some angsty jatp headcannons
because if i have to think about them, you have to cry with me; it’s simply equality ✨😌😌✨
the phantoms can’t sleep. it’s a side effect of death they hadn’t anticipated - sleeping is for your physical body to rest and reload. no body = no sleep
at first it didn’t bother the boys, they did all the things 17 year olds wanna do when they have literally no limits, especially at night - they went to an 18+ rock concert, stayed up and watched the sun rise together, went to a bar, explored a strip club for like 5 minutes (they immediately realised that it was a lot mustier and more depressing than they’d hoped)
soon they just kind of resorted to the comfort of their, now julie’s, garage at night time
luke took his couch, reggie took the untouched vintage bathtub in the back, and alex took the attic
that’s when they realised how much they missed sleep
alex stared at the stars through the sunroof that was still attached to the garage roof - the small square in the ceiling that had made the attic feel as big as the sky above it and lulled him to sleep when he was alive, now only amplified his anxieties.
the stars seemed to taunt him about everything that was taken from him - if felt so much stronger than it did when he was with julie, alex and reggie.
it was all so invasive; how he didn’t get to go to college, or share a beer with his dad on his 21st birthday, or see his little sister graduate, or perform as headliners at a sold-out arena, or see the love in his parent’s eyes ease back when they looked at him, fully accepting him for who he was. he didn’t get to live a life that was fulfilling and complete - a life where he got to achieve his dreams and feel completely whole, completely happy.
all of it seemed to add weight to his head and knock the air out of his lungs. he had to cling to his jeans to try and get his fingers to stop trembling. the fact that the crippling sadness he felt was the only thing that made him feel alive and real again made him want to smash a hole into his drums.
it’s what he would’ve done if he was alive - but death had stolen when he could play from him too. so he just sucks it up and continues looking at the cloudless sky, tears falling from his eyes and hand gripping his still heart
luke was never one to do much thinking, and if he’s being honest, he still tries not to do it, his motto is always to take it easy and be rad enough to just chill and rock out
but ever since he saw his parents again, he couldn’t stop playing the different ways he could’ve gone back home to them the night after the orpheum
he just wants to so desperately turn back time and replace the police sirens that his mom heard for the familiar reeling of his bike wheels and just see the relief set into his mom and dad’s face
he doesn’t talk about it to anyone, but the image of his mom ageing 30 years at the message of her dead son is something he can envision so well that it just haunts him now
every time there’s a quiet moment when he hangs out with the rest of the band, every time he closes his eyes, every time he strums the last note on his guitar - he can’t help but feel the weight he burdened his parents with
he tries to rationalise his death, tries to convince himself that death is unpredictable, unexacting and impatient, that there’s no way he could’ve known
but all he ends up feeling is the crashing guilt he’s been carrying with him for the last 25 years
reggie never really talked about his family that much other than joking about his parent’s failed marriage
but when it’s 3am and all he can hear is the grasshoppers and the swaying wind outside, he can’t help but think about his brothers and sisters
he hopes that his elder brothers stepped up and slept with his younger twin sisters when his parents were in a screaming match in the next room. he desperately hopes that in the past he couldn’t live through with them, his brothers played sinatra on their grandfather’s old beat-up vinyl that always lulled his sisters to sleep, muting the arguments he stayed up to when he was alive
he hoped that his brothers went to college and found love like they’d always joked about. he so desperately dreamed that they had kids and didn’t get too sad when they remembered how badly reggie had wanted little nephews and nieces, he prayed, to whatever deity or god that was watching over his family, that they were living happy and full-filling lives
and the last thing he hoped for was hidden away in the deepest and darkest part of his mind. a part of him couldn’t help but wish that the death of their child knocked some sense into his parents - to keep fighting, to keep hoping in themselves and their relationship - to see the best in themselves and their marriage that reggie had always seen
but really he knew better - his fantasies of a healed family was fractured in the truth that his death wasn’t as important or nearly enough to fix his broken family
so the three of them began to dread nightfall, tried to keep themselves as busy as they could to avoid the inevitable
but soon, they realised that ghosts had ghosts to deal with too
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