Pairings: Stray Kids (separate) x [Gender Neutral] Reader ft. their roommate
Summary: When you and your boyfriend are as equally weird as each other and equally as good at confusing and annoying his roommate
Word count: 4.6K (including bonus)
Tags/warnings: Humour, fluff, gender neutral use of 'girl' in Bangchans section, mentions of food, drink and eating, swearing, talks of illness and death in Changbins section, people getting annoyed and yelling, mentions of getting hurt, Felix gets left out and lowkey has an identity crisis, jokes about death, mentions of infertility, mentions of poor parenting, slight suggestiveness (minor sex joke not around members in Seungmins section, jokes about Minho giving reader a foot rub and reader and Jeongin discussing celebrities they find attractive)
A/n: In Seungmin's section, reader and Seungmin talk in pig latin throughout. There is a bonus at the end where I translate what I wrote (I was going to translate it so everything that was in pig latin is now in English and everything that was in English is now in pig latin but I don't have the energy for that) but if you want to translate it yourself or learn how to speak pig latin: what you do is you take the first letter of a word and put it on the end, adding an 'ay' to it. So Hello = Ellohay. If there is a vowel at the start of a word, I just add 'way' to the end of it (apparently you ca add 'yay' but I never have so apologies if this is wrong) So Okay = Okayway.
Also in Felix's section I mention Final Fantasy 7, I do play but I have not finished yet so please no spoilers and please enjoy reading <3
Bangchan (ft. Jeongin):
"Girl." You announce, walking into the living room of Bangchan and Jeongin's shared dorm. Bangchan was sat on the sofa, his laptop on his lap, but the moment you burst into the the room, causing the door to bang and your opener for 'I have tea', he immediately looks up.
"Girl?" he replies, gently closing his laptop and placing it on the coffee table.
"Girl. Girl you gotta guess what."
"Girl, what?"
"Girl, Guess who's getting married for the 7th time."
"7th time!?" Bangchan exclaims. You smile to yourself as you watch the cogs turn in his head. "Who do we know that…" He suddenly gasps and looks at you. "NO."
"Girl…" You raise your eyebrows and pull a face that says it all "Girl, I know."
"Your Uncle Jack?"
"Yep."
"GIRL."
"GIRL." You echo back as he stands from the sofa, pacing like it's his own uncle.
"Girl, How long was he married to the last one?" he turns to you and you just scoff.
"Girl, what, like, 2 months."
"Is that a record?"
"For shortest?"
"Girl, no." He laughs at the suggestion "I know that the shortest was 2 hours." That was a fun wedding, they got married and then in his speech at the reception, cause he insisted he had a speech, he got the woman's name wrong 4 times. "I was asking if it was the longest."
"The longest was a year."
"Girl, what?" You just shrug as he looks at you jaw open.
"Well she was concussed for half of it but, I mean, girl, I'm still surprised it lasted the other half."
"Anyway, girly, did we get an invite." He has one hand on his hip as he talks to you, fully getting into whatever persona he adopts when it's gossip time.
"Of course, I'm only his favourite cousin." You smile at him and he looks at you confused.
"… He's… your uncle?"
"Girl, he don't got to know that." You both laughed in unity.
"Do you think he's going to say the wrong name again?"
"Girl, my family already got a Bingo card going for what he's going to do to fuck this up."
"GIRL." Bangchan says laughing out loud
"GIRL."
"GIRL."
"GIRL."
"GIRL."
"WHY DO YOU TWO KEEP YELLING GIRL?"
You and Chan both turn to see Jeongin standing in the hallway, face a mixture of confusion and annoyance of the constant echoing back and fourth.
"You wouldn't get it." You say looking at him as if he's a criminal for walking around in his own home, disrupting yours and Chan's gossip time.
"Yeah. You're not a girls girl." Chan says, echoing your look.
"Bang Chan hyung… " Jeongin takes a deep breath in before gesturing a hand at him "YOU'RE NOT A GIRL."
"Yeah but I'm one of the girls." He says pouting ever so slightly, leading to you rubbing his arm.
"Yes you are, girl." You comment supportively, causing him to smile at you and repress a laugh, only leading to you trying to repress a laugh as well. "Yes you are."
"What on earth- How does one even become a girls girl? Just annoyingly gossip all day?" Jeongin waves his arms about as if to emphasise his confusion for you.
"Only about scumbags. For example, my womanising Uncle Jack who is getting married for the 7th time-"
"I DON'T CARE." Jeongin yells, his arms in the air as he turns to go back to go to his room, repeating 'I don't care' as he keeps walking until he reaches his room and slams the door shut.
You and Chan look at each other for a beat, smiling before you hear Jeongin's door swing open again.
"WAIT, HOW MANY TIMES?"
Minho (ft. Han):
You regretted everything. You finally agreed to do a run with Minho at about 3am. You finally returned at 5am, your feet sore and exhausted, your throat dry and screaming. You felt like death. You knew you weren't being dramatic as well as Minho beside you was out of breath as well.
"Water." You rasp out, faking a cough to try and make it seem worse, leading him to smile at you. "I need water."
"You go get us waters-"
"HEY I-"
"And I'll run us a bath." He looks at you with an eyebrow raised, daring you to find a problem with that, leading to you making a 'humph' noise.
"Fine." You say pouting as if you're actually annoyed. He pushes himself off the wall, patting you on a back as he goes. "But I expect a foot rub-"
"Don't push your luck." He says as he closes the bathroom door behind him, leaving you smiling.
You head into the kitchen, and in the need to have instant hydration, you turn the tap on and slurp the water straight from it. You're only like that for about 60 seconds before Minho comes in, but instead of your brain going to the logical thing that it was just your lovely boyfriend Lee Minho looking for something, your brain jumped to the conclusion that this was an unknown entity that you had the right to be scared of.
"Hey have you seen the ma-"
"AH!" You scream, jumping away from the tap from the sudden shock of him arriving.
"AH!" He screams back, your scream shocking him.
"AH!" You scream again, his scream shocking you again.
"AH!" He screams again, even though he wasn't scared this time. His lipped twitched up into a slight grin as he stares at you, almost testing. You smile back.
"AH!" You scream for no reason.
"AH!" He screams back, once again, for no reason.
"AH!"
"AH!"
"AH!"
"AH!"
You both stop. Stare at each other grinning, and at the exact same time take in a big inhale and scream together in synchrony.
You hear a door down the hall burst open, slamming against the wall next to it. You both stop screaming to look down to see what's happening.
Han Jisung emerges from his room. Hair messy, in his pyjamas, standing with tense shoulders and his breathing heavy.
"WHY. ARE WE SCREAMING. AT 5. IN THE FUCKING. MORNING.'
He looks at the both of you through his matted hair, standing like the girl from the ring if she had a hair cut.
You and Minho look at each other, both of you getting the exact same glint in your eyes and the exact same twitch of your lips as you turn back to Jisung.
"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH-"
"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH-"
"SHUT UP." Jisung yells as he slams his bedroom door shut behind him, leaving you and Minho laughing so hard you have to grip onto a surface to stop yourselves falling over, tears in your eyes and your stomach hurting so bad you forgot about the pain in your feet.
"I'm gonna ask I.N. if we can swap roommates tomorrow." You hear Han groan from his room "AND TURN OFF THAT KITCHEN TAP. IT'S WASTE OF WATER."
Changbin (ft. Hyunjin):
The kitchen was completely silent this morning. No music playing. No loud chatter. Just you and Changbin, two adults, going through their morning routine, in silence. Except that wasn't normal for you two.
Hyunjin eventually walks in, stretching from his sleep, but immediately freezes in the doorway. He looks at you both, sat quietly next to each other at the kitchen table, eating your cereal, no noise beyond the scrape of your spoons against the bowl.
"Morning?" He said it like a question, as if he just saw a new creature walk into his house and sit down on the sofa.
You and Changbin both look up at Hyunjin. You smile politely, Changbin nods his head, then you both look down again. Hyunjin stays stood in the doorway, dead still from the shock of it all.
Beside you, you can hear Changbin try to repress a laugh, quiet enough that Hyunjin doesn't hear it but loud enough that it causes you to nearly laugh yourself. You tap his foot under the table, trying to tell him to shut up which only makes him want to laugh more.
"Are… are you both sick?" Hyunjin finally asks. "Is it bad? Is it contagious? Are… are you both dying what…?"
You're able to repress your laughter enough to look up at him with a straight face, furrowing your eyebrows as if in question whilst Changbin has to stare at his cereal to stop himself from laughing, knowing the moment he looks at Hyunjin, he'll break and you'll follow.
"Well something is clearly wrong." Hyunjin was looking at you now with pure fear in his eyes, genuine fear that you two were going through something. "Changbin is the loudest person I know and you only make him happier, therefore, louder. Every morning you're here is insane because there's speakers blasting newjeans, you're both singing along loudly and laughing, someone somehow drops something, and even if there isn't music playing it's still like a bloody circus so you two must be seriously ill and we must not have long left so please just tell-"
Changbin lost it then, snorting loudly before bending over and having to hold his stomach from laughter, his giggles echoing around the kitchen, causing you to lose it too, head thrown back in a fit of giggles, also echoing around the room and going straight to Hyunjin.
Hyunjin stood there with a furrowed brow for a second before going completely deadpan. "… you two were messing with me weren't you."
Changbin nods as his laughs start become coughs from the intensity of it. Hyunjin sighs and although the corner of his mouth turns upward ever so slightly, he walks into the kitchen and grabs his breakfast before turning around to leave, choosing not to entertain you two any further.
You and Changbin keep laughing together, the kitchen now being filled with that usual, lovely sound and energy the two of you bring when together. Eventually you both calm down ever so slightly, wiping the tears from your eyes and you turn to him.
"I make you happier?"
Hyunjin (ft. Changbin):
"I'm home." Changbin calls out, receiving the usual two 'wassup's he's used to by now. He had a long, busy day with the rest of 3RACHA in the studio, working on an upcoming track, and he was looking forward to just lying down and finally having a moment of calm-
"What on earth are you two doing?"
He walks into the living room to see Hyunjin sat on the coffee table, you standing on it, balancing many objects on his head. There was a few books, then there were CD's and now you were putting on dungeons and dragons dice. You look over at Changbin and give him a warm smile whilst Hyunjin is the most still he has been in his whole life.
"We're balancing things on Hyunjin's head."
"Yeah, okay," Changbin said, realising he asked the wrong question. "Why?"
"They put the book on my head as a joke, expecting me to immediately drop it but when it stayed we started adding other things."
Changbin both felt his question both was and was not answered at the same time. However, instead of questioning further or just leaving you two to it, he decided to sit down in the nearby armchair. It doesn't take a genius to know where this is going to go, yet he still wanted to see how it would happen.
After you finishing placing down the dice you look at the small pile of things behind you. "Right, should I add another two books, a plushie, a cherry on top and then take a picture?"
"Yes." Hyunjin replied, as if someone just asked him if he took sugar in his coffee. Changbin watched patiently, smiling to himself as you tried to carefully balance two more books on top of the dice. To the surprise of everyone but you two it seems, the growing tower somehow holds. However, the moment you try to put the unicorn plushie, Changbin had no idea they owned, on top, the tower started to tilt before completely losing itself and falling onto the floor. It thankfully didn't hit anything on its way down but there was no one giant heap of books, CDs (that were probably now broken) and dice. You and Hyunjin both stare at the mess you made, the plushie still in your hand, before both turning to Changbin, who was sat with a smile on his face.
"Now," He starts, like he's talking to children, "What did we learn?"
You and Hyunjin look at each other.
"… That we should probably leave the dice until the end. I think that messed with the balance somehow." Hyunjin said and you nodded in complete agreement.
Changbin sighed but smiled at the two of you as he stood.
"I'll be in my room if you two need me." You both say bye to him and before Changbin disappears he hears you say to Hyunjin in the living room.
"My turn now!"
Han (ft. Minho):
Han asked you what you always wanted to do since you were a kid. You replied water fight in the house. He replied same. You two then looked at each other.
That is why you are now running around the house, water gun in hand, water balloon bucket on the table, giggling your heads off as water splashes the both of you and the walls of Han's place.
You're currently using the sofa as your cover and he's using the dining room table, which is annoying for you because that means he has access to the water balloons and you don't.
You peak your head up ever so slightly, just to see him do the same, and you both immediately fire your water gun at each other. You hit him square in the forehead, causing him to reproach back slightly, whilst he somehow hits you straight in the eye, leading to you letting out a slight cry of pain.
"Oh, crap." He immediately scrambles up and straight towards you, "baby, you okay?" he gently grabs the hand you used to cover the eye so he could get a better look at it.
You blink your eye repeatedly until the water feels like it's eventually cleared. The impact was mainly on your eyelid, and the water guns didn't really hurt that much so only a few drops got into your eye really and it thankfully didn't hurt that bad. You look up at his worried face and you smile at him. "Yeah, I'm alright. You alright?"
He immediately relaxes and nods. "Yeah, I'm alright."
"Good." You shoot him with water then, right in his stomach and he immediately giggles.
You chase each other back into the kitchen, and that's when the water balloons come in handy.
He immediately grabs one and throws it at you, but it falls flat and hits your feet; still, you giggle from the sudden cold. You then grab a water balloon yourself and throw it at him, hitting him square in the shoulder causing him to giggle as well.
He grabs another one as Minho walks in the door behind you, earphones in and looking at something on his phone. You duck so the water balloon goes right over you and you watch in horror as you see who it's about to hit.
The balloon hits Minho square on the head. He steps backwards from the shock of the sudden attack and the cold water. He looks up: he sees the two of you completely soaked, the water guns and bucket of water balloons and sees his kitchen and living room drenched in water. He looks at the both of you as Han moves to stand next to you and hold your hand, knowing your both as scared for the scolding as each other.
The silence lasts way too long for anyone to be comfortable, Minho just staring at you both with the occasional blink as he slowly takes his earphones out.
"Minho I-" Han starts, but Minho raises his hand to silence him.
"You have 30 minutes to clean this all up." He simply says, and after a beat he turns and leaves without any elaboration.
You and Han look at each other and immediately run to go grab some towels.
Felix (ft. Seungmin):
You and Felix were going to spend the day out together. You'd both had breakfast and Felix was getting both of your packed lunches ready as you were getting washed and dressed.
Felix turns and smiles at you as you walk back in.
"Hey, so the train is leaving in about an hour, it'll take about 20 minutes for you to drive us to the station so I say we leave in-"
You interrupt him. With incoherent high pitched noises. He turns around, and you repeat yourself and he just smiles and repeats the noises himself, talking to each other like animal crossing characters.
He makes the animal crossing noise, pointing to an apple and you response likewise, picking it up and heading over to the cutting board to cut it into slices like you understood him perfectly.
You guys yap away to each other in the high pitched animal crossing voice, as he keeps making your sandwiches and you keep cutting the apple.
"Oh god not again." You hear from the doorway as Seungmin walks in, likely to get himself some breakfast.
You and Felix both smile and immediately keep talking like animal crossing characters only louder this time.
Seungmin sits down at the table with his head in his hands. "God I thought you were both over this, it's 6:30 in the morning, can't you save this for-" he gives up finishing his sentence as he hears that neither of you two are listening, still yapping away to each other.
"This is worse than that time you guys decided you could only talk in song. Or that time you dressed up as Sephiroth and Aerith and walked around one behind the other."
You hand Felix the apple slices and he puts them in your lunch boxes, closing the lids and putting them in a tote bag, neither of you stopping.
"I'm so glad you're both going out."
You and Felix then both stop your yapping, causing Seungmin to look up only to discover that your both on either side of him and quickly tackling him in a group hug, causing him to let out his own 'ah' noise.
You and Felix then both make an animal crossing noise that sounds like a goodbye as Seungmin just waves you out, never more thankful to see you two leave.
You and Felix laugh away at yourselves as you head to your car.
"What times the train again?" You ask him, finally talking normally now.
"In an hour." He replies and you both pause.
"… we left way to early, didn't we?"
"Yep."
"… shall we go back-"
"Nah." Felix says, patting your back and opening the drivers door for you "funnier this way."
Seungmin (ft. Felix):
"Eungminsay?"
"Esyay?"
"Hereway areway hetay eatay agsbay?"
"Inway hetay eftlay upboardcay."
"Okayway, hanktay ouyay."
"Onay orriesway."
"Hyway asway itway ovedmay?"
"Did they change Korean whilst I was sleeping, what on earth are you two saying?" Felix finally looks up from his Nintendo switch and just stares between you two as you grab three mugs to make them all tea and Seungmin reads quietly on the sofa.
You and Seungmin found out that you both knew pig Latin and anytime your bored you guys just yap away to each other in it, unfortunately for Felix, today he is around when you two are bored.
"Awwwway." You say smiling at Seungmin as he looks up from his book to smile back at you. "Hattay isway osay weetsay."
Felix looks between the both of you, eyes wide and terrified. "Were you guys replaced by aliens in your sleep? What language are you speaking?"
"Igpay atinlay."
Felix looked at you and blinked. "Iggy paid Atin to get laid? Is that what you just said?"
"Onay." Seungmin said, returning to his book whilst Felix stared at him.
"On a what?"
"Ehay oesday otnay nowkay" You say as you put on the kettle for your teas. Seungmin lets out a slight chuckle and Felix keeps looking back and fourth between you two.
"Did… did they change English whilst I was sleeping?" He looks at his ahnds like they'll hold the answers.
"Onay." You say putting the teabags in your mugs.
"ON A WHAT?"
You and Seungmin can't help but laugh, feeling a bit bad for Felix but there's something about rage baiting him like this that is just too funny. He eventually gives up asking questions and with a defeated sigh, goes back to his Nintendo switch.
"Erehay isway ouryay eatay Elixfay." You say to him as you put his tea in front of him.
"Thanks." He just replies, like he suddenly understands you now (he does not).
"Erehay isway ouryay eatay Eungminsay." You smile at him and he smiles back as you place his tea in front of him.
"Hankstay ovelay." Seungmin says as he pulls you down ever so slightly to give you a quick kiss as a thanks.
"I'm going to die here." Felix groans
You eventually return with your own tea and settle against Seungmins side, him lifting an arm so you can rest against him as he keeps reading.
"Felix, do you want to play mariokart?" Felix looks up at you, as if surprised for a second that you're now suddenly speaking english again but then brushes it off.
"Yeah sure."
Jeongin (ft. Bangchan):
"Okay so… he stole the beans and the witch then made him infertile? Why didn't he tell his wife?"
"It wasn't him, it was his dad." You say, sat in Jeongin's lap, his hand resting on your knee and the popcorn bowl resting on your thighs.
"Okay… but why didn't he tell his wife?"
"He didn't know, his dad never told him and I doubt his dad told his wife."
"Scumbag."
"I know right. Absolute twat."
There's a moment of silence, only interrupted by the movie - 'Into the woods' - playing and the two of you munching on popcorn.
"Meryl Streep is really good in this" Jeongin suddenly says again.
"I know right, and pretty, like this is meant to be her ugly witch form so like, her beautiful witch form is top tier." Jeongin chuckles at your comment.
"She's phenomenal in acting." He adds as he takes a bite of popcorn himself.
"Literally. I feel like I wouldn't survive seeing her, like, I'd just melt." You say shoving a bunch of popcorn in your mouth, still staring at the screen like you're actually paying attention.
"You know another actor who I also really like? JK Simmons." Jeongin says and you finally turn to look at him with a gasp.
"Oh my god, same."
"Really?" He smiles like he wasn't the one who brought it up.
"Yeah. I remember watching 'Whiplash' and although I hate his character with all the power of my being he was really, really good at playing him."
"Literally though."
"Also, and this is probably weird, but he was kind of attractive in-"
Your both cut off by the pause of the TV and turn to see Chan, holding the remote, staring at you both before looking at the floor, hints of fury in his eyes.
"DO YOU TWO KNOW HOW TO BE QUIET AND WATCH A FILM?" He says, looking at the both of you as yours and Jeongin's face remains unchanged in each others arms.
"We put the subtitles on for you-"
"That's not- no, I'm not struggling to hear, you two are just making it hard to pay attention to the movie with your constant chatting."
"Well it's not like it's a cinema." Jeongin shrugs, still eating popcorn.
"No but it's still a movie and I'm still trying to watch it." Chan sounds exasperated as he feels this is something that he doesn't need to explain.
"Yeah. We're trying to watch it too." You ass on, keeping your voice monotone but also feeling like this is something that doesn't need to be explained.
"How? You're too busy talking, there is no way you know what is going on right now."
"Okay, let's but it to a democracy." Jeongin says, raising his hands as if calling for calm. "Raise your hand if you want there to be silence." Only Chan raises his hand as the three of you look at each other. "Now raise your hand if you're fine with talking." You and Jeongin raise your hands as Chan lowers his and just sighs.
"You guys are so…" He lets his sentence trail off as he presses play again.
There is a moment of silence before Jeongin talks again.
"I have a feeling Meryl Streep and Emily Blunt are going to hard carry this film."
"Yeah, I get that."
"Can I have some popcorn please?" Chan asks as you smile at him and pass him the bowl, Jeongin's hands resting on your waist to help steady you as you lean over to Chan.Despite himself, Chan can't help but smile back as he grabs a handful of the popcorn.
Bonus (Seungmin's section translation):
"Seungmin?"
"Yes?"
"Where are the tea bags?"
"In the left cupboard."
"Okay, thank you."
"No worries."
"Why was it moved?"
"Did they change Korean whilst I was sleeping, what on earth are you two saying?" Felix finally looks up from his Nintendo switch and just stares between you two as you grab three mugs to make them all tea and Seungmin reads quietly on the sofa.
You and Seungmin found out that you both knew pig Latin and anytime your bored you guys just yap away to each other in it, unfortunately for Felix, today he is around when you two are bored.
"I was asking where the the tea bags were."
"We moved them to make room for that coffee you like."
"Awwww." You say smiling at Seungmin as he looks up from his book to smile back at you. "That is so sweet."
Felix looks between the both of you, eyes wide and terrified. "Were you guys replaced by aliens in your sleep? What language are you speaking?"
"Pig Latin."
Felix looked at you and blinked. "Iggy paid Atin to get laid? Is that what you just said?"
"No." Seungmin said, returning to his book whilst Felix stared at him.
"On a what?"
"He does not know." You say as you put on the kettle for your teas. Seungmin lets out a slight chuckle and Felix keeps looking back and fourth between you two.
"Did… did they change English whilst I was sleeping?" He looks at his ahnds like they'll hold the answers.
"No." You say putting the teabags in your mugs.
"ON A WHAT?"
You and Seungmin can't help but laugh, feeling a bit bad for Felix but there's something about rage baiting him like this that is just too funny. He eventually gives up asking questions and with a defeated sigh, goes back to his Nintendo switch.
"Here is your tea Felix." You say to him as you put his tea in front of him.
"Thanks." He just replies, like he suddenly understands you now (he does not).
"Here is your tea Seungmin." You smile at him and he smiles back as you place his tea in front of him.
"Thanks love." Seungmin says as he pulls you down ever so slightly to give you a quick kiss as a thanks.
"I'm going to die here." Felix groans
You eventually return with your own tea and settle against Seungmins side, him lifting an arm so you can rest against him as he keeps reading.
"Felix, do you want to play mariokart?" Felix looks up at you, as if surprised for a second that you're now suddenly speaking english again but then brushes it off.
🩷 This blog is not MDNI but this blog will likely contain swearing, suggestive themes, triggering themes and other mature content, I can’t control what you do nor am I here to police you so you’re welcome here but this space is not aimed at you so be wary of that and stay safe
🩷 Asks are open for whoever and whatever (Requests, questions, yaps, memes, etc. (but keep it sfw please))
🩷 DMs open but NOT for anyone under 18 (one again, keep it sfw please)
🩷 I’m gonna try and be as sfw as possible but nothing explicit will be shown on this blog
🩷 Bigots (homophobes, transphobes, racists, etc) DNI
🩷 I do block freely based on anything ranging from personal comfort with nothing to do with that person beyond I just don’t like their content to feeling unhappy with how a person is interacting with me
🩷 If you don’t like what you see here, that’s okay, this place isn’t for everyone
🩷 You may interact however you like, I’m not bothered by spam likes (as long as it’s naturally not over the top) or tags
🩷 This is a side blog and I will not reveal my main
🩷 Any questions do not hesitate to ask
Rules of Requests:
Do’s:
🩷 I write exclusively for stray kids
🩷 I can take requests
🩷 I can do gender neutral reader or reader of specified gender
🩷 I can do platonic, romantic, familial or ambiguous relationships
🩷 I can do fluff, angst, hurt/comfort
🩷 I can do reverse comfort but depends on what the comfort is on
🩷 I can do reader death
🩷 I can do AU’s ranging from flower shop/tattoo parlour, coffee shop meetcute and ninth member to full blown mafia, vampire and werewolf - go crazy honey, worse I can say is no
🩷 I can and probably will change these rules as I go along OR change my mind on a rule and forget to update it (so always keep yourself prepared just in case)
🩷 You can ask if you’re not sure and do not be offended if I say no to anything I will not blame you or get angry at all
🩷 I do wish I was a duck thank you for asking
Do not’s:
🩷 I do not write smut of any kind
🩷 I do not do sensitive topics if it’s for the members (e.g. I won't write a member dealing with mental health issues, I'll only write reader dealing with those issues)
🩷 I do not do member death
🩷 I do not actually think the members would act like this, I do not know these guys irl, this is purely fiction, a fantasy if you will
🩷 I will not write anything hateful towards another person or anything that represents someone as irredeemable
🩷 I do not wish I was a duck all the time, only sometimes. I mean, who doesn’t? Just floating around in a pond, eating frozen peas. Obviously I would hate it on the bad days but like the good days would be nice just waddling around quaking like nobody’s business. It’d be cute
Grey areas:
🩷 Grey areas are essentially where there may be some complications in regards to how I feel regarding certain things so it’s more detailed beyond a yes or a no but please feel free to ask
🩷 I can do sensitive topics for reader regarding mental health and trauma (sh, ed, childhood trauma, etc.) however I may not feel comfortable doing something I’m not knowledgeable on or something that may be triggering for me or anything else. And this could easily change, I might write a fic on one topic in the past and not be able to do it again based on anything I may be struggling with. I also will not write anything explicit so I won’t do like a detailed description of events, more so leave it vague and focus on the emotions. Once again, if you’re not sure you can only ask, I will not be offended by a question
🩷 I’d rather people didn’t request member x member or member x member x reader however that does not mean I will not write it platonically or familiarly or in a way where its member x reader featuring another member
🩷 I guess me wishing I was a duck is a grey area cause I don’t want to face the challenges of nature but at the same time I wanna have a cute waddle and quack and fluffy feathers and just float around on the pond like nobody’s business
If you have requested something and I feel I cannot do it but I might know another fanfiction writer who may be able to I will send you there way if I can <3
All images I use are from Pinterest, if you’d like a link for an image let me know; equally, if I have used your image and you don’t want too, also let me know so I can remove it ASAP
🌺 ‘07 liner
🌺 Any Pronouns
🌺 Queer in Gender and Sexuality
🌺 Ot8
🌺 I write exclusively for Stray Kids (but I do like other bands)
🌺 Feel free to yap about whatever <3
🌺 Pink actually isn’t my favourite colour but you’d never guess
🚧 - work in progress (not released yet but coming soon!)
(If a key is not used then I personally felt that that specific theme doesn’t hold a strong enough presence-if a presence at all-and therefore doesn’t really need to be mentioned but please still read tags and warnings just in case 🩷 )
Ot8:
Broken streaks, healing hearts 🌸🚦
They help comfort you after relapse
Oh god there’s two of them ⭐️🐇
When you and your boyfriend are equally weird and equally as good at annoying his roommate
Pairings: Stray Kids (seperate) x [Gender Neutral] Reader
Summary: Stray Kids members comfort you after you relapse
Word count: 9.4K
Tags/warnings: hurt/comfort, reader sh, swearing, briefest mentions of su!cide (saying things like "you're still here"), talks of wounds/injuries, talks surrounding mental health, referenced/implied stress, referenced/implied anxiety, referenced/implied mental breakdowns, no use of y/n, multiple petnames used throughout, mentions/talks of foods, drinks and eating, [multiple] insecurities (self worth, scars), talks of scars in Seungmin’s section, talks of cleaning wounds, self-deprecation, talks of nightmares and implied insomnia during Felix’s section, Minho and Seungmin blame themselves briefly, hiding sh in Changbin’s, Hyunjin’s, Seungmin’s and Jeongin’s section, physically hiding in Minho’s section, Seungmin accidentally hurting reader in his section, Changbin and reader having a small argument not revolving sh, can be debated that jeongin and reader have an argument revolving sh, Razor in Jeongin’s section, jokes (not around sh) used to cope, Minho briefly mentions skipping a meal, every member has a different approach to different scenarios (e.g. some choose to ask why whilst others don't) but they all comfort (if I miss anything please let me know 🩷)
A/n: if you are struggling, please please please talk to somebody, you are so so important and deserve to be happy and safe. It can be a friend, family member, professional, anyone. You can find a helpline here. You are important, never forget that. <3
Bangchan:
"I'm sorry, I'm caught in traffic; but I'll nearly be home, okay?" He tried to keep his voice steady as rain pounded on his car windshield. He turned to face the monitor on the car where your name was lit up-like that meant he could see you-and your tears filled the car speakers, breaking his heart more with every sniffle. "Keep pressure on it with the clean cloth, baby. It's okay. It'll all be okay."
"I'm so sorry." You sobbed out into the phone, causing Chan to let out a chuckle of disbelief mixed with fear.
"Why are you sorry, love?" Chan's voice reached a higher pitch then before, like if he talks in a squeakier voice it would mask all the emotions he's feeling right now, protecting you from his own sadness.
"I promised myself I wouldn't do this again."
"It's okay." The windscreen wipers move fast and Chan keeps trying to see if there is any sign of the traffic moving or any indication of an alternative and quicker route to you. "Recovery is full of relapses. It happens. What's good is that you called me and-"
"I was trying so hard." You get out through the tears, quietly interrupting in your small voice-but he hears you.
"I know. I know love; and I'm so proud of how hard you've been trying." Even though the stress of not being there with you, not having his arms around you, not being able to comfort you was so so clear in his voice, there wasn't a single sign of a lie. Just pure pride in you for trying. Pure love and care for you that has never once disappeared no matter how broken you felt.
"It… it just all got too much and I… I just… I…" You kept hiccuping and sniffling between words. It was a full blown ugly cry yet Chan never saw anything wrong with that. No matter how many times you came back here, breaking down in his arms in floods of snots and tears-after relapse, instead of relapse or for any other reason-he never saw it as ugly; never saw you as ugly.
"You don't have to explain." He said softly but clearly getting agitated, even killing the engine of his car just to save power on it but worrying that that now meant he'd be here longer then he wants to be. "It's okay."
"I just don't understand I- I had worse days then this. I had worse moments then this but this is what does it? I'm just so-"
"No." He somehow balances firm, soft and caring all into one, letting a bit of emotion creak in also as his voice cracks. "Stop it, alright? There is nothing wrong with you."
"But-"
"You yesterday is not the same as you today. You can't compare bad days; because every day something is different. There are different factors, different coping mechanisms, different routines, different environments, different emotions, different everything. A day you might have felt that was worse has built up to this day, that may have been better, but you're still carrying that worse day. That worse day you may have had more or better sleep. That worse day you may have had more or better food. That worse day the news might have been better. That worse day you may have spoken to more or less people. You see? It's impossible to compare days and it does nothing but exhaust you and make you feel worse about yourself." Chan pauses, as if to let you speak. When all he hears is your cries, he continues. "You may have had a worse day last week but you may have also had less to deal with so you could save your energy. And it's difficult to be strong all the time. And I'm so sorry I'm not with you right now to help remind you how strong you truly are. But you'll remember. And you will be able to keep fighting this and go forward once again."
"What-" you start, even as talking becomes difficult with all the tears "what if I relapse again?"
"We'll cross that bridge if we come to it. You cannot change the past. And you may make mistakes in the future. But I'll be by your side the whole time-"
"You can't promise that." You're louder then you want to be, but you never have accepted forever as a promise. He lets out a sigh, one more of adoration then anything.
"No… but I know that even if I'm not… you will still be okay. Cause you are brave and you are strong and-even if it's not from me for whatever reason," he says it with a hint of disbelief. He never plans to leave you, but knows some factors are out of his control. "you will always be surrounded by love and care, cause I know you and you deserve nothing else."
He goes quiet and then hears you cry. He smiles a little but it's from nothing but pure love for you, his eyes filling with his own tears.
"Alright love, it's alright."
"Thank you." You sob out, voice so small the mic barely picked it up.
"No need."
"I'm- I'm sorry to drag you out of work early." The car in front of Chan turned its engine back on so Chan did the same.
"Don't apologise. We're allowed to leave if there's a family emergency." He says it so casually, like he didn't just refer to you like family, making you cry even more. "The traffics moving again. I'll be home soon, okay?" He hears the quiet and broken hum of confirmation. "Do you want me to keep talking to you as I drive?"
"Please."
"Okay love. Almost there."
Minho:
He knew.
Instantly he knew.
He knew you were in trouble when he finished recording and went to his phone to find hundreds of messages and phone calls from you, but not a single one specifying what was wrong.
He knew something was wrong when he walked into the house and you didn't respond to him hurriedly calling your name.
He then knew exactly what was wrong when he went to your shared bathroom and heard you crying through the locked door.
His conformation was when he knocked and you went quiet.
He let out a sigh and closed his eyes. He rested against the door, letting his head fall back, letting it hit the door, and slowly slid down.
He sat against the door, picturing you on the other side, sobbing your heart out but trying to stay quiet so he wouldn't know. Like you did something you should be ashamed off. Like your a sinful criminal and not a person who just needs some support.
"It's just me." He says eventually, like it could be anyone else.
He was met with silence yet again.
"It's okay. I'm not mad." He turns to the door like he could see you through it.
He wasn't met with silence this time, but instead, tears.
He let out another sigh, his head falling back again. You crying just made him want to cry. He wish he could hold you and magically make it all better. But he couldn't. And that annoyed him.
"Actually, I am mad. Not at you." He quickly reaffirmed before you could panic "NEVER at you, okay?" He asks like he thinks he's going to get a response but instantly keeps talking. "I'm mad for you. I'm mad that you've had a bad day. I'm mad you reached a breaking point because things kept going wrong for you. I'm mad that I missed your messages cause I was working. I'm mad I couldn't get here quick enough-"
"Don't blame yourself." You quickly speak up. His heart feels like it's been physically attacked as he hears the pain and sobs in your voice. "It's not your fault I did… it."
"… your right… it's not my fault and it's not yours either."
When he hears no further response he keeps talking.
"I'm mad that you're on that therapy waiting list still. I'm mad that you have been hurt and pushed and fucked over your whole life that it has brought you to a point you don't love your beautiful self as much as you deserve to. I'm mad I can't stop that hurt. I'm mad that it hurts. I'm mad for you." He hears you sobbing through the door and rests his hand and forehead against it, still sat down, hoping he could reach you this way.
"I'm also mad that Seungmin keeps stealing my banana bread but that's a different topic for another day." He's filled with instant relief when he hears you laugh, that sweet sound that reminds him of every single good thing in the world.
"But as much as I am mad for you, I am also proud of you. Proud because you made it this far-this has been your longest streak right?" He hears a hum of confirmation. He frowns ever so slightly, he knows how disappointing this must feel for you but he's not gonna say it. "I'm proud cause I know you'll be able to go this long again, and even further. Maybe not on the next one, or the one after that; or maybe on the next one, but either way you'll get there eventually. I know you'll one day have a streak so long you'll forget to count. I know you'll get past this. And I know you will be able to pick yourself up and carry this with you, not as a trauma, but as a bump in the road you were able to overcome. I'm so so proud of you." He's nearly crying himself, let alone you.
After a while of quiet, he speaks again, his voice strained. "You don't have to open the door just yet, but one thing I will not do is leave the other side of it. I will fall asleep against this door, missing dinner if I have to. Cause I'm here with you-for you. And I'm leaving on my terms or both our agreed terms, not your problems terms, okay?"
"I don't want you to see me like this." You squeak out after a moment of quiet, which gets him to laugh slightly.
"I love you, unconditionally. You could look as beautiful as our first date to that fancy dinner or as beautiful as that hiking date we once took or as beautiful as the first morning you woke up next to me or like Gollum after swimming in the sewers or as beautiful as you definitely look now, and I'd still love you. And the last thing you will ever catch me doing is making fun of you for being hurt. It's okay. You can open the door when your ready."
He's not sure if the sounds he's hearing from you are sobs, laughter or both but he listens because the sounds are yours and you are all that matters right now.
Eventually, he hears the door creak open.
He instantly stands and opens his arms. You crumble into them until your both back on the floor again, hugging.
"Shhh, it's alright." He's crying now too, unable to hold it back now you're in his arms.
"I've got you. You're here. You're still here."
Changbin:
"Hey, honey?" He calls for you in the kitchen. You come trotting over in your favourite hoodie at the moment, the one you've even been sleeping in (even though he's insisting you have to wash it soon) and smile at him.
He instantly smiles back before gesturing to the pan on the stove he's currently stirring. "Do you mind taking over cooking for a second? Chan needs to call me." You instantly nod and head on over, stirring the pan full of sauce for him.
He looks over to make sure you're alright for a second as he hits call on Chan's contact page.
He does a double take when he sees that you haven't rolled up your sleeves.
"Honey, roll up your sleeves." He says casually, like he doesn't even need to say it. He brings his phone to his ear, hearing the ringing.
"Why?"
He freezes at the question. Not from anger or anything like that but pure confusion. You were clearly splashing sauce on your sleeves and they were so baggy they might dip in. Plus you'd never had problems rolling up your sleeves when cooking or baking before, it's basically common sense.
"It's not sanitary?" He says it like it's a question, purely from the confusion remaining from your refusal.
"I'm being careful."
"You might also get some stains on your hoodie."
"No I won't."
"You literally are getting sauce on it right now as we speak."
"It'll come off in the wash."
"Well I know you hate taking it off so it's easier if you save the wash and save the risk of staining your favourite hoodie and just roll up your sleeves."
"It's fine." Your voice raised slightly.
"It's not fine. You've never been this obsessed about not rolling up your sleeves before, and I don't understand why it's such big deal for you now." His voice remained in the exact same volume and tone, stressing you even more.
"You're the one making it a big deal."
Changbin let out a sigh. This felt like the stupidest conversation he's ever had with the smartest person he knows.
"it wouldn't be a big deal if you weren't being so weird about it. It's just sleeves, why can't-"
It hit him. You knew it hit him. Your hands went still. Everything went still. The first sound beyond the popping from the pan was Changbin's slow exhale when he realised and felt like he was the one who truly lacked in sense. He hadn't even realised Chan had picked up the phone and had just listened to him argue with you that whole time.
"… I'll let you call me back, Changbin." Chan said. He probably realised it himself. Way sooner as well.
"Thanks." Is all Changbin said as he hung up the phone and put it in his pocket. You still hadn't moved.
"You relapsed, didn't you?"
You nod.
You don't meet his eyes, even as he tries to meet yours.
"Okay." Is all he says.
He moves to stand next to you, turning the stove to such a low heat it'll keep it warm but not require either if them to have to keep attendance of it.
"Did you clean them?" He asks.
"No." You still don't meet his eyes and he still doesn't look away from yours.
"Okay." He pauses to take a moment, for the both of you. "Do you want me to cl-"
"Okay." You say quickly.
He nods and gently takes your hands, moving you away from the pan and to the dining room nearby. He gently sits you down and holds out a finger, indicating for you to wait a second and then leaves. He returns quicker then you thought he would and places the first aid kit down on the table.
"May I?" He asks gesturing to your arms. You pass your arms over like it's nothing and he holds them like it's everything.
He rolls the sleeves up so gently it hurts you, because you don't feel you deserve this gentleness, yet it's exactly what you craved.
He tries so hard not to pause to stare but he can't help it. He controls his breathing enough so their isn't a loud enough of a hitch in his breathing for you to notice. He opens the kit and pulls out the antiseptic wipe. "Are they just on your forearms?" He asks oh so carefully.
"Yes."
"… do you promise me?" the emotion in his voice breaks you.
"I promise." Your voice cracks just like his did and he nods.
"… this will sting like hell-"
"I know." You say through your strained voice. That hurts. You don't mean for it too you just don't want him him to talk you through it like this is your first time, because all that does is delay the important conversations.
He lets out a heavy exhale and a nod before then starting to clean your arm. You hiss ever so slightly and he pauses his movements, looking at you before you shake your head, indicating for him to continue; which he does after a moments hesitation.
Time simultaneously drags and speeds past as you just watch him carefully clean your wounds in silence. He eventually starts bandaging them up, speaking as he does.
"I'll check them again tomorrow, see if they need more time to heal or-"
"Are you going to ask?"
He looks at you, and you're finally meeting his eyes.
"Ask what?" He doesn't break eye contact, even as he messily does the bandages and will definitely have to redo them again.
"Ask why? Why I relapsed? Why I failed-"
"You can't fail this. Nor can you succeed this." He says, finally looking down and untying the bandages and tying them again but neater. "This isn't a game; it's your journey. There are pit stops and potholes and hills and service stations and smooth roads and bumpy roads and… you get the metaphor by now." Changbin chuckles at himself and you do to, despite it all. He tries not to look at you as you do but you can tell by the new smile that is spreading across his face that he's happy to hear your laugh.
"But…" you say after the laughter subsides, "why aren't you asking? Why aren't you asking why I relapsed?" He takes a minute to finish up his bandaging and then looks you in the eyes as he speaks.
"You don't normally hide things from me. Let alone when you've relapsed. It's clearly something you're not ready to talk about. You know I'm here for you, and that I will always listen no matter what, but I'm not going to push you to talk when you're not ready. I want to; but the last thing you need is more stress. So I'm not letting this go, but we'll talk on your schedule." He offers you a smile which you return, but a tear also slips down your cheek and you don't even have time to register the concern in his face before your head is against his chest and his arms are around you, his chair on the floor from the speed at which he stood.
"I'm sorry-" you begin but he cuts you off.
"No. It's okay. I'm here and I'll help you however I can when you ask me too." He strokes your hair gently. "The plan is, you'll change out of your slightly stained hoodie." He tries to repress a laugh, you can feel it as you lean into him, causing you to smile. "And when you're done, dinner will be ready. We'll have a lovely meal, watch that show you like, then head off onto bed and cuddle before going to sleep." Your smile grows at the simple domesticity of it all, like everything is perfect and normal like you've always wanted. "If at any point you need to talk- even if it's the middle of the night or 4 in the morning or right now or 10am tomorrow-whenever-everything will be dropped, and we will talk. Then, when you're ready, we'll have a look at professional help again. Okay?"
You nod.
"Just a few minutes like this though?" You ask innocently, finally bringing your arms up to wrap around him as the remaining tears slip down your cheek. He smiles against your head, kissing the crown of it.
"Of course honey. Just a few more minutes like this."
Hyunjin:
"Muse, darling?" Hyunjin calls for you, not really looking away from his painting, but still facing you. You look up from the book you're reading and smile at him. No matter what he was doing in his art studio and what you planned to do, you liked to just sit in with him. Listening to music, watching something, doing your own art, whatever. His presence just brings a sense of calm that you can't find anywhere else. Today you were reading a book he lent to you, said he thought you might like it. He kept lending stuff to you, trying to keep you busy and distracted at all times. Trying to protect you from yourself.
He finally turns to properly look at you and returns your smile before turning back to his painting. "Can you pass me the yellow paint from the top shelf please? Turns out I need it after all." You can hear the joke in his tone. Every damn time he sits down to paint he always forgets one colour and every time you're there, you remind him not to but he says he hasn't but then he remembers he has and makes you grab it for him so he doesn't lose concentration. Every damn time. You fake groan and roll your eyes but there's a smile on your face as you stand up to get it.
"Thank you mu-"
"Shut up." You joke, causing a giggle for him as you walk towards the shelves.
Next to the shelves is a painting he did of you a few months ago. It features your torso upwards, wearing a vest top, looking up and smiling at the stars. It was based on a date night where after a theatre show, he was walking you home and loved the way you looked at the stars, making you seem like you were one of them in his eyes; leading to him to saying the three words; and with no hesitation or question, you responded with four, leaving you two to stare at each other like you were both insane. He made the purposeful decision to add in your scars, even though they were wearing a hoodie that night, showing how he loved every part of you: the good, and what you considered the bad and the ugly.
Normally, you're able to appreciate the painting for its beauty, but you can't face it today.
You have to go on your tiptoes to reach for the paint, not noticing how gravity was doing its work on your sleeves as you keep waving your arms about before eventually grabbing it.
Once you reach it you trot on over to Hyunjin, passing it to him without even looking at him, instead, looking at the painting he was producing.
You feel his hand grab the can and hear the beginning of a thank you before he freezes as you try to analyse the beginnings of the brush strokes. It's still in the early stages of development but considering all the darker blues and black tones it seems to be a painting set at night, potentially on a river? You weren't sure though. You're quickly brought out of you analysis though when you hear Hyunjin's broken voice and feel the paint can shaking ever so slightly in your hand.
"… darling."
He sounded shocked, upset, broken as you follow his gaze down to your wrist, exposing your pain.
"Shit, I-" you back away quickly to pull down the sleeve, dropping the paint can in the process, in which you both learn the hard way that the cans lid wasn't on properly and the yellow spills all across the floor between the two of you in a dramatic strike, like Zeus himself struck the ground with lightning, causing a separation between you two.
"Oh fuck, I'm so sorry I didn't mean to…" you trail off, your voice getting smaller after each word, panic filling your voice and lungs. You promised him you'd try to stop: picking up every coping mechanism he threw your way. Ultimately you were too weak.
After a while he lets out a shaky breath, places down his paintbrush with his still trembling hands and stands. You think that this is the moment you've been waiting for, the one where he breaks up with you. You were waiting for this. He was him. You were you. Broken, messy, undeserving. It was only a matter of time before he sees that.
Instead he just crosses over the yellow paint, not caring about his shoes getting stained, and pulls you into a hug. You immediately tense whilst he immediately exhales, pulling you closer like he could lose you any second.
"Don't worry about the floor." He says, making your shoulders ease slightly. "It'll wash off; and if it doesn't," he pulls out of the hug ever so slightly so he can turn to look at it and then at you. "It's cool as fuck." He smiles down at you, causing you to smile and laugh.
His smile then softens a fraction as he takes your hands and leads you towards the sofa where the book lies on the armrest. "I'm worried about you though." He says gently, carefully, not breaking eye contact with you even as you do multiple times.
"Darling…" He starts, sitting down in a way that means you follow him and face him. "I thought you were getting better? Was everything just getting too much for you?" You nod and were thankful that he likely understood without you having to elaborate. Things had been so hard recently and just kept building and building until you couldn't hold on anymore.
"…Did none of the techniques we've previously talked through work?"
"They worked for a bit." You admit in a tiny voice, still staring at the ground and the paint now drying near your feet. "They don't always work though. Sometimes I'm too tired to read or I feel bad lazing about watching things and video games sometimes cause more stress for me, no matter the game. They're a good distraction when I have the energy but they don't have much effect when I'm just…" You don't know what word to use. Empty? Broken?
"You know you can always call me and we can fight this together, right?" He tilts his head to try and meet your eyes, but you turn yours to only look away further, leading him to sigh. "Muse, darling, we've been over this. You are deserving of me and I do love you. I know it's difficult to believe but you aren't bringing me down and I'm more than happy to help you. I love you. You're my heart. I want you to be the happiest person you can be, no matter the cost. That's always been the case and it will be for as long as possible." You stay quiet but he can see from the corner of your eye that his words hit exactly where they needed to and he lets out a sigh of slight relief.
"Have you thought about fidget toys?" Hyunjin asks, causing you to finally look at him and see his smiling face like nothing was ever wrong.
"Huh?"
"Fidget toys. They might work. We can try out different ones, see if they bring stress relief and feed your urge without you actually taking anything out on yourself."
"…Isn't that a bit embarrassing though?" You ask quietly as if someone would overhear you and laugh at how silly you were. "Using fidget toys as an adult."
Hyunjin snorts and pulls a face "No, why would it be? Who cares? If anyone comments on it, they're the weird ones for not minding their own damn business. If it helps you, it helps you." You can't help but smile weakly at his comments and he smiles back. "Come on." he says as he pulls you along to his studio to the door.
"Wh- Where are we going?" You ask, but let yourself be pulled along nonetheless.
"Shopping." He says as he grabs your jacket from the coat rack and holds it out for you to put on. "We'll go find some fidget toys for you to try. We'll get as many as you need."
"Now?" You say even as you let him put your jacket on you, "But you're in the middle of painting-"
"It'll be there still when we get back."
"And we have to clean the floor-"
"I honestly like it." He looks at it as he puts his own jacket on. "Maybe we should throw some other colours on the floor too."
"Hyunjin-"
He grabs your face then and makes you look him in the eyes.
"Muse, listen. I'm always here for you. If that means impulsively going shopping for fidget toys on a Thursday, then that means impulsively going shopping for fidget toys on a Thursday. We can talk about anything you want whilst we are there: What lead you to this point, what you'll say to your therapist when you see her this weekend, how I can help in the future or nothing at all. But no matter what, I'll remain beside you, the one I love the most."
He gives you a smile and a kiss on the forehead and takes your hand, leading you out, as you grin behind him.
Han:
His footsteps echo as he runs down the street. His feet hurt and he's out of breath but all he feels is panic and concern for you.
Every person he passes looks behind him as if expecting to see a serial killer chasing him but then just stare at him when they see nothing and just ponder what could have a man running like that.
They were just finishing up practice, Han laughing with his members about some random nonsense, when his phone buzzed with a call from you. You were crying and he was already heading out the door at the sound of your first sob, asking Minho to take his bag home for him; and as he walked he only caught fragments of what you were saying.
"… I tired so hard…"
"… It just happened I don't…"
"…I'm so sorry…"
He was eventually able to get you to calm down enough to talk to him properly.
That's when you told him.
You'd relapsed.
Since then he's been running to yours like there was a time limit. Like if he wasn't there in the next 5 minutes something would happen. The rising anxiety and exhaustion made his heart pound against his ribs, begging for rest but he wasn't giving up. He would run a hundred laps of the earth to get to you.
He eventually reached your door but didn't immediately knock. He stood for a second and calmed his breathing, wiped his sweat and overall just tried to make it look like he didn't just run ten miles after an intense practice. Even though practice wasn't that difficult today and your place wasn't that far away, you'd still feel guilty when you saw him tired, he knew that, so he tried to make himself appear as relaxed as possible.
He knocked on your door and you immediately answered. For a second, the two of you just stared at each other. Han was just thankful to see you alive. You were just thankful that he was here. Han was also anxious about how you felt, and you were anxious about how he felt. There was a prolonged silence as you both just stared at each other.
"Did you clean them?" He asked, trying to be simultaneously careful and direct.
"Yes."
"Like I showed you?"
"Yes."
"… Good."
You both stood there for a second longer. As soon as he properly caught sight of your eyes growing glassier and your lower lip trembling, he opened his arms. You immediately collapsed in them, sobbing as he gently shushed you.
"You're alright. You're alright, baby." He carefully walked you back inside, closing the door behind him, speaking reminders for the both of you. "I'm here and so are you. I'm here and so are you."
He held onto you until he reached your kitchen table, where he pulled out a chair for you. "Want me to make you a hot chocolate?" He asked as you nodded. "How about some Pepero to go with it? You have some, right?" You nodded once again and pointed to the cupboard they were in.
You almost cried more as you watched him casually move around the kitchen like it was his own, knowing your comfort drink and snack like it was his. You just watched as he moved, moving between microwave to cupboard to living room and back to you to escort you, knowing that he himself was holding back tears for you.
You both gently sit down on the sofa, him having set up your hot chocolate (with whip cream and marshmallows) and your Pepero on the coffee table. You immediately nestle into his chest and he holds you there, loose enough that you could easily pull away, but tight enough that he could feel you, feel you were alive, and so you knew he was there for you as well.
"Baby…" he started, having to swallow back his tears so he could talk to you properly without making anything worse. "What happened?" His voice was almost a whine as he gently cupped your chin so he could meet your eyes. "Why'd you relapse, baby?"
"I… It…" You started, fighting to get your words out against sniffles and snobs. "I just… it all got too much and I was so tired of feeling this way and I just wanted to feel…" You stop yourself before you're language gets dangerous. You see him bite the inside of his cheek to stop the tears that are clear in his eyes. "God I just feel so pathetic, I hate for myself for-"
"Woah." He quickly interrupts. "You are NOT pathetic and don't you dare hate the person I love more than anything, okay? You are so strong and so brave." He doesn't even try to hold back his tears now, or maybe he is trying, and they're just too powerful for him. "I wish I could be as strong as you-honestly-being able to go through what you do every single day, what you've gone through in the past, and still come out of it with a smile even on one day of the week is a bloody miracle. You are here still because you are a fighter. This…" he vaguely gestures, like he doesn't know how else to describe your pain. "Isn't you. You will fight this like you have fought everything else and you will be triumphant like you always are. I'm so proud of how far you have come and how far you will go, cause you are my person and my person is the strongest damn person alive and I love you so so much for it." He lets out a sob at that last part, matching you as you bawl your eyes out, but neither of you look away from the other.
"Please be proud of yourself for surviving this long. It's okay to be upset by what has happened but you will do better tomorrow. And the day after that. And after that. And after that. Until eventually you realise it doesn't hurt as bad anymore and you can't even remember the last time you felt depressed." He offers you a sad smile as he wipes away a tear on your cheek, like there aren't hundreds of tears falling from your face and his as well.
"Thank you, Jisung." You quietly cry, leading to him shaking my head.
"No need to thank me, baby." he whispers. He stares into your eyes for a moment longer and kisses your forehead softly.
"Shall we watch something? Help calm you down?" You nod and he copies you. "Yeah? What do you want to watch, baby?"
You're quiet for a second, thinking, before saying "Can you show me more of Nana please?", causing him to smile like you said the magic words.
"Of course, sweetheart." He leans forward, handing you your hot chocolate and snack before grabbing the remote and his own drink. "In the morning, we'll discuss going to the doctors to see if we can get you any more mental health support; but for now, you can rest."
You nestle back against his chest, his arm around you, as he finds the show. You don't feel weak, for once, sat like this. You just feel like you're allowed to take off your armour for a second before continuing the fight.
Felix:
Felix's doorbell ringing woke him up. Seungmin was off for an ambassadorship event overseas somewhere and you were so busy with work you couldn't hang out as much so he had the place to himself. He decided to celebrate this new found freedom with watching anime and going to bed early-he's been way too tired from the busy schedules to stay up well past 2am recently so a 10:30pm bedtime with no disturbances from his roommate gaming was a blessing in his eyes at the moment. The ringing doorbell was currently the villain.
He groaned as he checked the time. 3:12am.
"This better be good." he muttered to himself as he got up, his hair a mess and his blanket wrapped around him.
He trudged downstairs, yelling a repeated 'I'm coming' when the doorbell rang again. He opened the door and any grumpiness that was there from being woken up was immediately gone when he saw you pacing, biting your thumb, tears dripping down your cheeks and eyes practically bloodshot with circles underneath so dark they matched with the night sky. He stepped out, not caring about the lack of footwear, and cupped your face gently.
"Angel? Why are you awake? Why are you here? What's wrong?" He looked all over you to see if he could identify the problem. Beyond your eyes he also noticed that you were still in the sweats you always wore as lounge wear after a long day-Baggy hoodie and sweatpants-but you never left the house in it. That set off alarm bells in his head even more than before.
You gently cupped the back of his hands as you told him. "I… I'm sorry to wake you but… I knew you said I could always go to you and I scared myself and… I- I did clean them but…" your voice kept wavering. You couldn't finish your sentence. You didn't need to. He figured it out.
He let out a shaky breath as he pulled you close to him. "My Angel…" he whispered as you gently sobbed in his shoulder, his blanket wrapped around both of you like a safe cocoon.
"Come on." He whispered, leaning down to look at your face with a warm smile despite the tears resting in his eyes. "Let's get you inside, yeah?" You nod as he leads you, closing the door behind you and gently leading you upstairs to his room where you then lay in his arms. He holds you, letting his own tears fall from his heartbreaking as you sob.
Minutes later, when you finally calm down, he shifts ever so gently so you sit up to look at him. "Do you want to talk about what's been happening, Angel? What lead you to this point?" You hesitate before nodding and he just smiles, sitting patiently, waiting for you to start talking when you're ready.
"I'm… I'm just so overwhelmed with… so fucking much. Some days it's hard to breath, it's hard to talk, it's hard to function like a human being." You don't meet his eyes as you ramble, making it easier for yourself; but his eyes never leave you. "I just feel like every day I'm fighting everything and everyone and then when I go home I'm fighting everything and everyone still to the point I'm actually scared to go to sleep sometimes." You start gently sobbing again. "When I sleep I have nightmares or terrors or… whatever and it makes me feel like I'm never full rested and it's the same thing day after day after day after-"
You're cut off by his hand, palm open, suddenly appearing in front of you. You look up to see a singular tear roll down his cheek again, but the warmest brightest smile he can offer you. You hesitate before taking his hand.
"What you need," He starts, bringing your hand up for him to kiss gently as he doesn't look away from your eyes, "is a break."
"But-"
"Machines can't work 24/7, 365 days a year. They rust, they run out of battery, they break down and they need maintenance. Athletes can't work out 24/7, 365 days a year. That would risk injury, pulling a muscle or tearing something and then they'd need help. So why should your brain be any different? Why should you and your brain be expected to cope with absolutely everything it deals with all the time without a break or without help from a therapist-or anyone for that matter? Are you a superhero or an alien or some creature beyond human comprehension?" You giggle slightly, despite yourself, leading him to smile ever so slightly as you shake your head. "Exactly. You're human. Yet you aren't treating yourself like one. Which is what has lead you to crash and burn and…" he pauses, swallowing like the words are difficult to say.
"And is what lead you to relapse."
Your lips tremble more as you nod. He closes his eyes for a beat, and then looks up at you with a warm, loving smile.
"You need to have a break before you break. We've learnt that now. We'll get you back in contact with your therapist-see if he's still available-so we can get a plan together and next time it hopefully won't lead up to this point. Next time, we'll be able to get through this better."
You nod once again and he opens his arms for you, letting you rest against his chest as he pulls the blanket up.
"The plan now, my darling," He starts as he makes sure you're both settled. "Is that we're both going to call in sick in the morning," You immediately sit up and look at him to protest which causes him to hold out a hand to calm you, "don't worry, my schedule was pretty clear anyway; and they'll survive a day without you." You hesitate before slowly settling down against him again. "Then we'll do whatever you want after we try and make that appointment with your therapist. Whether you want to go out, go back to yours, go back to mine or a secret fourth option, its your choice. We will do whatever you need to do to actually relax and have a break. Then, we'll make a contingency plan, in case you get overwhelmed again and your put on another damn waiting list, so we can stop you reaching… this point. Does that sound good?" You nod and he nods back, kissing your forehead. "Good. But first, we sleep. And if you have a nightmare: you wake me up and I'll help calm you down and we go back to sleep. Okay?" You nod once again and he smiles, turning off his lamp beside you.
"Thank you Felix." You say as you begin drifting off in his arms, against his side.
"Sleep well, love."
Seungmin:
You'd both been looking forward to this day on the beach for what honestly feels like years at this point. It was always one thing after the other stopping you having your day out. You suddenly had a family thing pop up. He suddenly had a work thing. You were suddenly having to attend an event. He was suddenly having to attend an event. You were both too tired and decided to have a day at home falling asleep on the sofa eating cereal instead. Yet today was the perfect day.
Yet something felt off to Seungmin. You kept checking your shorts. You liked to wear shorts down to your knees when it was too hot for jeans, he understood that you were insecure about your scars but for the most part you didn't really care that much if they rode up to reveal the odd scar. No one was looking anyway apart from you two, and if he saw, he'd let you know subtly and you'd either fix it or leave it. It's nearly always been like that; yet today, what felt like every ten seconds, you kept trying to subtly pull them down, making sure they never changed height. Whenever you sat down, you'd put your hands on your thighs first, staring at your shorts to make sure they stayed the same length. What made matters worse is that after every time you did something like this, it was immediately followed by a panicked glance his way and a forced smile.
He was worried. Very worried with no sure way on how to bring it up.
The day was drawing to a close: You were buying ice creams, the small puppy plushie he won you at the fair beside the beach held in your arms and the massive raccoon plushie you won him resting in his. You walk over to a bench, chatting and giggling away. He sits down first and watches carefully as you mentally try to calculate how you sit down with both hands occupied. You settle for sitting down so slowly and so carefully it's honestly concerning.
Seungmin lets out a small sigh but as you do the same routine of quickly smiling at him, he smiles back warmly. He decided you must be having one of those days were you're insecure about your scars. It comes and goes in waves, he gets that. If it's the same tomorrow he'll talk to you about it, but for now he'll leave it; didn't want to make this day worse for you then it may already be in your head.
As you two finished eating your ice cream, watching the sunset lower behind the waves, the both of you kept joking around. He didn't think about it. It was a normal habit of his. Something he always did. He patted your thigh as he laughed. Immediately, you flinched, shoulders tensing, and hissed between your teeth.
He froze. You froze. Horror dawned upon his face as he slowly removed his hand that was slightly trembling now. "Sorry." He said quietly.
"It's fine." You reply, your voice smaller then his.
Your eyes meet his. His meet yours. You stare at each other for a while.
He knows. You know he knows. Neither of you need to say it. He lets out a shaky exhale as you rest your face in your hands.
"You relapsed didn't you?" He asks it anyway.
"Yeah." You reply. The quiet settles as all both of you can do is breath for a while. "I'm-"
"I'm sorry."
"Huh?" You turn to look at him, meeting his eyes filled with devastation and regret.
"I'm sorry." He repeats like it makes sense why he is apologising if he says it again. He swallows, hoping it'll make it easier to get his words out. "I'm sorry I hurt you then-" you were about to interrupt but he spoke over you "even if it was an accident, I'm still sorry… and I'm sorry that you felt you couldn't tell me." You felt your heart drop from his words.
"… Seungmin no-"
"I'm sorry that I didn't make it clear to you that you can tell me anything about everything. I'm meant to always be here for you and I'm sorry you felt you couldn't turn to me."
"Seungmin stop blaming yourself, please." Your voice cracks slightly as you speak but you power through as he looks at you with that small frown of his. "I knew I could turn to you- I know I can-"
"Then why didn't you?"
The question hurts. It hurts the both of you. You just hope the answer doesn't hurt more.
"I was ashamed."
"Of what?"
"Of myself." You raise your hands in the air and let them fall on your lap, right over where it hurts, making it seem like the answer was obvious. "I was doing so well and then just like that I'm a failure again."
"You were never a failure." He spoke. The pain was clear in how strained his voice was but he kept his emotions in check. "You're just someone, in pain, who needs help. There is no shame in that, there has never been shame in that and there never will be shame in that."
He takes your hand so you look at him, and he doesn't keep talking until your eyes meet and he's sure you're listening. "We will get you back to therapy, if that's what you need. We'll talk about how I can help. We'll go through the house and find a way to keep you safe. But we will keep talking and talking, the both of us, about every single thing-big or small-that hurts until you no longer feel the shame of needing help. Do you understand?" You nod at him, wiping the tears that have emerged from your eyes without you really realising and he nods back. "Would you like a hug?" You nod once more and he lets the raccoon plushie fall off the bench next to him so he can wrap his arms around you, holding you so close so you can hear his heartbeat, and know he will never stop loving you.
Once your cheeks were dry and he got you smiling again, you both picked up your plushie's and started walking home.
"Now." he said, reaching for your hand. "Tell me everything that's been on your mind."
Your joined hands swing back and fourth as you tell him everything you've been holding in.
Jeongin:
"Babe, where's my chapstick?" Jeongin called from your shared room as you were doing the dishes in the kitchen.
"Your what?" You call back.
"My chapstick!"
"Where is it?"
"I don't know, have you seen it?" Jeongin says, repressing the laugh from your confusion.
"No, but you can borrow mine if you want."
"Thanks. Where is it?" He called, heading over to your nightstand to go searching.
"Second drawer of my nightstand." You call back and wait for a response. You finish cleaning a plate and leave it to be dried as you grab another, scrubbing that plate clean then looking back as if you might be able to see the response your waiting for actually physically arrive. The silence starts to scare you.
"You heard that, yeah? The second drawer of my nightstand!" You waited once more, and once again, silence.
"Not the first drawer Jeongin, the second drawer." You voice is more panicked now, you're more on alert. He's still not responding.
"Did you find it in the second drawer?" You keep calling after him as you drop the sponge and plate in the sink, ignoring the slight crash noise it made and quickly dry your hands.
"Jeongin, leave the first drawer alone, it's in the second drawer." you say as you go running up the stairs to see him, your heart now pounding against your chest.
You turn to face the doorway of your shared room and see Jeongin dead still in front of your nightstand, the first drawer open. "Jeongin…" you gently say to get his attention.
He turns to look at you, his face full of fear, a flood of tears behind his eyes that he's holding back and a razor in his hand.
He stands and faces you fully but doesn't cross the room to meet you, you still in the hallway, him in your bedroom, the doorway being the portal to each other.
"… You said you threw them out." His tone was controlled, trying to keep emotion out of it so he doesn't break down into tears.
"I did." You said, trying but failing to mirror his tone, the sadness clear in your voice.
"So…" He tries to stop his voice rising, for you, but he's so scared right now it's difficult. "you went out and bought more-"
"No. I… I kept one."
The silence that follows your confession is only interrupted by Jeongin's unsteady breathing, his gaze flicking between you and the weapon in his hand, like he can't believe the two ar interlinked.
"Why… why would you do that?"
"I just wanted to know that it was still an option… still something I could fall back on-"
"That's the problem!" He cries out slightly, cutting you off. "You can't treat this as something you can go back to if it ever gets bad again cause then it will never stop. This is what your therapist told you! This is what they told us to do! To throw it all out so you can't go back to it again!"
"I- I know…" you look away from him, knowing if you look at him then you'll fall apart.
"Baby… please look at me." You didn't want to. You really didn't want to. Yet, the way he pleaded made it impossible for you not to. So you meet his gaze again and your heart shatters at how upset he looks. "… did you use this?" he holds the weapon up as if to make his point clearer.
You hesitate. One beat. Two beats.
"Yes."
"When?"
"… few days ago."
The breath you both let out felt like a punch for the both of you. "Was…" he starts, pausing to get his words together. "Was that the day when I came home and you were just by my side the whole time, constantly wanting hugs and looking close to tears and I kept asking what was wrong and you just kept saying 'I'm fine' when I knew that-"
"Yes." tears start to flow from you freely now. "Yes it was."
You sob in your hands as Jeongin puts the razor in his back pocket and finally makes his way over to you. He doesn't say anything as he wraps his arm around you, one hand rubbing your back, the other stroking your hair.
"It's okay, just let it out." He whispers as he tries to search for the right words to say, holding you close as you break down in your arms.
He gently pulls you back so he can cup your face, meeting your eyes. "You must have been holding that back for so long." He smiled at you sympathetically as he tucked some of your hair behind your ear. You nod and he kisses your forehead.
"It's okay. I know now, and I know you didn't want me to, but now I can help you. You're going to be okay, yeah?" He nods at you, encouraging you to believe him; which you thankfully do. "You messed up a little, but it's okay, okay? Mistake doesn't always mean failure. We can get through this- you can and will get through this. I know because you want to stop. You do. You're just scared but fear doesn't last forever. You'll one day forget what it this fear feels like. I promise."
You just keep nodding as you keep sobbing, looking at him like he's all you have; but you know it's not, because you have yourself as well. He's right. You will get through this.
"Okay… I'm going to throw the razor away," He pauses. You don't protest. "I'm going to get you a cup of tea and a snack and we're going to sit down and talk about anything and everything that we need to. Especially, on why you resorted to this again instead of asking for help. No matter what though, we'll both be okay. We're going to be okay, yeah?"
You nod once again at him, wiping away his tears like you're the one providing comfort. You're not sure what surprises him more, the fact that you're trying to comfort him or the fact that he was crying without realising.
A warm smile plasters across his face nonetheless. He cups the back of your hand and leans into your touch, kissing your palm. His eyes look up to meet yours. "I love that no matter how much you're hurting, you're still gentle. You're still you." You can't help but smile back at him as he gives you another hug.
"I love you so so much. Thank you for staying with me."
tangentwithtanner
prguitarman
andulkaphoto
romaincrisis
yousharknotpass
2087
titsay
amandla