Huh? @unicorns-at-arbys - Tumblr Blog

When people complain about being locked in their houses for months end on end because of covid, this image is from June 2020.

covid-safer-hotties

Remember that "lockdowns" were an utter farce for the majority of the world in 2020, and most people using the word don't actually mean "forced to quarantine only in my house for weeks on end under penalty of law" and instead mean "I had the strong recommendation to think about someone besides myself for the first time in my entire adult life."

aughtpunk

That Time a Published Author Told Me to Un-Queer My Novel

So, I don't think I ever shared this story on Tumblr before.

As you may know I've spent the past ten years turning my old Welcome to Night Vale fanfic into a stand alone novel called Echo of the Larkspur. Now, I haven't been working on it ten years straight. I'd pick it up, do a bunch of editing and rewriting, submit it to agents/publishers, get turned down, put the book away, wait 2-3 years, dust off the book, re-edit and rewrite, etc etc. A cycle that repeated itself far too many times that I would like.

Well, during one of these cycles when I was in the 'get rejected by every agent and publisher I submit to' stage I asked the writing group I was in what I was doing wrong. Because at this point I had reached a hundred total rejections and I was starting to suspect that the issue was with me.

One of the members of this writing group, a male author who was traditionally published, offered to read my first chapter and give his advice on how to fix it. This was, in retrospect, a mistake. But I was desperate. I sent him the first chapter and waited for his response.

Folks. The email he sent me changed my life.

First he said that agents wouldn't publish my novel because it was Sci-fi with hardcore gay erotica in it. This is curious because while the book certainly is queer, at no point in the conversation with this man did I say it was hardcore erotica. Nor did the first chapter feature any. It's almost as if he assumed that just because something was gay, it had to be hardcore erotica. Interesting.

He went on to say that a Human/Robot pairing was weird and that there was "No Way" my story could seriously address the issues of a relationship like that. Once again, he only read the first chapter. He just...assumed I wouldn't think of that? And that my book wouldn't cover it?

The author then said “I also felt that the LGBTQ inclusion really seems to cloud things.” Direct Quote.

And then this is when he said my favorite quote of them all:

The idea of a book being a sci-fi with romance AND a mystery is a Modern Art Marzipan Owl. It's just too confusing! No one can handle a story that is a mystery in a sci-fi enviroment AND has a romantic subplot! THEIR BRAINS WOULD LITERALLY EXPLODE!

Thankfully he had a solution to my book problem. His answer? Turn the book into an Action Spy Thriller and turn S.A.G.E., a robot that identies as a gay man, into a sexy lady robot who needs a MAN to teach her what it means to be human.

(I assume the male lead will teach the 'confused' female robot how to be human via his penis.)

Now my favorite part about this advice is that at no point did he outright say "Remove the gay part". No, instead he sneakily changed the robot love interest into a female robot as if I wouldn't notice. Just sort of swept away the gay bits as something totally unneeded and just mucking up the narrative. Also that's not the plot of my story, I have no idea where this virus thing came from.

(Also note that the female robot can't be robotic-like at all. Must preserve the average straight-man sex drive at all costs I guess)

He then finished his email basically saying that I should remove everything that 'traditional publishers' don't like (aka the queer parts) and make it easier for 'your average reader' to digest and my book will be good as published!

When I said this email changed my life I meant it. Because it made me realize I'd rather be self published and unknown than traditionally publish milquetoast trash like he suggested. Like holy fuck. If I removed all of the "Difficult" to digest stories out of Echo of the Larkspur then there wouldn't be a book left!

So here I am. Self publishing my Marzipan Modern Art Owl of a book. I know it'll never see the inside of a bookstore or top the charts on Goodreads but hey, I'd rather it speak to one person than have a thousand people get excited for the part where the male lead teaches the lady robot how to be human (via his penis).

If a Queer Sci-fi/Romance/Mystery novel sounds like your jam then consider preordering it!

Looking for something to read now? Can't afford the book? Willing to read in exchange for an honest review? You can join my ARC book readers here!

quinnandersonwrites

Congratulations! Also that guy was just dead wrong because @hazeldomain published a human/robot gay romance as well.

hazeldomain

We need a bookstore that lets us filter with tags like on Ao3, because publishers are losing way too many multifaceted books because they can’t advertise it with three tropes.

straythoughtshopelesshearts

Can I get my hands on a physical copy please

aughtpunk

For reasons I cannot comprehend Amazon doesn't let you preorder physical copies. They'll be on sale July 23rd, the same day the digital version comes out.

And for those who don't do Amazon (totally fair) my book will be put up for sale on other websites like B&N, Kobo, and Itch.io 90 days after the Amazon release.

Follow me for updates and more general SCREAMING

aughtpunk

So uh it has been pointed out that I never actually said what the plot of the novel is in this post so LET ME FIX THAT REAL QUICK: “The sole survivor of a massacre, Dr. Ciro Kwakkenbos, has spent the last six years in intensive therapy. He’s finally capable of working with Artificial Intelligence again—and comes to the Ceres colony determined to prevent robots from committing any future atrocities. When he arrives, Ciro realizes the robot in charge of the colony’s security, S.A.G.E. (Sentient Automated Geo-sentinel Engineer), is dangerously close to complete sentience. S.A.G.E. is more interested in observing the colonists’ everyday lives (and matching them with appropriate musical soundtracks) than following its intended programming. Robots aren’t supposed to be charming, kind, or compassionate, either. But as Ciro investigates, he discovers S.A.G.E. has learned how to lie and—possibly—harm and kill humans. Worse, S.A.G.E.’s memories have been hacked, deleting a deadly secret. Despite the danger S.A.G.E. poses, Ciro can’t deny the feelings growing between them. Now Ciro must unravel the truth behind the missing memories—before S.A.G.E. and the colony are doomed.”

I hope y'all love Ciro and S.A.G.E. as much as I do.

And Huggabot. But Huggabot is a whole 'nother thing.

aughtpunk

ATTENTION! Due to a slight hiccup the physical copies of Echo of the Larkspur will be released on July 26th! The ebook will still be available the 23rd! Mark your calendars! And if you want a signed copy drop me a line!

Thank you for your patience!

aughtpunk

ECHO OF THE LARKSPUR IS NOW AVAILABLE ON AMAZON!

aughtpunk

Echo of the Larkspur is now Darn Near Everywhere! Click here for the list of websites its now available at!

Paperback and Hardcover now available at Barnes and Noble!

hometoursandotherstuff

turgidturnip

You don't even need to be a journalist, experts LOVE answering these kinds of questions. I, a regular-degular idiot, recently contacted the Smithsonian asking what kind of ink to use on mineral paper for maximum longevity, and I got a very detailed response in under 48 hours.

homunculus-argument

Artfully layering an axe bodyspray deodorant and two different perfume oils to create a tasteful mixture of amber, oud, mint, lavender, moss and petrichor, producing a scent that smells exactly like damp, stale, rotting laundry.

dreamsareliminalspaces-deactiva

Reminds me of that tumblr user that made powdered milk with sparkling water and created instant spoiled milk

homunculus-argument

That was also me.

adeline-wheat

Do you know any other ways to speed ruin things?

homunculus-argument

I wish I knew any other way to do anything.

vanglaggle

"why are so many leftists disabled" maybe it's because disabled people don't really care for the "kill all disabled people" parties but who can say

urie

americans are sooo desensitized to guns and sometimes it manifests in ways that affect your media literacy. like remember in the first episode of sherlock when john watson opens up his drawer and you see a gun in there and youre supposed to understand that this is narratively significant and conveys his suicidality as well as his willingness to skirt rules and laws but the first time i watched it i was like oh well theres his desk gun. lots of people have those

snowflakeeel

I chime in with a haven’t you people ever heard of

citing a goddamn source??“

theequeerstrian

It’s much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of

Smug irrationality

cosmicretreat

dreamlogic

im in the bathroom listening to the following conversation between my roommate and my cat in the hallway outside trying to stifle my laughter.

roommate: is there a problem?

cat: RAH!

roommate: oh no, is the door shut? did charlie lock you out of the bathroom?

cat: mweh...

roommate: well you see, i could fix that problem for you—

cat: MYEH!

roommate: —but due to social rules that you probably couldn't understand even if i explained them,

cat: gWAAH... mow..

roommate: yeah, dude, i hear you, but it's not gonna happen.

cat: MRRRR..!

roommate: i know i have opposable thumbs, but my hands are tied, thumbs and all. i'm sorry, i wish it didn't have to be this way.

[sound of roommate's door closing, followed by desperate scrabbling claws on the bathroom door]

thehumantrampoline

I kept forgetting my nighttime antidepressant so I set an alarm where the sound was a recording of me saying "HEY. TAKE YOUR FUCKING PILL" because I thought it would be funny. It was funny about three times, and then it started making me mad and I'd dismiss it right away to make it stop. So I handed my phone to my partner, who made another recording sweetly saying "Okay Shira, it's time to take your medication" and now I don't get mad anymore and I take my pill. The "compassion over punishment" camp has gotta get something wrong one of these days

i love making art

-1hp

-1hp

-1hp

-1hp

-1hp

”university is turning all of our beautiful girls into UGLY transgenders!” I ☝🏾 for one ☝🏾 think it’s super fucking awesome that these guys are moving out after being held in such a tight chokehold for the majority of their developmental years and finally getting to taste freedom for the first time in their lives. and I think it’s even MORE fucking awesome that the first thing they do upon tasting said freedom is turn into men. Good for them!

systlin

My parents have one of those ring cameras. This means, even when they are in New Mexico, dad gets a notification on his phone when someone wanders in front of it. Unlike many people, they have it set up in their yard as a wildlife watching camera, to watch the squirrels and birds and foxes and deer who wander up to the feeding stations and salt block.

This means, when I was up there today after looking after their cats, I got a baffled call from my father.

"honey". He said. "Why are you picking up sticks in the yard. Like go ahead but why."

Mom, in the background, as if this should explain everything; I told you sweetie it's the birch trees.

Dad; ......okay???

Mom; she probably wants them for dye.

Me; birch bark and twigs, dad. For dye.

Dad, sounding no less confused; my god you really just are your mother but younger

Mom, in the background; TEXT ME PHOTOS OF THE RESULTS HONEY

caffedorzo

so exhausted by how fundamentally anti-human the capitalist world has become. like ageing, getting fat, being slightly inefficient, and making mediocre art are all extremely normal and extremely human activities, why is every corporation trying to convince us to spend all our money fighting that

battlefem-deactivated20170404

you wanna see some badass shit from the early 20th century?? The Lumière brothers created the first full color photograph… in fucking 1903! So these dudes dyed potatoes (in red, blue, and green), mashed them down into just pure fuckin’ starch, and used these dyed potato starches as filters to block out/let in certain wavelengths of light. They coated one side of a glass plate with the starches and sensitized the other side with a mixture of gelatin and light sensitive materials (silver nitrate) and loaded these plates in their cameras.. This is a really simple explanation of the process and I may have missed some things A few of my favorite autochrome photos:

itsoldjohn

that last one is literally a LOOK

cassiocantdrink

yes!

but lets not forget sergei prokudin-gorskiy, who developed a similar process in 1902, published in 1903 and then toured russia to take hundreds of color photographs:

AND the guy developed color slide processing as well. as a person fairly familiar with modern b/w processing at home, but never EVER stepping into color (negatives or slides) territory, i’d say, BAMF to the highest degree.

petermorwood

Here are a few more Prokudin-Gorskiy / Gorskii shots, and a reminder once again that these aren’t recently colourised BW images but original colour photos taken about 120 years ago. Many colourised pics don’t look this good. Some modern colour pics don’t look this good (as I know all too well. “Delete image Y/N? Y!”)

This is Leo Tolstoy, author of “War and Peace” and “Anna Karenina”.