i'm not well

where i got to hide from people who know me. aesthetic, self-dx stuff, stimming stuff, occasional age-regression stuff stuff. lots of negativity. tread lightly. idk. why are you here.

[phantom--hiding]

my brain, whenever i cease creating or producing something labor-intensive that is now inextricably tied to my self-worth, for longer than ten minutes: you.......................................are unworthy trash

[phantom--hiding]

i want to die i want to die just get the it the fuck over with i’m done. i am so fucking done. i am twenty-four years old and my life is going nowhere and i’m never, ever going to be free. never. i can never get away. even when i get lulled into a false sense of security i can’t get away. i can never move. i can never get a home with the person i love. i’m never going to be able to do it unless i fucking run away and change my name and fake my own fucking death. i can’t have that. i’m never going to be allowed to have that. i’m just going to be my father’s fucking china doll forever. my life is never going to be my own so i don’t want it anymore. i’m done. i’m done. i’m done.

[phantom--hiding]

there are so many people who, i wish i could just tell them: i wish i didn't care. i don't want to be a good person. i don't want to make myself physically ill every time i worry about you. my life would be so much easier if i just. didn't. care. about. you.

[stimman3000]

.

[phantom--hiding]

lately i feel like every word that’s been coming out of my mouth has been horrifically awkward and i don’t know if i’m supposed to backtrack or just not think about it but the more i try to ignore it the more it eats away at me and at this point i’m sure everyone around me must think i’m some kind of freak

i just want to. stop interacting with people for a day or two. because i’m clearly not doing a good job. 

[idotravel]

breakfast

[phantom--hiding]

brothers mad at me for "acting depressed" hot damn my dude the whole fucking world is falling to pieces in front of us i am so FUCKING sorry i can't put on a happy face for you

[phantom--hiding]

god i. i thought that after a certain age things like this stopped happening 

i still don’t know how to handle crisis situations i can’t do this. i cant fuckign do this i don’t know how to handle people i don’t know wanting to kil lthemsleves what do i do

[phantom--hiding]

hahahaha i love waking up to my mother screaming at me, having at least one discord user mad at me, feeling like shit because i may have jeopardized the entire server because of it, then having my mom talk shit about me in the shower cuz she thinks i can't hear her :)))))))))))

[phantom--hiding]

aaaaahahahaha i just gave my fanfic to a writer who’s really prominent in the fandom i’m writing in and i feel like i’m gonna vomit????/?/??

[sensorykitty]

[phantom--hiding]

boy oh boy having your SO say goodnight and stop texting abruptly when you worry about them and their mother’s safety and wellbeing and you don’t know if you did anything wrong or if they’re just exhausted from you keeping them up till midnight on a work day is. such a great feeling.

sleep, what’s that, sleep is for people without anxiety and adhd. jiggle, foot, jiggle away.

[rhymewithrachel]

[phantom--hiding]

i can barely take responsibility for my own shit, but SURE, let's make me responsible for helping my brother get a new fucking job because he is TOTALLY INCAPABLE of doing it himself i'm not going to turn into you. i refuse

[dragonairstims]

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[teamnowalls-deactivated20180918]

me as pirate jus fucking DESTROYING some wood

[phantom--hiding]

my s.o. offered to take care of my flightrising account and i was totally on board

but when i went on several days later and saw that things weren’t exactly the way i left them i had a fucking breakdown and now my skin is crawling and i don’t feel like i can even play the game anymore. it’s been...tainted somehow. i can’t

[phantom--hiding]

god i was REALLY drunk that day.