HOW TO WRITE POLYAMORY - from a polyamorous roleplayer
First off, we need to look at the different kind of polyamory there is.
I think the one the rp community talks about a lot is the closed triads. While some closed triads can be beautiful, and make sense in a rp sense, please know that irl it's not always like that.
Closed triads can be considered unethical, more often than not. This is not to say that there aren't people who enjoy them and have their closed triads happily but I genuinely need you all to know that this is rare.
Closed triads often start out in unequal ground. Typically, it is a couple who is unicorn hunting.
Unicorn hunting is HIGHLY unethical.
Unicorn hunting is when an already established couple seeks out a third. More often than not, the couple makes the rules, and the third is not allowed to see anyone else. It isolates the third and makes them incredibly lonely.
I know you guys have fun with your closed triads and as you should! but I also need you to be aware this is not the norm.
This is one of the most common forms of polyamory. This is where people date seperately than their partners. Everyone is aware of each other and NO ONE is cheating, as long as communication is had.
There can absolutely be cheating. I was in a relationship once where a man cheated on his wife and me by not telling us about the person he slept with. Cheating is still possible but I need y'all to know that polyamory itself ISN'T cheating.
One of the key things that makes a polyamorous relationship healthy and work is communication. You need to be able to tell your partners when you want to see someone else and yes, even get their permission. Your partners deserve a say as much as you do.
Which brings me to kitchen table polyamory.
Kitchen table polyamory is my preferred way of doing polyamory. This is polyamory where everyone knows of and talks to each other, even if they aren't dating everyone in the relationship, even when dating separately from each other. This is one of the most healthiest ways to do it, as getting everyone together and getting along with all partners is incredibly healthy and you SHOULD be able to talk to your partners about your other partners and get to know each other. Not doing so just makes things messy, awkward, and complicated.
Which brings me to parallel polyamory
Perhaps this is something that is okay with other people, but I personally find it absolutely appalling. This is polyamory where someone prefers not to know or talk about their partners' partners. I think that is simply a disaster in the making. Why wouldn't you want to share the joy of polyamory with each other?
This is not something I would be comfortable writing at all.
This is where one person is monogamous, and the other is polyamorous. There are ethical questions that arise about this one but more often than not, the monogamous partner is well aware their partner is polyamorous and agrees to their partner seeing other people.
In all of these, communication is most important.
Also do not write polyamory where it is two women and a guy and have the guy be jealous if the women want to see other men. Men often have a huge ego issue with this and this is not true polyamory; this is also fetishizing.
Jealousy in polyamory is completely normal but if you let it, it will break the whole dynamic. Please write this very carefully. If you write jealousy in your poly ships, please don't make it unhealthy unless that is the dynamic you are aiming for. If you are writing jealousy, have them talk about it, come up with some boundaries and rules, and resolve the issue.
Writing polyamory as simply sexual is, in my opinion, awful. We are not some kind of fetish. We are not just threesomes or group sex, we are people who love multiple people and sometimes, sex isn't even involved at all! i beg you all to stop fetishizing this way of loving.
And again, we are NOT cheating when we ask to see someone else, as long as there is communication and if you are told no for whatever reason, you respect it. Everyone deserves an equal say. Do not go behind your partner's back and see them anyway.
Polyamory can be beautiful loving relationships, often on equal ground without a power imbalance if you do it right, and I really need y'all to stop treating it like smut is the only way of writing it. Have your characters go on dates! with everyone and seperately! have them truly enjoy each other that isn't just sexual. when you make it strictly sexual, it is not polyamory, it is just threesomes or group sex.
sincerely, a polyamorous roleplayer that is tired of having his way of loving being portrayed incorrectly and fetishizing it.
(please feel free to reblog and/or add to it or reblog without adding anything idc but, i'm sure there is plenty i have missed)
