it had felt like a big loss when jean and scott had broken up. it was like watching the life that he had wanted walk away from him without much explanation. he knew that it wasn’t fair on jean to hold such resentment so he forced himself to move on because he knew that it would be easier for both of them that way. he was still kind and cordial to her if they ever crossed paths at the school, but he couldn’t have been her friend back then, the wound was too fresh, but over time their relationship had turned into something where it was manageable. he could laugh when she told a joke, and eventually, scott finally stopped looking for her in a crowded room, even if sometimes he still swore he could feel her near him. she was, and still is, the greatest love of his life but their time was over and it had been for a while now, he knew that he had been stupid back then, dreams far too big for him to try and maintain. he was just glad to see that she was doing fine now, as fine as anyone could be after what they had gone through.
he kept hearing that, what he had meant after he was gone, for someone with big abandonment issues he knew that it was meant to make him feel better, but his feelings were complicated—his space among the x-men felt big, he didn’t know how else to really explain it. when she mentions emma, he nods, having met up with her recently, too. “don’t sell yourself so short, jean.” he almost reaches out then, but he stops himself. “you did what you needed to do to survive. that’s pretty amazing all in itself.” god knows how many times scott had failed and let people down. jean and emma were always more capable than he was in many ways, he had a big admiration for him, it’s what made coming back so hard. like he was treading all over whatever work they had made here. he knew that he’d find his footing once more, it would just take more time than he had planned.
he had once lost jean before, and it had wrecked him, he had been a shell of himself, it was hard to imagine how he survived then. he supposed that he was happy that it was him, in the end, that had blipped. the world had already felt so fragile before, and it was different now but he couldn’t think of what he would have done if the roles were reversed. “well, when i start back again i’ll be sure that the coffee pot is the first thing i fix then.” and he had meant every word with a small laugh and eye roll. when she mentions the bakery, there’s a sadness in knowing that it, too, had moved on in it’s own way, even if it was just a bit farther than where it was. “yeah, i’d like that.”
most often than not jean found herself missing him, even before he was blipped, his presence by her side, his love, and everything that made him scott, but she knew it wasn’t fair on either of them, yet she couldn’t help the feeling. she knew she was the one to blame for why they eventually parted ways, she needed to give him a fair shot on what he wanted, even if she wasn’t it. after a while she managed to move forward, hard as it was, she had to move on with her life, be happy for scott, and eventually they would come together again in whatever way it was, she knew she needed him in her life even as a friend. there was no one that she connected more than him. however, after five years without him, it had been easier to move on, he wasn’t a possibility so she had to make new ones for herself.
the x-men hadn’t been the same with half of them gone, it had been hard to recoup and now it was hard to help them get back into their roles, scott being one of them, one of the big ones in jean’s eyes. she let a soft laugh and a smile settled on her lips “i’m not trying to, it just what happened. ” his small movement, make her clear her throat, hands moving to rest on her hips, gaze falling from his for a while, she appreciated the comment more than he probably knew “ thanks,” she looks up but not fully, her eyes barely meeting his as she offers a half smile towards him “ it wasn’t easy, not without you. ” her words are almost a whisper, worried what his reaction would be if she said in full volume almost trying to hide them from him just not fully capable.
she lived her life for five years trying not to think about him and every other mutant she had lost in that forsaken time, at first she couldn’t really see how she would go on, her mind was less crowed and she missed the people that once were in a simple psych link away. jean chuckles “ well, i’m excited to try this quality coffee you will be giving us. ” head shakes in amusement “ perfect then, it would be good to talk without wondering ears... ” she looks around the hallway to students that rushed away as she turned to them “ also, i’ve been craving a good pastry. ” she turns towards the door and motions with her head asking him to follow her “ shall we ? ”
