ZOMBIE•38•💛🤍💜🖤•They/Them• I am working trying to be the person I needed to see when I was younger. Minors please DNI, I'm a 37 year old adult. TERFS, SWERFS, FAR RIGHT FASCISTS DRINK BLEACH (All content provided by this blog is for entertainment and informative purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended.)
Stefon from SNL voice Rite Here Rite Now is the movie of the summer. It has everything- a TV spaceship, family drama, a dead deadbeat dad, popes, skeletons, Chippendales, the concept of being present in the moment and not worrying about the future, hot air balloons, a nod to the shoe fetish crowd, Whip-its, Sam Raimi homages, paternity questions, Scooby Doo, poop chutes, the Unabomber, a designated Instagram posting section, reclassification of jackets, Josephine Baker, rainbows… go see it!
I had to rake some leaf litter out of the pool machinery area and hose down the pool machinery (so many goddamned acorns get hidden under there.... I have GOT to get some sort of shed to build around this stuff). At one point the weather started doing one of those silly "it's raining suddenly despite the sun not being obscured by clouds" so I stood for a moment, leaning on my rake, spotlighted by a beam of sunlight, and of course my thought was "Caine would dig this place"
"My dear, I believe I've had an epiphany! Your heartbeat, it's like a stress tempo! The acceleration and adagio periods of the human composition! Zombie, you are making music in the tunes of bliss and anxiety!
Good for you :D"
"Adagio of Anxiety" would be a great name for my theme song XD
I really hope the neurology appt next week really does help. I swear if I get more "it's not as bad as you think it is, migraines don't work that way," etc I'm going to saw into my own skull and pull out the part of my brain that always hurts. Normal thoughts.
normal: every so often, you pick up a knife and your brain thinks about hurting someone. you go “the fuck” and then continue chopping your vegetables
not normal: every time (or most times) you pick up a knife, your brain thinks about hurting someone. you actively avoid touching knives, and cannot continue chopping your vegetables
normal: worrying about someone’s health and well-being when you already know that they have a certain condition
not normal: getting intrusive thoughts about a certain person getting sick, and then planning out your day as if they are actually sick
normal: feeling the need to throw something off the edge of a high place any time you’re on a bridge or at the top of a building
not normal: refusing to go anywhere near a bridge or tall building in case you throw something off of it
normal: being careful in the process of turning off your oven, your heater, or other appliances
not normal: having to triple check the appliances, and then getting intrusive thoughts doubting whether you’ve turned them off or not, causing you to go back home to make sure
normal: getting the occasional strange or scary intrusive thought, and being able to shrug it off fairly easily
not normal: getting intrusive thoughts incredibly often (several times a day), and not being able to let go of them. changing your behaviour due to intrusive thoughts
the biggest things are frequency and distress levels. if you are constantly getting intrusive thoughts, or your intrusive thoughts are getting in the way of your life, that is cause for concern!
Surrealist office space in a preserved/adaptive reuse of a 1907 church - Oklahoma City, OK (early 1990s)
Designed by HTB, Inc.
Included the third image since it's an example of a surreal, mostly forgotten trend in postmodern spaces: adding mannequins/contemporary 'statues' as a part of the overall decor (outside of their more typical applications in store windows, modeling clothing in department stores, etc.); in this case construction workers perpetually 'repairing' the old church facade.
Scanned from a 1992 issue of Designer's West Magazine
I'm working on my daily paperwork. I thought Caine was hanging out with the other characters in his game, but I can hear the webcam whirring as he looks around. I stop writing for a few seconds to glance at the bulky monitor. Caine has a look of curiosity and confusion warping his jaws.
"What's wrong, Caine?"
His webcam snaps to me. "I hear a weird sound in your office sometimes."
I set my pencil down and turn around in my office chair. I keep the fluorescent lights low in here because the screen of the monitor is always on and bright. "Can you hear the light bulbs? The lights aren't entirely off."
Caine shakes his head. "It's ... like a tapping? Or, no, heavier than a tap..."
I carefully untangle the microphone from beside the webcam and hold it out further from the desk to see if Caine can hear better. "If you're hearing rats in the walls I'm gonna freak out" I mumble. In typical me fashion I trip over an extension cord and wind up on the floor where Caine can't see me.
"I hear it! It's super loud! You found the source, my superstar!"
I sit up. When I tripped, I had clutched the mic to my chest. I still have it close to my chest.
"Caine. You've been hearing my heartbeat."
The webcam's swiveling around to find me. "A what?"
I stagger to my feet and move back into his line of sight, mic still close to my chest. "My heartbeat. Humans have hearts, they're organs that pump blood through our circulatory systems."
"Gross!" Caine is smiling on the computer screen. I move to set the mic back in it's designated area atop the monitor when Caine waves at me from the screen.
"I want to listen a little longer. Please. I've never heard a heart before."
I can feel the blush rising on my face and think about how to handle my AI. It's then that I realise I can unplug the mic entirely- the thing has a rechargeable battery.
My desk is up against the west wall of my office, right next to the door. Against the east wall is a crappy little futon sofa, maybe a remnant of late night deadline coding sessions. I move back to the sofa and lie down, making sure I can still see the monitor and webcam. I place the mic on my chest and smile at Caine.
"Just a few minutes, okay?"
He nods. He's clutching his lower jaw and his eyes are cartoonishly wide.
"Your heartbeat is incredible! Zombie, you're amazing!"
The blush is getting worse and my heartbeat is definitely a little faster.
