How is it I’ve felt the dancing of life in my womb
And still believe that life should be allowed to be torn from existence?
How can I possibly look into pale blue-green eyes mirroring my own
A person I made behind them
And my heart not wrench at the thought of eyes not even given the chance to develop?
How my body and mind and soul would revolt if my child’s life were snatched away
And yet here I am, the ties between me and the ones I love severed by this barbaric idea I hold
That those who would take life from their wombs still matter and still deserve their autonomy
That a life lived hungry and unloved
Might not be a life worth living, might not be a life to force on anyone for the sake of “living”
Still today, my heart aches to once more feel life grow within me, to be a vessel for another being
To have the privilege of raising part of our earth
Yet if I had to choose between the pain, and suffering, and fear, and loneliness that child might feel trying to find a home
Or simply protecting that child before they even emerge from my womb
I don’t think the decision would be a hard one
Because while I might be able to protect my children tooth and nail when they live in my home
While they are in my care
That says nothing for children under the “care” of the government. Taught and fed and loved the bare minimum for survival
Denied homes and love and a family because they can’t pay the thousands required of them
It also says nothing of the children born to mothers who try to raise them despite what they feel
The pain. The resentment. The fear.
If you’ve never looked into tiny eyes and listened to a screaming mouth and wanted nothing more than to turn them facedown into the mattress
Then I do not expect you to understand why I believe a death within the womb might be better
Than death at the hands of an exhausted, sobbing, shaking mother
Who only wanted the best for their baby
Who could not bear to make them suffer for 18 years just to be thrown out like garbage
Who could not take the weight of life on guilty, tired, unprepared shoulders
And who wasn’t allowed to simply avoid that pain for everyone involved with the swallow of a pill or slice of a blade
Because someone thinks that somehow one life is more important than another
That somehow this mother no longer matters because sperm has met egg inside them
That somehow it is better for a person to suffer for “a chance at life”
And that somehow being ripped from this horrid world we live in before it could even begin
And not a blessing on its own.
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