about me: hii! I'm clove, she/her, 7teen :) I like to read, write (obvs lol), and loveee to talk so feel free to message me <33 full time college students, i post very inconsistently :( completely sfw page!
currently taking a break! will be back soon <3
MASTERLIST
requests: OPEN
-requests take me a long time to write (up to 6 months) so pls just keep that in mind! I will get to writing as soon as I can 🫶
-if ur requesting, pls be specific
-pls dont send requests u have already sent other writers
-if I'm not comfortable with your request, I won't write it
i mostly write oneshots, but I'll write a pt 2 if I like ur idea/if u ask for one of my already written posts (and I like it)
I write for: Kaz Brekker (main), JJ Maybank, Five Hargreeves, Percy Jackson, Peter Parker + Wednesday Addams! (kinda random, ik lol)
just send me a message or request with ur idea and person and I'll write for them :)
all of my fics will be x reader and mostly x female reader (but am down to write ships and diff genders)
rules:
-I'm not comfortable writing smut so pls don't ask!
-please always be respectful on my page
-please don't plagiarize or post my work anywhere else
˚.⋆𐙚 Parings: Kaz Brekker x Fem!Reader
˚.⋆𐙚 Synopsis: Kaz Brekker hates the cold season of Christmas, but it seems to be better with you around
˚.⋆𐙚 Word Count: 3,513
˚.⋆𐙚 a/n: I'm so sorry for not posting for almost 3 months 😭 I got into a car accident and then lost someone really important to me in my life and have taken a step back a little, but writing this made me a little less sad. the writers curse is real yall lmfaoooo
˚.⋆𐙚 another a/n: I meant to get this out so much earlier :( I kinda loved the idea of Kaz being a grinch lollll
Kaz Brekker never cared about the cold season of Christmas. He couldn’t care less about the twinkling lights strung over the buildings, only half of them shining brightly, the rest dimmed. Couldn’t care about the gatherings and all the “Merry Christmas” wishes the thieves would give before they rushed to pick at your pockets.
Snow was starting to pile up in the streets, becoming sludge in the alleyways. The air smelled of coal and secrets, which Kaz particularly enjoyed, he had to admit.
It was the one time a year the Barrel seemed to lose its sharp edge. Where strangers would not be kinder, but perhaps a little less cruel.
Kaz hated every second of it. When he would be in his office, trying to focus, all he could see were the blinding colored lights beaming just outside of his window. On his way to the markets, all he could hear were the cheers and singing of those who were feeling especially joyous.
He wanted to erase every moment of this season. He wished that the people of Ketterdam would continue stealing silently and fighting loudly. Instead, it seemed everyone was far more interested in showing the holiday spirit.
It was obvious that Kaz didn’t enjoy this time of the year. You, however, seemed to be just as merry as everyone else was, if not more. Every time you would leave the Slat with Kaz, you insisted on pointing out how the air was lighter, how the lights made everything feel warmer, how the people were happier.
He watched you as you watched everyone else, noticing how the smile on your face widened every day as more decorations got put up.
He saw as you indulged in the same carols as those who surrounded the two of you, encouraging you both to cheer the same words. Kaz was about to threaten them, remind them of who he was, until you smiled, and he was momentarily stunned.
And then, you had belted out the same words they were chanting. You had laughed, before saying “Merry Christmas,” and continued walking. It was the first time Kaz Brekker had followed after someone without thinking.
The following days weren’t much different. Kaz continued to watch you as you giggled when you saw a man yelling out for a child who stole his wreath and ran away with it.
He saw your face light up after you saw a group of women laughing together, entering a holiday market.
He saw your eyes follow a certain store you passed by every day.
Days went by, and your excitement only grew. Seeing you so happy made his annoyance for the event to wash away, piece by piece.
But Kaz walked through the streets alone now, as you had said you needed to get some work done at the Crow Club.
He was disappointed, to say the least, and he found himself to be quite irritable. Without the distraction of the joy on your face—and the simple presence of you—all the festivities around him seemed to become more and more unbearable.
All he could do was trudge along the streets that somehow seemed colder without you to walk beside him. He gripped his cane tighter, silently cursed the leather gloves wrapped around his hands that could no longer keep out the cold.
The Crow Club would only be a five minute walk from where he was, but it felt as though time was keeping him still.
That was, until he saw the multi-colored lights hanging from the top of the building.
Annoyance flashed through him all at once, causing him to feel entirely too warm. Whoever put up decorations wasted their time and efforts. The lights were pretty high up, which meant it took a lot of it. Kaz couldn’t help but think that instead, they could have been out, earning kruge.
He hurried to open the door, the sound of his cane quickening only added to his irritation.
He swung the door open, expecting to have to find the perpetrator himself.
What he did not expect to find was the Crow Club almost completely full, with people running around. Garlands hung from each corner, lights dangled from the top of the roof.
And you, surrounded by Wylan and Nina, all huddled around a dusty green Christmas tree that was double the size of you.
He watched as you laughed with them, standing on a ladder to hang up a candy cane ornament on the taller parts of the tree.
After he passed that door, Kaz’s plans all faded into mush when he realized you were the reason for his irritation. And now, staring at you, it was fading away, as if he couldn’t even remember why he was upset.
And slowly, he felt the annoyance he was sure was going to burst out of him slowly ebb away.
He found that was almost always the case when you were involved.
“Kaz!” You cheered, as though you were as glad to see him as he was for you. “You took so long. I was wondering where you went.”
Kaz quickly forced himself to regain his composure, although all he wanted to do was be alone with you. He had to remember there was an audience, always watching.
It was the only thing keeping him from acting like an absolute fool for you.
“Errands.” He choked out, forcing himself to look away. “I’m a busy man.” He asserted, pretending he was analyzing the new decor, as if he hadn’t done that just moments ago. “And to think, you had everyone waste their time doing… this.”
His words were gentler than he intended for them to be. For some odd reason, he could never muster up the typical cruelty he had in his voice when you were the recipient.
You only gave him a sheepish grin, shrugging. “It’s the season of Christmas, Kaz. This is good business. People like the holiday spirit.”
Kaz let out a breath of annoyance. He wouldn’t keep you from doing something you wished for, even if it was at the expense of his sanity.
But you were right, as you almost always were. It was good business.
He could imagine the people of Ketterdam rushing in from the cold, only to stay because of the festive spirits, spilling their pockets in exchange for a moment longer inside.
With a half-hearted sigh, he turned around to make his way to his office.
“Well, you seem to be in better moods this year.” Jesper teased days later, eyeing Kaz. “I didn’t imagine you allowing any sort of Christmas decorations to be put up within a 10 foot radius of you.”
Kaz glared at the sharpshooter, thinking of all the ways he might reply back without, in some way or another, spilling some of his black heart into the words.
“There was nothing I could do. She does what she wants, and I am far too busy this year to deal with such trivial issues.”
Inej laughed from behind Jesper, while he quickly tried to hide his little jump at her unknown presence.
“Fool yourself all you’d like, Kaz. We know better.”
A scowl found itself on Kaz's face. It was one thing to hear it from Jesper, but there was almost nothing he could do about the certainty in Inej’s voice.
The Wraith knew everything.
It was no surprise that Kaz couldn’t keep his own affections a secret from her, no matter how hard he tried to hide them from himself.
Kaz believed it was ridiculous—truly ridiculous. He didn’t need the excuse of a holiday to show you appreciation or give you any gifts.
Well, truthfully, he normally struggled to do both, but the point still stood that he didn’t need the crutch of a meaningless event to influence his actions or spending habits; especially when it came to you.
He saw merchants scurry through the streets, flaunting their goods to people in red scarves.
Fools were especially generous on holidays, willing to spend their hard earned kruge on things they could easily steal for free. The Barrel should have taught them better.
He didn’t need to buy it for you. He had not celebrated Christmas since he set foot into Ketterdam.
The words echoed in his mind as his eyes landed on a certain necklace he knew would fit perfectly around your neck.
He repeated this to himself over and over again, for days on end. He repeated it when he walked into that jewelry store your eyes had followed each time you passed it.
He cursed himself as he spent more kruge on a piece of jewelry than he ever had. Something he normally would have swiped off the counter was now being placed carefully into a jewelry box, then wrapped meticulously, and placed into a Christmas bag.
Kaz’s scowl was practically etched into his face as he walked back to the Crow Club, grumpily carrying the small festive-themed bag in his free hand.
When he reached the club, he gently thrusted the bag into his coat pocket before swinging the door open and wordlessly making his way to his office.
He could not believe what he had just done. Buying jewelry was already bad enough, but paying the extra fee of wrapping it like a present had almost completely destroyed him.
And yet, he could not say no. Because it was for you.
Because he could not wait to see the happy look on your face when he would hand it to you.
Angrily, he shoved the bag into the drawer of his desk before slamming it shut.
There was absolutely no chance of him mustering up the courage to give you the gift. He could not find himself shoving down his annoyance of the holiday just to indulge you in your foolish cheer.
He could not, and would not. And for him, that was final.
Kaz grabbed his pen, scribbling on the pile of documents mindlessly for the rest of the day.
He could not bear leaving his office to see your face beaming at the decorations you added.
No, he could not lose himself to this foolishness. He couldn’t go out there to face you, only to do something stupid, like telling you what he had done that day.
Or tell you how beautiful your skin glowed under the festive lights.
Indeed, it was getting harder for him to remember anything at all. To remember how he hated Christmas. To remember who he was. To remember why he didn’t want to touch anyone at all.
Because when he was with you, none of that seemed to matter at all.
The day of Christmas, Kaz worked like it was any other day.
The next day, the decorations would be put away, forgotten until the following year.
Last year, Kaz was glad to be rid of the extra spirit in the Ketterdam streets. He had almost jumped for joy himself when he realized the Barrel would be back to normal.
This year, however, he felt almost indifferent to the fact. He thought that perhaps the biggest loss would be not being able to see your face light up every day now.
And how much he would enjoy being able to see it next year.
He quickly tried to shove the thought out of his head, forget he ever wished for the season to ever come back, and never think of it again.
He couldn’t believe that you would be the reason for him waiting for the year to pass. He couldn’t believe that his icy exterior for the holiday was beginning to melt because of you.
And, well, he simply couldn’t allow for that to happen.
In a panic, he grabbed the small bag in his desk drawer, shoved it in his coat pocket, and made his way down to the Crow Club.
He was going to return the damn thing, whether he got his kruge back or not.
He heard the clinking of glass, cheers, and holiday music being played, as customers sang cheerfully off-key.
He scowled as he descended the stair case, hoping he could breeze through the club without raising attention from another.
His steps were closing the distance from the door so quickly, just a couple more steps and he would be—
“Kaz!” Your voice roared, cutting through the deafening noise from the crowd.
With a small sigh, Kaz closed his eyes before turning to face you.
You had already made your way behind him, your happiness practically radiating off of you.
He suddenly found it so incredibly hard to not blurt out how mesmerising you looked with your red, fluffy clothes and curled hair.
“You’re aware of the day, right?” You giggled. Kaz could only grunt back, not because of his disdain for the day, but because it was the only thing he could manage to do when he was faced with the beauty of you.
“Where are you going?” You asked, smiling at him.
Kaz felt the hard lines around his face softening as he looked at you.
“I’m going to run some errands. What are you in need of?” He asked, without even thinking.
You simply shook your head at him, waving him off and wishing him a safe visit to the markets, as you almost always had.
And still, Kaz could never believe someone would be wishing safety for him instead of cursing his name.
His hand lingered on the doorknob, tempted to stay in your presence for a moment longer. Tempted to indulge in the same foolishness.
Instead, he clenched his jaw and stepped into the cold.
Kaz cursed the world as he walked back to the Crow Club.
He could not do it. He couldn’t find it in himself to put back the crow pendant he knew would fill your heart with happiness.
He had reached the store, ready to demand they take back the necklace. Until he remembered your face, gazing longingly at the markets and the wishes you had given him just before he had left.
The bag sat in his coat pocket like a weight, dragging him down until he reached the club.
His mind was filled, all with thoughts of you, right up until he reached the door of his destination.
His mood quickly soured even more, as he forced himself to instantly be on alert. Someone had been in his office.
The door rested slightly open, the light from inside the room shining through the cracks. The door that he was sure he closed before he had left that morning.
He tightened his grip on his cane, slightly lifting it from the ground. With one quick swish of his arm, he swung the door open.
He stood, waiting to strike, expecting to face some sort of danger.
Instead, he was faced with the woman who had only ever been a danger to his heart.
He stood, confused, as you stood behind his desk, a cheerful smile on your face. You kept your hands behind your back as his eyes glanced over a red and green box perched on his desk.
He felt his own heart pounding in his chest, so loud he could hear it in his ears. He knew now that it had nothing to do with the danger he thought he may have to face only a moment ago.
You were beaming at him, as if you had actually been happy to see him.
The cold from the outside was beginning to wear off, as if the warmth in this room had always been there.
“Merry Christmas, Kaz.” You shyly smiled.
Kaz only blinked at you, as his entire body relaxed, even as his eyes narrowed.
“It’s a day, the same as any other.”
You stepped closer to him, the box now in your hands. The noise from downstairs seemed to muffle in your presence, as if the entire world was somewhere else entirely.
“I’m fully aware. I still thought you deserved something today.”
“I don’t.” He breathed, closing the door behind him.
“You do,” You persisted, determination in your eyes, as you motioned to the gift.
Kaz said nothing as your eyes met. His cold hands clenched his cane as he set it down, taking off his gloves. For a moment, he allowed his bare hands to hover over yours, the same as his heart, before grabbing the present out of your hands.
He stared at the gift as though it was a weapon, destined to destroy him.
“It’s nothing big. Just something I thought you might like.” You explained, heart beating as his hands merely hovered over it.
Finally, his hands moved to flip open the top. Inside was a pair on black gloves, far more detailed than the ones he just took off.
Wool gloves, he thought as he felt the texture. The inside was lined with a soft fleece, warm enough to protect his hands from the vicious cold in Ketterdam.
They were practical, suitable, and bought with too much consideration for a man like him.
It must have cost you a fortune to get wool in Ketterdam.
Kaz couldn’t have been more grateful for the present resting on his body now, aching to reach for you.
And indeed, it did cost you. But for the look on his face now, you felt it was worth the weeks of saving.
You were so incredibly nervous to give Kaz his gift today. You had hidden it under your bed for weeks, striking up the courage to hand it to him.
And today was the last day you had an excuse to.
Him walking out was the perfect excuse to wait in his office. You were just about to back out, run back downstairs, right before the door slammed open, and you could think of nothing but the man standing in front of you now.”
“They’re useful.” Kaz replied, rubbing the fabric in his hands.
“So, you like them.” You responded, the same smile on your face.
After a long moment of silence, Kaz sighed before reaching inside of his coat pocket.
“There is something… that I have for you.”
Your eyes widened as you were stunned into silence. Kaz Brekker, gifting someone something… on Christmas?
It was unheard of. Something you would have never imagined. When you bought his present, you weren’t expecting something in return.
Slowly, he handed a small shaped box to you. A smile landed on your face, brighter than any Christmas tree or festive lights.
His gaze lingered on your small for longer than he should have allowed himself to.
You had already begun opening your present, leaving wrapper shavings on the floor. A small gasp escaped your mouth as you opened the box.
A silver crow pendant, simple and beautiful dangled from your hands.
“It’s beautiful,” You breathed, not able to say anything else.
“Yes, well… You are a crow, are you not?” Kaz affirmed, looking away.
“It’s perfect.” You said. Kaz Brekker did not answer.
Because really, what could he say? This small pendant was nothing compared to the gifts you gave him every day. It was nothing compared to the best present he had continued to receive, day after day.
He looked at the gloves now, holding them closer than he had ever held anything before. He had not even held kruge this close before.
It was the first present he had ever received in the Barrel.
This gift, it would be meaningless if it had come from anyone else. It would have been shoved in a drawer, where he would forget about and purchase his own.
Because Kaz Brekker didn’t need anything from anyone. He only needed you. He had never doubted this. He had never been more terrified of any piece of information in his life.
How could he say that? How could he say that he appreciated your gift, but really, he was most grateful for you. That you were the best present he had ever received, that he has tasted what it truly means to be grateful for something, and now no physical object would ever measure up to all the gifts he would find in you.
Outside, snow began to fall, softly and silently. A rare moment of gentleness in Ketterdam.
You walked closer to Kaz now, barely an arms length away.
“Thank you,” You whispered softly.
“Stay.” Kaz blurted, wishing for the moment to last a bit longer.
You merely plopped yourself onto a chair, right next to the candle you had lit earlier.
Hours passed between the two of you, as your nose was pressed into a book, and his eyes were glued to you, although he pretended to be finishing work.
There was no grand declaration, no words present that he was too afraid to say.
Just the two of you, spending a quiet Christmas together—the only joy Kaz had allowed himself to have for many years.
And just this once, he allowed himself to wish for the next Christmas to come quickly, with you by his side.
I literally loved writing this so much, I only wish I had written more Christmas fics 🥹 I really hoped u guys liked it, and I'm currently working on my requests again!
Would you be comfortable writing an autistic reader?
hihi! yes ofc I would! <3 I've never written an autistic character before, so I def would have to do a little research on it, but I would be so down to write!
hey guys so quick update but I recently got into a car accident (like 2 days ago) and I ended up with a concussion and everything's kinda crazy right now, so I'm sorry, but I'm not sure I'll be able to upload my monthly Kaz Brekker fanfic next week 😭🥹
I will try to get back to writing as soon as possible but I'm gonna take a bit to rest :( I'm still gonna be taking requests, it's just gonna take a little longer! thank u for all ur patience 🫶
Omgoodness! The way you write Kaz so tenderly??? Are you taking requests? If you are, what do you think about one of the rival gangs using Tailor powers to create a doppelgänger of the reader to infiltrate the crows? They don’t know the extent of our relationship with Kaz, so he is confused with the silent treatment and lack of your usual quips. In reality his lover is being held somewhere near the harbour and is in need of help? :) Absolutely no worries if not, have a lovely rest of the month!
⋅˚₊‧ 𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅ The Harbour of Lies ⋅˚₊‧ 𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅
˚.⋆𐙚 Parings: Kaz Brekker x Reader
˚.⋆𐙚 Synopsis: You are replaced, but Kaz grows wary of your actions. He will stop at nothing to find out the truth.
˚.⋆𐙚 Word Count: 4,989
˚.⋆𐙚 a/n: ahh thank u, I really love to write about Kaz without writing outside of his character too much lolol :)) I am 100% taking requests and loved writing this one!! such a good idea <333 I loved it so much it became the longest oneshot I've ever written 😭 I'm so sorry it took so long but I hope I wrote it as good as u imagined <33
˚.⋆𐙚 warnings: a little angsty (sorry I love some good angst) violence, mentions of torture, kaz going crazy, some kind of drug to make reader sleepy
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It was a small fight, you told yourself, hoping to get over the aching pressure building up in your chest. Not even a fight, just an argument.
You'd both sleep it off (although you knew you wouldn’t get a minute of rest tonight), and in the morning, you’ll both have realized how ridiculous you two were being. You’ll wake up, say something to him in passing, and then everything will fall back into your usual steady rhythm.
You were just taking a breather. Just a second to collect your thoughts and try not to feel so hurt.
Kaz didn’t yell at you. No, he wasn’t the type to raise his voice, especially not to you. Regardless of his volume, it was his tone that got to you. The way he said his words to you.
For a slight second, barely a fragment of a moment, his tone was cool, calculated, almost cruel. A taunting voice as he said, “And I’m supposed to believe you have the mental capacity to know this?”
You shook your head, trying to get the thoughts out, as if you could physically throw them off.
The night air caressed your face exactly the way you needed it to. For a second, you could have sworn it was Kaz’s touch against your skin.
For a moment, you could have sworn it was his footsteps approaching you now. You didn’t hear the door opening, but you were far too into your head to notice much.
The sound of metal hitting the floor rhythmically had you instinctively hiding a small grin on your face.
He had come. Kaz had never come to you after a fight, but it mattered little to you. He was here now.
A hand gripped your shoulder, and for that split second, you couldn’t think of anything else but of how wrong it felt. How the touch brought you back to reality, as if ice was being poured over you.
Too late, you realized. You had no time to react, not when all your guards had been down, not when you were expecting a touch far different than the violent one you were faced with now.
Kaz Brekker didn’t come for you. It was not his footsteps approaching, not his cane hitting the floor, and not his calming touch.
Instead, cold hands grabbed you, covering your mouth, keeping your hands behind you. Panic seized throughout you before metal hitting your head was the only thing you felt.
Black spots began to cloud your vision, and it was only a matter of time before your own consciousness had started slipping.
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Kaz Brekker had been wondering for the past quarter hour whether or not he should confront you. He knew that if he did not, he would be forced to deal with the consequences of his own actions for the rest of the night.
He wouldn’t get an ounce of sleep tonight, that much was sure. It wasn’t all that different most of his nights.
But this night would be different. He could feel it in his bones, digging into his skin, that something would change tonight.
The feeling stuck to his skin the way honey would. He didn't know what it was, and he didn’t like it much.
Not sleeping was one thing he was used to. However, you would be occupying his thoughts all night, so it meant that work was something he wouldn’t be able to get done, either.
He had never been able to do much work when it was you who would cloud his thoughts, which was almost always.
He had wondered—what were you doing now? He had seen you leave through the back door, but had you left to your bedroom already? Or perhaps you were still out in the cold, trying to forget what had happened.
And there it was again, the one thing that kept circling in his mind, over and over again—you.
A sigh not unlike that of a growl escaped his lips. He would go after you, he decided. His mind could not bear another minute with your presence living in his head rather than in his arms.
He was already on his feet before his mind could prevent him from rethinking his decision, rushing through the empty halls.
He would deal with this tonight, and that was that. He would resolve this, and go back to his work.
But when he rested his hand on the knob of the door, doubt began to creep into his mind. Maybe you hadn’t even wanted to see him. Maybe you would send him away.
Behind that door is where you would stand. Without allowing himself to think, he opened it, expecting you. Instead, he was greeted with the darkness clouding his vision.
Kaz Brekker was too late. By the time he had gone to find you, you had already left. You were likely already in your room, trying to forget about him tonight.
With a sigh, he went back inside, trying to do the same.
｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ
Morning came painfully slow. Kaz Brekker could not stop pondering over the words you would say to him, and the words he would respond back with.
You were likely to say something witty, perhaps even a joke. He would respond back carefully, something to make you forget he ever said those cruel words last night.
You did not deserve them—he was only frustrated. He needed some space, and the only way he knew how to get that was by pushing people away.
And it worked, perhaps too well. He own voice repeated in his head, finding new ways to torture himself for what he said to you.
Kaz’s thoughts were interrupted by you—always by you—walking into the kitchen with a stager. The sight of you being so unsteady deeply unnerved him. It was so unlike your usual graceful movements.
One minute passed, and then two. His scowl only deepened as he counted the seconds passing by without conversation.
You were still angry with him. This small fact only unnerved him more. He spared a glance at you, only to find you wearing a scowl similar to his.
The sight sent a chill down his spine. This wasn’t like you. Surely, it couldn’t have been him that had upset you so much.
It truly was something he admired about you; you never let his foul mood ruin your own spirit. You were always full of joy and kindness.
“Is there something you need, Brekker?” You asked, your tone cold. He only blinked at you, shoving his nausea down his throat. Your words were sharp, almost calculating. Like you were playing an act for an audience.
Calling him by his last name seemed to put a distance between you that he didn’t know how to close.
He thought for a second that it was almost like you were trying to mirror him.
Seconds passed by without an answer, and Kaz grew more uneasy by the second. You hadn’t looked at him, not once. You continued to stir your drink, seemingly content with the silence.
“Nothing I cannot do for myself.” He responded, only to give him a few more seconds to stare at your face before forcing himself to walk away.
Your eyes were sunken, as if you didn’t get enough sleep last night. If you were tired, he could understand. If you needed space, he could allow that.
It took everything in him to keep himself from studying every microexpression on your face, every movement of your body.
He had forced himself to walk away.
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Consciousness slipped through you for hours. You couldn’t make out much, other than some half coherent words every couple of hours.
It was hard to tell how much time had passed. Hours, you were certain. How many, you weren’t sure.
Time passed quickly when you were injected with a liquid that made you so sleepy you couldn’t even remember your own name.
It left your brain hazy, your mind all foggy.
You had meals and were able to go to the bathroom, and that was that. You slept and slept and slept until your head was pounding.
Sometimes you would lay with your eyes closed, just to be with your own mind for a few minutes. You heard the soft pulling of water somewhere near you. The harbour. You were close to it.
The sound of the waves lulled you to peace, something that you hadn’t felt since you left the Slat.
You pulled on the ropes digging into your skin again, but they didn’t move a single inch. Loud voices echoed from another room, making you halt and pause.
“Brekker doesn’t know a thing. She looks exactly like her… You couldn’t even tell… No, everything’s fine…”
Kaz. The name jumped from your thoughts. You couldn’t think straight most of the time, but he was clearer than anything.
Kaz was going to get you out of this mess. You were too weak to do it yourself, and he would know if you weren’t yourself.
Kaz would notice you were gone.
You close your eyes, steadying your breathing, collecting your thoughts.
He had to.
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Days passed without a normal conversation from you. You stopped meeting his eyes, stopped walking into his office for nothing more than his presence, stopped acting like yourself.
Everyone felt it. Your spirit had dampened, tainted by something Kaz didn’t know how to clean.
Earlier this morning, he had seen you drinking coffee, holding your cup with your left hand.
He had simply brushed it off as training; you had been saying for months how you felt that any skilled person would need to learn how to use both hands equally.
The curious thing, however, was that you put no sugar into your coffee. No sweetener, no cream, nothing more than the bitter taste of caffeine.
Jesper had laughed about something then, something so stupid in comparison to you.
And you hadn’t even spared a glance in his direction.
You never said anything when Jesper joked, nothing more than a small giggle and an eye roll, something you didn’t bother to do now.
But your eyes had always panned over to Kaz after. You would share a look, one that only you two would notice. A half hidden glance full of mischief and secrets.
Seconds passed, until Kaz realized you wouldn’t meet his stare.
You simply stood, sipping your drink, and acting as if you couldn’t wait to leave. You leaned on one leg, then the other, your eyes darting around the room.
Until your eyes finally landed on Kaz. You two stared at each other for a full second before you looked away.
The boulder on Kaz’s heart only became heavier. Your eyes were not the same as they once were. That spark he could have sworn came from the stars was now dim, almost completely removed.
You didn’t stare at him as though you were angry, or sad. You stared at him as if you didn’t even know him.
The thought weighed on him, trapping him, until the room got too small, too warm, too loud.
Panic rose enough for him to grab his cane and walk out of the room.
He had no other choice than to walk away from the memories that would haunt him far into the day.
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The scent of saltwater was beginning to make your head ache more, if that was even possible.
The air felt sticky, clinging onto you. You couldn’t tell if it was humidity or blood on your skin.
Every time you woke up, a new injury found itself on your body. Pain was beginning to feel normal. You couldn’t remember the last time you woke up without feeling so much of it.
Your captors laughed easily, talked too loudly. They spilled their words the same way a fool would with their gold.
The Lime Dions. Paid tailor. A double. Their words slid into your ears, all beginning to make sense. They were all fragments to a plan you were starting to piece together.
It was clear. They wanted you gone, wanted someone else to wear your skin.
Kaz would figure this out, sooner or later.
Problem was, you didn’t know how much longer you were going to last.
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The shift in your actions sharpened over days. You stood farther from Kaz, keeping an odd distance he tried to close.
But the closer he got, the more you pushed away. He could only faintly remember the scent of your lavender shampoo and the soap on your skin.
He would stand outside your bedroom door some nights, waiting for the courage to knock before deciding to walk away.
He would stare at your hands in the morning as you drank coffee and would tremble at the thought of placing his hand over yours.
He would wonder, over and over again, how he could fix it. How he could fix you.
But things were becoming stranger.
When he asked you a simple question—something he was aware that you knew the answer to—you stumbled with a quick, “I don’t know.”
Kaz’s pulse almost stopped. You knew, of course you knew. He wasn’t sure why you were pretending as if you didn’t.
He had asked only to hear your voice ramble for a few seconds, but your answer made it clear you weren’t interested in making small talk.
Your words were always clipped, your soft reassurances were replaced by odd silence. It loomed over you now, hanging like a dark secret.
Things became strange. It was as if you lost memories or didn’t care to recall them.
“You noticed it too, right?” Jesper asked, whispering. “She’s not acting right. Like someone took her and won’t give her back. I don’t think she’s ever been upset for this long.”
The words were truer than Jesper knew. Kaz couldn’t explain.
There was something wrong with you, horribly wrong. He couldn’t explain that you never looked at him that way, never carried yourself with hatred, never called his name with anything but affection.
“Are you still fighting with her?” Jesper questioned half heartedly. “She’s looking at you like you’re trying to collect her debts.” He mused, a small grin on his face.
A withering look from Kaz was all he received before he decided to wander off.
His eyes tracked over your movement, every twitch of your arm, every breath you took, every glance around the room.
Inej talked mindlessly with you, a small grin on her lips, one you didn’t mirror.
“It’s been a long time since we danced, hasn’t it?” Inej asked, sitting directly across from you.
“Far too long.” You responded, smiling back at her.
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
The word repeated itself over and over in his head. That wasn’t your smile, wasn’t the way your eyes creased when you laughed, wasn’t the way your mouth curved.
Inej’s eyes darted to Kaz’s once the words left your mouth.
There was one detail you wouldn’t have said.
You had never danced with Inej before. You always said you would, always promised, but would forget yourself in drinks or games instead.
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The room was becoming too hot, too humid. The smell was starting to drive you crazy. Your wrists were raw, and you were positive you would spill blood if they got any tighter.
So much water around you, and yet your throat was aching from the lack of it.
As the days passed by, your captors had gotten lazier and far more violent. They stopped feeding you as much, stopped injecting you every couple of hours.
You wish it had lasted longer than a day before they injected you again, just moments before.
You were hungry and thirsty, but you were still aware. You no longer lived half deluded, and could get hours in your own mind.
It would be a couple of hours before your mind forgot itself again.
The floor creaked with every step someone took, always making your heart stop dead in your chest. Muffled whispers were all around you.
“Just a few more days,” a faceless voice chuckled. “Brekker and his crew are getting too comfortable. They let their secrets pour out of themselves.”
It was hard to believe they got anything out of the Crows. They were all mindful of their words, always careful of their tone.
If they believed they got more than a couple of useless secrets, then it was clear they didn’t know Kaz Brekker at all.
You tried not to think about your double. Tried not to picture her living your life, wearing your face, talking to Kaz the way you did. The thought alone made you nauseous.
But you knew Kaz through and through. He would see through her act. He would pick her apart, skin by skin, until the truth bled through her.
｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ
The door to Kaz’s office slammed open, breaking his thoughts. “Kaz,” Inej’s voice was shaky, almost desperate. “I was down by the harbor. There’s talk going around. They’re saying… Kaz, they’re saying that the Dime Lions bought a tailor to create doubles.”
“That’s quite an expensive hobby.” Kaz responded, not bothering to look up from the papers scattered on his desk.
“They’re not doing it for fun.” Inej grumbled, voice breathless. “They’re keeping someone near the harbour. A girl from a well known crew. Someone who looks like…” Inej met his stare now, unable to finish her sentence.
Unable to think of the horrible reality they might be faced with.
You. Kaz knew it, without her even having to say it. He didn’t need her voice to form the thoughts growing in his mind now.
But he could see now—see that it was gone because they took you from him.
The warmth you radiated around The Slat, the kindness you showed everyone was gone. Kaz believed it could be because he broke something in you. He thought that his darkness might have spread to you, like the disease it was, and he wanted to punish himself every day for it.
Kaz Brekker relied heavily on his instinct. He had to, if he wanted to survive in the barrel.
And he was never wrong. He had known something was wrong; had known there was a lingering darkness that couldn’t have come from you.
You were gone. Truly gone—your presence had been absent from the Slat for far longer than he knew.
The realization hit him all at once, making his chest feel restricted, like his heart would stop beating any second without his life source.
He would find you, he vowed. Nothing was going to stop him now, there were no boundaries now that the only line he had had been crossed.
You were the last of his humanity, the last thing that kept him from ruining himself in the cruelty that called to him.
He would go after you the same way he had gone after anything he had ever wanted in his life; desperately, violently, and without any qualms of what he would ruin in the process.
The only thing that truly mattered now was getting you back the same way you had left.
And he would get you back. He would use every tool as his disposal to have you return safely.
｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ
A soft knock echoed through Kaz’s office, jolting him back to reality.
Inej was off finding exactly which warehouse you were in, Jesper was preparing everything necessary to leave.
It was time for Kaz to deal with another problem he had wanted to confront the past couple of days.
“Come in.” He announced, anticipating the footsteps about to walk inside.
And sure enough, the woman who was wearing your face walked in.
His eyes never left her, not once as she walked inside. He couldn’t help but notice all the differences between you and her now.
She looked like an empty copy, something that could never measure up to you. How could he not see it before?
“I was told you needed to see me.” She said, her tone clipped, obviously rehearsed.
“Remind me,” Kaz began, a cruel smirk on his face. “What were the words you said to me the first time you finished a job?”
She blinked, fidgeting with her fingers. “Which part?” She faltered, glancing nervously.
“You know which part I’m asking about.”
Her lips parted, eyes creased almost to slits. A small shrug before she said, “I can’t recall.”
Kaz’s jaw ticked, his stare hardening. You had whispered something to him, something so small to you, but it had left a mark on him.
“I will never forget the weight of kruge on my hand, nor on my heart.”
She stiffened at his words. “Of course. Yes, I remember now.” She murmured, her gaze never leaving the floor.
“Do you? Because I could have sworn you aren’t who I believed you to be.”
Those simple words had her head snapping up.
And for the first time, emotion had finally shown through her eyes.
Fear. Right before she turned around and bolted out the door.
｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ
Sleep came in portions, broken by fear. You awoke to the sounds of shouting, bulleting wheezing through the air, and—
The sound of a cane hitting the floor woke you out of your trance.
Tap, tap, tap, tap.
Your heart raced rapidly. A cane. Kaz’s cane. You nearly sobbed with relief, resting your head down.
“Have your spirits finally broken?” A deep voice echoed in your ears.
And it wasn’t Kaz. You were merely hallucinating, imagining what freedom might taste like.
Instead, a man whose face you could never remember taunted you with a snarl before closing the door shut behind him.
｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ
Your double walked into the Slat, wrists bound together, head held down. She wore your face, your clothes, but was so unlike you it made Kaz uneasy.
“Saints,” Jesper muttered, shaking the chill off his body. “She looks exactly like her. It’s freaking me out.”
Inej folded her arms, eyes sharper than they were a day ago. “Not an exact replica. Her face looks different.”
Kaz’s cane tapped on the floor, echoing. Silence followed as all eyes watched him.
“What will you do?” Her voice rang out, hollow. “Kill me? Torture me? I won’t tell you anything.”
Kaz’s throat tightened on itself. He stepped closer, the sound of his gloves tightening on his cane. Every urge screamed at him to punish her, make her pay for using you as a weapon, for wearing your face like a trophy.
But he couldn’t hurt her. He knew this, deep in his bones. Not while she was wearing your face.
But he couldn’t allow her to walk around with something that belonged to you, either.
“No, not kill you.” He mused, standing straight. “That would be too easy. I don’t waste my talents on cheap imitations.”
The words dug into her skin, he could tell. Her face hardened as anger settled in.
“Instead, I will give you a message. I will say this once, and only once. You are to leave Ketterdam, and you are to never come back. Your face will go back to normal. But your habits will stay the same. I know who you are. I know what you’re like. If I ever find you back here, I will come for you. I won’t hesitate to kill you slowly, and I’ll let the woman whose face you're wearing watch. You are never to step foot here again. Do you understand?”
Your double flinched back, shuddering in her skin.
Kaz lifted a small dagger, cutting the ropes before meeting her gaze.
“If you are not gone by midnight, I’ll have you hunted.”
He barely finished his words before she bolted out, rushing until there was no trace of her left.
Kaz was left with silence, Inej and Jesper watching him. They didn’t have to ask why he’d done it—they knew.
And they were ready to bring you back.
｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ
The warehouse was dim, smelling of fish and salt. Men sat around on crates, talking openly, laughing.
The sight filled Kaz with a rage he couldn’t explain. You were here, somewhere, and they had the gall to allow themselves around you.
As if they deserved to live in the same world as you.
His cane scraped across the floors, getting louder by the second. They didn’t hear it until it was too late.
They didn’t see Inej until she was already there, working her way through them like a ghost.
They didn’t see Jesper until his bullets barked through the air, reaching every target he aimed for.
They didn’t see Kaz until he struck through them, only one thing on his mind.
There was a door to his left, one that was calling out for him. He wanted revenge, wanted so badly to watch every single one of their eyes as life left them.
But he wouldn’t give anyone a chance to take you again. Never again would he let you face such danger.
He rushed through the door, knowing Inej and Jesper could handle anything behind him.
All that he saw was you, sat with hollow cheeks, blood all over you.
The anger he had left behind just seconds ago bubbled up into his chest again. He wanted to turn back and torture every man in that room, wanted to watch them beg for their lives as he denied them it.
He kneeled to you, his gloved fingers working at the ropes binding you with quick movement. He let out a soft curse as he realized his gloves were making the task difficult.
Quickly, he shed them off his hands, working the knots until they fell away.
They hit the floor with a thud, causing you to finally look up at him. He could tell you were half delirious, not fully conscious.
But then you smiled at him. Your real smile, where your eyes creased, and your mouth curved on both sides.
And your eyes, he would have done anything to see them again.
He couldn’t imagine what you had been through. Your gaze met his, and your eyes sparkled like a fire. Like the stars he had wished to see so many nights. His breath caught in his chest, vibrating with emotions he wasn’t ready to name.
“Am I dreaming again?” You murmured, a grin still evident on your face.
Something unspoken passed through his chest, carving itself into his heart.
“Not this time.” He whispered back. He wanted to touch your skin, just a finger to caress your face. He wanted so badly to allow himself so many things.
“I knew you would come for me.” Your hands trembled as you tried to raise them.
He couldn’t touch you, couldn’t offer what his chest ached to give, but his eyes burned with the intensity all the same.
“It took you a while, but I knew you would.” You said, lips curving, even as your voice became shaky.
And for the first time in days, Kaz allowed the corner of his mouth to twitch upwards. It was barely a smile—but so full of emotion it made your heart jump.
“Only a fool would think anyone could be a copy of you.”
Relief cracked through your heart, until a soft sob left your lips.
Kaz shoved his gloves back onto his hands, before lifting both of his arms under you.
The last thing you felt before sleep called for you was your weight being lifted into the air. You felt so free, so peaceful.
The soft breeze felt so good on your skin.
Home. You were going home. The thought made you so happy, a smile was left on your lips as you slowly slipped away.
Kaz Brekker couldn’t keep his eyes off of you the entire way back.
He wouldn’t allow anyone else to hold you, wouldn’t allow you out of his sight.
He spent every moment going over every line on your face, every crease.
He allowed himself to run his gloved hand over your face. You leaned into it, even in your sleep.
The water didn’t come. But he wouldn’t push for now.
to everyone who submitted requests, thank you so much and im so sorry 😭 I've been a little busy lately with my classes, but I promise I am working on every Kaz Brekker request right now!! 💓 they should be posted soon <333
also, currently working on a masterlist and navigation to make it easier for everyone!!
˚.⋆𐙚 Parings: Kaz Brekker x Reader
˚.⋆𐙚 Synopsis: Kaz Brekker takes care of you in your drunken state. You, who can't stop rambling, and him, who can't stop his affections.
˚.⋆𐙚 Word Count: 1983
˚.⋆𐙚 a/n: I absolutely loveddd writing this, ty for the request!! (also, I'm so sorry u had to wait so long 😭) I hope u like it <33
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You should have stopped at 3 drinks. It was quite clear to you, even in your drunken state, that it was a bad idea to go for the fourth. And the fifth. Possibly the tenth.
You couldn’t really remember the details.
Either way, you ended up laughing hysterically with Jesper and rambling off about something you couldn’t even remember seconds after you said it.
It was clear that Jesper was as drunk as you were. He couldn’t stop talking about how big his next game would be.
“So let’s say I sitttt…” His words are broken off by a deep intake of breath. “Excuse me… In a chair, right? You can sit on the other side. And boom! We win! S’gonna be soawesome.”
His words don't make much sense to you, and they begin melting together. You aren’t sure what he said, but you knew he said something, so you settled on giggling.
“Yessss!” You cheer. “We can do anything!” The words boom from your mouth. You aren’t sure what you’re replying to, but the statement is true enough.
Inej watches from the other side of the table, smiling silently to herself as you and Jesper continue to make a fool of yourselves. She had a few drinks, but stopped taking shots long before you had.
She had just sat here, silently watching over the two of you, and talking when she understood the words you were saying.
Kaz, you noted, was standing across the room from you. He watched silently, never stopping you, but his gaze always narrowed each time you took another shot.
He had drunk a couple of shots, but it was nothing compared to the way he was drinking you in now.
He was, no doubt, looking for you. It was obvious at the way he stared at you now that he didn’t like the way he found you.
You weren’t normally like this. You hated the vulnerability alcohol presented you, hated the dizziness, and you especially hated the headache you would inevitably wake up to in the morning.
But you felt like some celebration was warranted after the Crows were able to successfully carry out a mission without a single thing going wrong. It was rare when things went according to plan for you without any issues.
You felt like a fool for celebrating such a thing when you found yourself trying to stand up and failing.
Inej rushed to you, gracefully holding you up. How did she get to you so quickly?
The world was a whirlwind of scrambled dots clouding your vision. The Wraith was by your side, carefully supporting you without you even detecting her presence.
“Saints, are you alright?” She yelped, grabbing your waist with one hand, and desperately trying to hook your arm over her neck with the other.
Her graceful hands were quickly replaced with a harsher one, helping you rise to your feet fully. The familiar feel of leather caressed your skin, sending a chill through your spine.
Kaz’s arm wrapped from one of your arms, touching your back, and holding your other arm. You held a smile on your face, grinning at the floor. You hadn’t even looked at him yet, and yet, you were smiling like a fool.
“I’ll take responsibility for her now, Inej.”
His words managed to sober you for a split second. Kaz was always careful with the way he interacted with you in public. He was always cautious of his tone, his actions, especially his words. And this… Well, this was very public.
It might have seemed like nothing to an outsider, but everyone who worked under Kaz knew how odd it was for him to offer to take you off Inej’s hands.
Your eyes darted around the Slat, moving from place to place, making you dizzy from the movement. You were surprised to find the room mostly empty, filled with others just as drunk as you were.
Jesper laid sleeping on your forgotten table as Inej stood on your right side, ready to pick you up if Kaz accidentally let go. But he wouldn’t let you fall; it was this that you were sure of.
Still, you eyed his other arm as he was still clutching to his cane.
It couldn’t have been easy for him to be supporting your weight with one hand. And looking after you certainly can’t have been an ideal way to spend his night.
“I look after you all the time.” Kaz breathed, adjusting his arms. “You being drunk is no different.” His words were quiet, only loud enough for you and Inej to hear them.
Your breath hitched. Had you really said that out loud? You could only silently blame the heat spreading across your cheeks on your drunken state.
Inej looked between the two of you now, silently slipping away to help Jesper to his feet. Kaz began moving his own feet, making it surprisingly easy for you to follow.
You were stumbling a bit, but it was far easier to climb the stairs now than it would have been if you had done it alone.
The thought made you quietly giggle to yourself. Of course you weren’t going to do it alone. Kaz Brekker always made sure you never had to do any of the hard parts alone.
Kaz heard your giggling fit, looking at you with his eyebrows raised, but he didn’t question you.
You reached the second floor before trying to plead your own case.
“I’m not drunk.” You declared, almost tripping over your own feet.
Kaz scowled, reaching for you before you made it to the floor. His hand was steady and warm through the leather surrounding his hands. “Lying won’t change the truth. Either way, you won’t be alone tonight.”
You smiled at that. He was most likely trying to reprimand you, but it wouldn’t get through to you tonight.
“So that means I get to spend the entire night with you?” You beamed. Kaz paused at that, frowning more.
“I like spending time with you.” You crooned, not waiting for his response. “I think I just like you.”
Kaz’s body tensed. You had forgotten how strange it must have been for him, how foreign your affection was. You would dedicate the rest of your life teaching him how to be fluent in it.
“I like you with your leather hands, and the scowl on your face. I like you with the smell of money, and even violence.”
“You’re rambling.” He murmured, although he didn’t say it in an unkind way. His eyes met yours, shining with something that felt a lot like a secret he was trying to hold tightly in his chest.
“What are you harboring in there?” You interrogated, pointing to his heart. “I’ll force it out of you. Secrets don’t last long with me.” You claimed, slurring your words now.
Kaz Brekker had no doubts in his mind that you would be able to force it out of him.
Your legs were threatening to buckle under you now. Gosh, how long did it take to get to your bedroom?
“I’m not drunk.” You repeated again, although when you opened your eyes, you were facing the walls, talking to it instead of your boyfriend.
“So you’ve said.” Kaz responded cooly, turning you around and continuing to guide you.
You didn’t mistake the constant glances he was sending you every time you remained silent for more than a couple of seconds.
You couldn’t help but stare. You were always bold, but the alcohol seemed to make you outright shameless.
“You're so handsome. I’ve always wondered how someone can be so pretty.”
Kaz didn’t respond this time, although you could practically hear his heart picking up its pace.
This boy, who had come close to death so many times, was becoming nervous over you. The thought made your stomach feel warm, something you knew you couldn’t blame on the alcohol this time.
Staring at him helped clear your mind, even if you were still dizzy. There were motions around you, but he was in the center of it all, the clearest picture you had ever seen.
Now, looking at him, you couldn’t believe he wasn’t a painting.
Beautiful. He was so painfully beautiful that it hurt.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Kaz faltered, his voice snapping you out of your trance.
“Because you’re so beautiful.” You replied, not bothering to pull your eyes away from his face.
Once again, Kaz let in a shaky breath. You could tell he was already trying to shut out your words, like a gift he was hesitant to accept.
I could stare at him all day, you thought. You knew the words were true when Kaz had reached for the knob of your bedroom door without you even noticing you were just outside your room.
Taking a big step in, you follow the nightly routine that seemed to have embedded itself into your mind.
Your shoes are off, scattered on the floor before you realize it. You manage to slip an arm out of your jacket, leaving it to slip off of your other arm sloppily.
Kaz says nothing, but manages to lead you to your bed without you falling on your face.
You make a mess of your bed, pulling all sorts of blankets over yourself and cuddling up to them.
“Can I tell you a secret?” You whispered, smiling at him after watching him move in silence.
Your stare burned through his back, and every muscle in his body fought to turn and look at you the same way.
Kaz paused, picking up your shoes to settle them next to the door.
A secret.
It felt almost humorous, the way you would trust him with your secret, when most wouldn’t even trust him with their silence.
Finally, he turned to look at you, his body straightened in a way that felt almost calculated. He tried so desperately to look as though he was calm, but he couldn’t help the affection slipping through him now.
“I like you, Kaz Brekker. Secrets and all.”
The words hit him like a physical blow. Harder than any beating he ever endured, any punch he had ever taken.
Better than anything he had ever had in his life.
Kaz stilled when picking up your shoes. He let out a soft breath.
It almost felt like in between the silence, he too, was telling you a secret he swore never to reveal.
He looked at you, hoping you could hear the emotions he had not yet been able to name. Hoping you could hear the words he had not yet been able to say.
You smiled at him, as if you knew. As if you could feel everything he wished he could say.
Kaz had broken the stare first, pulling a chair next to your bed.
By the time he had turned back around, you had already silently begun drifting off into sleep.
You slept, peacefully, as your name reverberated in his mind.
You slept through him taking off his gloves, pulling up your covers, and slowly grazing his hand over your face.
He waited, silently, for the water to drown him. But it never did, not with you.
He stayed throughout the night, watching you, memorizing the sight of your chest rising and falling in your sleep. He watched every movement of your face, every line that had appeared, wondering what you were dreaming of.
And when he drifted into his own sleep, it was you who had shown up in them.
Because for him, it was about you. Everything was always about you.
Kaz Brekker loved you in his own special way. He hoped, for now, that it would be enough.
Silently, he vowed to himself that he would spend the rest of his life learning how to love you the way you deserved.
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I literally can't, I absolutely love this one 😭 I hope y'all enjoyed 💓 I'm trying to write more fics asap!!
˚.⋆𐙚 Parings: Kaz Brekker x Reader
˚.⋆𐙚 Synopsis: Kaz helps you study in his own way after you come to him with your academic problems.
˚.⋆𐙚 Word Count: 1,902
˚.⋆𐙚 a/n: ty to the amazing @lottle-is-little for the great ideas in this fic!! <33
｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ
You were supposed to be sleeping. It was universally known to your peers at the University of Ketterdam that your one rule was to be in bed by 9pm. But the clock struck 11, and you sighed as silently as you could. This did not escape Kaz, who gave you a curious glance before looking back to his own work on his desk.
You meant to be in your bed, you really did. But earlier that morning, the library was bustling with people, and the whispers of the students were not quiet enough for you. You had decided then to cut your losses and spend some time for yourself.
But with your finals coming up, studying was the only thing that could occupy your mind, making you fidget with anxiety. Well, that and the man sitting across from you now.
It was out of your own selfish desires that you purposefully sought Kaz out after your failed study session. You had expected only comfort from him when you explained your situation to him. Instead, he had offered to let you use his office as a study room to make up for your missing hours.
You had blindly agreed, expecting nothing more than half an hour of studying before being able to blissfully spend time with your boyfriend. However, Kaz had reminded you at least half a dozen times in the last hour to return to your textbook.
But with your drowsy, tired mind, you were barely able to understand any of the words on the papers around you. A few words passed in your head: punishments, crime, prison, Hellgate, illegal.
None of them stayed relevant to you for long, and you found yourself regretting ever wanting to study law in the dangerous city of Ketterdam. Your eyes were starting to wander around the room, and you didn’t even notice as your mind started drifting to a place where you had forgotten your own consciousness.
Kaz had abruptly cleared his throat, ripping you away from your trance. You looked up, only to find his eyes already staring at you. A heat rose its way to your face. How long had you been dozing off for?
“How long was I like that for?” You asked sluggishly, voicing your question.
“5 minutes.” Kaz answered, barely glimpsing at you before writing something on the papers scattered around him.
You sighed dispiritedly, letting your head fall to your work that you failed to complete.
“Maybe I should quit here.” You announced, half-heartedly. “This work doesn’t feel worth it right now. Sleep is what I want.” You murmured, letting your eyes rest. You felt Kaz’s eyes land on you as the sound of pen on paper halted.
“A student must accomplish all of their goals and see through the end of all of their responsibilities.” Kaz exhorted. You laughed quietly at that; the way he said it was not unlike most of your professors.
“I can’t get anything through my head, Kaz. I might be too tired. I might even fail my classes.” You replied dejectedly, voicing aloud your fears.
He had only stared at you, perhaps waiting for you to say something else. Your weary mind was betraying you now, failing to come up with the right words to say.
“You will not fail,” Kaz paused, staring at you more intently now. “I will not allow you to.”
The words repeated over and over in your head, causing a dizziness you knew didn’t come from your fatigue. Kaz only sighed, knowing your head was full of nothing but your affection towards him.
“I suppose these documents can wait. What is it that you must learn? I might be of some help to you.” The offer hung in the air, and perhaps it really was your tiredness, but your heart swelled at the thought of Kaz trying to help you.
Sensing your thoughts, Kaz's eyes narrowed in caution. “I assume this is late for you, and I’d rather not have you sleep on this desk tonight. Tell me what it is.”
You smiled, grabbing your textbook. “Punishments for crimes. I have to learn these crimes, study them, and know the punishments for them.” You explained, feeling much more energized after repeating your words aloud.
Kaz merely grabbed your textbook, letting his eyes wander through the pages before a smirk earned its way onto his face. “I’ve done at least half of these at least twice.” He announced, causing you to almost jump out of your seat.
“What? How is that even possible?” You asked, allowing your eyes to wander over the textbook for the nth time. This time, you saw the words more clearly. Breaking and entering. Robbery. Aggravated assault. Money laundering. Arson. Murder.
You frowned, as the list went on and on. You would never admit it to anyone, but Kaz committing even half of these crimes twice was at least a little impressive.
Your eyes continued to roam, landing on a random word. “Counterfeiting?” You asked, looking straight at him now. He only nodded before speaking.
“More times than I can remember.” He said, getting comfortable in his chair now.
“How am I supposed to remember what it means?” You asked, your frustration showing in your frown.
Kaz paused before grabbing your hand. The leathery feel of his gloves did nothing to conceal the heat of his palms. You immediately straightened, responding to his touch.
“This ring is made of pure gold. I would know that because I stole it.” He acknowledged, grinning. “If it was only an imitation of gold, and I sold it to you claiming it was gold, that is counterfeit. Punishment is 3 years in Ketterdam Prison.” He explained.
You recited the words in your head, and for the first time tonight, you didn’t forget them immediately after. You smiled at Kaz excitedly, then began to look back at the text.
“Aiding and abetting?” You asked again, looking back at him expectantly.
“Let’s say I’m planning to set a building on fire. I plan everything, and perhaps I hurt another person to gain information, and take his wallet. Perhaps I plan to set a fire at a warehouse down south. Perhaps I ask Inej and Jesper to help me, and they agree. They are aiding and abetting.”
His explanation stuns you, and you continue to look at him blankly before narrowing your own eyes.
“That’s a little too specific.” You say, which only brings a grin to his face. “Kaz,” You warn. “Are you planning on committing arson tomorrow on a warehouse down south?”
Kaz’s grin was a response on his own. “Perhaps,” He remarked, slightly shrugging.
“Okay, wait. At least three things in that plan are illegal.” You breathed, slightly panicking for him.
“It’s only ever illegal if you get caught.” Kaz chimed.
“Coercion, arson, theft.” You list, continuing to babble on. “I’m pretty sure that’s, like, at least 5 years in Ketterdam Prison.”
Kaz’s smile grows bigger at your words. “I’ve been of some help, then, if you can recognize these crimes.”
His words caused you to falter. You did recognize those crimes. And you still remembered the definitions of the words he taught you.
“More.” You demanded, sitting upright now. “Describe more of your crimes to me.”
Kaz’s eyebrow raised at your command, but he made no attempts to refuse you. Instead, he hid his smirk as he racked his own brain.
“I force a member of the Dime Lions to give me the diamonds he stole by threatening to burn off his leg. What crimes am I committing?” Kaz asked.
Your head spun as you tried to recount the definitions in your textbook. “Extortion, possible assault, and robbery.” You answered, feeling oddly prideful.
“And?” Kaz questioned.
“Coercion?” You proposed, wincing at the look on his face.
“Why does it sound like a question rather than a statement?” He probed, narrowing his gaze at you.
“Well, I’m right, aren’t I?” You answered, giving Kaz a sheepish smile.
His only response to that is a light scowl, which only makes your smile brighter.
“What is perjury, then?” He challenged. You frowned at him. This was an easy one, and one that Kaz was likely to have done multiple times.
“Swearing a false oath intentionally.” You divulged. Kaz’s eyes light up in amusement at your steady tone.
“How did you know that one?” His expression was like that of a cat, with his mouth curling at the sides and his curious, sly eyes.
“I learned that one in class. Punishment is a minimum of 10 months in Ketterdam Prison. I suppose I remembered it because it reminded me of you.” Kaz chuckled lightly at your words. The sound sent a wave of warmth through your bones.
“So I am to be credited for your memory when it comes to this, then?” He joked lightly.
His face was bright, and his usual smirk was replaced by an actual grin. You loved these small moments when you were with Kaz. Just Kaz, no bastard of the Barrel, no Dirtyhands, just you and your boyfriend.
All the hard lines on his face were gone, and in these moments, it was easy to forget about the world waiting outside of these walls.
“I suppose so. It seems that I remember anything in relation to you.” The words come out of your mouth mindlessly, but the effect it had on Kaz left you frozen.
His gaze was softer than you had seen in a long time. His body seemed to be completely relaxed, as if he forgot who he was, too.
You knew Kaz wasn’t good at expressing his feelings verbally, but it didn’t matter right now. The look passing between you two was all that you needed. You knew in the blood rushing in your veins that this was worth more than any words he could say.
A silent look, saying ‘I love you more than words can say.’
It didn’t surprise you when Kaz had said, “You’re growing weary if you're flirting so blatantly now. I assume it’s time for bed.” He breathed, standing up. You heard the shakiness of his breath.
Kaz wasn’t accustomed to the tenderness you gave him, so you wouldn’t push him for now. You secretly knew that, in his own special way, he was giving you more of himself than he had ever given anyone before.
So you only nodded, smiling at him as he sneakily led you out of his office and into his own rooms.
His room was clean and tidy, and it looked as if he hadn’t slept in there for several days. Although you both agreed to get some sleep, you still rambled on about crimes, and Kaz continued to indulge you late into the night.
He didn’t protest even as your yawns cut through your sentences, and he didn’t interrupt when your sentences became quieter and almost unintelligible.
Kaz sat and listened, and answered when necessary, often referring to his own situations. He listened until you inevitably trailed off into your own sleep. Still, he didn’t leave, even when he knew a pile of work was waiting for him on his desk.
Instead, he sat and admired the only thing he had ever prayed for in his life.
And when he fell into his own sleep, the nightmares didn’t haunt him. Not tonight, where he was so close to the one who replaced them.
｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ
I hope y'all liked this one I had so much fun writing it and brainstorming!! <33 I honestly think this is the longest oneshot fic I've written lolll
˚.⋆𐙚 Parings: Kaz Brekker x Reader
˚.⋆𐙚 Synopsis: Kaz notices your foul mood and will do almost anything to find a way to cheer you up.
˚.⋆𐙚 Word Count: 1,144
˚.⋆𐙚 a/n: this is my first time writing a fic y'all! hope u like it :D also, not proofread so sorry if there's any typos
｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ
You were upset. It was a fact that Kaz Brekker had been aware of since early that morning, when you didn’t bother with your usual “good morning” chipper. It bothered him, how much he was affected by the small absence of your usual presence.
It was obvious that your mood had only gotten worse throughout the day when you didn’t offer Kaz small smiles throughout the day, but rather, you gave him a scowl that turned into your eyes hastily moving from his. That isn’t right, Kaz had thought. You never turned your eyes away from him first, and you never frowned at him, even on your worst days.
It had officially turned into a problem for him when you accepted a mission for less kruge than your services were normally worth. One thing was certain to him: your head wasn’t clear. Were you looking for a distraction? Or did you just want the feel of adrenaline rushing through your veins? There was one specific question, gnawing at him, although he tried to convince himself he didn’t care. Tried to tell himself not to get involved in something so trivial. Still, the same question rang through his head: What was it that made you so distressed? He had no qualms about dealing with someone who upset you.
Either way, as his responsibility, he couldn’t let you willingly walk into danger that you wouldn’t be able to handle. He didn’t doubt you, of course not, but he had never seen you so distraught. Kaz had no idea how you would handle your mission, and he wasn’t willing to sit still while watching you be careless.
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When Kaz had pulled you away from a conversation with Inej, your nerves went through the roof. All Kaz had said was a soft “Sit down,” and you hadn’t been able to stop fidgeting in the barstool chairs.
“Did I do something wrong?” You asked, a frown forming onto your face with your question.
Kaz’s eyes trailed over your face for a moment before mirroring your expression. Why were you frowning at him again? The expression on your face unnerved him more than he wanted to admit. Everyone at the Slat frowned, yes, but it was never your face that followed the rest.
You were the one that smiled, the one person who was able to make his heart feel lighter at the sight of your face. But right now, all he felt was an urge to pull the scowl off your face. Kaz knew he was a smart man, but right now he felt like he would do something foolish if only to make your day better.
But that wasn’t why he was here. He was here to advise you to not act irrationally. He wouldn’t deal with such childish feelings, so he would lock them away for now. But he knew that during the quietest parts of the nights, during the times he wished for your company, he wouldn’t be able to run from these feelings then.
The growing silence from Kaz alarmed you. Kaz may have been a man of few words, but he was never quiet. The way he was looking at you brought a heat to your cheeks that you tried desperately to hide. It was obvious: Kaz hadn’t liked something you’d done. You couldn’t think of another reason for why he was staring at you so intensely.
“There’s no reason for you to be taking on such small tasks. It is a waste of your abilities.” Kaz had finally said.
Your head perked up at his tone. Soft, yet strict. You have not been anticipating such kindness from him today.
“I don’t mind the work.” You responded. “I need something to do anyways.”
Kaz looked over at you, only to find you glaring daggers at the drinks across the table. As always, he hid his surprise well, but he couldn’t help the raising of his brow at your blatant confession. Still, Kaz refused to pry.
“You should try throwing your daggers at the bottles instead. I’ve heard acts of violence help one’s temper.” Kaz offered, his frown as prominent as ever.
Your face grew hot at his suggestion. How did he know you had a temper today? No one had noticed your bad mood except for Jesper. The Jesper who drank all of your strawberry yogurt that you had been waiting the entire week for.
“I don’t have a temper.” You lied, keeping your gaze away from Kaz. “I just-” your sentence had gone unspoken after Jesper made his way into the room. Kaz noted how quickly he averted his eyes from your gaze.
You quickly muttered an apology before excusing yourself to your room. Kaz was growing more agitated by the second; only you would be able to walk away from a conversation with him without the consequences.
But that didn’t matter right now. The only thing that mattered as of now was fixing whatever Jesper had done to you earlier that day.
Kaz’s feet involuntarily made his way over to Jesper. Quiet filled the Slat, the only echoing sound being his cane tapping against the wooden floors repeatedly.
Jesper nervously glanced at Kaz, some sort of guilt overflowing in his eyes. Before Kaz even made it to his face, Jesper had blurted out, “I didn’t know they were her yogurts!”
Kaz’s expression had remained the same, despite his confusion, letting Jesper come to whatever conclusion he wanted. All he really wanted was information, and Jesper was more than likely to give it to him.
“I’ll get her new ones, I swear! After this game, I’m gonna win a big hand here, Kaz. I’ll get her all the strawberry yogurts she wants. I would’ve never touched them if I knew they were hers!”
Yogurts? All this anger for strawberry yogurts?
This time, Kaz let his irritation weave through the cracks in his face. Something so small as yogurts had ruined her day, and it was Jesper to blame for her mood.
“She cannot be performing badly in her missions, Jesper. Her actions reflect mine. I don’t care what you ate, you will buy her back triple.”
The words barely left his mouth before he turned around, silently sighing to himself.
Such a small thing. Something so insignificant. He had worried over nothing. Those small frowns had been nothing but annoyance.
Still, all that useless worrying had turned into something that might have been worth it when Kaz saw the look of your face the next morning, happily drinking the strawberry yogurt he had placed outside of your door during the night.
The smile you had on your face might have made his day a little brighter, and your “good morning” to him might have made him forget what made him angry at all.
｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ
thanks for reading guys! I'm taking requests for fics btw :))
