what's it like not in the top five? | arisa | ch4 post motive | closed for kioku
kiokuwasure:
“If you deem that what I need to do to repent for me suggesting for someone to delete a video to be something that would take the course of more than five days; then quite simply, I’m not interested in repenting. What I did was bad, but it doesn’t warrant me having a twenty day expedition to win your heart back. If you don’t have a reasonable mind, I cannot imagine that you’re in a place to make rational or well-minded decisions. I understand, given your current predicament. Perhaps we can talk about this after you calm down… and if you don’t calm down, then there’ll be no further discussion of my repenting; as it will not happen.” She coughed into her hand, before shakily taking a seat at a table.
“…Please, make no mistake. I am not attempting to understand your pain. I never will. Nor do I particularly care to - I have enough pain of my own. Quite literally. To be very honest, the whole targeting me is very unwarranted. We’ve had a rather friendly relationship up until this point - and I intend to not make it any worse than it already is. If you hate me, then hate. Want to hit me? I’ll draw the target. Nothing you say or do will affect me in any which way.”
“Simply put, you are correct. I could give less of a shit about you. In fact, I do wish you were dead!” Kioku has a smile on her face, her bags under her eyes are very much on show as a small bit of blood peeks out of her nose.
“That’s right. I wanted you dead! Since day one! I saw your blonde hair, and your perfect skin and your ugly shoes and I thought ‘I hope she dies, nothing will bring me more joy than to watch her suffer in the most horrible way - watch all of her friends betray her, and then kick the can. I’d feel great about myself!’. That’s why I put you in seventh and told Haruto to delete your video - I just looooove to see people suffer, especially you!” She stabs her fork into her food, rolling her eyes. The sarcasm was quite clear in that final statement.
“Use that tiny brain of yours - Jito-san is one of the most loved people here. The top three is hardly a combination of people who we want dead. The mere suggestion is pathetic. Take a statistics class - and while your at it, use that brain to figure out that every motive is put there by Monokumi aimed to specifically make us murder one another. I’m not a seer - I have a brain. And so do you.”
“If you have no interest in speaking to me as a human being, I am going to block you out. I have no reason to speak with you anymore. You say you don’t care for sob stories, but here you are giving me yours. You think I give a shit about your sob story when you’re verbally attacking me? Then cry to someone else about it. My world doesn’t revolve around you, and I don’t care much for putting effort into this argument anymore…”
“I volunteered myself for death. I put myself and Haruto at the top. Monokumi made me vote. There was literally nothing else I could do. To be quite honest, I am closer to other people than I am to you. So you were seventh. Don’t like? Don’t worry honey, you’ll live. Wait for the murder to happen - you’ll see I’m right.” With that, she shoves the food into her mouth and chews, staring directly at Arisa, looking her in the eyes.
( cw: self-deprecation, thoughts of death )
“I don’t care what you think. You should have to suffer through the pain that I would have if Haruto went through with your idea. There is no fucking cap on the number of days that you have to make up for what you almost did. Attempted fucking murder is still a crime, Kioku. Do you know how much that would have upset me? Do you know how much more upset I would be now if I hadn’t seen Mitsu-kun’s face one last time? Known he was happy out there? Known he was safe before I was forced to leave him? There is no way you could have repented. I have ruined people for less, and I would not have hesitated. I would say you just have to live with the guilt, but clearly you don’t know how to comprehend the amount of hurt you would have caused so how can you understand the amount of guilt you should feel?”
“The whole telling Haruto to delete my video was pretty unwarranted, too. I don’t care how much pain you’re in. At least you’re not going to die in a few days, huh? Can you say that? You act like a big bitch when no one else is around, huh? You’re alright with talking mad shit when no one’s here to see you? Our friendly relationship was just me taking pity on some weirdo freak with no social skills to think of or any attractive qualities that would draw people in. I just felt bad for you, loser.”
She spits this before Kioku can speak up again, and each and every one of her words feel like a stab to the gut. She wanted you dead, Arisa. She never wanted you around, Arisa. Even if you were sooooo nice to her, she never liked you, Arisa. No one could like you, Arisa, so just stop trying.
Her hands slam onto the counter, and she stares down at the bowl of cheesecake batter, the mere sight of it making her nauseous, and she places a hand over her mouth as her skin turns pale and her eyes go distant. What was the point? What was the point of being nice of everyone just wanted you dead from the start anyway?
“....”
“I...see...”
She didn’t seem to hear anything past a certain point, ears ringing far too much to comprehend anything as that whisper escapes her. She steps back from the counter, batter abandoned and forgotten.
“Don’t...Don’t fucking....Don’t fucking talk to me....”
And she’s gone.