TW: Abus!ve family, abus3, implied thoughts of su1c!de, and mention of naus3a.
“That girl didn’t want to die, she just wanted out of that house.”
You could feel the nausea clawing its way up your throat the second you stepped off the school bus. The humid air clung to your skin, making it hard to breathe, while every sound around you seemed unbearably loud—the chatter of students, the squeal of the bus driving away, even the tiny keychains hanging from your backpack jingling with every shaky step you took toward home. Your breathing was the worst of all, uneven and panicked, as if your lungs were struggling to keep up with the anxiety burning through your body. Ever since you were little, violence had been normal in your household. There was never a quiet day without your parents screaming at each other. But today had been different. Worse. Before school, in the middle of another explosive fight, they had turned their anger toward you, their voices sharp enough to cut through the room while plates shattered against the walls and picture frames crashed onto the floor, glass scattering everywhere. It had never gotten that bad before, and the memory of it still made your hands shake. You weren’t afraid of the yelling anymore—you were afraid of not knowing what would happen next. That uncertainty sat heavily in your chest, sending chills down your spine despite the suffocating heat outside. Sweat stuck to the back of your neck as you walked up the driveway, silently counting in your head to keep yourself grounded. 1…2…3… Your fingers tightened around the house keys your mother had given you “just in case” they came home late, the cold metal digging into your palm as you unlocked the front door. For a brief second, you hesitated, praying the house would be quiet for once, but the moment the door creaked open, the sound of the television drifted through the hallway, quickly drowned out by the familiar sound of yelling once again.
The moment the yelling reached your ears, your entire body tensed so hard it hurt. You shut the door quietly behind you, hoping somehow they wouldn’t notice you were home yet, but the walls of the house practically vibrated with their screaming. Your father’s voice thundered from the living room while your mother shouted over him, both of them throwing words back and forth so carelessly that it was impossible to tell where the argument had even started anymore. The television blared in the background, some random sitcom laugh track playing at the worst possible moments, almost mocking the chaos unfolding around it. You slipped your shoes off slowly, careful not to make noise, your heartbeat pounding so loudly in your ears you were convinced they could hear it too. The shattered picture frame from that morning still lay in the hallway, tiny pieces of glass catching the dim light as you stepped around them. Nobody had bothered cleaning it up. Of course they hadn’t. They never cleaned up after the damage they caused, not physically and definitely not emotionally. Your chest tightened as you stared at the broken family photo still trapped inside the cracked frame, your own smiling face staring back at you from happier years that barely even felt real anymore. Sometimes you wondered if every family secretly lived like this behind closed doors and were just better at hiding it, or if you had somehow gotten unlucky enough to be born into a house where love only existed in brief moments between explosions. School wasn’t much better either. People always talked about home like it was some safe place they couldn’t wait to get back to, but for you, home felt like walking into a battlefield every single day without knowing where the next hit would come from. It was exhausting pretending to be normal all the time, pretending the dark circles under your eyes were from staying up late on your phone instead of listening to your parents scream until two in the morning. Pretending the flinch in your shoulders whenever someone raised their voice was normal. Pretending you weren’t constantly jealous of classmates complaining about stupid things like strict curfews or parents asking too many questions, because at least their parents cared enough to notice them. You swallowed hard, forcing yourself toward your room while the argument only grew louder behind you, each word hitting like a punch to the chest. Then your father suddenly yelled your name from the living room, and the fear that rushed through your body was immediate and sharp, like your heart had completely stopped beating for one horrible second.
Your stomach dropped the second your name left his mouth. Everything inside you screamed to keep walking, to lock yourself in your room and pretend you hadn’t heard him, but you already knew that would only make things worse. Slowly, you turned toward the living room, your pulse hammering so violently it made your hands shake. The air in the house felt thick, suffocating, carrying the sharp smell of alcohol and the lingering scent of something burnt from earlier. Your mother stood near the kitchen doorway with tears streaking down her face, mascara smudged beneath her eyes, while your father paced back and forth like a ticking bomb ready to explode again. The second he looked at you, it felt like being caught in the middle of a wildfire. “Look who finally decided to come home,” he snapped, his voice dripping with irritation like your existence alone had somehow offended him. You opened your mouth, ready to apologize even though you hadn’t done anything wrong, because apologizing had become instinct at this point, but the words got stuck in your throat. Your mother scoffed bitterly and crossed her arms, mumbling something about how you were “just like him,” while your father immediately fired back that you were “becoming just like her.” Back and forth. Back and forth. Like you weren’t even a person standing there, just another object they could throw at each other to win an argument. Your chest tightened painfully as heat rushed to your face, embarrassment and anger mixing together until you couldn’t tell which one hurt more. You wanted to scream at them to stop. To stop dragging you into their mess, to stop acting like you were responsible for the cracks in their marriage, to stop making you feel like every problem in the house somehow traced back to you. But instead, you just stood there frozen, nails digging crescent marks into your palms while tears burned at the corners of your eyes. Because no matter how angry you got, no matter how badly you wanted to defend yourself, a part of you still felt like that little kid hiding in their bedroom with headphones on, trying to drown out the fighting downstairs. And honestly? That was the worst part. Realizing that after all these years, after every slammed door and broken plate and sleepless night, you still secretly hoped one day they’d wake up and become the kind of parents you saw in movies—the kind that hugged their kids after bad days instead of making them feel like one.
But your family wasn’t some perfect sitcom family that sat around the dinner table laughing over stupid jokes and asking each other about their day. It was messy and weird and completely fucked up in ways you didn’t even know how to explain to other people anymore. The kind of family that looked almost normal from the outside until you stepped through the front door and realized every room was filled with tension so thick it felt impossible to breathe. You had grown so used to it over the years that it should’ve stopped affecting you by now, but somehow it never did. Every slammed cabinet still made you flinch. Every raised voice still sent panic rushing through your chest like ice water. You hated that about yourself. Hated how weak it made you feel. So pathetic, you thought bitterly, staring at the floor while your parents continued tearing each other apart around you. “Oh my god, look at her,” your mother laughed harshly through tears, gesturing toward you. “You’re scaring the kid.” “I’m scaring her?” your father snapped back immediately. “You’re the one acting fucking insane right now.” “Maybe I wouldn’t act insane if you actually did something around here for once.” “There you go again—everything’s my fault, right?” “Because it is!” Their voices overlapped so loudly that it became impossible to separate one from the other, each sentence sharper than the last. You could feel your breathing speeding up again, your chest tightening painfully as the argument spiraled higher and higher. “Can you both just stop?” you finally blurted out, your voice cracking embarrassingly halfway through. Silence hit the room for a split second. Both of them looked at you, almost surprised you were still standing there. Your father scoffed first. “Don’t raise your voice at me.” The words hit instantly, making guilt twist violently in your stomach even though you knew you hadn’t done anything wrong. “I-I wasn’t—” “Then don’t start acting disrespectful,” he interrupted coldly. Your mother shook her head, rubbing at her temples. “See? This is exactly what I mean. She’s stressed out all the time because of this house.” “Oh, don’t pull that guilt trip bullshit on me,” your father muttered. “You think I don’t notice?” she shot back. “She barely talks anymore. She stays locked in her room all day.” Your throat tightened painfully because your mother was right. You did stay locked away. It was the only place in the house that almost felt safe, even though you still heard everything through the walls anyway. Sometimes you’d sit on your bedroom floor with your headphones turned up all the way, trying to drown them out with music, but the yelling always found its way through eventually. It always did. “I’m going to my room,” you mumbled quietly, already turning away before either of them could stop you. “Yeah, run away like always,” your father called after you. That one hurt more than it should have. Your hand tightened around the staircase railing as tears blurred your vision again, anger and humiliation burning under your skin. Run away? As if hiding was some kind of choice. As if you hadn’t spent your entire life surviving whatever version of them walked through the house each day. The second you reached your room, you slammed the door shut and locked it, your shaking hands immediately covering your mouth to keep any sound from coming out. Then you slid down against the door onto the floor, knees pulled tightly to your chest while muffled yelling continued downstairs like some horrible soundtrack you could never escape from.You whispered to yourself through shaking breaths, “How do I keep living here… I can’t do this anymore,” your sobs becoming louder than the muffled arguing downstairs. Your chest ached so badly it felt like something heavy was sitting on top of it, crushing every breath before it could fully leave your lungs. Tears blurred your vision until your room melted into smudged colors and shadows, and with trembling hands, you reached into your pocket for your phone like it was the only lifeline you had left. The only person who ever
seemed to genuinely care about you was this guy named Toby Rogers from your pre-cal class. You met him through some stupid group project a few months ago, and somehow the two of you clicked almost instantly. At first, you thought he was intimidating—quiet, awkward, always hiding behind the collar of his black turtlenecks while keeping his head down during class—but the more you talked to him, the more you realized he understood you in ways nobody else ever had. You told him things you’d never told anyone before, and somehow he always listened without judging you. He shared his own stories too, pieces of himself hidden underneath dry humor and awkward glances away whenever conversations got too personal. The two of you became inseparable after that. Every lunch period was spent together in the school library, sitting on the dusty carpeted floor between shelves while laughing over weird books nobody else cared about. One book you both obsessed over was Bones and All because it fit both of you a little too perfectly—two messed up people trying desperately to survive themselves and the world around them. And honestly? Somewhere between those quiet library lunches and late-night texts that lasted until three in the morning, you realized you had feelings for him. Real feelings. Which felt strange because you usually crushed on people who seemed untouchable—alternative celebrities, actors like Ryan Gosling when he was younger, people who existed safely behind screens where they couldn’t hurt you. But Toby was different. Real. He wore the same dark turtlenecks almost every day, and thick bandages always wrapped around one side of his cheek like he was trying to hide part of himself from the world. He was around 5’6, average height for a guy, but painfully thin, all sharp shoulders and bony wrists hidden beneath oversized hoodies. People at school constantly whispered about him, called him weird behind his back, laughed whenever he twitched too hard or avoided eye contact for too long. And on top of all that, Toby couldn’t feel pain. Literally. He once told you casually during lunch while flipping through a book that he had a condition that made it impossible for him to feel physical pain or even sweat properly, and the way he said it—so numb and detached—made your chest hurt worse than any pity ever could. You hated how cruel people were to him. Maybe because you understood what it felt like to be treated like something broken. With tears streaming down your face like waterfalls, your vision blurry and your phone screen damp beneath your fingers, you finally opened your messages and clicked on his contact. The screen shook in your hands as you typed, desperately trying to keep your breathing steady enough to form coherent words while the yelling downstairs continued like a storm tearing your house apart.
Your fingers hovered over the keyboard for a few shaky seconds before you finally typed, “Toby, I can’t do this.. I can’t, it’s getting worse.” The message sat there for a moment, the little blue send arrow staring back at you almost mockingly, like even your phone was hesitating. But eventually, you pressed it anyway. The second it delivered, regret twisted in your stomach. You hated being vulnerable. Hated feeling like some fragile, pathetic mess dumping her problems onto someone else. Your thumb quickly moved to lock your phone, but before you could, the screen lit up almost instantly with his name. Toby Rogers. Your heart clenched painfully. He replied so fast it was obvious he had been awake already. “What happened?” Simple. Direct. So painfully him. More tears slipped down your cheeks as you stared at the message, your breathing uneven while yelling echoed faintly through the floorboards beneath your bedroom. You swallowed hard before typing again. “They’re fighting again. Worse than before. I think my dad’s drunk. I don’t know what to do anymore.”Three dots appeared immediately. Disappeared. Came back. You could practically picture him on the other side of the screen sitting hunched over in his dark bedroom, sleeves pulled over his hands, messy hair falling into his eyes while he thought carefully about what to say. Toby always did that—he treated your feelings like they mattered, like one wrong sentence could break you further. “Are you safe?” Your chest tightened painfully at the question because you didn’t even know how to answer it anymore. Physically? Probably. Emotionally? Not even close. You wiped your face aggressively with your sleeve before typing back, “I guess.” Another pause. Then your phone buzzed again. “That’s not a real answer and you know it.” Despite everything, despite the shaking in your hands and the screaming downstairs, a weak laugh escaped your throat because of course he’d say that. Of course he’d see right through you. He always did. You leaned your head back against your bedroom door, curling tighter into yourself while your screen glowed softly against your tear-stained face. “I’m just tired, Toby.” This time his response took longer. Long enough for your anxiety to start crawling under your skin again. Long enough for you to wonder if maybe you had finally become too much. Then your phone buzzed once more. “You wanna know something weird?” You blinked at the screen in confusion before typing back a hesitant, “What?” Almost immediately, his response came through. “Every time you say you’re tired, I get scared.” Your breath caught in your throat. The arguing downstairs faded into background noise for a split second as you reread the message over and over again. Because underneath Toby’s awkwardness and weird humor and quiet demeanor, there was always this terrifying honesty to him. Like he felt things too deeply but never knew how to say them normally. Another message appeared before you could answer. “I know what it sounds like when someone’s giving up.” The tears came harder after that, silent and overwhelming, slipping down your face while you pressed the sleeve of your hoodie against your mouth to stop yourself from making noise. And somewhere hundreds of thoughts and miles away, Toby Rogers sat staring at his own phone, probably just as helpless as you felt now.
Your hands shook so badly you almost dropped your phone while typing. The tears wouldn’t stop now, falling faster than you could wipe them away, soaking into the sleeves of your hoodie while the yelling downstairs continued like some endless storm beneath your feet. You stared at the glowing screen for a long moment before finally forcing yourself to type the words you had been swallowing down for months. “I feel unsafe.. and to be honest Toby, I don’t think I belong here… I need to be free.” The message sent instantly, and for the first time all night, the room felt completely silent. Not because the arguing had stopped—it hadn’t—but because your heartbeat was suddenly so loud it drowned everything else out. Three dots appeared almost immediately. Disappeared. Came back again. You could practically feel his panic through the screen. “What are you saying, Y/N?” Your throat tightened painfully at the message. You didn’t even fully know what you were trying to say. You just knew you were exhausted. Exhausted of waking up every morning already anxious to go home later. Exhausted of pretending you were okay at school while feeling like your entire life was collapsing in slow motion behind closed doors. Exhausted of carrying so much fear and anger and sadness all at once that it physically hurt to exist sometimes. Your fingers hovered over the keyboard again before you typed slowly, each word making your chest ache harder. “I want to not be here on this earth, Toby.” The second the message delivered, your stomach twisted violently with regret and fear. The typing bubble appeared instantly this time, frantic, disappearing and reappearing like he couldn’t think fast enough. Then finally: “Don’t say that.” Another message came right after it. “Please.” You squeezed your eyes shut as more tears slipped down your face. Downstairs, something slammed hard enough to rattle your bedroom walls, making you flinch violently, but your focus stayed locked on your phone. “I’m serious, Y/N,” he typed again. “Talk to me. Stay with me right now.” Your breathing came out shaky as you stared at the messages. Part of you wanted to throw your phone across the room and disappear under your blankets forever, but another part—the small exhausted part of you that still wanted someone to care—held onto every word he sent like a lifeline. “I just can’t do this anymore,” you admitted. “Every day feels worse. I feel trapped here.” The typing bubble appeared again instantly. “Then focus on getting through tonight. Just tonight. Don’t think about forever right now.” Your lips trembled because somehow Toby always knew exactly how to talk to you when your thoughts became too heavy. Never overly dramatic. Never fake positive. Just honest. Grounding. Real. “Can you lock your door?” he asked. You glanced toward it automatically, still pressed shut behind you. “It’s locked.” “Okay. Good.” Another pause. “Can you plug headphones in or put music on? Something quiet.” You shakily reached for your headphones beside your bed, your fingers fumbling with the cord before plugging them into your phone. The arguing downstairs still bled faintly through the floor, but softer now beneath the low music playing in one ear. “There,” you typed weakly. Toby replied almost instantly. “Good. Stay with me, alright? You don’t have to figure your whole life out tonight.” Your chest hurt painfully at the words because nobody had ever really said things like that to you before. Nobody had ever spoken to you like your existence mattered enough to fight for. And somewhere in his own dark room, probably sitting curled up with his sleeves pulled over his hands and his phone clutched tightly between pale fingers, Toby Rogers stayed awake with you while your world threatened to fall apart around you.
The argument downstairs only escalated, voices crashing through the walls so violently it felt like the entire house was shaking with it, something breaking again followed by your mother screaming over your father like neither of them even remembered you existed, and you curled tighter against your bedroom door as if it could somehow shield you from the sound, your phone trembling in your hands as you kept texting Toby through tears that wouldn’t stop falling; your vision blurred as you typed, “it’s getting worse, they’re screaming again,” and his replies kept coming instantly, steady and desperate in a way that made your chest ache, “I’m here,” “stay with me,” but it was hard to focus when every new crash from downstairs made you flinch so hard your whole body hurt, when your breathing kept stuttering like your lungs forgot how to work, and you pressed your forehead to your knees trying not to completely fall apart while texting him again, “I’m scared, Toby, I can still hear them, it feels like they’re right outside my door,” and another loud slam shook the floorboards making you gasp out a broken sob, your hands slipping on your phone as you clutched it like it was the only real thing left in the world, and when Toby replied “you’re in your room, you’re safe right now, stay with me,” it didn’t magically fix anything, it didn’t make the yelling stop or make the house feel less suffocating, but it gave you something to hold onto while you sat there shaking and crying silently into your sleeve, stuck between the chaos downstairs and the one person who was still on the other side of a screen refusing to let you disappear into it alone.
The yelling downstairs kept tearing through the house in waves—louder, closer, uglier—like it was crawling up the walls trying to reach you, and you were still frozen in place with your phone clutched in your hand, tears drying unevenly on your cheeks as Toby’s messages kept lighting up the screen unanswered, until that knock came again, soft but real, right against your window, and your whole body locked up instantly as your head snapped up, heart slamming so hard it made you dizzy; for a second you couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, because no one ever knocked at your window, no one was supposed to be there, and when you finally forced yourself to look properly through the glass, your brain struggled to make sense of it—Toby. Outside. In a dark hoodie pulled over his thin frame, shoulders hunched slightly like he was bracing against the cold, standing awkwardly on the narrow ledge like it was completely normal to be there, his usual bandages gone so his face was fully visible for once, pale and tired and tense in a way you’d never seen in school, and his breath fogged faintly against the glass as he leaned closer and knocked again, quieter this time, like he was trying not to startle you more than you already were, and your chest tightened painfully because this didn’t feel real—it felt like another stress hallucination your mind was creating just to survive the noise downstairs—but then he lifted his hand slightly, hesitating, and mouthed something you couldn’t hear through the glass, his eyes fixed on you with this sharp, focused concern that made your throat burn all over again, and behind you the house erupted into another crash and your instinct was to flinch backward, but Toby didn’t look away from you even for a second, just stayed there in the cold air outside your window like he had decided that whatever was happening inside your house didn’t matter more than you in that moment, and your phone buzzed again in your hand at the exact same time, his message coming through: “Open the window. I’m here.” You hesitated only for a moment, your whole body shaking as another shout from downstairs cracked through the floorboards and made your chest tighten painfully, but the sound of Toby outside—another soft knock, patient and careful—was enough to push you past that last bit of fear, and your trembling fingers finally fumbled with the latch until it clicked open, the window creaking as you pushed it upward and immediately letting in a rush of cold air that hit your tear-stained face and made you shiver; everything outside suddenly felt too real compared to the chaos behind you, like stepping into a different world for a second, and you barely had time to process it before Toby carefully shifted his weight on the ledge and climbed inside, movements awkward but deliberate, like he’d replayed it in his head a hundred times before actually doing it, his shoes landing quietly on your bedroom floor before he straightened up and exhaled under his breath like he’d been holding his breath the entire time, his dark hoodie slightly wrinkled, his hair messy from the wind, and for the first time without bandages, his face looked exhausted in a way you’d never seen at school—real, unfiltered, and human in a way that made your throat tighten all over again; he glanced toward the ceiling as another crash echoed from downstairs, followed by muffled screaming that seemed to shake the walls themselves, and he let out a low, disbelieving murmur, “God… they are loud,” like he couldn’t fully comprehend the level of chaos you lived with every day, and that one simple sentence—quiet, almost gentle—was what finally broke something in you completely, because suddenly he wasn’t just a voice on your phone anymore or someone you sat with in the library pretending everything was normal, he was here, standing in the middle of your actual life, seeing it for what it really was, and before you could even think twice you crossed the room in a stumbling rush and threw your arms around him, gripping his hoodie so tightly your fingers ached as your sobs
came out raw and uncontrollable, your whole body shaking against him as if you were trying to hold yourself together by holding onto him, and Toby stiffened only for a second before immediately softening, one hand carefully finding your back and the other resting near your shoulder like he was anchoring you in place without overwhelming you, his touch steady and deliberate as he stayed completely still otherwise, letting you cry into his chest while the noise downstairs kept going—distant but constant, like a storm that hadn’t stopped just because you finally found something solid to hold onto—and after a moment he quietly spoke again, voice low and grounding, “Hey… it’s okay. I’ve got you right now,” like he wasn’t trying to fix anything or erase what you were feeling, just making sure you didn’t have to go through it alone while everything else in your world kept falling apart. You clung to him harder, your voice breaking as the words finally spilled out between uneven sobs, “I-I can’t… Toby, god. You don’t know how bad I need you,” and it came out raw, desperate, like you’d been holding it in for so long it hurt to even say it, your fingers gripping his hoodie like letting go would send you straight back into everything happening downstairs; Toby went still for a second, like your words actually hit him somewhere deep, and then his arms tightened just slightly around you—not enough to trap you, just enough to make sure you knew he wasn’t pulling away. The yelling below surged again, louder for a moment, something slamming hard enough to make the floor vibrate under your feet, and you flinched instantly, burying your face deeper into him as your breathing turned shaky again, but he didn’t move away from you or the noise—he just stayed there, grounding you with quiet presence, his voice low and steady near your ear as he said, “Hey… I’m right here. You’re not doing this alone right now,” like it was the only thing that mattered in the middle of all that chaos. Your chest felt tight, like everything inside you was overflowing at once—fear, exhaustion, relief, all tangled together—and you didn’t even realize how hard you were shaking until he shifted slightly to steady you again, careful, patient, like he was giving you space to fall apart without ever letting you fall completely. “I know it feels like too much,” he added after a moment, quieter now, “but you don’t have to carry it by yourself. Not with me here.”
She sobbed into him harder, like everything she’d been holding in for years was finally breaking loose at once, her voice shaking as she clung to his hoodie and let the words spill out without thinking, “You know… we can get out of here. Fuck this place. We could just leave—like in Bones and All… just go somewhere far away where none of this reaches us,” and it wasn’t really a plan, more like grief turning into words, desperation shaping itself into something that sounded like escape, and Toby’s arms stayed around her but he didn’t feed into it the way her panic wanted him to; instead, he held her steady, his hand resting carefully at her back as another crash echoed downstairs and he instinctively shifted his stance like a shield between her and the sound, his voice low and grounded as he said, “Hey… I hear you,” not dismissing her, not arguing, just acknowledging her pain, and she shook even harder, whispering, “I can’t stay here, Toby, I can’t,” and that’s when he gently pulled back just enough to look at her, his expression serious but soft, eyes focused like he was trying to pull her out of the spiral instead of letting her sink deeper into it, “You don’t have to figure everything out right now,” he said quietly, firm but not harsh, “I’m here with you in this moment. That’s all,” and when she tried to speak again through broken breaths, he just shook his head slightly, not shutting her down but slowing her down, like he was trying to stop her thoughts from running too far ahead of her fear, and after a pause he added, quieter, “You’re not alone right now. Just… stay here with me for a bit, okay?” She sobbed into her hands, her shoulders shaking, breaths breaking unevenly as the sound of it filled the quiet space between them, raw and impossible to ignore. He watched her for a moment, something tight and conflicted in his chest, before stepping closer, his voice low but steady. “You know… we don’t have to stay here,” he said, softer now, like he was trying not to scare her with the weight of it. “We could leave. Right now. Forget this place—fuck all of it.” He hesitated only a second before continuing, his gaze fixed on her. “We could run. Be lovers on the run… like that book we read, Bones and All. Just you and me. No one else.” She slowly lifted her tear-streaked face, eyes searching his, unsure, fragile. “Us,” he added, more firmly this time, like he needed her to believe it as much as he did. “Till death do us part.” “Lovers…?” she echoed, her voice small, almost lost in the space between them. He let out a quiet breath, stepping even closer, reaching up to gently brush a tear from her cheek. “Yeah,” he murmured. “Lovers.” His expression softened as he looked at her, something almost aching in the way he held her gaze. “Even now… when you’re crying like this, falling apart right in front of me—you’re still beautiful.” She stilled at that, caught off guard. “When we’re reading together, when you’re studying, when you laugh at something stupid—I notice it every time,” he continued, his voice quieter, more certain. “You don’t even try, and you still light everything up. You always look so gorgeous to me. Always.”
She didn’t say anything at first—just nodded, like something inside her had finally settled—then moved quickly, almost urgently, grabbing her backpack and unzipping it with shaking hands. She stuffed everything she could think of inside without overthinking it—clothes, her book, anything that felt like it still belonged to her—zipping it up too fast, fumbling before finally getting it shut. He watched her for only a second before stepping in, helping sling it over her shoulder, his movements steady where hers weren’t. Without another word, he guided her to the window, pushing it open as the cool night air rushed in. “Come on,” he murmured, climbing out first before turning back to her, reaching up. She hesitated only a second before taking his hand, and he lifted her down carefully, his grip firm as he steadied her once her feet hit the ground. Somewhere in the distance, the world felt too quiet—like it was waiting to catch them. “We don’t have time,” he said, grabbing her hand and pulling her along. Toby’s white truck sat waiting in the shadows, stolen and idling like a promise they couldn’t take back. He rushed to the passenger side first, yanking the door open for her. “Get in.” She climbed inside, breath still uneven, heart racing, and he shut the door before circling to the driver’s side. A second later, he was behind the wheel, gripping it tight before glancing at her. No turning back now. Then the engine roared louder, and they pulled away into the night.
The truck hummed beneath them as the road stretched out into the dark, headlights cutting a narrow path through the night while everything they were leaving behind faded further into nothing. She sat curled slightly into herself, fingers gripping the edge of her backpack like it was the only thing keeping her grounded, her breathing still uneven as the adrenaline slowly settled into something quieter, heavier. For a long moment, neither of them spoke—just the sound of the engine and the distant rush of wind filling the silence—until she finally turned her head toward him, her voice soft, almost fragile. “...Toby, are we lovers?” The question lingered in the air, delicate and dangerous, like it could change everything depending on how he answered. His hands tightened slightly on the steering wheel, eyes fixed on the road ahead, jaw tensing before he finally spoke. “Yeah,” he said, low and certain, like there was no other answer in the world that made sense. He glanced at her then, just for a second, something steady and unshakable in his expression. “We are.”
The words slipped out of her like she couldn’t hold them in any longer, like they’d been sitting heavy in her chest just waiting for the right moment to break free. Her hands clenched around her backpack as she turned toward him, her voice unsteady but sure. “In that case… I love you.” She paused, her breath catching, but she didn’t look away. “I love you so fucking much.” The confession filled the truck, thick and undeniable, louder than the hum of the engine, louder than the thoughts racing between them. Toby went still for a second, his grip tightening slightly on the wheel as if he needed something to hold onto. He let out a quiet breath, glancing at her, something deeper settling into his expression—something certain. “Yeah,” he said softly, but there was nothing unsure about it. “You’re stuck with me now.” His eyes flicked back to the road, a faint, almost disbelieving smile tugging at his lips.
The road eventually gave way to something quieter, narrower, until Toby slowed the truck to a stop at the edge of a wide stretch of trees, their shadows stretching long under the dim light of the moon. The engine fell silent, leaving only the soft hum of the night around them. He glanced at her, a small, almost disbelieving smile forming. “C’mon,” he said, stepping out and moving to her side, opening the door like he always would now. She took his hand without hesitation this time, letting him pull her gently to her feet. For a second, they just stood there, the world behind them, the unknown ahead—but it didn’t feel scary anymore. It felt like theirs. “Ready?” he asked. She squeezed his hand, a real smile breaking through. “Yeah.” And then they ran. Into the trees, into the dark, into something wild and free, their laughter breaking through the quiet as their footsteps carried them farther and farther away from everything that had tried to hold them back. They didn’t stop until they couldn’t hear the world anymore—only each other. And somehow, out there beneath the canopy of endless green and open sky, they built something soft and untouchable, a life made only for them. No rules, no past, no one else—just two hearts that chose each other, again and again. And in that hidden place, far from everything, they stayed—together, always—living the kind of forever they had once only read about.
TAGS: CREEPYPASTA FANFIC, FEMALE READER, TICCI TOBY, TICCI TOBY X READER, SHE/HER PRONOUNS, X READER.
Chapter: Espresso
Espresso
The bell above the café door chimed before the sun was even fully up. I tied my apron tighter around my waist and pushed a loose strand of hair behind my ear while the smell of espresso and burnt caramel filled the air. The coffee shop was always quiet this early, just the low hum of machines and soft music drifting through the speakers. I liked it that way. Before the customers came rushing in with tired eyes and rushed orders, it almost felt peaceful.
I wiped down the counter for the third time that morning and glanced at the handwritten menu hanging crooked above me. Working at the café wasn’t exactly my dream job, but after two years, I could make a latte faster than most people could decide what they wanted to drink. People came in every day looking exhausted, heartbroken, angry, or half asleep, and somehow coffee was supposed to fix all of it.
By seven o’clock, the line was already curling toward the door. I forced on my usual smile and called out, “Next!” like I hadn’t slept three hours the night before. Around here, nobody really noticed the girl behind the register. I was just the one handing them caffeine and wishing them a nice day. And honestly, I preferred it that way. Till this guy came into my cafe a while back.
The day had been dragging by at a painfully slow pace, the kind where every minute felt stretched out forever. I had only clocked in twenty minutes earlier, but it already felt like I’d been standing behind the register for hours. The café smelled like freshly ground espresso beans and warm vanilla syrup, mixed with the buttery sweetness of pastries baking in the oven behind the counter. Soft jazz played quietly through the speakers overhead, almost drowned out by the low hiss of the espresso machine steaming milk.
Barely anyone had come in since opening. I leaned against the counter, half-awake while wiping down the same spotless surface for probably the fifth time, when the bell above the café door suddenly chimed. I looked up automatically.
That’s when he walked in.
At first, he didn’t do much except stand there near the entrance, almost frozen. The cold air from outside drifted in around him before the door shut behind him with a soft click. His dark stripped hoodie looked slightly oversized on him, the sleeves covering part of his hands, and his brunette hair fell messily into his face like he either didn’t care how it looked or forgot to. But what really caught my attention was the scar.
A long, jagged scar stretched from the corner of his lip to the side of his cheek. It was pale against his skin, sharp and uneven like it had been deep once. Not the kind you got from some stupid childhood accident either. It looked real. Old. Noticeable enough that my eyes landed on it before I could stop myself. I looked away quickly before he could catch me staring.
He approached the register slowly, shoulders tense like he didn’t actually want to be there. His eyes flicked up toward the menu hanging above me, scanning it over and over again. One minute passed. Then another. Then another. I didn’t mind. Honestly, I was so bored I was almost entertained watching him try to decide. Every few seconds, his shoulder jerked sharply, followed by a quick twitch of his head. At first I thought he was just cold or nervous, but it kept happening over and over. Small sudden movements he clearly wasn’t doing on purpose. Finally, after almost three full minutes of staring at the menu like it was written in another language, he spoke.
“C-can I get an Americano…” His voice was quiet and rough around the edges. He paused, swallowing hard before continuing. “…with a splash of milk?”
The sentence came out unevenly, his words catching over each other like he had to force them out.
I gave him a friendly smile anyway. “Great choice. What’s the name?” For a second he just blinked at me. It looked like my question took a moment to process in his head. His fingers tapped nervously against the counter while his eyes darted somewhere past me. Then his gaze slowly came back into focus. “Toby,” he said quietly. I typed it into the register. “Great name. Anything else?” His eyes shifted toward the pastry display beside the register. Rows of muffins, danishes, cookies, and croissants sat neatly behind the glass. He stared at them for a weirdly long time before pointing slightly.
“And…” He hesitated again, his hand twitching once near his side. “A croissant.”
I waited.
“Chocolate one.”
There was something strangely careful about the way he talked, like every word had to be chosen correctly before he let himself say it out loud. “Of course.” I reached into the display case with a pair of tongs and slid the chocolate croissant into a small paper sleeve before placing it beside the register. “That’ll be $7.80, sir.” I turned the tablet toward him.
He immediately dug into the pocket of his hoodie, pulling out a handful of crumpled bills and loose coins. His movements were slightly shaky as he counted everything out under his breath.
“Two… three…”
Another twitch pulled at his shoulder.
“H-here.”
He pushed the money toward me carefully.
I counted it slowly, mostly because he looked nervous enough already. “Perfect.” I smiled softly. “Would you like the receipt?”
He shook his head almost immediately, avoiding eye contact as he grabbed the croissant.
Another sharp tic ran through him as he turned away from the counter. I watched him walk toward one of the tables near the front window. The café was practically empty except for an older man reading a newspaper in the corner, so Toby ended up sitting alone in the sunlight pouring through the glass. The second he sat down, the light hit him differently.
His brunette hair suddenly looked lighter, warm golden streaks threading through it where the sun touched. The scar on his face softened slightly under the light too, though it was still impossible not to notice. He stared out the window silently, one hand resting near the untouched croissant while the other tapped lightly against the table in uneven rhythms. And for some reason, I couldn’t stop looking at him.
Maybe because people with scars like that weren’t common around here. Maybe because he looked so painfully nervous just ordering coffee. Or maybe because he looked completely lost sitting there by himself, like his body was in the café but his mind was somewhere far away. The espresso machine hissed loudly behind me, snapping me out of my thoughts.
Right. His drink.
I poured the Americano into a dark ceramic mug before adding a small splash of milk, watching it swirl through the coffee in pale ribbons. Usually I’d just call out the customer’s name and leave the drink on the counter, but the café was dead quiet and honestly… I wanted another excuse to look at him. So I carried it over myself.
“Here ya are, Toby.”
I smiled as I gently set the mug down in front of him.
He jumped hard in his seat, startled enough that the table rattled slightly beneath his hands. His lips parted immediately into a small, breathy “oh,” his wide eyes snapping up to meet mine.
For a moment, he just stared at me. Really stared.
Not in a creepy way. More like he was trying to understand something about me. His brown eyes flicked across my face carefully before his expression drifted distant again, his attention slipping away somewhere deep in his own thoughts.
Up close, I noticed little things I hadn’t before. The dark circles under his eyes. The way his fingers twitched faintly against the edge of the table. He looked exhausted. Like someone who hadn’t truly relaxed in a very long time……
The bell above the café door chimed again—louder this time, sharper, more insistent—and it cut straight through my thoughts like a snap of a rubber band. I blinked.
For a second, I wasn’t behind the counter anymore. I was still by the window in my mind, standing next to his table, watching him sit there with his hands wrapped around the warm mug. I could almost still see the sunlight on his hair, the way his eyes looked when he realized I was talking to him, the faint hesitation in every word he spoke like even existing took effort.
Toby. The name lingered for half a heartbeat too long in my head. Then another voice snapped through the café. “Hello? Next in line!”
That did it. I flinched slightly and forced myself to refocus. The illusion of the quiet moment shattered completely, replaced by noise, movement, and pressure. The café was no longer slow and empty—it was full, alive, and chaotic in the way it always got without warning.
Rush hour.
A line had formed fast, stretching almost to the door. People stood shoulder to shoulder, jackets brushing, phones in hand, all of them tired in the same impatient way. The air smelled stronger now—fresh espresso, hot milk, sugar, and warm pastries mixing together until it was almost overwhelming.
The espresso machine hissed nonstop behind me, like it was barely keeping up.
“Hi—what can I get started for you?” I said quickly, my voice shifting into automatic mode. Friendly. Polished. Empty in the way it had to be.
My hands moved before my brain fully caught up.
Cup. Lid. Syrup pump. Ice scoop. Espresso shot pulling in the background. Everything became a rhythm I didn’t need to think about anymore. But even as I worked, my mind kept slipping. A flash of him sitting near the window flickered back in. The way he stared outside like he wasn’t really here. The twitch in his shoulder. The pause before saying his own name like he had to find it somewhere.
I shook my head slightly, trying to clear it. “Name for the order?” I asked the next customer, sliding a cup forward without looking up for more than a second. “Carson,” they answered.
I wrote it down automatically. Milk steamed behind me, thick and white, the wand rattling softly as I angled it just right. The sound of cups clattering filled every gap in conversation. Someone’s phone rang. Someone else laughed too loudly near the pickup counter.
It was too much all at once, like the room had suddenly doubled in volume. And still—my thoughts kept drifting back to the window seat.
Empty now. No brunette hair catching the light. No scar half-hidden in shadow. No nervous hands tapping against the table like he didn’t know what to do with them when they weren’t holding something.
Just sunlight and glass.
I exhaled through my nose, sharper than intended, and slid an iced latte across the counter.
“Here you go,” I said, voice steady even if my head wasn’t. Another order came immediately. And another. And another. The café swallowed me whole again, like it always did during rush hour—but somewhere in the back of my mind, stuck between steam and noise and names I barely registered, Toby still lingered like a paused scene I couldn’t quite stop thinking about.
My movements were slow and automatic, like my brain had checked out but my hands were still trying to finish the job out of habit. The smell of coffee still lingered in the air—bittersweet, warm, slightly burnt at the edges from the espresso machine that had been running nonstop earlier.
Behind me, my coworker was already deep into closing tasks. Chairs scraped against the floor as they flipped them onto tables, the sound echoing through the empty café. Every movement felt louder now that the place was mostly cleared out.
“You almost done over there?” they asked, tossing a damp rag into a bucket.
“Yeah,” I said quietly, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear. “Just the floor and the machine.”
We didn’t talk much after that. There wasn’t really a need to. Closing shifts always turned into this unspoken routine where we just existed around each other, doing our parts without stepping on each other’s rhythm. I moved to the espresso machine and started wiping it down carefully, making sure every surface was clean and free of residue. The metal was still slightly warm under my hands, humming faintly as it powered down for the night.
The café lights above us flickered softly, casting a warm glow over everything that made it feel almost peaceful for a moment. Almost.
I crouched down to check under the counter next, dragging the cloth along the baseboards where coffee grounds and sugar always seemed to collect no matter how careful we were. My knees protested slightly as I stood back up, and I let out a quiet breath through my nose.
My coworker glanced over at me and smirked. “You look like you’ve been hit by a truck.”
“I feel like it,” I replied without hesitation.
That earned a small laugh from them, but neither of us argued with how true it was.
We finished the last of the cleaning in silence after that. The café slowly returned to its original state—chairs neatly stacked, counters wiped, floors swept clean enough to pass inspection. It was almost hard to believe how chaotic it had been just a few hours earlier, filled with rushing orders and constant noise.
Now it just felt empty.
Once everything was done, we did a final walkthrough together, checking locks and making sure every machine was off. The register beeped once as it closed out, and that sound alone felt like the end of something long and exhausting.
“Alright,” my coworker said, stretching their arms above their head. “We survived another day.”
“Barely,” I muttered, but I was already grabbing my jacket.
We clocked out side by side, the system letting out a soft confirmation beep. The café behind us was dark now, quiet and still, like it belonged to someone else entirely.
Outside, the night air hit immediately—cool, slightly damp, and a relief after the warmth of the café. The streetlights buzzed faintly above the sidewalk, casting long shadows that stretched across the pavement. The city felt different at this hour, like everything had slowed down just enough to breathe.
My coworker headed off in the opposite direction after a quick wave, and I returned it half-heartedly before turning away.
And just like that, I was alone again.
The walk to the metro stop felt longer than it should’ve, even though I knew the route by heart. My feet dragged slightly with every step, my mind half-focused on the pavement and half-drifting somewhere far away. Tomorrow was already sitting in the back of my thoughts like a weight I didn’t want to acknowledge—classes, deadlines, and the exam I absolutely had not prepared for.
The metro station came into view under its flickering lights, and I let out a small, tired sigh as I walked toward it.
I hated this part of the night. I stood under the shelter with a few other people scattered around me, each of us waiting in our own silence. No one really looked at each other. Most stared at their phones, or at nothing at all. The bench near the far end of the platform had someone curled up on it, wrapped in layers of clothing and still enough that I couldn’t tell if they were asleep or just trying to disappear into themselves.
I looked away quickly.
The bus arrived with a low groan, headlights cutting through the dim station. The doors opened with a hiss, and I stepped inside with the small group that moved forward at the same time. I tapped my bus pass against the reader and heard the soft beep that meant I could finally sit down.
The inside of the bus was warm, but in a stale, worn-out way. The seats were cracked in places, the fabric faded and slightly rough under my hands when I sat down. The floor had that familiar tired look—stained carpet that had seen years of footsteps and spills no one ever really cleaned properly.
I leaned my head against the window as the bus pulled away, watching the city slide past in blurred streaks of light. Streetlamps flickered in intervals. Cars passed in the opposite direction, their headlights briefly flashing across my face before disappearing again.
My body felt heavier with every stop we passed. The exhaustion wasn’t just physical anymore—it was in my thoughts too, slowing everything down. Tomorrow kept pressing at the edges of my mind, but I didn’t have the energy to deal with it yet. Not tonight.
By the time my stop came, I was barely paying attention.
The bus slowed, the doors opened, and I stepped out into the night air again. It was colder here, quieter, the kind of silence that made your footsteps sound louder than they should. I adjusted my bag on my shoulder and started walking faster without thinking about it.
My apartment building wasn’t far, but every step still felt like effort. The streetlights here were dimmer, spaced farther apart, leaving stretches of sidewalk swallowed in shadow before the next pool of light appeared. I kept my gaze forward, moving quickly until the building finally came into view. The entrance was familiar in a way that didn’t require thought. I pushed the door open, climbed the stairs two at a time, and barely slowed down until I reached my floor. My keys felt heavier than usual in my hand as I unlocked the door, stepping inside as soon as it clicked open behind me.
The quiet hit immediately. No café noise. No bus engine. No city chatter. Just stillness.
I closed the door, locked it, and dropped my bag right by the entrance without caring where it landed. My shoes came off next, kicked to the side, and I made it exactly three steps before collapsing onto the couch.
The cushions sank under me instantly, swallowing the weight of the day.
For a few seconds, I didn’t move at all.
Then I heard a small sound from the other side of the room.
A soft, familiar meow.
My cat appeared like she had been waiting the entire day for this exact moment. She trotted over quickly, tail up, and jumped onto the couch beside me without hesitation. Within seconds, she was pressed against my side, purring loudly like she had something important to say about my absence.
I let out a tired breath that turned into something close to a laugh and lifted my hand to scratch behind her ears.
“Hey,” I murmured softly.
She leaned into my touch immediately, completely unconcerned with anything else in the world except being close to me. Her warmth cut through the exhaustion in a way nothing else really could.
And for the first time all day, everything slowed down enough for me to just exist.
Just me. The couch. The quiet. And her purring like I mattered more than anything else outside this apartment. I got up again with a groan, my body moving on autopilot more than anything else. My cat followed me immediately, weaving between my legs like she was supervising my every step, clearly reminding me that dinner was not optional.
I opened a can of wet food and the sound alone made her perk up instantly. The smell filled the small kitchen area, and within seconds she was already eating like I had just served her the best meal in the world. I watched her for a moment, leaning slightly against the counter, feeling my exhaustion settle deeper into my bones.
Once she was settled, I made my way back to my room and basically collapsed onto my bed. The mattress gave under my weight with a soft bounce, and I didn’t even bother sitting up properly before reaching for my old MacBook.
It was beat up in a way that made it kind of embarrassing to bring anywhere. The edges were slightly worn, and the back was covered in layers of stickers from different phases of my life—some faded, some peeling at the corners, some I didn’t even remember putting there in the first place. It had survived years of assignments, breakdowns, and last-minute submissions, so I couldn’t really complain.
I opened it slowly, the screen lighting up my dim room, and clicked into my college dashboard.
The second it loaded, I regretted it.
Assignments. Deadlines. Notifications. Everything stacked neatly in a way that somehow made it feel even worse than I remembered. I stared at it for a few seconds, my brain refusing to process the list of things I needed to do. There were too many due dates, too many unfinished tasks, and absolutely zero motivation left in my body to deal with any of it.
I leaned back against my pillows and let out a long, tired breath.
“Maybe,” I muttered to myself, half-delirious, “someone will hack the system and magically erase everything.”
I closed the laptop immediately after saying it, like looking at it any longer would make it worse. The silence of my room wrapped around me again, heavy but familiar.
I forced myself up one more time and went to take a shower, letting the hot water run longer than necessary just to stand under it. It helped a little—the warmth loosening the tension in my shoulders, the steam fogging up the mirror until nothing outside felt real anymore.
When I finally got out, I changed into my pajamas, hair still damp, and crawled back into bed. My cat didn’t waste a second. She jumped up and curled herself right beside me, pressing into my side like she belonged there more than anything else in the world.
I pulled the blanket over both of us and let my eyes close for a moment.
But my brain didn’t quiet down.
The café kept replaying itself behind my eyelids. The rush, the noise, the endless stream of faces and orders. The irritated customers, the rushed voices, the fake smiles I barely remembered making. It all blurred together until one moment cut through everything else.
Toby.
His face came back so clearly it almost startled me.
The scar running from his lip to his cheek—sharp, uneven, impossible to ignore but somehow not the first thing I thought about anymore. It was the way he looked around the café like he wasn’t sure he was allowed to take up space. The way his hands shook when he paid. The way he repeated himself like every word needed permission to exist.
And his eyes.
Always shifting away. Always coming back.
I stared up at my ceiling, my cat’s steady purring vibrating against my side, and tried to understand why my mind kept going back to him.
It wasn’t dramatic. It wasn’t loud. It just… stayed for some odd fucking reason. I woke up to my alarm already halfway through its second cycle.
For a second, I just stared at the ceiling, disoriented, my brain trying to catch up with the fact that I had overslept. The room was too bright in that harsh morning way, sunlight slipping through the blinds and cutting straight across my face like it had somewhere better to be.
Then it hit me.
Class.
I shot up immediately.
“Shit,” I muttered, scrambling out of bed so fast I almost tripped over my own blanket.
My cat lifted her head from where she was curled at the foot of the bed, blinking slowly at me like she had all the time in the world. I barely had time to feel guilty about it.
“Sorry—sorry,” I said quickly, already moving. I rushed into the kitchen, grabbing her bowl and pouring in her usual wet food in a messy, uneven scoop. She meowed once, offended at the lack of ceremony, but immediately started eating anyway.
I didn’t even change properly. Just threw on clothes that were “good enough,” grabbed my bag, checked my phone once and immediately regretted seeing the time again.
Late. Very late.
“Of course,” I sighed under my breath, shoving my shoes on while half-hopping toward the door.
I locked up quickly and started speed-walking to the bus stop, my bag bouncing against my shoulder with every step. The morning air was cooler than I expected, sharp enough to wake me up a little more, but not enough to fix the mess I was already in.
The bus stop was already slightly crowded when I got there.
A few people stood under the small shelter, scrolling on their phones or staring down the street with that tired, early-morning expression everyone in the city seemed to share. I stood off to the side, trying to catch my breath, watching the road for the bus like it might magically arrive faster if I stared hard enough.
It didn’t.
Of course it didn’t.
When it finally came, it was already half-full. The doors opened with a familiar hiss, and I stepped inside with the rest of the waiting crowd. I tapped my pass and immediately had to shuffle down the aisle, trying to find space that didn’t involve standing directly pressed against someone’s shoulder.
By the time the bus started moving, it was already packed tighter.
I leaned against the nearest pole, holding on while the bus jolted forward through traffic. Every stop added more people, more noise, more movement. I let out a quiet groan, barely audible even to myself.
I hated this part. Always did.
But there wasn’t really a choice. Miss too many days, fall behind too much, and everything just spiraled. So I stayed standing, gripping the pole, letting the city blur past the windows until finally the familiar buildings of campus started appearing.
The bus slowed.
Everyone shifted at once.
The doors opened, and it felt like the entire bus emptied out in one rush. Students poured onto the campus grounds in waves, voices suddenly louder, footsteps everywhere, backpacks swinging as everyone tried to get to their own destinations.
I got swept along with them.
“Sorry—excuse me—” I muttered as I moved through the crowd, weaving between groups until I finally broke free and headed toward my building.
I checked my phone again.
Still late. Not disastrously late, but enough to make my stomach twist.
Great.
I hurried up the steps and into the lecture hall, slipping inside just as the professor was already talking.
The room was big, rows of desks sloping upward, most seats already filled. I ducked into an empty one near the middle, trying to look like I had been there the whole time. My breathing was still slightly uneven as I pulled out my notebook and pen.
“—as we discussed in the previous lecture,” the professor continued, pacing slowly at the front, “this concept is foundational to understanding modern behavioral theory…”
I glanced at the board.
Introduction to Psychology: Behavioral Conditioning
Of course it was this class.
I opened my notebook, forcing myself to focus as the professor kept talking, but my mind still felt slightly behind, like I had rushed into the day without properly catching up to it.
I started writing anyway.
Slowly, the chaos from the morning settled into something more structured. Notes. Definitions. Key terms. The usual rhythm of pretending I was fully awake and fully functional.
But every now and then, my hand would pause for half a second longer than it should’ve.
And I’d find myself thinking, uninvited and frustratingly clear—
Toby.
The lecture droned on longer than it felt like it should have, the professor’s voice blending into a steady background hum while I filled my notebook with half-focused notes. Key terms, definitions, arrows connecting ideas I’d probably have to reread later anyway. My handwriting got messier the longer I stayed awake, each line slightly more rushed than the last.
By the time the professor started wrapping up, I was barely holding onto attention.
“Alright,” he said, glancing at the clock, “that’ll be all for today. Don’t forget the reading for next class.”
A ripple of movement went through the room immediately—chairs scraping, notebooks snapping shut, backpacks being pulled on. The energy shifted instantly from forced focus to relief.
I exhaled, slowly closing my notebook and shoving it into my bag. My shoulders loosened a little as I stood up with the rest of the class, rolling them back to shake off the stiffness from sitting too long.
People started filing out in small clusters, talking again now that the pressure of silence was gone. I moved with them toward the exit, half-thinking about what I needed to get done later, half-thinking about absolutely nothing at all.
That’s when I saw him.
At first, it didn’t fully register. Just a familiar shape in the crowd near the hallway outside the lecture hall—someone standing slightly apart from the flow of students. Then I looked properly.
My steps slowed.
It was Toby.
Except… not quite the same Toby I remembered. His face was different. The scar that had been so visible before—the jagged line from his lip to his cheek—was covered now. Neatly wrapped in pale bandages that crossed his lower face, softening everything I had been unable to stop noticing before. It made his expression look quieter, almost hidden.
And he wasn’t wearing his hoodie.
Instead, he had on a black turtleneck that fit close to his frame, clean and plain, the kind of thing that made him look more put-together than he had in the café. His brunette hair was still slightly messy, but less chaotic than before, falling into his eyes in a way that made him look even more withdrawn.
He stood there with his hands tucked close to his sides, shoulders slightly tense like he wasn’t fully comfortable in the space around him. His gaze flicked around the hallway briefly, avoiding direct eye contact with almost everyone passing by.
Almost everyone. Because for a second, his eyes landed on mine.
And stopped. I froze mid-step. The hallway was still moving around me—students drifting out of lecture halls, backpacks bumping into shoulders, voices overlapping in that post-class rush—but I stayed still for a second longer than I should have.
Toby was still there. Near the edge of the hallway, half-turned slightly like he was already preparing to disappear into the crowd. The black turtleneck made him look even more closed off than before, and the bandages across his lower face gave him this quiet, guarded look—like he was trying to take up as little space as possible. My grip tightened around my bag strap. Then I glanced down at my phone.
The screen lit up harshly in the dim hallway light. And I froze. 2:07 PM. My stomach dropped a little. My class hadn’t even been until four.
Toby was still there. Still standing awkwardly, still avoiding eye contact with almost everyone passing by. His head tilted slightly downward, like he was studying the floor more than the people around him. Every so often, his fingers flexed at his sides like he didn’t know what to do with them. Something about the fact that he hadn’t left yet made my chest tighten in a strange way. Before I could overthink it, I started walking toward him. Each step felt louder in my head than it probably was in reality.
When I got closer, I slowed down a bit, suddenly aware of how weird this might look. I wasn’t even sure what I was going to say—I just knew I didn’t want to walk away without saying anything.
“Hey,” I said finally, my voice softer than usual so I didn’t startle him.
He reacted instantly. His shoulders tensed slightly, and he looked up—but not at me. Just somewhere near me, like eye contact was something he had to ease into carefully. “Um…” I continued, adjusting my grip on my bag. “You were at the café…a while ago.” A pause.
He nodded a little. Small. Barely there. Like he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to respond more. “I’m not actually supposed to be in class yet,” I added quickly, trying to make it less awkward. “I came way too early. So… I just—yeah.”
My words trailed off.
Great. Perfect explanation. Toby shifted slightly on his feet. His eyes flicked up for half a second, then immediately dropped again to somewhere near my shoulder. “Right,” he said quietly.
Another pause.
I could feel the silence stretching, but it wasn’t uncomfortable in a loud way—more like uncertain. Like neither of us knew what the rules were for this situation. “I just… wanted to say hi,” I added, a little more honest now, softer. “Since you were here.”
His fingers twitched once at his side. “Oh,” he said. Then, after a beat—
“Hi.”
It was quiet. Careful. Like he was testing the word before fully committing to it. A tiny, almost accidental smile tugged at my face.
“Hi,” I echoed back.
He nodded again, but still didn’t fully look at me. His gaze hovered somewhere just past my face, drifting away whenever it got too close to direct eye contact.
I rocked slightly on my heels, suddenly unsure what else to do, but not wanting to just leave immediately either.
“You’re… in this building too?” I asked.
Another pause. Longer this time. “Yeah,” he said finally. “Sometimes.” That didn’t explain much, but I didn’t push it.
Instead, I nodded like it made perfect sense. “Cool. Me too. Well—obviously. I mean, not the same classes, but—yeah.” Why was I talking like this. Toby shifted again, that familiar nervous energy in his posture. His eyes briefly lifted toward mine again, then drifted away just as fast.
“So…” I started carefully, then immediately felt how awkward that sounded. I cleared my throat. “You’re in classes here, right? I’ve never seen you before.”
He hesitated, eyes flicking down to the floor.
“Yeah,” he said after a moment. “I just… don’t talk to a lot of people.”
That wasn’t surprising, but hearing him say it out loud made it feel more real somehow.
“I get that,” I replied honestly. “Crowded places kind of suck.”
A small pause. He nodded slightly, like he agreed but didn’t feel like he had much to add. I glanced at him again, then softened my voice a bit. “I work at the café near campus. That’s actually where I saw you first.” His fingers twitched once at his side when I said that.
“…Right,” he said quietly. “The other day..”
“Yeah.” I gave a small, awkward smile. “You ordered an Americano and a chocolate croissant. Very specific combo, by the way.”
That made him pause.
For a second, I thought I saw the corner of his mouth move—almost a smile, but not quite fully there.
“I didn’t know what else to get,” he admitted.
“That’s fair,” I said quickly. “Honestly, I judge people less for their coffee choices and more for how long they take to decide.”
That got a reaction. Not a big one—but his shoulders loosened slightly, and he let out a quiet breath that might’ve been a laugh if it had more air behind it.
“You were there a while,” I added, teasing lightly.
“I know,” he said immediately, then looked away again like he regretted saying it so fast.
A short silence settled, but it didn’t feel as heavy this time.
I shifted my bag strap on my shoulder. “So do you have class right now?”
He shook his head.
“Not for… a while,” he said. “I came early.” I let out a quiet laugh. “Same. I thought I was late, but I showed up like two hours early by accident.” That got him to glance at me briefly—quick, shy eye contact that lasted barely a second before he looked away again.
“Better than being late,” he said.
“True,” I agreed. “Although now I’m just stuck wandering around campus like a lost student for no reason.”
That earned a small pause from him again.
“You don’t have anywhere to go?” he asked. I shrugged. “Not really. I could sit somewhere and pretend I’m productive, but that feels dishonest.” That finally did it—he let out a faint, real exhale that turned into something close to a quiet laugh. It was small, but it changed his whole expression for a second.
“I do that,” he admitted.
“Pretend you’re productive?”
He nodded.
“Same,” I said immediately. “It’s basically a skill at this point.”
Another pause.
This one felt more comfortable.
He shifted slightly, still avoiding my eyes but not as rigid as before. “You’re… not like most people here,” he said quietly.
I blinked. “Is that a good thing or a concerning thing?”
That made him hesitate.
“…Good,” he said after a moment.
I smiled a little at that. “I’ll take it.”
We stood there for a second longer, just letting the hallway move around us while neither of us moved to leave yet.
Then, softer, I added, “I’m y/n, by the way.”
He nodded once, like he was carefully storing the information.
“Toby,” he said again, like I might’ve forgotten.
“I remember,” I replied gently.
And this time, when he glanced up, it lasted just a second longer than before.
I shifted my bag slightly on my shoulder, suddenly aware of how normal everything looked again—the hallway, the light, the drifting sound of footsteps. Like nothing important had really happened here at all. But it had. Just in a quiet way.
“I should probably… find somewhere to sit before I actually fall asleep standing up,” I said lightly, breaking the stillness with a small smile.
Toby nodded once. Slow. Thoughtful.
“Yeah,” he said softly. “Me too.”
Another pause settled between us, but it didn’t feel empty anymore. Just… unfinished. Like a page not fully turned yet.
I took a small step back, then hesitated.
“See you around?” I asked, almost unsure if it was the right thing to say.
His eyes flicked up for a second—brief, careful, like catching sunlight through blinds—and then dropped again.
“Yeah,” he said.
A beat.
“…see you.”
And that was it.
I turned first, letting the sound of the hallway swallow me again. My footsteps blended into the rhythm of everyone else’s as I walked away, the noise gradually returning to full volume around me.
But even as I moved forward, something stayed behind for just a moment longer.
A quiet pause in a crowded hallway.
A boy in a black turtleneck under soft campus light. How dreamy.
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