Something I want to try and be better about is to stop putting so much pressure on myself when I hit my health lows or dips. My symptoms vary but generally what I need is a lot of rest, heating pads, medication if I have access to it, but whenever this happens I am so anxious about not being productive. I lay in bed tormented with guilt that in that moment I am unable to create the content I want to create and perhaps morbidly, I worry Iāll die before I get the chance to make it. I lay there thinking, āGET BETTER! GET BETTER! YOU HAVE THINGS TO DO!!ā
I also REALLY enjoy having content creation be a daily activity, it gives me something to look forward to every day, even if I cannot accomplish it.
But this anxiety mightĀ come from a specific place of marginalization as well. I feel pressure as a woman, a woman of color, a queer woman, and a sick and disabled woman, to create content for visibility/awareness because these narratives are so rarely uplifted. I feel like if I donāt constantly produce, the less likely it is that I am heard, the more likely my narrative and my creations are just swept under a rug, buried, invisible and forgotten.
There are certain communities of people that we commonly see represented and whether their audience was gained by a lot of hard work or it fell in their lap because of a viral message, itās not comparable to how much work marginalized groups have to do in order to have and/or maintain their audiences.
And as a sick person thereās this added pressure to be productive because there is this stigma with chronic illness and disability, that we are the way we are because we donāt try hard enough, or fight hard enough, or push ourselves hard enough, and if people donāt witness your efforts they feel entitled to judge you and blame you for your own illness.
Anyway, all that being said. Iād like to learn to take my bed rest and actually REST, actually allow my heart beat to slow down a bit, actually allow my brain to quiet down, because damn itā¦
Every human deserves some rest!
