Local dude orders a burger at Starbucks Featuring @the-great-mighty-dick, @scary-boi, @thewabbajackx, @sbh93, @aleksandr-marchant-the-third, @the-realest-asami, @ultramanultimo
“okay, start recording” “can i help the next guest please? uh, hello, sir, welcome to starbucks, what can i get for you?” “Y̵̛͜͢E̷A̴̡͘͝H̢͘̕ ̶̵̢̢͠Ç̶҉͠A̧͞N̕͡ ͜͟I̶̢͠ ̸͘G͟͝È̴̡͟T̨̛͠҉̛ ̀͘A͢͞ ̴̵M̴̴̢̀Ò͜͝Ţ̨͏̨H̷́É̡͜͠Ŕ̷F̡̧̧̛U҉͟͜C̢̡͏̸̢K̸͘͡͝Í̵Ń̢͡҉G̶̕͡ ̷̶̷҉U͜H́̕͢H̷̢̨̛H̢̨͏H̴̛͡҉Ḩ͡H͞͞-͞͏̕” [mic cuts off] “ḨH̨̛͠͝Ḩ͜͢͜H͏҉͜͝H̵̴̀҉H̡̛̀H̀҉̨͞H̶̕͢͠H̷̡̀͢H̡́͜͠H̸̨̧͜H͠҉H̕̕H̛̀̀͝H̀́͠H̵̢̨̀͢H̢̨͢H̢͘H̴̶̛H̸͝͠͠H҉̕H҉̢͜͠H̵̴H̕͢͠H̢͘͝͞H̸̕͟͡H̶̛͘H̶̡͜͟͡H҉҉͏̷H̷̡͢͠͝H̷̡͘H̶̴͝͏H̴͘H͜͡H̨҉̨̕͝H̀͠H̛͟H҉̴͟͠H̡͘͢H̴̛͢͠H̵́͞͠H̴̀H̸͟͡͡H̨̨͢͟H͠͏H͞͞H̢̨͘͞͠H̡͞H̨́̕͜H̨̡̨҉H̸͘͞͠H̶͢͟H҉̛͡҉H̨̕B̶̢̛͠͠U̢̨͜R̢͟͡͡҉G̡̨͝E̛͟͠R̸̵̛” [laughter] “sir, we don’t sell burgers here.” “Ẁ̡̛͠H͘҉͏͏͞A̶͜T̢̢̡̀͢ ̡͢D͏̛͞O҉ ̶͘͠Y҉̢̨̕͜Ó͠͠U̢̧͜ ҉̢̛͢͠M͏̷̀Ȩ́̀͡ĄŅ̸̢͜ ͢͟͡҉͏Y̵̶͜͢O̴͡Ư ̸͟͞͠D̢̕͝͠O̡͡͠͞Ņ̀͡T͘͢ ͜͢S͡È͡҉-̧͠” [mic cuts off again] “we sell- we sell paninis and breakfast sandwiches.” “OH MY CARDIAC ARREST” “Y͏͏̀O҉̸̀U̧͢͟ ̵̢̨͜͢T̵̛̛H̸҉̧I̵̢N҉̶̕͟K̵҉ ́͘҉҉I̶͏̴ ́҉K҉̴͡N̡̡̛O͢Ẁ͜͡͝ ͢W͘҉͟H̶̴́͢͢À͝T͜͟ ̷̨͘A̕ ͏̡͟͡P̨̕҉̶̡Á̡҉N̸͝͡Í̸̡͠N҉҉͟͢͞Ì̧͢ ̶̡̢͘͡Í́͟͜S̢͞ l̶͏̀̕ļ͏̶l̶̨̛͡҉l͘̕͞͠l̷̡͞l̡͟l̸̨̕͡ĺ̢͠l̸̛͜l̀̀̕͠ĺ͏̛͟ļ̶̶̛͜l̀͘̕͢l̶̨l͟ļ̸̨l̵̨̧l҉҉͞ļ̵̕l̴̶l̷͠͠͞l̸̨̡̀͢l̷͘͢͞” [even more laughter] “J̶̨̧̧U͟͢S͏̛̕̕͝Ţ̶ ̴̶̷̛͘G̢͝Í̵̢M̷͢͟͠M̸̀͘͢E̛͠ ̸̡A̵̡͞͞͞ ̸̸̸B̛͝U҉̨̛͞R̨̀Ģ͟É͢͡R̶̷͟ ̧̨̕͟E͝͝͏͞X̵̀͢T̵͘R̀́͢͞Á̧́͞҉ ̷͜͟C͢͡H͏̶͏̢E̡͘͢͞͡E͢͏̶́̕S̶͡É̸͟͢҉ ҉̨͡l҉͜͠͏l͝͝͡͏͡l҉̸̧͜l̷̴̷͝l̨̛͢͠l̸̷͡ĺ̡̛ļ̸͜l̷̵̛͜͝l̡͘̕l͢҉̡ĺ͡l̷̛ĺ͏͏l̵̴̨͘͠l̸̡͜͜” “no, we don’t have burger extra cheese, we have paninis and b-” “D̵̨͜͞҉-̢͡͠ ͠҉N̷͝Ơ̧͝ ̶͘Y͢҉̢͞O͏̡̧́U҉̨ ̢̡D̷̸̡̛Ò̀͠N͢Ţ̵̷͘͟ ̕͏U҉̛Ņ̴̷̷͡D̨̀͞͡Ę̴̕R͢͝͠S̀͠Ţ̶͘A̴͜N̛͞D͜͟ ̸̨͢҉I̵̧͘̕ ̸̕̕N̴̨͢͜E̡E̢͢D͏̸͜͞͠ ҉̷T͟H͟͠Í̧̢̡͜S҉͏ ̶͢͜͡l̨̕͡l̷̛̕͝ļ̵̧͢͟l̵̢̕͢ĺ̴̵͝͠l̵͜͟͝͝ĺ̷̶ļ̵̡̡͜ĺ͠l̢͡͠ĺ̶l̸̴l̸͝l̡͘͟͏͠l̷҉͘l̡̢̕͞l̵͜͝l̶̢̢̢͢l̨̢͞l̸̴͟ļ̸l̶̡͘͠” “NO” “sir, i’m gonna have to ask you to get out if you dont want anything” (transcribed to best ability) [discord noise] “W͢͢҉̴H͏̨͠͞Y҉̵͜ ̶̛À̷̧͡͞R̵̡͝È̢ ̷̨̀͝Y̷̸̶̴O͏̨̛͡Ú̶̢̨͘ ̶̴́͘̕K̕͠Ę̸̸̕͢Ȩ͟͠P̨͟҉Į̸̀̕̕N͟͡҉G̷̛͞͝͏ ̨̢̧͜͟T͟H͜͡͠I̵͏͠͝Ş͘͟͏̡ ̡A̸͢ ̶͡S̸͝҉̷͡E̡͏̸̧C҉́R̛̀E̛͜͝T̛͘͏͠ ̷̷̛͠͡F̴́R҉̨̀́͘Ơ̵̴͘͢M̡̧̛̕͠ ̷T̵H̷͏̴͝Ę̸̴͝ ̵͠͠P̸̴̧̀Ú͝͝҉͟B̸̴̀L̢̀͘͢I̴̛Ç̴̸͜” “what, in the hell did i walk into” [more laughter and people dying] “WHAT HAPPENED, HOLD ON, HOLD ON” “can i get you a caramel macchiato?” “-̷̧͠-̧́͘B̴̴̀E̸̵͏ ̛̕I̷̷̶̴͘ ̸̶̢́͟H̶A̶̢̕͢͢V̴͘E͢͡ ̶̶͜A̢͜ ̶̡́͢B̶̨̕͜U̕͠͠R̨̛̀͠Ģ̵̶͜E̶̷R̀̕ ̀͜E̵̷̵X̨͢͝T̴̢̧̀͞R̶̨̨̡A҉̷̕͏̶ ̶̸D̴͟I̷͢P̷̧̨̀͡D̵̷͘͘T̴̨͡H̀͟ ̶̛͡҉ĺ̵̴̛̀l̨͡͝l̛͜l͜͠l̵̡̡͡͡ĺ̴̴̢̨l̴҉l̨͜͝l̨̡ļ̸̡̧͜l͝͝l̡͟l҉̧̕l̷̢l̵̡l̨̕l̀͢͡l̷̶̀l̨̡͠l҉̕͘͘͢l̛͘͠͡ĺ̨̨͡͡l̴̕͟ļ̴̛̀͜l҉̶̡͘͠l̕͟͠͡l̨̛̀͠҉l̕͘̕͝͠ļ̡̡̛͞” “WE DONT HAVE ONE-” “OH MY GOD THE VOICE CHANGER REALLY” [insert big smoke’s order] “SIR, THIS IS A STARBUCKS, NOT A MCDONALDS-” “D̴̨҉̷U̴̶͏D̀̀͘͟È ̴̧͘͢Ỳ̸̸͝͡O͜͡Ų͏҉́ ̵̡͘͘T̨͞Ò͟O̶͘͝K҉̸̵͘͜ ̨́͡͠M̴̨̨͏Ỳ̷̶̕͞ ̀́M̶̷̛͘̕O̡̧Ņ̴E͏̵́͢͢Y̴̛̕͟͡ ́́I̸͢͡F͢͠͏ ̕I̷̴̡ ̧̛́͠͠D̨̕͠O̧͝N̨̕T͝҉ ̡̨̀҉Ģ̶I͢͡҉̴V̡̧͡E̡͘ ̀͢͡Ỳ̴O̕͡҉Ú̶͠ ̴̴̨͜͡M҉̵̴͝O҉N̷̴̡҉͜E̕͜Y͏̸̕͞ “ [people are dying, gerald] “SIR, YOU ARE AT THE WRONG STORE! YOU WANT THE MCDONALDS, NOT THE STARBUCKS…” ”WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUPS STORE?” “H͠͠҉Ę̴̷̨̛L͘L҉̵̧͢Ò̴̸” [even MORE laughter] “I̷̡͢҉̢ ̵̴̡̀͝W̨͜͡Ǫ̨Ú̶̢͢͝L̴̡̨͢͝D̴̨̡̢͡ ̵͢͡͝͏L̷̕̕͟͡I̶̡҉K҉̀Ę͘͠ ͟͏̸̡͘Á͜͞ ́҉̴͢͞B͜͏Ų̵̡̢Ŗ̛G̴̢̛̛E̢̡̨͘͠R̨̨͘ ̧͠l̷̡̀͘l̶̡͞l̸̵͘͢l͘͢l̶̕l̢͘͝l҉̴̛͢l̷̶̡͢l̨͡҉l̸̸̡̕͢l̨̡l͏l҉̴̧l̴͟ĺ̷̢͘l̴̵̛l҉̸l҉̸҉̕ĺ͟l̷̨͞͝͡l̶͝l͠͏͟l̴̀l̶͢l̵̛“ “NO” “holy goooooooooooood” “NO, WE SERVE COFFEE AND, DUTCH DANISHES HERE, JESUS CHRIST!” (transcribed to best ability again) “BOSS? UH, GH, E- I NEED TO GET THE MANAGER” “smiley how much of that did you get?” [echoing] “Ｃ Ｏ Ｍ Ｐ Ｏ Ｕ Ｎ Ｄ” “WHAT?” “sir, do you want to- do you want to speak to the manager?” “he’s ordering from the ether” “he’s ordering a burger-” “Ý͡E̢͟A͏H͘͏̶̴ ̵̶́̕͢C͘A̧͘N̵͟ ̀̀͢͞Í̵ ͏̕G̛͘E̵̛̕͞T̡͡͠͏ ͡҉̡͘͢Ą̸͘ ̸͜F̴̡Ų̷̷̢C҉̷̴̸Ķ͡Į͘N͟͠Ǵ͝҉̷͏ ̶̡U͞H́͜H͜͟͝H͘H̷̨͜͞͡H̢̧́͘Ḩ́͡H̶H̴͠͠“ “NO!” “oh my god” “he’s ordering- he’s trying to order a burger with-” “okay” “-extra, starbucks” [laughter, keyboards] “this s- uh, this discord is wild, wild, [unintelligble]” “it just got a lot hotter in this room” “god, that’s what it’s like working at there, ‘cause i’m like, “hey, what can i get you?” and the person is like, “can i get a fucking uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh coffee.” it’s like “okay, what kind of coffee?” “uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…” and then they order like five different things in a cup and then im there just like-”
