AU MASTER LIST
So here is a bunch of AUās that Iāve collected overā¦. a long time. Enjoy
Awkward Meetings
I broke your nose in a mosh pit, sorry
I hit you with my car and was the only one to visit you in the hospital, this is sort of awkward, are you okay?
Youāre getting chased by the police and you just jumped in my car and yelled drive, wtf man
You just punched me in the face while gesturing wildly to a friend, your friend canāt stop laughing and im too shocked to respond to your apologies
You laughed in a restaurant, but your laugh is really weird and I thought you were choking so Iām awkwardly humping you while attempting to perform the Heimlich manoeuvre and why isnāt this working, youāre just choking harder now this is aweful
We met on a Sunday morning, both doing our walk of shame
I get really sick on roller-coasters and you are sitting in front of me, im so sorry
Youāre the bastard who keeps parking in front of my house and you just caught me drawing a dick on your window with a permanent markerā¦ ugh, oops.
I work at a department store and if you take out and unfold another fucking shirt and just leave it, Iām going to fucking shove it down your throat
You broke into my apartment drunk thinking it was your friends place and I should call the cops by my cat likes you so????
Youāre my new dealer and you just friended me on Facebook and idk how to react to that
You saw me reading the same book you are and now we are arguing about the motives of the antagonist
This is a five-hour-long plane ride, weāre sitting together and Ā youāre deathly afraid of flying.Ā
I got into a cab to find someone already inside
You thought I was your friend/sister
Holy shit, im in the wrong car.
I was walking by a roller coaster and your shoe flew off and hit me in the head and now Iām on the floor trying not to fall unconscious.
Itās 2am and Iām drunk and I need some salt for my fries and I know your awake so OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR
You fell asleep on me in the subway and I should probably wake you up and its my stop next stop but itās okay, I can always just catch the subway backā¦
I know nothing about camping and all my friends left me at the site. Please, help me, I think I just heard a bear
This has been a shitty week and you just grabbed the last box of my favourite comfort food from the shelf, do you really want to fight me rn?
We met in a movie theatre and now youāre clinging to me because your terrified and Iām okay with that because it means I get your popcorn.
You had a party and I got really drunk and stole your microwave, so now Iām at your place and your super hungover so here, I made breakfast?
Neighbour/Roomate
The guy living below me has a really loud alarm clock that always wakes me up at the crack of dawn
I went to investigate a scream and found my neighbour standing on a chair to avoid a rat/mouse/cricket (etc.)
My neighbour has a really squeaky bed and my bedroom is below theirs
You keep stealing my doormat and HAH, Iāve got you this time thief!
The apartment above me has left their tap on or something and water is leaking through my ceiling
My neighbourās sibling got the wrong house number and barged into my apartment on accident.
My roommate keeps stealing my coffee so now I make extraĀ
Youāre my new neighbour and wow man, you have some really weird habits.
Youāre my neighbour and you are stealing my wifi to watch porn and can you not?
You locked yourself outside of your apartment and thereās a storm rolling in and I pity you so please come into my apartment Iāll make you hot chocolate?
I heard you singing at 3 am and joined in and now youāre at my door and wtf mate I think your drunk but your voice is really nice so?
I just set the fire alarm in our building off againā¦ sorry. I know its like the fourth time this weekā¦
You keep mowing your lawn when Iām trying to sleep and seriously FUCK YOU
My new neighbour is really hot and wow I didnāt even like women until now? And now she is in the garden planting flowers in her bikini wowā¦ im in too deep
Itās 3 am and youāre blasting off classic rock at full volume and your music taste might be awesome but soME PEOPLE are trying to sLEEP
Weāve never met but we shower at the same time and our showers are on opposite sides of the same apartment wall so sometimes we start duets?
Pets
Iām out walking and my dog started chasing your dog.Ā
My cat/dog ran away and you just found it but refuse to accept the reward.Ā
We are neighbours and your cat got my cat pregnantā¦ so, wanna raise this little kitty family?
My pet tarantula/snake (etc) escaped and I forgot to warn the guy below me who is terrified of snakes/spiders
I need you to pet sit my pet for a while and I forgot to mention itās a snake, the mice are in the freezer. Thanks, bye
My cat really hates you cat and thatās the third time this week Iāve had to pry them apart.
My cat keeps breaking into your apartment and it ate all your plantsā¦ dinner to make up for it?
My cat sneaked out on the balcony and into your open window and he has this habit of destroying furniture and pissing everywhere so I followed him inside and you cam home earlier than I expected and found me in the middle of your living room and honestly Iām not a burglar
Your dog likes me a thousand times better than she likes your partner and sorry not sorry I love this dog
You were walking your dog when you found me passed out on a park bench and thank you for waking me up and buying coffee instead of stealing my wallet
Music
Iām on a bus and wow, youāre singing really loudly and everyone is giving you weird looks, hey bud, tone it down, also great choice in music
You play Double Bass/Cello and I play 1st chair Violin and we keep making eye contact and damn your super cute.
You play in an orchestra and I love these songs so much, plus youāre really cute. Shit man, youāll never notice me in the huge crowdā¦
Music is kinda illegal and my friend just died and apparently he wrote music and wow I want to know what it sounds like and to play it at his funeral but I donāt know how to. Youāre a well-known music dealer, do you happen to understand these notes? Can you help me?
I tried to act cool at this concert and I thought I was leaning on a wall but apparently it was a speaker and now itās on the ground in pieces and everyoneās glaring at meā¦ sorry?
Supernatural
Iām a wizard and I just accidently apparated into your house. Oops.
I died over 2000 years ago and youāve been dead for like 2 hours, man, damn it now I have to explain this shit to you. Great.
Iām immortal and youāre mortal and I donāt know how to explain this to you and soon enough youāre going to realise that Iām not agingā¦ shiiittt
Youāre a greek god and Iām the roman counterpart.Ā
Iām a ghost and your alive and I think Iām in love with youā¦. Fuck.Ā
Youāre a faun and Iām a Satry
Iām half demon and people often judge me based on my looks, but your blind and wow you actually like me?Ā
Iām a time traveller and I went back in time and wow I think Iām in love with you, fuck this isnāt good, I just faked being George Washingtonā¦ wait what? George Washington doesnāt exist here? Shitā¦ I actually am George Washington.
Iām a writer and your my character and wtf how the heck did you just literally climb out of my first draft?Ā
Iām a werewolf but I donāt want to tell you because my wolf form might be that really small chihuahua you keep mentioning you see when I go outā¦
Iām an android and youāre a human and wow what is that warmth I feel when I see you?
Iām a homesick telepath and youāre the poor soul who is receiving all these emotions, sorry
Somehow Iām in your body and youāre in mine and shit man being this close to the ground is fucked up.
Iām a genie an d you rubbed my lamp so congrats you get three wishes but you canāt seem to think of shit and why the fuck do I have to be stuck with you? Hurry up and think of some wishes okay?
I was an awful angel and as punishment I have to be your guardian angel and wow your super cute and nice but I still hate you
You keep having strange dreams that turn out to be us in a past life and youāre determined to fine me again but in this life Iām already dead.
We live in the year 3090, youāre a scientist and Iām your assistant. Unfortunately and experiment goes wrong and I die. Now youāre trying to put my brain into a robot but its not the same
Iām a vampire and I have a moment of weakness, youāre nearby and lets just say it doesnāt end well
Iām a dragon and youāre a really hot prince, thatās right, they locked up the wrong royalty.
Youāre a pirate and Iām a siren and woahā¦ are you asexual? Thatās so cool, hey wait, donāt go I just want to talk
Your mirror is a doorway into my dimension and I can see everythingā¦.Ā
Listen I am genetically modified and you WILL let me hide in your house
Ok, so I panicked and kissed this human so he wouldnāt drown. And I know you donāt want me to keep him, and we canāt let him leave if he knows about us mere people so what do you want to do?
School/College
I just got partnered with you in dance class and I canāt dance for shit
Youāre my science lab partner and how the fuck did you just explode that beaker?
Iām an art student and you just found my sketchbook and youāre going through it. Shit man can you give that back, I donāt care how good you think they are just donāt turn that pageā¦
Youāre the school dork and Iām the school jock and fuck you can see where this is going
We are the only two kids who ride this school bus, maybe we should carpool?
I thought you were my roomies new boyfriend so I invited you in but your actually the RA of the dorm and now you think I want to have sex with you
I accidently flooded the laundry room and you really need to do laundry
Youāre sitting in my seat in this lecture and who even are you? Iāve never seen you beforeā¦ wait what, stop checking me out!
We argued so much during a class discussion that we both got kicked out and weāre still arguing outside the class
You left your USB in the library computer and I had to go through your files to figure out who you are and in the end I read the entirety of this book youāre working on and wow youāre really good?
Iām a traditional painter who has to take a basic Photoshop class, youāre a graphic design major sitting next to me and getting sucked into helping me out because Im so shitty at this
My pottery bowl exploded in the kiln and I feel like a failure, you found me crying about it in the hallway and are now trying to comfort me and your sweater is really soft wow sorry
You and your friends have been playing the penis game in the library for the last five minutes and none of you have gotten above a quiet yell and fuck it Iām trying to study over her so fuck you Iām going to put an end to this game by winningĀ
We are both teachers and at the end of the year we compare how many gifts weāve received from student and youāve won for the past three years
Romeo and Juliet of the math and English departmentsĀ
I want to get along with you roomieā¦ but I like star warsā¦ and you like star trekā¦ this isnāt going to work.
I usually talk to my friends through morse code in class butā¦ apparently you know morse tooā¦ and now you know I think your butt is cute
I got cursed and turned into an animal and taken to the shelter and now Iām being adopted by someone who is really hot OH FUCKING NO
Near Death Experiences
Wow I was just in a fatal accident and who the hell are you? What is this Iām I dying? Wait no, I donāt want this, how do I get out of it? A deal you say, Iāll take it.
Youāre an executioner and Iām about to be executed but you canāt seem to run the guillotine, wait what, why are we running away, man youāre my favourite executioner
Our plane/boat crashed and now itās just us on this island.Ā
I just took a super dangerous job and your trying to talk me out of it, but we really need the money
Itās the middle of a war and Iām on a ship that youāre ship just torpedoed. Now Iām a prisoner and wow why canāt I feel my legs. Iām not cooperating until I can feel them again. What the fuck do you mean Iām paralysed?
Iām addicted to ____ (drugs/alcohol etc) and you found me in an alleyway due to after effects of my addiction (beat up, overdose etc) and decide to take me in.
I sold my soul to bring you back to life and I donāt have long left please make this time count
Mistaken and Secret Identities
Iām Ā a thief/hacker/murder and youāve found out my identity and have been bugging me for days to take you on as your partner
Iām a superhero and you want to be like me but in doing so become a supervillain, what do you mean you donāt understand why Iām punching you?
Iām a superhero, youāre a supervillain, but we donāt know each otherās identities and we are actually best friends
Iām runaway royalty and youāre a commoner, fuck Iām so screwed I need your help, Iāll explain later
You think Iām a celebrity and youāre talking too much for me to explain I am defintely notā¦ that dude. What was his name again?
Youāre a superhero and Iām your best friend and what the fuck man? Why the hell didnāt you tell me? If you had maybe I would be fucking caught with this stupid ass monologue-ing villain
I have a very cute neighbour and very thin walls and one day I call you and errā¦ your moans are very synchronised with my neighbour'sā¦
Iām a superhero and youāre a supervillain and I saw you visiting kids at the childrenās hospital and letting them act like they defeated you and now itās really hard to punch you in the face
Profession Based
Your my mailman and I canāt help but notice that you linger at my door slightly longer than you need to ever since you saw me that one time. Do you want to come inside?
Iām a private detective and your my client and fuck man youāre in some deep shit
Youāre a protester and Iām a police officer. Seriously can you please calm down a little bit, this is my job not my Ā beliefs.
Iām a make-up artist/hair stylist and I youāre an actor/model and are you flirting or???
Youāre a celebrity and sorry mate, I have to take pictures to pay rent, I know its invasive seriously, sorry
Youāre a store clerk and fuck, is that my ex? Can I please hide behind this counter?
Youāre a lifeguard at my kidās swimming competition and I fell in the pool with all my clothes on and you awkwardly tried to save me even though I didnāt need it.
You work at a pet store and I came in to look at tarantulas but somehow we lost the biggest one and its loose somewhere in the store and it really doesnāt help that youāre terrified of spiders
Iām a firefighter and you started a fire in your kitchen but youāre still flirting with me even though youāre not wearing pants and Iām carrying you down a ladder. Stop complimenting my muscles for fucks sake
We work at the same company and I kind of had a crush on you until I noticed that youāre the asshole stealing my lunch from the office fridge.
Iām a firefighter and you live near the station I work at and we talk/flirt with each other a lot. One day me and my team get called to put out a fire and itās your home ablaze. You donāt make it.
I work at a fruit store and you come in almost every day and rearrange stuff on the shelves and then leave. Today you made the apples spell ācall meā
Itās 2am and I was just trying to get home but I left my sunroof open all day and now thereās a squirrel in my car and it scared me and I drove into a pole - stop laughing! Youāre a cop, arenāt you supposed to be helping?
Youāre drunk and want my name tattooed on your ass.
You always bring your dates to the restaurant I wait at and now youāre here aloneā¦ you okay mate?
Winter Times
Itās snowing and I usually walk to work but thatās not happening, hey roomie, can you please drive me? Yes I know its 4am
I accidently gave all my winter clothes to charity over the summer and not its not so much summer, but Iām broke and heyā¦ could you give me your old winter clothesā¦ maybe?
I love the cold, but I promised to visit you for a good 4 months and wow, why did I do this? There isnāt snow here?
I donāt know you, but you just threw a snowball at my face, mate, its on.
I donāt know who the hell you are, but my roommate has someone over and Itās really cold outsideā¦. Can I come in? Or like, have a blanket, or even a towel?
Old Friends
I knew you in high school and I ran into you at a renaissance fair wearing full knight regalia
I met you once when I was 12, we started a pen-pal relationship across the world and havenāt stopped even though we are a lot older now.Ā
You were my best friend when we were younger but your family moved to the other side of the world, and we havenāt talked in years. But now your back and wow how did you recognise me when I canāt even remember your name?
Fake Dating
I hired you to be my date for a wedding but your super cute, maybe we cannot fake-date?Ā
Iām fake dating you to have someone to vent to on family gatherings while also pissing off my conservative uncle that I never liked and wowā¦ have your eyes always been this nice?
Weāre both cosplayers and we somehow always manage to meet each other at cons dressed as a popular ship and people always want photos of us in compromising positions and so we always end up fake-dating the entire day but youāre actually really hot and Iām head over heels for you
My friend dragged me to this party and I just saw my ex, quick make out with me, Iāll pay you.
Miscellaneous
Iām blind and wow your voice is absolutely beautiful can you just keep talking? Forever? Please?
My younger sibling is besties with your sibling and even though we hate each other I guess weāve got to start hanging out a little
We are both at a grocery store at am and you offered to arm wrestle me for the last box of cereal, its on!
Youāre sleeping on my best friendās couch while your house is being renovated and you have really weird habits like attempting to sing opera in the shower and you keep eating all my NutigrainĀ
We bump into each other every Friday at the supermarket to buy the same ice-cream and maybe we should eat it together?
Our parents are dating and thank god Iām not the only one pissed off about this
I went to museum to get some inspiration and then I saw you staring at one of the paintings in awe and wow you just noticed me drawing you and this is awkward
I decide to take a shortcut home that involves crawling through a really tight hole in a fence and I end up getting stuck and you just happened to pass by and now youāre laughing at me
I took a bunch of free condoms from health services just because I could and they all fell out of my bag at once and now youāre staring at me weirdly
We are trapped in a bank during a robbery
Your country is trying to take over mine and I might be a little attracted to you and stop this itās really hard to retaliate okay?
I was on my balcony and you started loudly quoting romeo and juliet at me
Jesus motherfucking CHRIST these are good
