smile again

A random tumblr for a random girl.

[kari-shma]

You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world…but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices.

John Green 

[seolleim]

[pikarashi]

Tomorrow

Tomorrow, one of my closest friends, someone I admire and love from the bottom of my heart, will be leaving to start a new chapter in his life. I'm truly happy for him, and I know he will do great things from here on out. But I can't erase the tears from my eyes. I will miss him. I will miss him so much. 

Through this one year I had the chance to work with him, get to know him, talk to him about my goals, my dreams, and about myself, I have fallen in love with the way he can see the light in every darkness. It's a rare gift I wish I had, and one of the many reasons why I admire him so greatly. I'm going to miss having that positive energy beside me, watching over me, encouraging me, and motivating me to work harder. 

But I also know this is not the end. For some fortunate reason, he sees something in me. He thinks I'm special. He respects me. He is excited for my future and what I can do. And I am so happy to have his faith that I don't want to disappoint. 

The next time I see him, I want to be an even greater person. I want him to feel challenged by my presence and motivated to do much much more. I want to be someone he wants to see. Someone he seeks out because he respects me and our relationship. 

You are a truly special person in my heart. I know you'll find success no matter where you go. I hope we stay in touch, and you think back to me from time to time. Best of luck. I'm going to miss you. A lot. 

[aseaofquotes]

[pikarashi]

Ann Brashares, The Last Summer (of You and Me)

[t-o-k-i-d-o-k-i]

[pikarashi]

I don't want to lose you...

My mind wanders late at night. 

I look around at the people I see right now. All the people I love, smiling and laughing with each other. It's so beautiful what I see. I love it. Having all these wonderful people surround me on a daily basis. I'm so fortunate, so loved, so special. Thank you for making my days shine with smiles even when my own heart clouds with worry and doubt. 

And I flash forward to the future. I think how different my world will be. You will not be here. And you. And you... Maybe you'll only be a short drive away or miles and an ocean can separate us. I'm so tired of making memories to only have them torture me during these lonely nights of nostalgia and remember when. But that's the beauty in all of this. That amidst all this pain and heartache, I realize... you all mattered in my life. That is why I cry and hope for you to return to my side. 

We may no longer be physically together. I may look at a room full of people, constantly looking for figures who are no longer there; people who have been there since my first year of college. I will feel an odd thud of remorse that would slowly sink to the bottom of my stomach. I will. I can already feel it sometimes, even if you are there. Right in front of me, laughing, joking, smiling like you always do. I find myself looking at the calendar that counts down the remaining, limited days we have together. 

When June comes, when you all leave and spread your wings toward another sky, I will wish you the best of luck and happiness from the bottom of my heart. Because that is what you deserve. I believe each and every one of you are truly amazing and deserve the very best, whatever that is. The truth is... I don't want to say goodbye. I don't want these days to go away. These perfect days. But everything has an ending. 

I'm going to miss you. I really am. All of you. You'll always remain in my heart, so please, let me stay in your heart. Somewhere, even if it's a small corner you only visit once every year. Please let me continue to live there. Don't forget me and all that we've been through together. Please... 

[baebtae-blog]

[absentions]

“You can stand on the cliff of my heart and shout nothing but ugly through me I promise all I will echo back is Beauty, beauty. You have always been beauty.”

- Andrea Gibson, “The Moon is a Kite”

[fuckyeahaimiya]

[novemberschopin]

Assemble (by hisaya katagami)

[gnowjennifer-deactivated2011102]

Chinese proverb.

[pikarashi]

With money you can buy a house, but not a home. With money you can buy a clock, but not time. With money you can buy a bed, but not sleep. With money you can buy a book, but not knowledge. With money you can buy a doctor, but not good health. With money you can buy a position, but not respect. With money you can buy blood, but not life. With money you can buy sex, but not love.

[chiots]

[circuslights]

[aseaofquotes]

Kazuo Ishiguro, When We Were Orphans

[caelestial]

池の恋人達 / pond of love by motoshi ohmori on Flickr.

[fuckyeahnarimiya-blog]

with Mizushima Hiro.

[pikarashi]

For 14 years of my life, you were with me.  It’s been 3 years without you, and I think, I’m finally moving on.

Read More

[pikarashi]

I wrote this awhile back, and I thought I should revisit it. I don't know why the thought occurred to me today, at this moment, but I think being home has something to do with it. 

I told you I reached a new point in my life, where the memories of you are no longer distorted with pain and regret. I was wrong. There are still lurking memories that are so dark and heavy that I can't bear to carry them any longer. I try to get rid of them, but I realize they are tied so tightly around my body that they've become part of me. 

I have yet to figure out what to do with them. Will I find a way to cope with these thoughts without them breaking me down from time to time? I need to be strong sometimes, and it's hard to do so when I have these feelings consuming my nights. I know what I need to do... They are written so beautifully in that previous post, but why, why can't I follow it? Why does my heart keep wanting you to come back? Why does my heart keep waiting for some message from you? Why is my heart so stubborn? Why can't I just move on?