[7th January 2025]
Today was intimidating. I felt rather disappointed after class as though I'd missed the bus of opportunities that other people in my class were on.
I am not just afraid of the great gap that I have to cover in terms of skills but also the fact that my struggles with my own mind may lead to delays.
I have already lost so much time. It is so hard to keep reminding yourself that you can still pursue your dreams. Some of the things discussed feel so out of line for me, make me feel so out of place.
What if the challenge is too big and I don't make it? What if I betray myself like I have before?
The last two days have been grounded in reality. But I always fear the days where I don't feel like this, days where I don't know what to do and feel stuck, bogged down by my own mind.
A friend invited me to participate in an event. It made me realize how little initiative I take to do such things. I hesitate because I don't know. But how else will I learn, if not by putting myself in these situations that demand learning?
I have decided to go participate. I hope I don't hesitate to learn.