Patience. Yes, she knew something about that. Whether it had been watching him teach a bear how to dance and carry schoolbooks while the rest of their classmates cowered in a corner, or watching him sleep in his glass coffin on Jabberwock Island after the final five survivors had been awakened from their simulation, Sonia Nevermind knew about patience when it came to Gundham Tanaka. Alongside with admiration, yearning, love, and a deep-rooted belief that he would never look fondly upon her, whether she'd become a remnant of despair or if they were simply classmates with their supposedly entire futures ahead of them, before they'd been stolen away.
And frankly, besides pushing herself on him as something, someone, he didn't want, Sonia Nevermind was fucking done with patience. A world away from the devastation in Novoselic, no one needed her to be a queen right now. They'd seen hell and caused a near-armageddon: they were long past any sort of innocent courtship and first kisses.
They were also past feeling any sort of surprise regarding sexual assault. Not that it was something Sonia condoned, but it was something she understood as she listened to his confession. A club of which she wished she wasn't a member, but if he expected her to be disgusted by him, he was sorely mistaken.
"You could never hurt me," She replied honestly. He could cut her, he could break her, he could bite her and rip her to shreds, limb from limb or simply take her entire heart in his fist and crush it into a fine pulp and it wouldn't hurt. Because it was him. Because Sonia had decided a long time ago that, where it truly mattered, she was his. She was always his.
"But Gundham..." She whispered against his lips in-between kisses. It was a battle she didn't want to fight, pulling away from the intoxicating taste and feel of his lips in order to drive her point home with words. Actions, as it was said, spoke louder than words but her conscience couldn't let her proceed without him truly understanding what he meant to her. "Much of my reign of terror involved acts of assault and rape. I've had sex with men, women, non-binary individuals, several of our classmates, and Junko Enoshima. And Gundham..." She trailed off, her fingers tracing over his cheek, the strong angle of his jawline, her thumb brushing his lips before trailing down towards his neck. Towards the buttons of his shirt that she so longed to tear away.
"Each and every time, I wished they were you."
She couldn't bring up the courage to add on If you think I'm disgusting, I understand. If you want to leave, I understand. If she did, the rest of her bravery would be shot as she took a half-step from him. In order to bring her hands to the fabric belt of her dress, undoing the bow and letting the ties fall to the side. With shaking hands, then, she reached up to the top button of her dress.
An exposed collarbone, less jagged than it had been once he'd woken up and she'd decided to properly eat instead of drinking her calories.
The soft, pale skin over her fluttering heartbeat, and the top line of her cleavage. The amount of skin her family had once called decent, with anything more making her appear cheap and easy.
The tops of her breasts, full and highlighted by the scalloped edge of her black lacy bra.
Where black lace covered silk, accented by a small rosette, holding the delicate, near-transparent cups together. Maybe if she'd been sixteen and innocent instead of twenty-two and, in the eyes of the world, an irredeemable monster, she'd be nervous about him seeing her in her underwear.
But that wasn't why she gulped. Why her hands shook, nearly tearing the button from the thread as she reached the fastening just below her bra. She kept her gaze on him, but instead of just love and desire, her eyes spoke the apology that her words couldn't manage to form.
She was sorry. So sorry, that she gave herself to him like this. She wouldn't cry: no matter what, in her haze of lust and want and need and too much wine at dinner, she wouldn't cry when the first bit of scarred, marled skin began to show. She hadn't turned on the cabin's lights: the moonlight was more than sufficient to cast its glow upon her ugly secret.
Grafted skin, not out of medical need but obsession and vanity. Even now, she could hear Junko's voice in her ear reminding her of what her mother had assured her for her entire life: it wasn't her mind, or her wealth that really mattered in securing the royal lineage. It was her beauty, and if she lost it, Sonia Nevermind, Queen of Novoselic, would be nothing.
So when Junko died, at Junko's own urging, she'd taken Junko's beauty, her flawless skin and attached it to her own. Or rather, the scientists she'd tortured and blackmailed in Novoselic to do it for her, despite the complications. The jagged scars, the oozing infections, the red and purpled and at times, yellowed skin that covered her abdomen. It had been a goddamn feeding frenzy for the Remnants of Despair to take what they wanted from their leader: Fuyuhiko took an eye, Mikan...well, the less spoken of what Mikan took the better. But Sonia had taken Junko's very beauty for her own, and when her mind had been returned to a state of sanity and she'd woken up, realizing what she'd done, she'd screamed and thrashed and sobbed so hard that it had taken three members of the Future Foundation to hold her down, just so she wouldn't hurt herself with a bit of broken mirror she'd reached for, desperately trying to slice her own throat with it.
The next button had been enough to loosen the waistline of her dress, the weight of fabric enough to slide down her shoulders and fall from her shaking, trembling hands, pooling into a heap at her feet. It revealed the matching pair of black lace panties she wore but, more importantly, the extent of her devotion as a Remnant of Despair. Any intimacy she shared with anyone now...there was no hiding who she'd been and what she was.
"I-" She choked out as she stepped out of her sandals and the mess of fabric on the floor. She still couldn't manage to voice an apology, but she could at least keep her gaze on him. And wish, if not beg, for his approval. Or at least an affirmation that he'd seen her now, all of her, and wouldn't leave her alone.