pilipalaa

Nihilist. Currently reading - Anna Karenina. Low serotonin levels and in denial of therapy. No lol, I finally gave in. I wait for sakura season even during sakura season

[pilipalaa]

We could have been beautiful, but you were into tragedies.

[pilipalaa]

I wish I knew some sort of art to help me express all these emotions in me. Let go of all this insanely heavy build up.

[pilipalaa]

What do I want to do today?

Me? Me, my body? Me, my mind? Me, my heart or just me, my thoughts? WHICH ONE?

[pilipalaa]

I like thinking about things happening more than I like them happening.

[pilipalaa]

I wonder if I will ever be satisfied with what life has to offer. I wonder if I will ever realise that it truly has nothing to offer.

[pilipalaa]

The way I am never going to be satisfied with my life is just satirical at this point.

So, I am not going to be someone my inner child looks up to!? Neither the person I worked so hard to become a year ago!? Well, that's quite funny, isn't it?

[pilipalaa]

I wish I could disappear from the face of earth for a few days. Just figure shit out, come back and realise it was a waste, but still.

[pilipalaa]

I was writing about all the negative things about myself, "I compare myself to other people", "I'm lazy" and this and that. I stopped and wrote, "But.." hoping to find something a bit positive.

It's been an hour and I'm still here with a pen in my hand, the "but" in front of me and no words to write. It is such a horrific experience to realise you cannot see a drop of goodness in your own self while searching for it all around you.

[pilipalaa]

funny how I have always said 'oh, I'm just a little fickle minded' and now I am twenty two with no idea of which direction I wanna take my life, what to be and what not to be, who to be and who not to be?

[pilipalaa]

Talking to myself is like talking in second person. Like my body talking to my soul. So weird, so surreal.

[pilipalaa]

I have been introduced to the calmness of injuring myself yet again. It's good knowing that I have something as a back up. I have something to fall back to.

[pilipalaa]

I like him so much that instead of me containing the feeling, the feeling contains all of me.

[pilipalaa]

I like him the most when he is not around, maybe it's the aesthetic sense of someone's absence, the other's longing.

[pilipalaa]

Moulding my life according to the things I learn from every new book I read. If that's not modern renaissance idk what is.

[pilipalaa]

Oh to give your soul into the art you create for someone and they give it away to someone else.

[pilipalaa]

Why doesn't the weather ever comply with the aesthetic I wake up with? aaaah

[pilipalaa]

Writing on Tumblr because you chose the wrong subject to major in and thus fucked up your life >>>>>