l'essentiel

night fell, you asked

[peutfaire]

i've vented, i've said my piece, i've built a bridge and gotten over it. that's all it takes sometimes.

[peutfaire]

but whether we want to or not change happens. it allow us to grow so we don't lose ourselves. and growth hurts as much as it is rewarding.

[peutfaire]

i think its important to be comfortable being alone. i feel like my whole life i've been forcibly conditioned into having loneliness as my constant companion. through no fault of my own. not ideal for a child, but shit happens, life is what it is. it's not so bad - i now enjoy being alone and don't mind it. in fact, i often need my alone time to reset myself.

but even if loneliness has been my constant companion all these years... in the dark and in the quiet of the night, in some forsaken second of the living, it comes when you least expect it - well the loneliness can get to you.

and i have to remind myself that it's okay.

[peutfaire]

i don't sense bad intentions

but you are trying to fill the void and emptiness with a bandaid when it's a bullet wound

[peutfaire]

what are you going through right now?

so i know how far down i'll need to jump to keep you company

you need only ask

[peutfaire]

main character energy? don't buy into that. life is so much shittier compared to an excellent movie

[peutfaire]

I still remember that day

When you walked into my eyes

I was afraid of meeting your gaze

You gave me courage

And I miss you again

[ethelcainlovebot]

- Shirley Jackson, We Have Always Lived in the Castle

[peutfaire]

it's so dark, so silent.

you must know, surely you must know what happens

when you go too far into the darkness

you never come back from there

[heateron]

leonard cohen’s note to marianne ihlen, 1963.

[peutfaire]

i dont have any answers for you, i cant even heal my own wounds

but i can relate to what you're going through and i'll always sit with you in pain and suffering so you don't feel so alone if you want

[aseaofquotes]

Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

[peutfaire]

it is quite extraordinary how love comes to find us in the most unexpected ways… a lot of it is luck too, to have found each other at that very moment where you were with them. and it can really hurt our heart so much that you physically feel it and find yourself struggling to breathe. yearning after them as if their presence, love, and laughter could heal every one of your pains and they felt like home. but sometimes details don't matter too much... it's difficult to articulate what we feel in a particular moment sometimes - a million thoughts and feelings but no words. it can suck so so so so much when we live on that hope and expectation of what could've been... but you can find yourself again, even if they live in the "what if" realm of our past.

and i will always love you.

[weltenwellen]

Maggie Smith, “Threshold”, Goldenrod

[peutfaire]

my mind wanders nowhere and everywhere with no destination and I am thoughtfully accompanied by a persistent dull heartache and yearning that I can’t seem to shake. sometimes I feel like I’m losing every fibre of who I am, my entire core identity being overwritten and replaced by the unforgiving parasite that is emptiness. as I search for something that I know cannot be found ever again, I wonder if I engage in self destructive behaviour just to feel something - anything.

lately I’ve been thinking if I’ll ever be myself again in this lifetime. when my story comes to an end, when all the king’s horses and king’s men couldn’t put me back together again… I just want to go home. can I come back again? everything that matters barely ricochets back to me as faint echoes.

I don’t think I will ever stop trying to reach for you once more, I couldn’t. am I just meant to be lost and lost and lost and unable to be found again?

[freshbrewedlife]

Eva Tsang | @thetrottergirl

[mattcurtisphoto]