why i am no longer in operative
aka, donāt talk to echo when you have problems with other members because she will develop an inexplicable and extremely heavy bias against you and subject you to a month of abuse and then kick you outĀ
this is a post i have tried to avoid.Ā
i donāt like psa posts, i donāt reblog them, iāve written a total of one in my life ( for a cause close to my literal heart, the maltreatment of disabled characters in the rpc ) and that was too many and led to me receiving more anon asks calling me a liar and bitter than i ever want to see again in my life. so i wasnāt going to write a psa post about this, and i still will not be dragging this issue out into the public and putting up with more harassing anons and invalidation of what iāve been through. but i believe that an rpās members, you, all of you are my friends, my family, deserve to know when an admin has abused their powers because it could be you in the future, and it deeply affects the way a roleplay works, especially when echo is seemingly building a little clique of favourites around talking shit about me and, iām guessing, none of you are in it.
so iām telling you, this is what happened, this is why i am not in operative anymore, please take care of yourselves so you do not get put in the place i have been put in.
as always, you can talk to me. i donāt deny other people their feelings nor do i deny my own wrong doing ( as some of you can vouch ). iām glad to provide screenshots and documents with the more important things blocked out. ( cause, you know, this shit is wild and unbelievable [ i still believe none of it myself, it is deeply surreal to me, and i question if i am in a dream constantly ], and i totally understand you needing verification. ) youāre free to draw your own conclusions, that nothing is amiss here, that iām a hooligan / evil / whatever. i donāt blame you. being kicked out of an rp is rock bottom for bitterness. but iāve had a few days to collect my thoughts and prepare this, so, iām gonna post it, and i hope you will listen and understand where i come from, and i hope you will believe me in a way echo never did.Ā
tw: bullying / abuse / suicide ( ideation ) / eating disorders this is going to be very long, as this covers a bit more than a month of hell, so iāll put as apt a summary as possible at the end, because i am putting my blog as only viewable on dash and i canāt use a readmore if i do that. iāll put it in bold, so scroll down to the bold if youāre in a hurry.
getting into operative genuinely made me so happy. i did it by the skin of my teeth; i asked echo for an extension ( i asked her for one first round too, i didnāt learn ). i still vividly remember entering into the group chat for the first time, and emily said hello to me first, cleo and emily fought over me / maluma i think??, i scrolled up a ways and saw everything talking about new members and i felt so welcome. libby and i were friends at the time ( we were coadmins at another roleplay ) so we were a pair, we had inside jokes. i was so shocked and excited to see libby had applied for mercury and gotten in as nox ( i introduced her to operative on the first acceptance day when i asked her to proof my scorpius app, lmao ).Ā
and i loved operative. i felt like i belonged here. i had ask memes the very first day, i had exciting plots and writing partners, and after a lackluster year and a half of roleplaying, i was so excited to be back to doing what i love. our second mission ( my first ) was amazing. i was glued to my laptop even though i probably had a final the next day and est and bst are five hours apart. i literally cannot express how much i loved operative. i loved gabriel, and all of my friends ooc, and all of your characters. if you scroll up the ooc, search out my name, youāll find me laughing and joking. being bubbly. thatās what iām good at. i love my friends and i want them to know it.
but iām also a moody bitch, and i was drinking a lot during my finals because of my birthday and law school induced stress, and the roleplay libby and i were co adminning fell apart for horrible reasons. this is something most of you donāt know about: echo gave me a side quest in a private channel on the group discord. she gave it to libby, seven, and teresa as well. essentially, gabriel and callie were to confront lotte and ciro about the drive, and the luck of the rolls would determine who ended up with it. gabriel and callie had a plan, gabriel would threaten ciro and when callie swooped in to break it up, she would get the drive off ciro if he had it. libby and seven protested the encounter the whole time. libby continually emphasised that lotteās expertise was stealth. i had gone through every justification for the encounter i could have, but seven and libby did not accept it, and, tipsy, wanting to just get to write, i dmed libby to ask her to please stop dismissing gabriel ( whose specialty is deception, and lotte was trying to stealthily deceive him ) and told her, essentially, that she had hurt my feelings. her reply made me feel ignored, as if i was being condescended to ( libby brought up her d&d experience, which i have too ). i asked her not to speak to me ooc. and then i went to echo and warned her that libby had hurt my feelings with her treatment of gabriel, and i wanted echo to know.Ā
in the morning, i woke up with a killer hangover, and i found out that echo, who set up the encounter in the first place, who gave teresa and i a lot of help during it, told me that if libby ( the person i had come to her to tell her hurt myĀ feelings ) wanted me to leave the roleplay, she would ask me to leave. so, to recap, i told echo libby hurt my feelings, and echo told me if libby wanted me to leave, i would have to leave. in my message to echo i had mentioned if she would want me to leave i would leave because i didnāt want to stir the pot, but i expected echoĀ to make that decision. not put it in the hands of the person who hurt me.
fast forward a bit. libby and i made a tender kind of amends, but we avoided each other. i had my birthday, finished uni, moved back to the us. when i was at my american birthday party, out for breakfast ( okay, it was brunch, we were lazy ) with my friends ( might i add, this was literally the only time iām going to get to see all my american friends together in one place until december ), i suddenly got notified that echo had put me in a chat with her, libby, and... seven. i panicked. three against one. and i left that chat pretty shortly after i was added to it, so i donāt have screenshots or anything, but i remember feeling immediately ganged up on, like i was called into the office to be yelled at and told i was wrong. i snapped. i panicked. seven policed my tone. i told seven not to interrupt me at some point but she did anyway. a lot of this is hazy to me, i know i was sharp in tone, when i shouldnāt have engaged, i should have just told echo i couldnāt do it instead of speaking. i left the chat. i privately messaged echo to tell her it had freaked me out and i would only be speaking to her. i was put in that chat without any warning, just thrown into it three on one. and to her credit, echo has apologised for doing that to me. but itās important to this chronology, which is why i canāt remove it. but know she recognised it was wrong and i appreciate that she recognised it was wrong.
at some point, probably a few days later but maybe that same day, we can find out, i sent echo a post with my list of things i wanted to talk to her about, including my frustration with libby, and that situation, but also, i wanted to talk to her about seven. i had tipsy messaged her i wanted to talk about something while i was drunk at my birthday party, and that something was seven. while i was rereading a callie reply on mobile and freaking the hell out over it ( my friends got an earful about callie and how much i love her, which also spawned theĀ āwho is gabrielā texts i got later ) i noticed something else on my dash. ciro told lotte that gabriel had blamed him from chiaroscuroās death. iām a writer, iām so purposeful with my words, and i never once had gabriel say that. i had him call ciro a traitor and a snake undeserving of being an agent, and i cleared it with seven ooc first, but nothing like that. i messaged seven to say, i hope this isnāt mean, but please donāt put words in gabrielās mouth. she messaged me back to say she knew what she was doing and she hadnāt ( i deleted my conversation with seven while ago without archiving it so i no longer have it, sorry for paraphrasing ). she messaged later to apologise, again, this was appreciated, but it felt very hollow, especially because of the way she spoke about this one conversation of ours later. a few hours after i messaged her about putting words in gabrielās mouth, i was put in the convo with echo, libby, and seven.
but back to my conversation echo. i gave her a laundry list of ways in which seven had made me feel uncomfortable ic and ooc. she started text threads solely to talk shit about gabriel. she brought up gabriel out of nowhere in text threads where he wasnāt relevant. she was negative about him in the ooc. she was negative about him on the gossip blog, except when it came to his appearance ( which is really.... maluma is hot, but thatās not complimenting gabriel, you know?? ), she had put words in his mouth, she dropped out first thread without telling me and effectively ended our post mission thread after four replies without consulting me about it first, and ooc, she was strangely possessive of other characters. i felt at one point, and told echo this, that she was trying to claim callie ooc while teresa and i were writing these big paras back and forth. and this is deeply personal to me so i donāt want to talk about it anymore, but i have an eating disorder, which is triggered by fasting mentions, and seven was constantly talking about food and fasting in the ooc,and i relapsed for many reasons, but one of which was that seven was constantly talking about fasting ooc.Ā
echo sent me a long response to my long message, and what she had to say about seven essentially boiled down toĀ āiām sure she doesnāt mean it / itās her sense of humour / she probably doesnāt know sheās doing it.ā iāve been on the internet a long time. i know how to read tone and intent and the defensive way seven snapped to me after i told her not to put words in gabrielās mouth made me question echoās excuses for it. but we were at an impasse. i said, letās not deal with this right now, when itās very raw, and echo agreed. i was supposed to talk to libby and echo in a private conversation within the next day, two days, to resolve that, but it didnāt happen, and truth be told, i didnāt want to talk to libby at the time so i was fine with it.Ā
life carried on as normal. we got new members ( bay and katie, that would be you. ) echo and i didnāt talk about seven anymore.Ā
and then, june sixth, about a week and a half since echo and i decided we would talk about seven later, christina messaged me out of nowhere to ask me if i had problems with seven, and to say that other people had problems with her too. as christina and i talked, my eyes opened sooooo wide. everything christina said seven had done to rhys was something she had done to gabriel. starting conversations solely to talk shit, taking ooc things out on the ic dashboard, using the gossip and quote blogs to advance her vendettas against rhys and gabriel, i was in a state of shock. that, one, i hadnāt noticed it happening to someone else, and two, that it was so systemic. to make a long story short because this is already very long, at this point, we had ten people in operative. two were echo and seven, so that left eight, and of those eight, four people ( half, for those of you watching at home ) had had issues with and were made uncomfortable with seven. and those four were just us talking to each other, we didnāt branch out too far to asking other members about their experiences before seven caught wind of what was happening and went to echo and echo went to me.Ā
we ended up having a five way group call. at the time, christina and i posed it asĀ āus or sevenā, which was intense, but it was the feeling. and there were four of us, and one of seven. echo was annoyed at us for talking behind her back, but we had wanted to wait the three weeks out, until she finished school, so as not to put unnecessary stress on her. echo told us she would get back to us about what she would do soon, but she didnāt want to ask seven to leave ( this is a common theme ).Ā
she didnāt get back to us soon. she went ghost. in the meantime, i believe christina and another person who was in that group chat made amends with seven, after seven reached out to them ( i had her blocked, because it helped me when she wouldnāt tag her fasting mentions in the ooc, but even if she was unblocked i doubt she would have reached out to me, and i know i wouldnāt have believed her so easily ) to apologise.Ā
a few days later, i left the operative discord ooc, but not the roleplay. it was giving me too much anxiety being there. i couldnāt understand echo, why she wouldnāt speak to us, why she wouldnāt remove someone who was so obviously causing harm to her roleplay. i didnāt understand. seeing seven, even just that little blocked user thing, made me anxious. so i left, and mentioned it to echo, and she told me she would contact me. she didnāt. i contacted her with an issue with seven that i have since learned was a misunderstanding, so that was a misunderstanding, but echoās response wasnāt. she didnāt reply to me, until i asked her if we could talk ( i was also encouraged by someone to tell her i had received anon hate at this time ). we had a voice call, during which i semi seriously suggested i could write out a list of my grievances with seven and echo said sheād take it and discuss them with seven. so i did.
the choice echo made was dizzying. she asked me if i was sure i didnāt want her to send me sevenās amends. i told her i would doubt the sincerity of what seven said, but she could send them. what she sent me was one of the most hateful, gaslighting things iāve ever read. it was a targeted take down of me. it still makes my chest hurt thinking about it. just as an example, in response to me saying seven talking about fasting triggered my eating disorder, seven called me islamophobic for asking that my trigger be respected becauseĀ āi knew she was fasting for religious reasons, not ed reasonsā ( and just in case itās unclear, my ed hears fast, and my ed wants to fast, it doesnāt care about whether itās being done for religious reasons or not ).
i was in shock. i responded to echo in shock, which i will admit had a sharp tone because of my hurt and my disappointment and my inability to understand why she had called pure hate amends, and she shut down. which was her right, but she ignored me completely. and when i requested that we speak, she told me that she saw both seven and i as honest and deserving of staying, which i couldnāt even begin to believe. she was taking her finals at the time, so i waited until they were over to tell her that sevenās maltreatment of me had escalated.
in the grievances i shared with echo, i told her that seven continually checked my blog ( i installed an ip tracker after i received the hateful anon ) despite knowing i didnāt want her reading my writing, and it made me feel like i was being stalked. i put a code on gabrielās blog to redirect her jordanian ip address ( which i got from my tracker ) back to the dash if she tried to view gabrielās blog. i blocked her and her personal blog on gabrielās account, which meant she wouldnāt be able to view this blog on mobile, or in the dash ( itāll tell you this blog has no posts, the only way to see them would be to go to the url on desktop or a mobile browser instead of the app). i had tagged the jordanian ip withĀ āsevenā the first time i saw it, and to my shock, i saw a different ip, an american ip, with sevenās computer stats and theĀ āsevenā tag show up in my log. i searched that ip address and found out that it was a proxy, an expensive looking one. over the next few days, gabrielās blog and my personal blog all logged visits from seven across four different proxies. she had told echo, in the document echo shared with me, that she wasnāt stalking me. my god, it felt so much like she was stalking me when i saw that.
so i dropped the screenshots on echo ( and as i didnāt want to be accused of doctoring them, i did not black out the jordanian ip address, but i should have, and that was a mistake, though it doesnāt tell you anything besides what seven had already shared ooc ) and waited for her to speak to me about them. she didnāt acknowledge me. she ignored me, until i told her it was giving me anxiety she hadnāt acknowledged me, and then she said sheād read my message and nothing else. at the time, i was peripherally aware of it, but she was having a long conversation with another member. but i was unaware of how long, and if i didnāt speak to that other member, i wouldnāt have known anything except that echo wasnāt speaking to me ( echo just constantly ignored me, like i would cease to exist if she did ). she got back to me later and apologised for making me anxious ( which was the most positive our relationship had been in awhile ) and i rejoined the ooc chat. this was the day cat and leia were accepted; echo had repeatedly told me she wanted our issue to be resolved by the time acceptances came.
we spoke later. i had had oral surgery earlier in the week, and had a block put on the right side of my mouth so my jaw was in lots of pain and i couldnāt really open my mouth very well, so echo was on mic and i typed. one of the things she expressed to me in the conversation, looking at my one-sided replies, was that she didnāt believe me when i said seven was using proxies to view my blog. which really, really stung. because, quite honestly, the fact that itās so unbelievable and ridiculous is what makes it so immensely wrong. and i donāt know how to fake that shit, iām bad at computers. i walked echo through it. and she told me, again, she wouldnāt ask seven to leave, but she needed time to process the information iād given her, and we would talk again.
she ghosted me. again. but she had a conversation with another member of the group and ended up telling me that she would try to be better about telling me where she was at, which i did appreciate ( i need to find a new phrase for this, but i did, i do, i appreciated it ).
i told someone in the roleplay ( you may be reading this right now, so thank you for making me feel comfortable enough to tell you, and for listening to me, it meant the world to me ) about the abuse i went through in the rpc for the very first time ever and that it reminded me of what i was going through with seven ( as a result of this abuse, when i was 16, my own best friend chose my abuser over me and said she didnāt believe that my abuser could do such a thing, and i became suicidal ). i got bold and shared that story with echo, because it was as if floodgates had opened. echo thanked me for sharing, and said, after her recent conversation with the other member, she had come to understand how potent her bias against me was, when she was our admin, when she was supposed to be making her decisions unbiased. i proposed to her that both seven and i leave operative. at this point too, another situation arose, out of a misunderstanding between me and another member ( to put it in short, i misinterpreted how close we were, and sevenās actions and my isolation made me have a breakdown and i reacted poorly to her and we treated each other very.... badly, we expected the different results from saying the same thing ), and i wished to explain it. the person echo had spoken to had already told me that echo was going to ask me to leave, and that she had tried her hardest to make echo see the unfairness of it: echo was going to ask me to leave for doing what was arguably less and as a result of what seven had done. she wasnāt trying to combat her bias.
this time i got on voice and echo stayed on chat. i told her i wouldnāt be yelling, iād probably sob, and at points, i did. i donāt like crying. i hate it more than anything else in this world, because i have been through too much to cry as much as i do. and i didnāt like crying when i was alone on voice chat with echo. but i did it, because i believed there was some glimmer of hope.Ā
thatās why i stayed so long, if you were wondering. because i loved my friends here. because gabriel is probably the best character iāve ever made. because i told everyone about how cool operative is, because i love to write. because i loved it here, despite what it did to me. in my last abusive relationship it was similar, i stayed so long because i swore it would get better if i kept trying. and as i did then, with operative, and echo, and seven, i withdrew from everything, i allowed this to isolate me. my best friend texted me to say she missed me. my dad said, while we were watching a colombia game, it was the happiest heād seen me in awhile. because this, this made me suicidal. i overdosed on my anti anxiety medication trying to talk to someone from operative. i thought about dying every single day and i still do.Ā
Ā at the end of that call with echo, we were laughing. i pronounced gabrielās name correctly ( itās more like gabrielle, if youāre wondering ), i joked with her about the plot and wanting to know the ending. and i was so fucking hopeful, that everything would be okay, that finally, finally, putting myself through this had paid off. and then she told me that libby had an issue with me. i hadnāt spoken to libby in like a month, and i wasnāt posting in the ooc, so i didnāt know what it could be.
echo told me that she had shared the screenshots with sevenās jordanian ip address with libby, and libby had said i was doxxing seven. let me make it clear: i shared those screenshots with two people, echo, and someone else, and i deleted them shortly after with that person. echo shared them with libby without telling me or asking my permission and let libby accuse me of doxxing someone i was trying to get to leave me alone, to stop stalking me. add in that libby knows i was doxxed as a teenager, and i was deeply hurt. and i was exhausted by the extent of echoās bias. she literally went to someone she knew had issues with me to get advice on me, and then told me it hadnāt influenced her decisions. it felt like i was in the twilight zone. i told echo i was going to bed, i didnāt want to deal with it anymore, and, actually, she said my reaction was valid and she loved me, so the hope remained. and i got bold.
i spoke to the person i had the misunderstanding with ( which is how i know now it was a misunderstanding ) and resolved it. i felt i had addressed why being asked to leave because of libbyās feelings about me was reprehensible. i told echo, i wouldnāt accept being asked to leave because of the reasons she had given me for asking me to leave. not that i wouldnāt leave, just that i wanted to have further conversation about it. not that day, but whenever there was time. she got back to me almost immediately ( which was shocking ) and completely ignored the context of my words and latched ontoĀ āi wonāt accept being asked to leaveā. i clarified further that i meant i didnāt accept those reasons at the moment, and i apologised for my tone. we decided to talk later, but then, i started getting anxious, so i told echo i would like to block her.
when you block someone on discord, it means you canāt message them, which is what i wanted to do, so i wouldnāt message echo any further, and dig myself further into a hole. and the prospect of messaging her was making me anxious. but i didnāt want her to misinterpret my intent, so i told her i wanted to do it. she told me she still needed to speak to me, so she asked that i hold off, and i did. but she didnāt speak to me. she continued to not speak to me.Ā
in the meantime, i wrote her something immensely and deeply personal, about the effect her actions had on me, including telling her for the first time that her actions ( not her as a person, but what she did ) had made me suicidal. i talked extensively about my mental and physical health, shared a selfie, and mostly, talked about the impact the month of inaction and abuse had had on me. i told her i doubted it would do anything but i couldnāt live with her not knowing how she had made me feel. i was desperate to humanise myself to her, as i was many times over the course of the month. i had people from inside and outside of the roleplay read it for me and make suggestions about my tone and what i had to say. i edited it a lot before i shared it with her.
in the morning, she told me she read it and nothing else, until she was telling me she was kicking me out. i expected to at least get to talk to her about it, but she glossed over this immensely personal document, probably the most personal thing iāve ever written, withĀ āi know i hurt you and i regret thatā but she talked more extensively about herself, and she completely invalidated my feelings with phrases likeĀ āi know you thinkā. she did what i thought she would, and it still stung so immensely. it hurt so much not to get to leave with my dignity, with justice served. her ignoring me for the final time hurt. her acknowledging her bias and refusing to work on it hurt. i left operative, because i didnāt intend to disrespect her wishes, and i never had disrespected her wishes.
so i wrote back. i told her i still wanted answers, which i had asked for in my personal document. she told me she would get them to me in a week, and that i could talk to another member of the rp in that week to see what happened to seven. and i told her how unfair that was to that member, who was my rock, a great friend and comfort to me when echo was putting me through this, who i cannot ever thank enough and who i honestly probably owe my life to but i donāt want to put that on her, who didnāt need to sit through yet another conversation with me about seven and echo. echo apologised to her, through me, and glossed over acknowledging how she had made me feel. and i called her out for it, and echo responded she would talk to me later, when she felt ready to.
that night, i vented about what i had been through on my writing blog, but i pointedly refused to use names ( operative, echo ) or write a psa even though i had anons asking me to. i was hurt. i was in deep pain. no one from operative followed my writing blog or even knew about it and i just wanted to get to be angry, to get to tell someone about everything that had happened, even if that was the gaping void and i didnāt get to sayĀ āecho did thisā andĀ āthis was at operativeā. i spoke to some rp friends from outside of the group about what happened, and some already knew but heard the conclusion. one of them told me she sent an anon message to echo / the main, so i warned echo about it and that i donāt anon hate sent on my behalf.
i was in a follow up oral surgery when echo messaged me sevenās apology. it was a document that looked exactly like the āamendsā echo that had sent me before, and the suddenness of her message made me have a panic attack when some very sharp things were in my mouth and i was loopy as hell. in her message, echo said i didnāt have to even read the apology if i didnāt want to, and i recognise where she was coming from and appreciated it, that she said that this time, but i was in physical pain ( in my mouth ) and my heart felt like it was going to burst. the wound was still so raw. so i replied to her that i was exhausted. i told her, in no uncertain terms, that the apology was meaningless, because echo had already accepted it for me, and would use it to justify keeping seven, and the cruelty she put me though. i told her that telling me she would send me her explanations of her behaviour soon wouldnāt cut it, she held me hostage, i had a life, i have a life, i wanted to be done with operative and her and she acted with no regard for me or my own life and issued me no warning. she messaged me when she felt like it, that was it. i stressed that i didnāt expect her to drop everything and write her explanations at that moment, but that i was simply exhausted of her treating me as if i didnāt exist. she blocked me.
see, i had a breakthrough, when she apologised to the other member through me and ignored me in the same breath. echo dehumanised me. constantly. that was why my instinct, to be funny, to write well, and with everyone, to write starters constantly, was so strong. because i needed to prove my worth, that i was a worthy human being, that i was a human being at all.
she has a pattern of only acknowledging me, and my pain, in the context of other people. otherwise, i didnāt exist to her.
- when i told her libby had hurt me, she placed me alongside her. my pain went unacknowledged next to libby's. what mattered more was how much i hurt her than the fact she hurt me to begin with. - when i told echo libby and seven hurt me, she did not acknowledge my pain until she put me in a chat with libby and seven, to be yelled at, three against one, and i shook with fear. i cried through breakfast with my friends. - when i told her seven hurt me, my pain went unacknowledged until there where several other people at my side. - when i told her seven continued to hurt me, she ignored me, until there was that misunderstanding, and libby said i hurt her, and then i existed to echo again. - when i told echo the full weight of what she did to me, how she, not seven, not libby, not anyone else, hurt me, she did not acknowledge me until i told her what she was doing to the other member was wrong.Ā
do you see the pattern i do? i was, i am, nonexistent in her world, until a scapegoat was needed. i am not a human being. i am not a daughter, an ex girlfriend, a best friend. i'm nothing. i mean nothing. thatās how she made me feel
i want to take a second to make something clear: iām not infallible here and i donāt believe i am. absolutely not. my biggest issue is the sharpness of my tone and lashing out when i was deeply hurt, but i try to see everything and everyone in an equal light so itās important i acknowledge that i did not make that clear sometimes, i came off as attacking instead of questioning. i tried to be very clear with echo, over and over again, that my sharp tone came from a place of frustration, and i did apologise for it a fair few times. i should have been more careful with it, but knowing what i know now, i donāt think it would have helped, really. i did make people feel uncomfortable with all my sharpness, regardless of what it was born from, and i am immensely apologetic for that and certain misunderstandings iāve kept private but am willing to elaborate on if the other people involved with are okay with me elaborating on them. i made mistakes. in the end, i was very, very sharp. it was for the best that i left operative, both for myself and other people. but i am not okay with everything else that went down and how it got to that point in the first place and that echo kept someone she knew was behaving abusively for months. and i am not okay with echo abusing her powers as an admin, acting with such a reprehensible bias even now, and i donāt think any of you should be subjected to it, whether or not she is sixteen and still learning and trying her hardest.
so we come to now. why i wrote this post.
echo wonāt leave me alone. she wonāt let me be free of her and this place. she blocked me, so i didnāt get answers from her, the closure she promised me, she got to end it for herself but denied me the same. and she has checked my personal blog and gone through it, even though i didnāt say her name and will not ever say it there. even after i archived my posts on her. she sent other people ( bay and libby, so you should know sheās talking to them about me and thereās a solidarity and favouritism in that -- did any of you wonder how libby got away with not posting on nox for weeks and not being on hiatus either? ) to look at my blog. i got some harassing anons shortly after so i assume sheās spoken to other people about this. libby said such sharp things about me on her own blog a mutual friend of ours reached out to warn me. i fear a smear campaign. i fear that my fear will allow me to be painted as the villain in this story. and i fear for all of you, being under an admin who has shown what little disregard she has for her players even though they have the utmost appreciation of and regard for her.Ā
in summary: echo abused her powers as an admin and failed to act in an unbiased manner towards me. she allowed someone she knew was behaving abusively towards me ( seven ) and had seen proof of having abused me to stay in the roleplay, as well as enabling her abuse and at one point, trying to force me to accept it. she chooses favourites among her players and has treated me with such casual cruelty and stripped me of my humanity and has made me want to die every day for the month i spent under her. while she has acknowledged her bias and apologised for some of her missteps, she has refused to even attempt to change it and treat me equally to everyone else. she refused to acknowledge there was a problem for a very long time and still does not own the majority of her own actions or the pain she has caused. she has hurt me immensely without apology and holds me hostage to her whims while dusting her own self free of me and what she did to me.Ā
so please. be careful if you ever have any issues with another member while at operative. be careful around seven. be careful, i donāt want you to hurt like i have. please.Ā
itās fine if you want to read this as ākiki has a vendetta because she was kicked outā. itās hurtful, but itās fine. i have survived worse. the people who will believe me will believe me and the people who wonāt wonāt, but i ask that you speak to me further in any case, so i can do everything i can to verify my statements and address your doubt. i know how difficult it is to believe that echo has done this. i didnāt believe it for a month. i didnāt believe it until the very end because it seems so contrary to who she is, but itās what sheās done and i have been fully honest with you, even about my own failings.
thank you for your time.