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I am very tired and I am very tired of my roommates. 

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Save your shitty lectures. You're my borther not a community college professor.

Me just now.

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But I care more. I've always cared more. In all of my relationships I care more about the other person than they do for me. I wonder why that is. Do I seek out these people and then form relationships with this power dynamic, or does it form no matter what?

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My brother and father are right. I'm too sensitive.

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I hate it here(ctd)

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Chicken or the Egg?

The age old question re-imagined. Which came first: the abadonment issues or the low self esteem? Dealer's choice.

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Righty Tighty.

what do you think would have happened if I had chosen the other room?

there was a fifty percent chance that I could have not found the best friend I'd ever have. fifty percent.  it was such an important decision: which room to take. To move in with the girl unpacking on the left or move into the sparsely unpacked room on the right. Move in with the outgoing girl on the left or the unknown girl on the right. I chose the unknown. I chose my freshman dorm room and bunkmate on a whim. Who would have ever thought that that whimsical move would have lead to so much. That girl, the unknown one, has proved to be my soul confidant. The only person who I've ever fully opened up with. The person who's made me laugh, cry, bleed, shout, squeal, and so much more. And to think, I could have gone left.

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There are so few things I care about

Why did you have to be one of them?

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how do you tell someone who really wants to be your friend that you need space? She's not a bad person. In fact, she may be the nicest person i've ever encountered. That being said, I think her attatchment to me is a bit premature considering the amount of time we've actually spent together. She's a good kid, but I'm just not in the mood.....much of ever.

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for some reason I thought that getting a little space(virtual space because we're already hundreds of miles from one another) from my best friend would this great idea. I thought that it would allow me to move on and get on. Its soooo not healthy being in love with someone who 1. has never and will never see you that way and 2. is your absolute closest friend. But literally everything reminds me of him. I want to tell him everything. Good/bad/stupid I want to talk to him about it. That is why I think i'm in love with him. I already knew I loved him. I mean that was a given. But now i'm starting to think i'm IN love with him. Reasons being that 1. I can't stop thinking about him, 2. I got angry when my friend(s) hit on him, 3. I can't stop smiling when I talk about him, and 4. I may or may not have had a kissey daydream. So its done. I've told him I need space. He's fine with it. Another reason he's wonderful: he no questions asked took my word and agreed to this. best. friend. evverrrr.