Picea-Abies

[hiswitchcraft]

Hello! I have a question regarding tarot cards since I'm getting one soon,

How do I read it?

I've been told that you give meaning or that it's a story

BUT THERES ALSO MEANINGS TO EACH CARD?

Do I use the meaning of each card and somehow make a story?

Or

Do I just rely on the meaning of each card?

Oh that's an exciting time indeed! I remember when I got my first deck. Welcome to tarot dear.

How Do I Read Tarot? Is It A Story?

The major arcana tells a story that can be used to memorize the meanings of each individual card and see how they interact. The meanings of each card flow into the next, and it creates a story. It is both individual meanings and a story. I’ll provide links below where you can read a couple of versions of the story and it will make more sense. You do also give each card meaning based on the guidebook that comes with it, a variety of sources, your own intuition, or observations about the cards illustrations. You can weave the individual meanings together into a story or series of events or timings. You may prefer to do spreads with only one or a few cards, in which case you might prefer to break it up and focus on the cards individual meanings or the individual questions you asked. It all depends on your approach and preferences. The answer to your questions may be one, the other or both. Everyone approaches the tool that is tarot a bit differently. As far as how to read it and figure out how the heck those assigned keywords and such actually apply I can help with that too I think. I feel the best way to approach this is with an example. Let's say you ask about a job you've got. You want to know if you should quit or not or what the future of it looks like because you've been wondering about it. You're new, so you only pull one card. You pull death. Death is a major arcana card which refers to a major event in life. Many who don't do tarot assume in a lot of contexts death actually means death, like you're literally going to die. But tarot is very symbolic. It does not mean literal death, but what death stands for symbolically. A very common thing people attribute to the death card is endings, change and transformation. Death is a transformation. Now back to that reading! You might be asking well how the hell does that apply? You have to draw connections. Death in regards to a job likely means you will not be there long and will have to shift to something else. The job is ending, things are changing, and you are transforming. This is a major event. Hopefully you're getting it now. Of course you may have spreads with much more complicated questions or many more cards that will then interact. My hope is this will give you a very basic idea of how drawing those connections works so you can start practicing and slowly get a feel for it and how to apply this logic to more complicated divinatory readings.

Further learning...

[The Fool's Journey]

[The Fool's Journey Simplified] These are links to a couple of different versions of that story of the major arcana I mentioned.

[Biddy Tarot]

[Labyrinthos]

[Tarot.com] Here are a couple of websites with online libraries of tarot card meanings, to give you additional sources to cross reference if you'd like.

I hope this helps! If you have any further questions or need clarifying feel free to message me.

[memewhore]

[thatdiabolicalfeminist]

One maladaptive coping mechanism that turns very toxic when you’re not defending against abuse is to read any uncomfortable situation as a deliberate personal attack, and sometimes extrapolate one incident into a whole pattern of malicious intent.

Examples:

“Hey, I have a headache, could you please lower your voice a little?” - “FINE I guess I just won’t say anything at all!”

“Hey thanks for inviting me, but I’m not feeling well, so I’m sorry but I can’t make it. Maybe (x day) instead?” - “Sorry for asking! I guess I’m just too needy for you!”

(Someone forgets to call you back.) - “Yeah I don’t think we’re friends anymore, she acts like she hates me.”

“Hey, what you just said about me was literally not true. Why did you say that?” - “Right, I’m just a piece of shit who should never talk at all I guess!”

“I don’t really feel like sex tonight.” - “Sorry I’m so repulsive to you!”

“You really hurt my feelings. Why did you do that?” - ”Go ahead and just break up with me, I know you’ve been wanting to.”

This kind of response escalates an interaction from a two-way conversation about a specific problem into a fight about your own self-worth. Instead of responding to what’s actually happening or trying to figure out whether an attack was intended, this response immediately changes the conversation into a defensive argument where the only relevant question is if you’re an okay person that people care about.

Like I get feeling this kind of reaction, I get having a knee-jerk response of fear and shame and self-loathing. Sometimes when you’re feeling vulnerable it is very, very difficult not to read super far into anything negative. Sometimes it just reflects off all your internal fears and amplifies inside of you until a polite “no” feels like everyone you’ve ever liked is telling you they hate you.

But it is possible, with some work, to separate your feelings from your actual knowledge of the situation. It’s possible to feel one thing in your heart and still recognize with your mind that the reality is different. You can learn to notice the difference between someone actually attacking you and something just feeling like an attack because you’re extra vulnerable.

You can also learn not to react based solely on your feelings. You can learn to take another person’s actual words and actions into account and respond based on what you think - not just feel - their intent actually was. That work is as necessary as it is difficult.  

People need to be able to tell you things that aren’t overwhelmingly positive without you making them feel guilty for saying anything and treating their concerns as an attack.

Otherwise, you wind up in a position where they can’t be honest with you. They can’t say no to you, can’t tell you when something you do hurts or scares them, can’t point out worrying things as friends do to take care of each other, can’t bring up their own needs without the conversation devolving into comforting you again.

This habit interacts especially badly with the way many other trauma survivors are terrified of upsetting anyone – when your reaction to them bringing up problems or saying no is consistently disproportionate, they may find it easier to just do what you want even against their own will.

It is possible to deal with those awful feelings and get the comfort you need without resorting to lashing out when you feel bad. It’s okay to be honest about the fact your emotions don’t always line up with reality so people know what you’re going through. It’s okay to just ask for the emotional support you need or for confirmation that they mean what they say.

You may even find that when you make a continuous effort not to treat these uncomfortable experiences as crises, they deescalate and you wind up feeling more secure each time.

Look, this coping mechanism, like many forms of manipulation, is a useful survival tool in the context of an abusive relationship where you really are being attacked insidiously, and where you can’t just ask for comfort and expect to get it. But if you are no longer in that kind of situation, it’s time to reevaluate the usefulness/danger ratio and figure out what other strategies might be better for you and the people you love.

[thatdiabolicalfeminist]

When you do decide that the other person probably isn’t trying to attack you, try responding to the words they’re saying first, and then asking for reassurance or clarifying meaning.

For example:

“Hey thanks for inviting me, but I’m not feeling well, so I’m sorry but I can’t make it. Maybe (x day) instead?” - “I’d love to get together X day. But can I talk to you about something? … We haven’t seen much of each other lately and I’m starting to worry it’s because of something I said or did. Is there anything you want to talk about or straighten out?” If it turns out they actually DON’T want to be around you, you can still cancel, but this way you can find out more before doing something potentially destructive.

“Hey, what you just said about me was literally not true. Why did you say that?” - “I (was trying to impress them/was trying to be funny and it backfired/thought that was true/was angry at you and fucked up/said it on impulse, etc, etc.) I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I’ll tell them it wasn’t true and I won’t do it again.“ (If you didn’t know: “What actually was the truth about that?”) or (“Can we talk about this thing I’m angry about?” etc.) Most of the time people want a short explanation about why you did something that hurt them, a clear understanding that it was wrong, and a promise not to do it again – not self-flagellation. You might feel really guilty and defensive, but try to float over those feelings and respond like this, and you’ll likely find that your apologies smooth things over instead of making things worse. If you jump to “you hate me because I’m terrible” they get more frustrated because they don’t get an apology and now they feel obligated to comfort you and make sure you know your response is disproportionate – and you end up wallowing in shame, so this response makes EVERYONE feel worse.

“I don’t really feel like sex tonight.” - "That’s alright. Would it be okay to cuddle or watch TV together or something? I want to feel close to you.” or “That’s alright.” and then later, when you aren’t asking for sex: “Hey, I wanted to talk to you about our sex life. Sometimes I worry that you don’t feel attracted to me. Can we talk about that?” or even “Is it okay to ask for a quick reassurance that you still find me attractive when I’m feeling insecure? I won’t try to turn it into sex or anything, it’s just to help my insecurity.” You can also compile some screenshots or other reminders that your partner finds you attractive and go look through them when you’re feeling insecure. This is one time when it’s really, really important to address their refusal and your feelings about it separately so you don’t end up making the other person feel pressured or coerced into sexual interactions they aren’t willingly consenting to. Make your acceptance of their ‘no’ and the end of your request for sex abundantly clear before you do any kind of processing. Your top priority in this situation has to be making sure you’re not going to end up raping someone - if you aren’t capable of prioritizing that right now, you should not be trying to have any kind of sex.

“You really hurt my feelings. Why did you do that?” - First address the issue they’re talking about, then talk about how this is going to impact your relationship. Don’t jump to assume they can’t love you anymore now that you hurt their feelings – the act that they want to talk things through with you is a GOOD sign, a sign they want to see if the two of you can work together to solve this issue and get past it.

It will probably take a few tries and some sorting through miscommunication to figure out how to talk to each other about things like this, but if you’re both working at it, you’ll likely find that learning how to talk each other through problems makes your relationship stronger than having no problems at all.

To be in a healthy relationship means having a teammate, someone on your side, whose side you’re on, and you have to be able to work together to learn how to effectively support each other.

[fanonical]

the marauders like to blow off steam with a friendly game of werewolf

[julienbakerfavormp3-deactivated]

I read just over 200 books by non-white (for lack of a better word) women this year and these are all the ones I gave 3-5 stars.

poetry etc

natalie diaz, when my brother was an aztec

claudia rankine, don’t let me be lonely: an american lyric

tarfia faizullah, seam

tamai kobayashi and mona oikawa, all names spoken

safia elhillo, the january children

sonia sanchez, homegirls and handgrenades

haunani-kay trask, light in the crevice never seen

grace nichols, i is a long-memoired woman

rosanna deerchild, calling down the sky

juliane okot bitek, 100 days

short stories

carmen maria machado, her body and other parties

chinelo okparanta, happiness, like water

dawn dumont, glass beads

ngahuia te awekotuku, tahuri

becky birtha, for nights like this one: stories of loving women

achy obejas, the tower of the antilles

leanne betasamosake simpson, this accident of being lost: songs and stories

nice rodriguez, throw it to the river

elena poniatowska, lilus kikus and other stories

makeda silvera, her head a village

alice childress, like one of the family

jhoanna lynn cruz, women on fire

 novels/plays

eden robinson, son of a trickster

suzette mayr, dr edith vane and the hares of crawley hall

louise erdrich, future home of the living god

paule marshall, brown girl, brownstones

terri janke, butterfly song

vi khi nao, fish in exile

kopano matlwa, coconut

adania shibli, touch

gwendolyn brooks, maud martha

ana castillo, watercolor woman/opaque men: a novel in verse

buchi emecheta, second class citizen

naomi fontaine, kuessipan

evelyne trouillot, the infamous rosalie

gloria naylor, mama day

emma perez, electra’s complex

marie clements, the unnnatural and accidental women

octavia butler, kindred: a graphic novel adaptation

scholastique mukasonga, our lady of the nile

han kang, human acts

hala alyan, salt houses

zinzi clemmons, what we lose

nalo hopkinson, sister mine

michelle cliff, no telephone to heaven

cherie dimaline, the marrow thieves

cathie dunsford, cowrie

marie vieux-chauvet, dance on the volcano

marjorie liu, monstress vol 1 & 2

silvia moreno-garcia, certain dark things

han suyin, winter love

katherena vermette, the break

s.j. sindu, marriage of a thousand lies

j.y. yang, the red threads of fortune

nayana currimbhoy, miss timmins’ school for girls

sherine hamdy, lissa; a story about medical promise, friendship and revolution

sahar khalifeh, wild thorns

catherine hernandez, scarborough

lydia kwa, oracle bone

makeda silvera, the heart does not bend

young adult

lois-ann yamanaka, name me nobody

gabby rivera, juliet takes a breath

nina revoyr, the necessary hunger: a novel

julie c. dao, forest of a thousand lanterns

melissa bashardoust, girls made of snow and glass

malinda lo, adaptation

malinda lo, a line in the dark

art

shirin neshat: facing history

elizabeth catlett: an american artist in mexico

wangechi mutu: a fantastic journey

joan simon, lorna simpson

family legacies: the art of betye, lezley and alison saar

carrie mae weems: three decades of photography and video

dancing at the louvre: faith ringgold’s french collection and other quilts

ruth cuthand: back talk, works 1983-2009

she who tells a story: women photographers from iran and the arab world

graciela iturbide: juchitan

mickalene thomas: origin of the universe

we are still here: a photographic history of the american indian movement

memoir/biographical

deborah a. miranda, bad indians: a tribal memoir

riverbend, baghdad burning: girl blog from iraq

ibtisam barakat, balcony on the moon: coming of age in palestine

leila ahmed, a border passage: from cairo to america - a woman’s journey

gaiutra bahadur, coolie woman: the odyssey of indenture

mine okubo, citizen 13660

esmerlda santiago, when i was puerto rican

haifa zangana, city of widows: an iraqi woman’s account of war and resistance

lorraine hansberry, to be young, gifted and black

leila abdelrazaq, baddawi

doris pilkington, rabbit-proof fence

anne moody, coming of age in mississippi: an autobiography

scholastique mukasonga, cockroaches

oksana marafioti, american gypsy

chanrithy him, when broken glass floats: growing up under the khmer rouge

manal al-sharif, daring to drive: a saudi woman’s awakening

mende nazer, slave: my true story

hiratsuka raicho, in the beginning, woman was the sun: the autobiography of a japanese feminist

lynda blackmon lowery, turning 15 on the road to freedom: my story of the selma voting rights march

ellen kuzwayo, call me woman

shirley geok-lin lim, among the white moon faces: an asian-american memoir of homelands

fatema mernissi, dreams of trespass: tales of a harem girlhood

miriam mathabene, miriam’s song: a memoir

thi bui, the best we could do

jeanne cordova, when we were outlaws

sandra uwiringiyimana, how dare the sun rise: memoirs of a war child

souha bechara, resistance: my life for lebanon

halima bashir, tears of the desert: a memoir of survival in darfur

margarita engle, enchanted air: two cultures, two wings: a memoir

jamaica kincaid, my brother

reyna grande, the distance between us

shirley chisholm, unbought and unbossed

sarah winnemucca hopkins, life among the piutes: their wrongs and claims

phoolan devi, the bandit queen of india

daisy bates, the long shadow of little rock: a memoir

domitilia b. de chungara, let me speak! testimony of domitilia, a woman of the bolivian mines

maria rosa henson, comfort woman: a filipina’s story of prostitution and slavery under the japanese military

elissa washuta, my body is a book of rules

betty: the helen betty osborne story

saidiya v. hartman, lose your mother: a journey along the atlantic slave trade

kaneko fumiko, the prison memoirs of a japanese woman

malika amar shaikh, I want to destroy myself: a memoir

sonia manzano, becoming maria: love and chaos in the south bronx

safiya bukhari, the war before

lorina mapa, duran duran, imedla marcos and me

haifa zangana, dreaming of baghdad

wangari maathai, unbowed

yiyun li, dear friend, from my life I write to you in your life

carolina maria de jesus, child of the dark: the diary of

hana yamagawa, from okinawa to the americas: hana yamagawa and her reminiscences of a century

emma reyes, the book of emma reyes: a memoir

rita la fontaine de cler zubli, disguised: a wartime memoir

lila quintero weaver, darkroom: a memoir in black and white

fadwa tuqan, a mountainous journey: an autobiography

leslie marmon silko, the turquoise ledge: a memoir

ana castillo, black dove, mama, mi’jo and me

alia malek, the home that was our country

anbara salam khalidi, memoirs of an early arab feminist: the life and activism of anbara salam khalidi

hida viloria, born both: an intersex life

fethiye cetin, my grandmother: a memoir

pauli murray, pauli murray: the autobiography of a black activist, feminist, lawyer, priest and poet

monica itoi sone, nisei daughter

alice french, my name is masak

huda shaarawi, harem years: the memoirs of an egyptian feminist 1879-1924

kai cheng thom, fierce femmes and notorious liars: a dangerous trans girl’s confabulous memoir

other non-fiction

beth brant, writing as witness

jesmyn ward, ed, the fire this time: a new generation speaks about race

eden robinson, sasquatch at home: traditional protocols & modern storytelling

mona oikawa, cartographies of violence: japanese canadian women, memory, and the subjects of the internment

alexis de veaux, warrior poet: a biography of audre lorde

joyce green, ed, indivisible; indigenous human rights

jael silliman et al, undivided rights: women of colour organizing for reproductive justice

urvashi butalia, the other side of silence: voices from the partition of india

elena r. gutierrez, fertile matters: the politics of mexican-origin women’s reproduction

monique morris, pushout: the criminalization of black girls in schools

chelsea vowel, indigenous writes: a guide to first nations, metis and inuit issues in canada

sarah deer, the beginning and end of rape: confronting sexual violence in native america

carla trujillo, ed, chicana lesbians: the girls our mothers warned us about

barbara smith, ed, home girls: a black feminist anthology

roxane dunbar-ortiz, all the real indians died off: and 20 other myths about native americans

sayantani dasgupta, globalization and transnational surrogacy in india: outsourcing life

lee maracle, I am woman: a native perspective on sociology and feminism

edwidge danticat, the art of death: writing the final story

sara ahmed, living a feminist life

deepa kumar, islamophobia and the politics of empire

[yinflower]

I’d love to add any one of Sandra Cisneros’s poetry to this list! Thank you for the recs.

[househunting]

CODA?

Denial Patterns: Codependents Often…

Have difficulty identifying what they are feeling

Minimize, alter, or deny how they truly feel

Perceive themselves as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others

Lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others

Label others with their negative traits

Think they can take care of themselves without any help from others

Mask pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation

Express negativity or aggression in indirect and passive ways

Do not recognize the unavailability of those people to whom they are attracted

Low Self Esteem Patterns: Codependents Often…

Have difficulty making decisions

Judge what they think, say, or do harshly, as never good enough

Are embarrassed to receive recognition, praise, or gifts

Value others’ approval of their thinking, feelings, and behavior over their own

Do not perceive themselves as lovable or worthwhile persons

Seek recognition and praise to overcome feeling less than

Have difficulty admitting a mistake

Need to appear to be right in the eyes of others and may even lie to look good

Are unable to identify or ask for what they need and want

Perceive themselves as superior to others

Look to others to provide their sense of safety

Have difficulty getting started, meeting deadlines, and completing projects

Have trouble setting healthy priorities and boundaries

Compliance Patterns: Codependents Often…

Are extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long

Compromise their own values and integrity to avoid rejection or anger

Put aside their own interests in order to do what others want

Are hypervigilant regarding the feelings of others and take on those feelings

Are afraid to express their beliefs, opinions, and feelings when they differ from those of others

Accept sexual attention when they want love

Make decisions without regard to the consequences

Give up their truth to gain the approval of others or to avoid change

Control Patterns: Codependents Often…

Believe people are incapable of taking care of themselves

Attempt to convince others what to think, do, or feel

Freely offer advice and direction without being asked

Become resentful when others decline their help or reject their advice

Lavish gifts and favors on those they want to influence

Use sexual attention to gain approval and acceptance

Have to feel needed in order to have a relationship with others

Demand that their needs be met by others

Use charm and charisma to convince others of their capacity to be caring and compassionate

Use blame and shame to exploit others emotionally

Refuse to cooperate, compromise, or negotiate

Adopt an attitude of indifference, helplessness, authority, or rage to manipulate outcomes

Use recovery jargon in an attempt to control the behavior of others

Pretend to agree with others to get what they want

Avoidance Patterns: Codependents Often…

Act in ways that invite others to reject, shame, or express anger toward them

Judge harshly what others think, say, or do

Avoid emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy as a way to maintain distance

Allow addictions to people, places, and things to distract them from achieving intimacy in relationships

Use indirect or evasive communication to avoid conflict or confrontation

Diminish their capacity to have healthy relationships by declining to use the tools of recovery

Suppress their feelings or needs to avoid feeling vulnerable

Pull people toward them, but when others get close, push them away

Refuse to give up their self-will to avoid surrendering to a power greater than themselves

Believe displays of emotion are a sign of weakness

Withhold expressions of appreciation

[astrolocherry]

Venus in Aries The girl who knows how to set hearts on fire romance with venus in aries is like jumping aboard a merry-go-round and re-discovering your childhood. there is good natured rivalry and playful pranking. venus in aries will test your physical, emotional, and psychological limits. everything moves fast and furious, they show you secret worlds inside of this one. plenty of rare qualities, but venus in aries can certainly cause a headache. they generate intense pressure inside their own head when they become agitated. and they unconsciously will it in the direction of their anger - straight toward the lover. never a dull moment, rarely a moment of boredom. they will breathe fire in a rampage, and it’s your own fault if you were standing in the path of their fury 

Venus in Taurus The girl who makes people fall in love with classical beauty again  romance with venus in taurus is largely a sensual and physical experience. there is great pleasure in tantalising the lover’s tastebuds, intimate massage, and generating a powerful carnal desire for each other’s flesh. your body won’t let you forget the touch and tactile memory of venus in taurus. their aroma can stay under your nose for days, you can sense their vacancy and absence as much as their presence. you can hear the empty silence swallowing the sound of her whistling, humming, and singing. it can be hard to go back to sleeping alone because they filled a space beside you that is now so void and hollow. 

Venus in Gemini The girl who spellbinds with her spelling  venus in gemini doesn’t have the emphasised multiplicity like gemini suns and ascendants, but the personality is experimental and flexible enough to try everything before they buy anything, and the same goes for romantic interests. they can decide with lightning speed if their date is worth half a second more of their time. they find it almost impossible to get lovers out of their mind and think about them all the time. most of their conversations will revolve exclusively around this person. falling asleep by the side of venus in gemini can be purely enchanting, late night conversation is deliriously hypnotic like their final words for the day are written like poetry across the tongue

Venus in Cancer: The girl who invites the moon for sleepovers  venus in cancer romance can be quite old fashioned and reflective of family values. if venus in cancer is on good terms with the parents they will be very observant of how well you interact and fit into the family dynamic. the opinion of family is often influential. the person will also be very attentive to the way you treat children, animals, retail workers, and waiters. venus in cancer won’t take very long to begin planning a life, future, and family with you. one of the favourite past times in this relationship is eating out, cooking together while the sun goes down, and enjoying meals together. they value simplicity, closeness, and basic company more than anything grand and opulent.   

Venus in Leo: The girl with a heart of gold love elevates the individual to the top of the world. the energy of venus with leo is unity and heart, so they are not looking for solo stardom. they want to bask their lover with honey sun, sit together in the heat of the day sharing wine, good music, affection, laughter, dreams, and memories. venus in leo can turn every romantic encounter and experience into a royal gala, they know how to make people feel important and indispensable, like queens and descendants of royalty. and they can make just about anybody fall in love with them, they have a charismatic sultriness, playful sense of humour, sensitivity, and a golden auric glow. romance with venus in leo feels like the sun is shining brightly everyday. so the good times are ultra good, and when they are happy you will feel like you are on top of the world. but when they are miserable, have no doubt you will be sorrowfully miserable too 

Venus in Virgo: The girl whose heart was caged in her mind you know how just about every romantic movie has a story about two people with undeniable chemistry, compatibility, and attraction and if only they revealed their true feelings to one another they could be happy together 5 years ago? this is a good re-enactment of a venus in virgo scenario. the ideal relationship can be in the clasp of their hands, the words on the tip of the tongue, and the heart and mind paralyse. venus in virgo are unconditional lovers. they are very unlikely to leave a partner due to illness, unemployment, or even addiction. they integrate people into their life, ritual, and thinking patterns so they typically stick by people regardless of how challenging the circumstance. they always provide a shoulder to lean on

Venus in Libra: The girl everyone wants to know  the venus in libra essence evokes people’s carnal desires, secret temptations, the image of their dream lover. strangers can routinely comment that the venus in libra person ‘reminds’ them of someone they know or will insist they have met before. associates and strangers construct the image of venus in libra a large amount of imaginative input, so people can be quite shocked that the person they meet is so different to who or what they expected. there is typically a natural sense of style and classy social conduct, their glamour can remind you of the golden hollywood age.  

Venus in Scorpio: The girl who hides deep inside you  you will rarely experience anything with the same intensity as a venus in scorpio relationship. ending a relationship with a venus in scorpio can also be a grieving period, they take a part of the lover’s soul with them and cherish them like special keepsakes. the powerful arousing, spirit sensational, cosmic central experienced with venus in scorpio can make people feel like they will never be truly satisfied again, or the person who walked out was completely different from the person that walked in. they wrangle your hidden fantasies, rituals, and desires out from your hiding place. there is no place inside you that is safe 

Venus in Sagittarius: The girl that fell in love with the world  you will never truly have a venus in sagittarius lover all to yourself, their first and foremost lover is the kiss of the sun, the cool cleanse of the sea, the landscapes that call to her spirit and want her to visit home. it’s definitely possible for venus in sagittarius people to connect, settle, and commit. but sagittarius is law, and there are a few laws to be imposed in their relationship. the playground is to be open all hours, there is to be no jealousy or attempts to control or belittle, the house is to have big rooms with big windows and lots of fresh air and savings go toward traveling, holidays, and spontaneous expenditures. they question the smallness of your dreams and make unplanned moments meaningful life experiences. 

Venus in Capricorn: The girl with the ancient heart  you can have an aged, intangible photographic memory of intimate experiences with a venus in capricorn because it seems like time stops or disappears completely. there is something timeless about their love, their heart is encased in the antiquity of amber resin that preserves eternity. and they really make a whole new little world just for the both of you. they are devoted for the long term, and they will do just about anything to make it work. your success is their success, and they want the relationship to bring out the best potential in both people. of all their formidable dreams and ambitions, establishing a beautiful life with you is the greatest.  

Venus in Aquarius: The girl whose love is pure madness romance with venus in aquarius is like riding a cosmic rollercoaster looping through galaxies. nothing will ever be the same again after experiencing their love, everything can seem mundane and tedious in comparison. you rarely experience the same day twice, and it can be difficult not to lose control as you become whipped in their complex and fascinating web. your mind is opened with your heart and life becomes a continuous act of spontaneity. they find something unique and special about you to love, and they help you to discover who you truly are. what you once cared about now seems so small 

Venus in Pisces: The girl who cried and drowned Hawaii venus in pisces has a reputation for peace and harmony, but nothing is really still and stable about their union. they unveil a universe of possibilities and unrealities, you can find yourself questioning your beliefs, sanity, and the legitimacy of your experiences. they can be unpredictable in the sense that you are loved by someone different everyday, their emotional temperament sways their emotional needs and conduct. the heart chameleon, psychic, and wild. it makes their love a very creative, dreamy, imposing, consuming and influential union that can be very difficult to separate from because it reminds you of a place you wish you never left 

-C.

[brookelyn704-deactivated2024021]

[g0th-bby-deactivated20151025]

Spooning? More like let’s see how much “accidental” booty wiggling it takes to get him hard.

[thatdiabolicalfeminist]

One maladaptive coping mechanism that turns very toxic when you’re not defending against abuse is to read any uncomfortable situation as a deliberate personal attack, and sometimes extrapolate one incident into a whole pattern of malicious intent.

Examples:

“Hey, I have a headache, could you please lower your voice a little?” - “FINE I guess I just won’t say anything at all!”

“Hey thanks for inviting me, but I’m not feeling well, so I’m sorry but I can’t make it. Maybe (x day) instead?” - “Sorry for asking! I guess I’m just too needy for you!”

(Someone forgets to call you back.) - “Yeah I don’t think we’re friends anymore, she acts like she hates me.”

“Hey, what you just said about me was literally not true. Why did you say that?” - “Right, I’m just a piece of shit who should never talk at all I guess!”

“I don’t really feel like sex tonight.” - “Sorry I’m so repulsive to you!”

“You really hurt my feelings. Why did you do that?” - ”Go ahead and just break up with me, I know you’ve been wanting to.”

This kind of response escalates an interaction from a two-way conversation about a specific problem into a fight about your own self-worth. Instead of reponding to what’s actually happening or interrogating whether an attack was intended, this response immediately changes the conversation into a defensive argument where the only relevant question is if you’re an okay person that people care about.

Like I get feeling this kind of reaction, I get having a knee-jerk response of fear and shame and self-loathing. Sometimes when you’re feeling vulnerable it is very, very difficult not to read super far into anything negative. Sometimes it just reflects off all your internal fears and amplifies inside of you until a polite “no” feels like everyone you’ve ever liked is telling you they hate you.

But it is possible, with some work, to separate your feelings from your actual knowledge of the situation. It’s possible to feel one thing in your heart and still recognize with your mind that the reality is different. You can learn to notice the difference between someone actually attacking you and something just feeling like an attack because you’re extra vulnerable.

You can also learn not to react based solely on your feelings. You can learn to take another person’s actual words and actions into account and respond based on what you think - not just feel - their intent actually was. That work is as necessary as it is difficult.  

People need to be able to tell you things that aren’t overwhelmingly positive without you making them feel guilty for saying anything and treating their concerns as an attack.

Otherwise, you wind up in a position where they can’t be honest with you. They can’t say no to you, can’t tell you when something you do hurts or scares them, can’t point out worrying things as friends do to take care of each other, can’t bring up their own needs without the conversation devolving into comforting you again.

This habit interacts especially badly with the way many other trauma survivors are terrified of upsetting anyone – when your reaction to them bringing up problems or saying no is consistently disproportionate, they may find it easier to just do what you want even against their own will.

It is possible to deal with those awful feelings and get the comfort you need without resorting to lashing out when you feel bad. It’s okay to be honest about the fact your emotions don’t always line up with reality so people know what you’re going through. It’s okay to just ask for the emotional support you need or for confirmation that they mean what they say.

You may even find that when you make a continuous effort not to treat these uncomfortable experiences as crises, they deescalate and you wind up feeling more secure each time.

Look, this coping mechanism, like many forms of manipulation, is a useful survival tool in the context of an abusive relationship where you really are being attacked insidiously, and where you can’t just ask for comfort and expect to get it. But if you are no longer in that kind of situation, it’s time to reevaluate the usefulness/danger ratio and figure out what other strategies might be better for you and the people you love.

[astrolocherry]

Sagittarius - No Fixed Address

She has no fixed address just as she seems to have no fixed personality. And she searches in strange cities and foreign places for traces of herself or answers about who she could be. Her permanent address is no address found, she can never settle in as is, it suddenly becomes too cold or too dark or the flowers don’t seem so bright anymore. So she keeps on the move so she never truly has to confront the hollow echoes in her own self, the child inside that just wants a home. There are answers calling from distant lands, and she always wonders if the next backdrop will tell her who she is, or what she is, or what this is. Sagittarius is a wild wanderer and freedom fighter, she fears being bound or held captive, she needs to move so the machinery in her mind stays unkinked and remains in constant motion. As she devours books in libraries and competes with 3am at study halls, she turns the pages searching for an answer, she boards flights to places other people would fear, but she wonders if truth is waiting for her. She safaris in tourist sites and ancient burial lands, the more I understand about the world she figures, the more I will understand about myself. She spots marks on atlases and sees her own heritage. She hears a language never spoken before but understands everything. She sees her own reflection in the Great Barrier Reef. She feels her heart rise with the sun. She adopts new cultures like her own. Change can be the Sagittarian’s only constant, and as the world spins she madly tries to keep up with it. She can be ravenous when her mind is hungry. She just wants to find her true self so it’s not so empty. 

-C.

[art: kurtis rykoven]

[thatdiabolicalfeminist]

signs you’re pulling your own weight in a healthy close peer relationship: things to strive for

you know and like them

You know what’s really important to the other person, their hopes and goals and pet peeves and preferences and fears, and you consciously integrate this knowledge into how you interact with them.

You’re curious about their thoughts and opinions. You’re aware they have a rich inner life and you get excited to find out what they think and how they feel about things, even things that have nothing to do with you. You ask questions and you truly listen to and try to understand the answers.

You seek out opportunities to share experiences with them. You want to be around them and you want to understand why they love the things they love. You want to welcome them into enjoying new things you think they’d like based on your knowledge of them and their preferences.

When they don’t like something you like and vice versa, it isn’t threatening, because you both respect each other and there are other things you can do together. 

you are emotionally available

You pay attention to the kindnesses they show you, and you show appreciation when they listen to you vent or are patient with your foibles or remember your favourite things or make your life brighter in any way.

You make an effort to show these same little kindnesses to them. You often ask about and try to keep track of what they like. You make tiny gestures all the time just to make them happy, and you don’t keep score of them in hopes of getting something you want.

You are honest and considerate with them. When you’re upset about something else you don’t blame it on them or start a fight just to fight. When you need to bring a problem to their attention you do it in a loving way. You don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep and you don’t pretend you feel anything you don’t feel.

You work hard to understand yourself and what’s important to you, what you want and what you feel and why you feel the way you do. Even if you aren’t totally sure what you’re really feeling yet, you try to share yourself with the other person. You’re willing to be vulnerable and let them see your fears and your flaws and your complicated feelings about things.

you actively respect them as your equal

You respect them as a person. There are things you admire about them and you find some of their ‘flaws’ endearing and it’s okay that there are things about them you don’t like because they’re a whole complicated person and you appreciate them for the whole package of who they are. You don’t secretly think you’re better than them. You don’t see them as disposible or fungible or a means to an end.

You respect them as the authority on their life/experiences and acknowledge that however well you know them, there are complexities to them you’ll never fully grasp. You never assume that you’re done getting to know them or that you could make their choices better.

You believe them when they tell you how they feel. You don’t ever try to convince them their feelings are wrong even if those real feelings are in response to a misunderstanding or have a context you don’t fully understand.

You’re comfortable letting them take the lead as often as you do, and you’re willing to compromise on things that affect both of you because their opinions are just as important and well-reasoned as your own. You acknowledge their capacity to know things you don’t or have good ideas you didn’t think of.

you do relational work

You talk to each other when either of you feels relationship problems arising, even if you don’t fully understand them yet, and you work together as a team to keep each other feeling safe and respected and listened to. You work to be patient and supportive and to not take it personally when other things are bothering them.

You apologize, freely and without expecting them to force themselves to heal faster to make you feel better. Your apologies are about letting them know you understand and respect and care about their hurt and that you are choosing not to hurt them in that way again. You don’t have hidden agendas.

When there are choices to be made that affect both of you, you talk them through together and decide together. You don’t expect them to do all the planning work, and you don’t make choices that affect them without their input.

you respect their time and effort and don’t act entitled

You understand you aren’t the only thing they have going on. You give them space to have other interests and friends and you appreciate your time together without making them feel obligated to pay attention to you 24/7. You also make time for them while maintaining your own interests and other relationships.

You make an effort to seek out other sources of emotional support and connection so that you are not relying on this person to meet all your emotional needs.

You don’t expect them to do personal work for you that you’re capable of doing, and if they do such work, you intentionally do similar work for them, work that needs to be done just as often and requires just as much time/effort, because you care about them and don’t want to burden them with extra work.

If they wash the dishes you use, you wash the floors they walk on. If they do the grocery shopping, you the cooking. You don’t ever take it for granted that it’s their job to do personal maintenance work (chores, home care, body care, appointment planning, kinship work) for you without reciprocation. If you are capable of meeting your own basic needs but haven’t bothered to learn to do that work or why it’s important, you seek out resources on your own to learn.

If you genuinely are not capable of doing your own basic self/home maintenance due to disability etc., you don’t assume they will automatically take over that work from now on because of your relationship. You have frank and honest discussions about your needs and their capabilities/limitations/interest wrt helping out.

you actively prioritize their happiness

You make sure they know you appreciate their nos. Every no reassures you that their yeses really mean yes, and you check in all the time to find out what they want and don’t want, because it’s so important to you that they don’t just grin and bear it.

You want them to be happy. You are willing to be deeply inconvenienced without them knowing about it if it will make them happier. You routinely spend time thinking about their feelings and how your words and actions will impact them. If you think they’re unhappy because of you, you want to know why because you are genuinely willing to put hard work into making them happy.

If they’re unhappy because you’re incompatible in a fundamental way, you’d rather give up your relationship with them than let them stay miserable because of it.

In a happy and healthy relationship, everyone involved ticks every one of these boxes.

[laurierrose]

feminists spend so much time coming up with complex justifications for why women enjoy rape porn, like “women are discouraged from having sexual agency, so rape fantasies allow them to engage in sexual activity passively so they don’t have to feel ashamed” and “the sex women are supposed to have is procreative missionary in the dark so this is hot and subversive.”

but don’t they ever wonder why MEN enjoy rape porn? “it allows men to participate in violence against a helpless victim” “it allows men to reenact the same violence that has traumatized millions of women” uhhhhh like there’s no way you can critically analyze a man getting off to sexual violence and NOT come to a troubling conclusion

[astrolocherry]

Sagittarius & Following Freedom 

The Sagittarius is governed by the law of freedom. The individual has a profound urgency to wander at will and leave at a moment’s notice. The Sagittarius hunter with an arrow pointed toward the sky illustrates the individual’s constant movement that incessantly searches physically, mentally, and spiritually. The illusion of freedom must be present in even their deepest passions and commitment. Micromanaging, constraining, or regulating a Sagittarius commonly results in claustrophobic feelings, frustration, and temperamental outbursts. The Sagittarius will guard their freedom to the end of the earth, their self fulfilling prophecy guiding the way through life like a cosmic map. The Sagittarius is a wild heart who needs to roam with the winds and sails in the heavens. Locking her inside is like a peacock in a cage.

The Sagittarius nature welcomes change with excitement and opportunity. The curiosity of the child never dulls in Sagittarius, they have wide eyes for the world, and they desperately seek answers. Their spirit longs to command the altar of God by traveling far and wide and applying experience to knowledge. The mind must be as fluid as the body and left to wander, sometimes deliriously, into the endless question of existence. The eternal voyage of wisdom and learning is nourished by travel, conversation, fresh and enriching cultural experiences, and integrating the various insights they accumulate on their journeys. Gemini and the 3rd house is the duality of Sagittarius and represents early education and formative study years. As we move across to Sagittarius and the 9th house into higher education we are given freedom to choose our course of study. 

The need for freedom in Sagittarius can reflect through their lack of commitment or predictability. Suppression and control can feel like hypoxia to Sagittarius, a true deprivation of life and energy. Possessive relationships can dim the Sagittarius flame. They may prefer to live separately and resist scrutiny or probing. There is a part of the Sagittarius nature that needs to remain sweetly solitary in their search, following the navigation of fortune, fate, and intuition. They are commonly restless when forced to sit or rest for long periods. And they question the legitimacy of rules and expectations. Their guiding motivation is the infusion of human experience with meaning and vision. This is directly tied to their independence. Without the opportunity of freedom to wander, the Sagittarian soul is tired, ill at ease and discontent. 

-Cherry

[commonant-deactivated20220614]

honestly the concept of safe words are actually disgusting and terrifying?? like you wont stop what youre doing even if your partner is telling you “no” or crying/exhibiting any other signs of discomfort ? yikes™

people are defending it with the fact that saying “no” is often part of bdsm and it’s really gross if your partner gets off to the thought of raping you and your refusal

[un-sweet-tea-deactivated2015052]

When I reported sexual abuse to the police and told them about the physical force used, they told me “well, some people are into that”.

So yes, your promotion of BDSM is hurting rape victims.

[coeur-de-porcelaine]

Courts have let rapists go free because though they see physical violence was used to force the victim to have sex, they’re not convinced she didn’t truly want it. It makes me fucking sick that people are essentially pushing for the acceptance of sexual violence in the name of feminism and choose to remain blind to the very obvious consequences of their stance.

[rosesandrosesandrosesandroses-d]

I presented an actual leather belt to the police and aside from casting it off because the rape happened off-campus they said “are you sure you weren’t into that”

[nevertrustamanwho]

I'm a feminist and I just want to state that I have nothing against bdsm just as long as it's consent and you keep all the shit you do between you and your partner because it's not my business or anyone else's to hear about what you two do alone in a bedroom together.

If they kept it in the bedroom we wouldn’t even be having this conversation

[burrowfemme-deactivated20250905]

Yeah, sorry, but this is the same argument that was used to justify domestic abuse years ago. I don’t care if she consented, I don’t care if she gets off to it, someone PHYSICALLY AND EMOTUONALLY HURTING YOU AND GETTING PLEASURE FROM IT IS ABUSE. Someone murdering me even though i agreed to it is still murder, so someone hitting you is still abuse regardless of whether it gets their dick hard. Instead of spending so much time defending this shit, why dont you start critically thinking about WHY you like being hit, WHY your partner likes hitting you. Does it seem at all healthy or rational?????

[maybelleparade]

Y'all need to stop kink shaming. We don’t shame your vanilla sex.

[nevertrustamanwho]

Y'all need to stop glorifying and romanticizing abuse and violence. And actually when you talk about how vanilla sex is boring, that IS “shaming”.

[blackswallowtailbutterfly]

Kinksters: It’s not your business what goes on in the bedroom!

Also kinksters: *tells you in detail, unasked, all the abusive things they like to do* *walks girlfriend on a leash in public* *24/7 BDSM relationships*

Kinksters: *goes on at length about how non-BDSM sex is boring, calls it “vanilla” to reflect this*

Also kinksters: We don’t shame vanilla sex, so don’t shame us!