Our love is still my favorite kind of love
Somedays, I still Miss You
When it snows and I think of Montana, and that December I came home and everything felt so right and good in the world
When I hear Kacey Musgraves on the radio, driving through the pine forests and smelling that cool air that reminds me of Hyalite canyon
When I look at my old Pinterest account and remember the joyful innocence of wanting to do everything I could to show you I loved you through the small things
When I read old notes on my computer, and remember the jokes we used to share
Hearing a song from Frozen, remembering simple joys and innocent love
When I smell chai tea, and think of the nights we shared together eating excessive amounts of toast
When I open my Steam Account and remember all those long nights playing Factorio, Terraria, 7 Days to die, and all those other games we used to play
When I do chores around my place and still sing “I’m a helpful human being” to myself
The smells and tastes of the foods we loved, Ritz crackers, Angry Orchard cider, Little Caesars pizza, those triple double decker quesadillas and piles of nachos.
When I remember how I threw it all away, because I thought that my suffering would end if I could run away from everything I was and everyone I knew. I was wrong, and I paid the price dearly. I lost you, I lost friendships, I lost myself. It's taken me the past couple of years to find who I am, reaching around in the dark for the light switch.
But the light is on, and I see it all so clearly.
Why I was in so much pain, the crushing weight of dark and terrible memories that I pushed so far away. My heart was shattered, but how could I know in the dark? The dark night of my soul brought it all to light, showed me all the pieces that I needed to tenderly put back together.
And here I stand, strong, brave, courageous. Not making up for lost time, but moving forward. Taking life into my own hands.
And yet. I know if I could back in time, if I could take all that I’ve learned and all of the healing I’ve grown through, I could have been the person you hoped to find.
Somedays I still miss you
Everyday I wish I could tell you that I’m sorry
https://open.spotify.com/track/1DKzWnbwEwtoAZEFMQ97Ds?si=C53j7BfNQYGTEi6NRCdnOA