Update
I’m doing better, like in the proper way. I’ve stopped my cycle of starving myself and then bingeing. I eat all my meals. I try my best to stay in a good place. I’m learning to love my body... Sometimes it feels like a really do and it feels better than every single fantasy of being thin I’ve ever had. It feels like freedom.
The thing is that I feel like now I have more control than ever... it feels nice.
Something that I find funny is that I’ve lost like 15lbs and have been maintaining since I started treating myself like a person.
I’ve also been dressing myself like a person instead of living in hoodies and sweatpants.
I still pinch and poke at my skin... Sometimes I still want to return to this place and spend all my free time thinking about all my flaws. Sometimes I still want to skip lunch.
I feel like a person now than I have in over a year. I have actual hobbies now, I draw, I listen to music, I go shopping, and I eat when I’m hungry.
It wasn’t easy, it still isn’t, but I’d rather be working hard to feel like a person than scrolling through thinspo and crying over my bathroom scale.
To whoever reads this: Feeling better is worth it. I believe in you.
