted humming sound, which Kat forced herself to listen to and understand. She didn’t respond, as such.  Rather, she gave a faint smile, and a small sound of affirmation was pushed through her closed mouth.

       Katherine then felt her head roll back, eyes opening as a light, raspy laugh escaped her.  She finally mustered up the ability to speak, then.  “Aye, Pas,”  was all she managed, at first; and another laugh soon cut her off.  “Wait … nah, you’re Pete.  Hey, there’s a movie on,”  she’d continue, drawling the words out before giggling once more.  Of course, the movie she spoke of was only ‘playing’ in her head–images of decaying and bloodied women standing over Peter, with their talons outstretched and their icy eyes hungry. She’d seen them before, when she was quite young.  

       “Because I love you,”  Kat started, eyes lazily glancing over the blank spaces which, in her head, were filled with monsters. “I thought I should let you know that they’re gonna getcha,” she added, a slight sing-song voice in her words. She didn’t giggle, then; but she finally locked eyes with Peter, looking between them before pulling herself up and speaking with her mouth next to his ear. Kat’s words were still lazily falling from her lips, but the substances in her blood couldn’t mask the sincerity. “You know how … A shadow is darkness, right? And, the only way you can run away from your shadow is when you hide in the dark? I think my shadows are sick of following me … ‘cause they want me to do something really bad, and they’re worse than the darkness.  And you need to go–” Kat stopped, then.  She noticed a blackness cast over her face, one of the lady flesh eaters having leaned down to stare at her. Once she locked eyes with the rotting face that had been watching her, Kat’s own vision blurred into nothingness. 

[petxrs]

          Well, that answered Peter’s question. Kat was obviously inebriated, but it didn’t look like whatever she’d taken was set on threatening her life. Stilling, he listened quietly until she finished speaking--or at least until she couldn’t keep herself conscious long enough to finish. When her body went limp, Peter hauled them both off of the floor and brought her into her bedroom. He laid Kat down onto her mattress, and for a moment, he thought he might have underestimated her current state. Kat’s breaths were even, however, and she hadn’t turned pale. Peter brushed his hand against her forehead and found that she wasn’t feverish.

          He quelled the sudden rise of panic and headed into the lounge to turn off the stereo, sat down, and tried to get his bearings.

          He wasn’t sure how it happened, but Peter allowed his eyes to close, and the next time he opened them, the clock on the wall told him half an hour had passed by. He’d been so lost in his thoughts--Scrambling onto his feet, he grabbed a glass of water from the kitchen before hurrying into Kat’s room.

          “Hey,” he said, gently shaking her awake. “C’mon. Drink.” He kneeled beside her, free hand thumbing at her cheek, and all the while couldn’t stop thinking of what she’d said between the hazy utterances she’d shared earlier. Because I love you. Because I love you. Peter let out a shuddered breath. They had never told each other that before, and he almost hated to think this would be the first. “You need to--” he began, then cleared his throat, willing his nerves to quit it. “Tell me what happened.”

[petxrs]

ooc; finals are kickin’ my a s s

[deathgcddess-deactivated2016030]

       Clouds had filled her head, at that point.  Had she popped something she’d found in the bottom of her bag?  Perhaps it was just the rum and bourbon.  Or, maybe that was tequila at one point.  Nevertheless, her blurry state left her only able to let out a dull groan in response to having been pulled from near-sleep.  She curled tighter into herself, then;  doing what she could to avoid having to wake up entirely.  The cool splash of water, on the other hand, had a different idea for her.  Katherine lazily turned her body over, pushing her spine flat against the floor of the bathtub, knees bent and falling against the side of the makeshift bed. 

      Her jaw clenched once, a frown tainting her pale forehead as she fought the instinct to open her eyes and see what had caused her disturbance.  Struggling to lift her heavy eyelids, Katherine caught a fuzzy glimpse of who was leaning over the edge of the bathtub, and she responded by letting a small huff of air out.  

[petxrs]

          Kat shifted beneath him, and gods, she was okay, she was here, she was--Peter had to close his eyes for a moment as relief flooded him, the perception of it so sharp that it made his insides feel as if they were being twisted around. He nodded down at her, voice soft as he confirmed that it was him, he was here, and she’d be okay. Inconsequential words, all of them, but he wasn’t thinking straight anyway. All Peter could manage was getting his arms underneath her, picking Kat up from the tub and onto his lap instead. And as he felt his back touch the wall behind him and water seeping through his clothes, he noticed that Kat was so cold.  Looking around the bathroom before glancing above him, he spotted what he was searching for.

          “What happened?” he asked, directly into Kat’s ear after he’d pulled the lone towel down from its bar and wrapped it around her. The music was annoying as hell, but he didn’t want to let go of her to go turn it off. “Did you take anything?”

[deathgcddess-deactivated2016030]

@petxrs

       Loneliness engulfed her, as did the blaring pounds of the music that she’d chosen to play.  Sat with her back pressed against the curved porcelain tub, Katherine felt her head fall slightly too far over the lip of the bath, the blood rush to her head instantly causing a blackness in her vision.  Though it would not matter for long; as the sugars of alcohol began to rapidly soak into her bloodstream, whether or not there was clarity in her sight became a void concern–which didn’t forthwith require her care or attention.  Rather, what did require Katherine’s attention was the bottle of rum which, angled incorrectly, was spilling onto her barely clad stomach.  After bringing it to her lips for a quick moment, she slung her arm over the side of the bath, letting the glass drop from her fingers, an inch from the ground. 

       The words of the notice that’d been slipped under her door still burned in Kat’s mind, until she could visualise them with her eyes closed.  Though she was aware of its inevitability, she secretly hoped that, once in her young life, luck might grant her mercy and kindness.  How she’d ended up with the dingy apartment on Portland’s more dangerous streets, was still the greatest feat that the brunette had ever mustered.  How she’d do it again–she couldn’t begin to theorise.  Whether or not she could, however, was irrelevant; for the building would be dust within the next month.  And due to the illegalities associated with her having secured the home, the building’s owner, rightfully, thought it not needed to follow protocol with early notice. 

       In amongst the concoction of cigarette butts, spilt alcohol, and warm water, Katherine slid down the bath, until the two inches of dirty liquid could soak further into the dry area of her clothes.  How she ended up curled into herself in a fetal position, Katherine would only put to the cold chill that swept over her skin once the bath water had gone cold. Nevertheless, an empty apartment ensured that her music, and her self-pity, would not be disturbed until morning light. Hopefully. 

[petxrs]

          Maybe it was the fact that the last time Kat hadn’t answered her phone for nearly this long, it’d ended with her deliberately vanishing without warning and Peter having to come to an excruciating realization of where they stood. He hated to think about whether or not she’d done it again, but it wasn’t as if Kat had sworn to him she ever wouldn’t, either. At any rate, that was prospect number one, and the only other conclusion that he could arrive to was that something must have happened to her. Granted, it wasn’t any better of an outlook than the former, but still. Peter wanted to be proactive on the off chance he was right.

          So, after shooting a heads-up text her way, he drove over to the leary neighborhood where Kat took her residence. He headed up the stairs once he reached the place and was almost poised to knock when he heard music faintly streaming through the front door. For a moment, he wasn’t sure if he should’ve taken it as a good sign. There was no way she was going to hear him.

          Without really thinking about it, Peter reached for the doorknob and gave it a turn. Unlocked. He was going to have to talk to her about that.

          The loud music acted as his guide, leading him through the unkept apartment until he stopped just short of Kat’s open bathroom. A flash of guilt ran through him then, suddenly unsure if he should walk those remaining couple of steps and announce his presence, most likely unwanted and perhaps even out of bounds. It took Peter a second to strengthen his resolve, to put his foot down. He had to deny her the chance to hurt him this way again. He wouldn’t be kept in the dark. “Kat?” he called out, and that’s when he saw her. Fear nearly knocked him down as he scrambled to reach her, to swipe her hair back, to make sure she hadn’t, nonono she wasn’t-- “Hey! Kat!”

[patriciawalkerd-deactivated2020]

what did they do to y o u?

[yobubblegumbitch]

you’re not  h e r.

[deathgcddess-deactivated2016030]

       Interestingly enough to Katherine, Matthew was quite up to date on news and current affairs; so, naturally, she’d ask him about recent shootings, or bodies found, or missing persons.  And, she’d justify her questions with an excuse based on a faux love for criminal law and the judicial process.  In fact, she’d managed to hold a two hour conversation with him whilst the news was on, and whilst he showed her how to cook a few foods that she’d never even attempted to cook before.  Although it wan’t initially apparent to Katherine, having a man around her who wasn’t concerned with whether she’d be down to fuck, or light up, or slit somebody’s throat – that was refreshing.  Even in spite of what they’d discussed almost a year before, Katherine was still convinced that if the sexual element was removed from the equation, Peter wouldn’t have much of an interest in her.  

       In the middle of a discussion on how many times Katherine had accidentally lit food on fire, she noticed another person in her presence.  “Hey, lazy,” she’d say, mid sentence, looking past Peter’s almost step father.  “Gimme a sec,” Kat told Matthew, setting a pot down which she’d spent the last couple of minutes mashing potato in.  Leaving the room, she took Peter’s wrist, and appeared far too animated considering the situation that had occurred the night before.  

       “You won’t even believe this, but he actually taught me how to cook something. I shit you not.”  Though, it was easier to just pretend nothing had happened at all.  

[petxrs]

          Peter relaxed fairly quickly, though his eyes darted from Kat to Matthew and back again to his girlfriend as if he was still trying to process the scene in front of him. Just as Kat greeted him and began to tug him away, he caught Matthew turning around in his peripherals and saw that he was holding a spatula in hand, smiling, and bouncing his eyebrows playfully. This, of course, caused Peter to nearly gag, and he returned his attention to Kat before Matthew could do something even more repulsive, like talk.

          When they were out of earshot, Peter looked down at the girl before him, moving the hand attached to the wrist she was gripping so that he could lace their fingers together. Her words didn’t register at first, his brain having to play catch up from not being completely awake yet, but once he understood, he stared at her amazed, almost reverent. It helped keep the events from last night from rising, from stretching their limbs out and starting the day by torturing Peter’s thoughts once again.

          “Oh, yeah? You gonna cook for me from now on?” He was joking, but expected a punch in the shoulder anyway.

[deathgcddess-deactivated2016030]

       In the darkness, Katherine felt more at ease, knowing that she’d not have to bear witness to the weakness in the room – and it wasn’t necessarily Peter’s that she was worried about.  Relief had flooded her, and she silently made her way back to his bed, following his request.  Rather than go directly to him, she’d slip into her own side, crawl over to him, and press her mouth to his neck.  The remnants of Kat’s stray tears remained on her eyelashes, though she’d managed to calm herself down.  There was such an odd feeling in her stomach, leaving her unsettled, or slightly nauseous, as she’d later convince herself.  

       After eventually getting under the covers, Kat kept to her own side of the bed, facing the window rather than her lover – something she hadn’t done in months.  On first glance, one could assume she wanted to give him space; however, she felt more inclined to distance herself for the sake of her own mental and emotional health.  Katherine was more than aware of her preference for spitting her own blood down her clothing, bruised knuckles and scarred cheeks left red and raw, rather than admit for a moment that she was falling back down the bottomless, selfish pit that 18th century poets seemed to endlessly lament about.  A pit where some of her favourite things manifested.  Lust, desire, greed, loyalty.  All positive.  But, regardless, a pit of love.  Something which played by the same rules as her precious fist fights did.  And the rules were never fair. 

[petxrs]

          Unlike most nights in which Peter would spend an hour tossing and turning in bed before his frustration gave way to fatigue, sleep overtook him within minutes. When he opened his eyes, the afternoon sun was shining brilliantly through his window, lighting up the ceiling he was blinking up towards. The events of last night made themselves known at that moment, vivid and aching, and Peter’s throat clicked dryly when he swallowed. The last thing he remembered was staring at the back of Kat’s head. He’d wanted to reach out, run his fingers through her hair--

          The absence of warmth at his side almost stung once he finally realized it. Peter stood from his bed, and resignation seeped out of every pore on his body as he headed for his door. Kat had left. Of course she had. There’d been no obligation for her to stay.

          When he reached the last step of the staircase, he wasn’t expecting more than one voice to come from the kitchen. He hadn’t expected even one, for that matter, assuming Matthew had gone back to his apartment and left Peter alone in the house. And yet, there he was, and there she was, chatting each other up about something Peter wasn’t paying attention to. He froze, a symbiosis of confusion and relief stilling him.

[petxrs]

This isn’t going to work. There’s no point anymore.

[petxrs]

we interrupt this program to

ok no hi i’m just here to get cheesy for a second because it’s @deathgcddess​‘ birthday and i really need to say something about her

it’s probably telling that i’ve never made a post like this before (even if she’s made hundreds for me) but it’s not because i don’t care about her or don’t want to brag about how much of a fantastic rp partner she is (because i do and she is and i consider myself ridiculously lucky to know her) it’s just that i wanted to sit and think about what i wanted to say because i didn’t want to understate how much i care about this punk. of course now i’m realizing that i could go on and on and on and on and on and

i’m going to try to make this short but no promises

ellie!!! we’ve known each other for a little over a year now (wtf) and tbh i always thought we were too good to be true like it’s insane how well we’re able to improvise, plan, and write together despite being significantly different people from equally different parts of the globe. but maybe that’s why we click. like in the end we appreciate that writing’s for fun but it’s also something we both want to do well, something to put effort into. and look how freakin’ far we’ve come lmao (also random thought but remember when we first started interacting in the group rp the maze runner hadn’t come out yet and we were all casual about it like “oh cool our fcs are gonna be in a movie together” but it ended up being the bane of our existence because petat happened? haha good times) but yeah all in all thanks for being there for me through thick and thin. i just love you lots and like you’ve said before even if we stop writing together (frick i’m going to miss writing together) we’ll keep in touch and it won’t matter if there’s a lull in our conversations because of rl stuff because i’ll bounce right back to you with petat head canons probably (imagine us sharing “where are these two now?” stories hAh a) 

alright if i keep going this thing’s going to become a thesis paper so i’ll stop here but yeah TL;DR ellie is the bomb diggity and it’s her birthday so go wish her a happy birthday (HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOSER ♥)

[obclisk]

“We both know you won’t do it. You can’t.”

SENSE8 SENTENCE MEME - ACCEPTING

             “Can’t take another shot? Of course I can take another fu–

           “Fudging shot. How old are you anyways? Are you even old enough            to be bartending?”

[deathgcddess-deactivated2016030]

       In spite of herself, Katherine wasn’t able to say anything even remotely close to what Peter had suggested. The ability to entirely bury her face absent, she pressed her forehead to Peter’s shoulder, eyes closed. Her knuckles pressed to the side of his leg, Kat’s thumb kept at a back and forth motion against the material of his pants; though she was positive that he’d be able to feel the coldness of her skin, anyhow.  The girl would sink back into herself, then.  She withdrew from touching him soon after, pushing herself to her feet in order to turn the light off. At the wall, Kat waited a moment, head falling back to stop the welling of tears in her own eyes.  On any other occasion, she’d have joked that Peter’s were contagious.

       She’d convince herself that her getting upset was ridiculous, though she couldn’t understand the root cause for it.  It wasn’t for Peter – hell, she’d come to terms with how she felt almost jealous of his position.  Though Kat was sure she’d gotten herself under control, her hand went to her cheek, and she felt it wet with the tears that’d managed to escape.  It took a moment, but she spoke up, voice vacant of any sign that she’d become truly affected by the boy she had been sitting with.  “We should sleep,” she’d say, breathing steady.  “Nothing good will come of being awake, now.” 

[petxrs]

          Peter hadn’t expected an answer, not really, but Kat’s silence inevitably left a bruise in its wake. Turned out it was easy to ignore, however, as he focused on all the points they were touching, the contact and affection ultimately helping to steady his breathing until it was measured again. By the time he felt stable enough to keep himself from bursting out into tears, he thought to lean into her--only to miss his chance. Kat was pulling away, and Peter turned his head to watch her regretfully. He wished he could see her face.

          Once he was blinking at the sudden absence of light in his room, Peter got up on his feet. “Yeah.” He cleared his throat. “Good idea.” The beginnings of an apology were perched at the tip of his tongue, but he compelled his mouth to stay shut. He didn’t need to say it, and he was pretty sure that it was the last thing Kat needed to hear right then. “C’mere,” he called out to her weakly, now sitting at the edge of his bed. In the darkness, exhaustion was quickly rearing its ugly head.

[deathgcddess-deactivated2016030]

       Sat in silence for longer than she was at ease with, Kat eyed the boy beside her, entirely spaced as to how she was supposed to react.  “You were meant to say hey,” the brunette eventually said, still vaguely unsettled by her lacking ability in comforting another.  As she leaned back against the side of Peter’s bed, Kat imagined herself slipping so far down that she just completely vanished into the floor.  That familiar fight, flight, or freeze instinct she’d come to know so well telling her that if she didn’t do one of the formers, she’d end up in more trouble.  For the first time in a long time, Kat remained completely still, and watched as Peter broke down.

       The teen eventually adjusted herself, faced slightly towards her partner as a growing sickness in her stomach became more prevalent.  Kat could never have imagined the weird kid she accidentally struck up a conversation with at a shitty, little café would end up with a kind of power over her that she couldn’t quite put her finger on.  And regardless of the voices in her head warning against it, she’d lean forward, and press her mouth against the fabric covering his shoulder.  “She’s not all you’ve got,” Kat eventually added, speaking against Peter.  “I don’t know what you want me to do.”

[petxrs]

          Peter went motionless at that, his heart continuing to beat out a frantic rhythm in his ears and his breaths still escaping him, shallow and wet. He didn’t know what to make of Kat’s reply--the implications were too broad to try and guess for a single one. But because his current state of frustration, terror, and anger had his mind concocting all sorts of shitty thoughts, he moved on to wonder if what she’d said had meant anything at all. What were the chances of it being an empty promise? If he had Kat now, how much time would have to pass until he didn’t?

          Stifling himself, Peter shook his head. “I don’t want you to do anything. You don’t have to.” A filthy lie, but she was still here, and that itself was more than he thought he could ask for. “Tell me I’m being stupid. I mean, fuck, we live in the twenty first century. ‘S the age of robot surgeons and all that shit, y’know, technology and medicine.” He smiled. At least, he attempted to while wiping his eyes with a sleeve. Gods, he wished he could stop crying. “She can’t go... Not like this.”

[hephaestuss]

gO HARD ON ANGST PLOTS OR GO HOME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[deathgcddess-deactivated2016030]

       Being sat beside Peter, in the overly sterile waiting area, had Katherine wondering how on earth she’d be able to consistently calm his nerves every time a doctor walked past, or there was even the remote possibility of him being able to see his mother.  She’d result in occasionally bumping him, maybe trying to poke fun at whatever was easy to poke fun at.  Kat’d eventually take his hand in her own, trace a few lines over the back of it – done to entertain herself, more than anything. A couple of hours later, she awoke from a fitful sleep she’d fallen into, after having sunk down in her chair and using Peter’s upper arm as a pillow. In spite of her dreary state, the brunette mustered up enough energy to, yet again, feign sympathy.  Perhaps if she’d have paid closer attention to it, she would have noticed the slight feeling of discomfort at seeing somebody who’d shown her kindness in such a state. 

       Of course, Katherine chose to ignore anything other than the ache she felt to get some real sleep. After having spent years of not wanting or needing much to get by, in the months before that night, she’d slowly began getting more and more hours in until she had a relatively normal sleeping pattern. And, in Peter’s bathroom, brushing her teeth and seemingly unaffected by the seriousness of the situation, Kat could only imagine the sleep-in she’d get in the morning. 

       She would eventually come to the realisation that she was stuck in a moment of emotional pain for somebody she’d grown to care for. Kat stood hidden behind the door which had been left sitting slightly ajar, ears attuned to the tone that’d passed with Peter’s words.  She’d heard it in Pascal’s voice more times than she could count. She’d heard it in Henry’s more than once.  But she remained glued in place, unable to move as she would have if it had’ve been one of her brothers.  It was Peter.  And it wasn’t something she ever expected (nor imagined), would come from him.  

       After a few minutes of standing with her back to the door, Kat took a breath in, and put on a faux smile as she passed through the archway.  “Your toothpaste is like a kick in the ass,” she’d try, quick to take a seat in the space next to him. Though she’d normally have continued the joking, something about seeing him being so distraught up close had the words catch in her throat. 

       “Hi,” Kat chose to say, hoping he’d remember the tone of the situation the last time she’d said it. “You alright?”

[petxrs]

          There was no use in suffocating himself by worrying; all anyone could do right now was wait. Peter knew this, he did. Still, how many people truly ever took that advice to heart? He couldn’t help but to wonder as the light thudding of Kat’s barefooted steps neared him and he felt his chest constricting in something akin to guilt.

          Her joke went unacknowledged. Peter didn’t understand why she was still here. It wasn’t as if he wanted to, either. Having her go home so she wouldn’t have to deal with him in this state was probably the better, more considerate action, but Peter couldn’t will himself to make that choice. He didn’t have the energy to pretend he’d be okay without her. And, as if his body was adding in a big extra “fuck you,” Peter’s eyes started to water fast.

          “She’s all I’ve got,” he began before quieting. He realized he didn’t know what else to say. He felt like that about summed it up, really. If anything happened to Beth, Peter would end up being eighteen and orphaned. He would have to grow up, the only prospect he was consciously terrified of up until the thought of losing his mother had permeated his mind and made everything infinitely worse. ”What the hell am I supposed to do, Kat?” Hugging his shoulders, Peter cried freely, sooner than he could do anything about it.

[petxrs]

ooc; “enter the scorch trials” TUMBLR I ALREADY DID I WENT TO GO SEE IT YESTERDAY NIGHT AND PROMPTLY WENT INTO HYSTERICS AFTER IT ENDED

[petxrs]

deathgcddess:

         Thankful that Peter’s attention had deviated from the situation at hand, Kat felt a grin tug at her mouth. Perhaps it was also a result of feeling accomplished that she’d managed to replicate sympathy perfectly. To be frank, she’d decided that she was more envious of Peter’s position, than anything else. In spite of Beth being an A-grade caregiver, anyone with dead parents (or potentially dead parents) had the brunette seeing green; and it wasn’t for Beth as a person, it was simply because she was a mother.  “To me, though?” Kat’d finally reply, eyebrows raised. “Even if it’s not, I definitely want you to walk me down memory lane. That sounds like a riot.”

         The clock’s hands moved faster with Kat keeping him company, even while they spent most of their time together in silence. Matthew eventually returned with his cup of coffee, which he drank with alarming speed. He didn’t say much, and Peter secretly hoped it was because he’d burnt his tongue. It was nearly six in the morning when a young nurse finally came out to tell them Beth was awake.

         Stepping into the bleak hospital room, Peter felt the talons of anger clawing at him. This was no place for his mother, who was greeting the trio with a tired but striving smile as she remained hooked up to machines. She opened her arms and hugged Peter for a long time. She thanked Kat for coming and kissed Matthew’s cheek. Peter spent the next several minutes refusing to leave until his mother was released, but Beth persuaded him to go home for the day. She was to take multiple tests, all of which would require several days to carry out.

         So, the three headed home without Beth. Matthew took Beth’s room to sleep, and Peter was too tired to think anything of it. He sat on the floor of his own room, back against the side of his bed. His eyes stung. He regretted leaving his mother. He was terrified of something happening to her while he was-- “Fuck,” he said aloud, burying his face in his hands. “Fuck.”