Party's Over | Azusa | Ch. 4 | Closed for Shiba
azusadoigawa:
Shiba….Shiba your emotions. Open up to her! Azusa was just thankful she was letting them talk to each other. “People do care about your music!” She had definitely noticed that slipping and half-truth, but as long as Shiba was at least willing to say ‘a musician’ and not ‘a rapper’, it’s certainly something. “Even if there’s something you’re really passionate about, even if it’s such a huge part of your identity, it’s never going to be all of who you are.” Speaking from experience! “You friends are going to care about every part of you.” She gives Shiba a sad smile, nodding. “I understand.” What else can you add to that? It Hurts!
Azusa is smart enough to not bring it up when Shiba is very clearly trying to hide it, but she can’t not say anything at all, right? “You’re really strong, you know? Don’t think I ever said that. But you have people to rely on. And it’s okay to let them see you hurting.” This isn’t about the crying she swears.
Azusa takes the bag, making sure that it’s nice and protected against her side. Can’t exactly get an all new laptop! “No need for thanks!” Azusa you love thanks, “I’ll just follow your lead!”
But did they care about it in the way Shiba wanted them to? Probably... not. There were so many feelings swirling around in them. “H- How could you understand..?” their voice was soft but incredibly bitter. “Azusa Doigawa... t- that’s you’re real name, right? You n- never lied about who you were, huh...?” This wasn’t how they wanted to say something like this. Something as precious as their own name, how could they say it like this. They bit their bottom lip and held back the venom they could feel bubbling up in their chest. It wasn’t fair to spew all this bitterness at Azusa. It’d be even less fair when all she was trying to do was help them.
Shiba looked up at Azusa, tears still falling unacknowledged but the way their face twisted in pain was undeniable. “I- Identity...? All a- any outside o- of here will know me f- f- for is my music... I- It’s like I--” their body trembles and they choke back a sob. They didn’t like this side of them. The gloomy, awkward crybaby who barely anyone knew. Azusa wouldn’t comfort them like Ayumu did. But in all fairness, Shiba told Ayumu by choice. They felt comfortable enough to open up and let Ayumu see them for how they truly were. Maybe it didn’t mean anything to him. Maybe he didn’t realize what they had done. Maybe he’d never know the importance of that moment in the kitchen to them. But it was there. Those feeling were real and dug like a knife in their small chest.
Ayumu knew and would take that comfortable moment they shared together with him. Because as far she they could tell, this wasn’t comforting at all. To no fault of Azusa’s, this was just a very internal and private struggle that displayed by how rapidly they cried and how violently they shook.
“Ko... Kousuke... W- Watanabe.... t- that’s who I am... N- Not the b- brave rapper... n- not the smiling idol... I- I’m...”
What were they? Who were they? Who could they be?
“L- Lonely... I- I want--” another tremor coursed through them. “I- I want Ayumuuuu...!” a pathetic whine finally broke through. The weight of the speaker easily brought them to their knees on the sand. They clung, trying to seek any semblance of warmth from the speaker. Kousuke wouldn’t blame Azusa if she just left them.











